Welcome to Ponyville (Chapter 1)
(Luna’s living quarters)
“Yes, I agree, the Grand Galloping Gala is most definitely boring, but when it was destroyed, didn’t that waste usable tax money Princess?” Shining Armor said in a somewhat casual and a somewhat formal tone.
“Tax money? Please, this is Canterlot, the people could care less if taxes were raised, they have nothing BUT money,” she said with a light chuckle, before continuing on. “But anyways, enough about the Gala, what’s the status on our dear friend Mr. Bon?” the lunar princess said, putting sarcastic emphasis on the words “Dear” and “Friend”
He grinned widely as he pulled out a dossier with the words “TOP SECRET” stamped on the front in huge, red letters, “Well, he’s been incredibly elusive, your highness, but we’ve gathered some valuable information on him”
She smiled mischievously, “I see. Well, with our good buddy over here, I’m sure we can solve THAT problem”
Shining Armor frowned, “Good friend, princess? Surely you don’t mean me; I’m not an amazing assassin by any stretch of the imagination”
“She means me, Shiny,” an ominous voice spoke from the shadows, before he stepped out into the light.
Shining’s eyes went wide as he loudly exclaimed, “Kal? It’s been months! Where have you been!?”
“Oh come on Shiny, where do you think I was? Remember Hugo Rummace? He was in the paper, last week. I put a lot of hard work into him, had to cap him with three shells before the poor bastard went down!” he snickered as he trotted over to hoof-bump his buddy.
“Yeah, I remember reading about that; it looked a helluva lot like your work. But I thought that maybe, just maybe you actually went out to, oh, I don’t know, get a life?” he chuckled as he lightly teased his friend.
“Pal, when you’ve got guns like THESE,” he over-dramatically flexed his two front legs, “you don’t NEED a social life!”
“Oh com-”
Luna cut in, partially annoyed “Speaking of which, can you two talk later? I’m sorry, but I have a meeting in 30 minutes with the royal court to discuss the fate of Hugo’s main accomplices”
“Oh, right, sorry, I forgot you were here, Luna” the assassin said as he sat down and poured himself some tea.
“Err, right, anyways Brass, as you probably know we have a new assignment for you, however you may be surprised to know that your methods will have to be slightly unorthodox” Shining said as he shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“Yeah, Tony Bon, the biggest drug salesman in Equestria. But come on Shiny, we’ve done this whole song and dance before, you know me! I’m not phased by much anymore, what do I have to do” he chuckled as he took a large sip of tea.
“Well, funny how we were talking about it earlier, but you’ll have to make friends in Ponyville to-” Shining said lightly before he was cut off.
“WHAT!?” Kal bellowed as he spit out his tea onto the princesses’ face, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO MAKE FRIENDS!?” He shuttered as he said the last word.
“He means you have to make friends in order to get close to the locals” Luna murmured with an austere look as she wiped the tea off of her face with a handkerchief supplied by Shining Armor.
“We need you to go to Ponyville and date a mare named Bon Bon, Tony Bon’s daughter, so that you can learn more about him. We’ve gathered some basic intelligence on him, but not enough to know where he is, and where he’ll be, it’s just a basic biography” he added in a sympathetic tone, knowing full well that his friend was a little more than angry.
“But you both know I don’t enjoy conversation with other ponies” he sighed as he crossed his front legs over his chest in a manner resembling a pouting child, “I’ve hated pretty much everypony I’ve ever met”
Luna rolled her eyes, “That’s because you’ve killed pretty much everypony you’ve ever met”
“Not everypony…there’s still you and Shiny…” he muttered as he avoided eye contact with the princess and pawed at the ground shyly.
He could talk his way out of any combat situation, but when it came to vocal battles with the Princess, he had nothing. He liked her, but she had the clear advantage in arguments, having been a politician for years.
“We don’t count” Shining added bluntly.
“Well why don’t you two send Bames Jond? He’s MUCH better at social interaction than I am!” Kal back snapped almost in a feral manner.
“Well, there are a few simple reasons; one is that Bames is on another mission, two is that he’s good with intelligence, not assassinations, three I’m always right, and four you need to work on your social skills” she paused hesitantly before proceeding with the delicate conversation.
“You really should get out more…all you do is study, assassinate, study, assassinate, study, assassinate, all day long! You should develop SOME form of social skills AT LEAST for the sake of heightening your abilities in persuasion on future missions” she admitted, adding the bit at the end to try to entice him into wanting to do this.
He sighed and thought for a moment about the tactical advantages of a better speaking ability, before closing his eyes and slowly nodding his head in agreement.
“Good! Shining will accompany you on this mission for the first few days, to help get you settled in and to, er, teach you the ropes of social interaction. You’ll be staying with his sister for a majority of the time you spend in Ponyville,” she chirped contently.
“A majority of the time? Will she be kicking me out half-way through?” he grumpily asked.
Luna winked and added with a large smirk, “Well, no, but at some point you’ll probably end up moving in with Bon Bon, to…improve relations, of course”
He sighed before chuckling and saying, “Luna, you horny little flirt, I don’t think I’ll need to be dating anypony”
There was a brief, awkward silence before Kal spoke again, “…I won’t NEED to date anypony, will I?”
Luna exchanged worried glances with Shining Armor before saying, “Well, it IS part of the mission…I mean, I kind of expect it…”
Kal angrily sighed, “Look, Luna, I understand you want me to develop my social skills, but this could potentially jeopardize the mission. I think you’re drastically overestimating my luck at this point; I’d have more of a chance unarmed fighting a manticore than to go into a social environment practically BLIND, with no real skills in order to get from point A to point B.”
Before he could continue with his rant, Luna interjected, “You won’t be going in BLIND, we have biographies of everypony in town! I’m sure you can memorize them all, you’re good at memorizing information”
“It’s not the SAME, princess, it’s just…just…” he said as he fumbled helplessly for words to describe his predicament to the princess.
“Oh my, look at the time; I have ten minutes to get ready for the royal court! Out you two go, out, OUT!” She said as she hurriedly pushed them both out roughly before shutting the door.
“But what about my assignment!?” He yelled at the door in a tone similar to a rebellious teenager.
Luna yelled back through the door “Shining Armor will explain the rest”
(Royal hallway)
He sighed, knowing full well that there was no way he could argue his point further. He didn’t dislike Princess Luna by any stretch of the imagination; she had picked him up off of the streets and had him trained in the deadly arts from a young age. It couldn’t necessarily be argued that she had brainwashed him, as she really did try pushing a less-dangerous job on him. But he was a born assassin, excellent in the way of stealth, amazing in marksmanship, a master at memorizing, and incredibly cunning and resourceful. The only problem with all of this is that he has never really liked other ponies, when any other children wanted to play with him, he simply ran away. On his first day of elementary school he peed himself when the pony next to him cheerfully greeted him, and ever since that day Kal was home-schooled. Because of that, he never fully developed any social skills or made any other friends aside from Shining Armor, eventually.
As they silently walked down the halls, Shining attempted conversation with his infuriated friend by saying, “You know it’s not going to be that bad”
Kal sighed and just continued walking, but then realized that he should probably learn more about his mission. “Who am I staying with, again?” he murmured with gritted teeth, trying to avoid an argument.
Shining replied, “Well, you’re actually staying with my little sister! I’ll be with you for the first few days, but for the most part I’d ask her for advice on social matters, if I were you. She was actually like you, once, she hated contact with other ponies but was told by Princess Celestia to go to Ponyville on a social mission”
“You mean Celestia randomly came to her house and told her she was a lonely depressant and needed to get a life?” he muttered angrily. He didn’t really like Princess Celestia, he thought of her as a greedy politician, whereas he viewed Luna as his mother, in a way.
Shining frowned, before glaring at his friend and saying, “No, she’s pretty much your equal in every way, except it was Celestia who found her, and she enjoys studying magic as opposed to killing people”
“Oh, that seems nice. A murderer and a nerd in the same room together, bucking FANTABULOUS,” he snarled sarcastically.
At that statement, Shining stopped and puffed his chest. He glared at his friend viciously and growled, “I’ll have you know that she’s my best friend, and I love her dearly. I’ve been with her more than I have you and to be quite honest, I’d say I’m better friends with her than I am with you. I swear to Celestia you’ll be turned into a bloody pile of pulp if you treat her the same way you judge her”
At that statement, Kal only laughed, “Believe me buddy, I won’t really get the chance, I’m not here to be sociable with your sister, your mother, on the other hand…”
Shining tried and failed to glare at his friend, before giggling, “Celestia damn it all, how can you be so incredibly irritating and yet so incredibly bucking funny?”
The two shared a laugh and arrived at Kal’s room, which was locked behind several armed guards. His room was a dark, hazy place that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned for years. There were scrolls messily lying about, there was ash scattered all across the floor near the fireplace, and there were vermin crawling all around the mess.
(Kal’s room)
“Goodness it’s downright DISGUSTING, how do you ever sleep!?” Shining chuckled nervously, “assuming you DO sleep, of course”
“Oh, I sleep,” a wickedly innocent swiftly growing grin on his face, Kal retorted “I sleep every night with your mother”
He started to laugh as Shining facehoofed. I walked into that one, didn’t I?
With a smirk on his face, Shining quipped, “And that is why you need social skills”
“Is that going to be your new insult, Shiny?” Kal moaned, reminded of his troubles once more.
“Oh shut up you whiny depressant, this is better than that mission at Staliongrad where you had to masquerade as the griffin ambassador you killed for a few days” Shining started walking towards the door, “I’ll be right back; I have to go get something”
Kal called after him “Well at least then I could’ve told my servants to shut their traps!”
Shining came back momentarily with a large amount of folders balanced on his back. Each one had a picture and a name of a pony attached to it.
“Alright Kal, you’ll need to study all of these, they’re all citizens from Ponyville, just in case you encounter them” Shining grinned, “Do you need a file of yourself? Here’s a summary; Very depressing, somewhat reckless, not at all sociable”
“Don’t patronize me, Shiny, this day has already gone bad enough, and I think we both know I’d beat you worse than your mom beat me off last night” he grinned evilly before groaning and collapsing into the pile of folders, scattering them all over his filthy floor.
“Well, I can see you’re VERY busy, so I’ll let you off to your studying…oh, and one more thing. Don’t lose any of those folders, it’s a wonder you haven’t lost anything else in this mess” Shining cringed slightly as the folders slid all over the floor.
After hearing a conformation moan from his friend, he headed out the door (Having to ignore his flaring OCD), adding on the way out “Oh, and we’re leaving in two days. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have”
The door closed, and everything grew silent, save the scattering of rodents and insects throughout the mess. He sighed loudly and dramatically. How do I get myself into these messes? Oh, the irony of that thought, considering where I’m laying right now. He felt so awful, so broken, he, the jack of all trades, would be out of his element for the first time in his life! He faced the possibility of the first failure he would ever make in a mission. He was sure he would mess this up; he knew he couldn’t keep up the façade of being socially competent, even with the help of Celestia’s little protégé. After a few grim, torturous moments of self-pity and angst, he decided he should start reading up on his new assignment. He gathered up all of the folders, but failed to see one that went underneath some of his stray clothing. The folder had the name “Ditzy Doo” written on it, and showed the picture of a greyish light-bluish mare. He studied each individual one, making sure he memorized the unique facial characteristics and habits of each pony. He saw the file for Dinky Doo, Ditzy Doo’s daughter (Wow, now THAT’S a mouthful), and was confused as to why it showed she had a mother who didn’t have a file. He shrugged, noting that this was probably some sort of error, and that he would find out who her true mother was eventually. He looked over Tony Bon’s, Bon Bon’s, and Twilight Sparkle’s twice each, due to the fact that he would be talking to them for a large majority of the time. He mapped out specific routes he would patrol daily, and marked possible locations for Bon’s headquarters, taking into account any ponies he knew would be in specific places at specific times. He quickly formulated a plan to silently break into literally EVERY house in Ponyville without alerting other ponies. Confident in his knowledge, he decided to practice this social thing that Luna and Shining kept stressing. He thought up possible clever phrases he could say to impress Bon Bon, or to woo the other citizens of Ponyville into liking him more, carefully planning out what he was going to say to each individual pony, taking into account social background and their personal psychology. After a while, he felt like he could talk to ANYONE and not have to worry, even making and memorizing lists of things he could say and talk about to specific ponies. He knew that if he had (or at least FAKED) common ground with the other ponies, he could get them to like him more. After a long while, the doors opened and Shining Armor came in.
“Rise and shine, time to get your breakfast and get ready to go!” he stated cheerfully.
“What? But it’s only been a few hou- Oooh right, it’s probably been a few DAYS, hasn’t it…?” Kal blinked and shielded his eyes from the light.
Shining rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I’ve stopped messing with you when you get into these obsessive frenzies about your mission”
“Eh, maybe we should get going, you return these folders and I’ll go get some lunch. You wanna meet at ‘the pub’?” he dizzily suggested, suddenly feeling the effects of not eating or sleeping for two days.
Shining chuckled, “Sure, see you there in half an hour”
(‘The pub’)
He left the folders to his friend and headed off to get some lunch. Maybe I can compensate for my lack of sleep by eating something that will give me energy! He was used to not sleeping for days, or even WEEKS at times, but he knew he needed to be well rested for what he was about to do. He went to the pub where he and Shining had bonded for the first time. He and Shining didn’t get along at ALL when Luna first introduced them, and wanted nothing to do with each other. But as teenagers, they both forged identification and snuck out of their rooms one night to try alcohol for the first time. They arrived at the door almost at the same time, neither one of them realizing who it was until the last possible second. They both froze, and promised that they wouldn’t tell if they other didn’t. They decided to discuss the terms of this ‘truce’ they had, when they eventually got into a conversation about military equipment. After a while (and a few drinks) they were having fun together, making vulgar jokes they had heard, before they bursted out into song. Eventually, the bartender came over and asked them to leave, as they were disturbing the other customers with their drunken singing. He then noticed that they looked younger than his normal customers, and asked to see their IDs. They nervously and hesitantly gave theirs to him, before he took a closer look at them and discovered that they were, in fact, forgeries. He told them this, and they both dashed out the door without even paying. They ran in the same direction with the bartender chasing them. Shining frantically asked his new pegasus friend if he could stay with him, as the bartender would see where he lived and would talk to his parents. Taken aback, Kal was going to refuse, but his military instinct with its mentality of “Never leave a stallion behind” got in the way, and he decided to put any petty issues they had aside for the moment. They both snuck into the castle and hid in Kal’s room. They fell asleep there, and were woken up by Luna the next morning with terrible hangovers. Apparently, Shining’s parents were worried sick about him, because they thought he had run away. Luna knew that they were enemies, though, so she felt suspicious. She interrogated them, and although Kal was a master liar, Shining most definitely wasn’t good at it. He changed his story and fumbled over words so many times that Luna and Kal exchanged glances, before Kal facehoofed. Eventually, Kal told her everything, because Shining was a nervous wreck from trying to lie to a princess. They were both punished, but from that moment on, they both became best friends. The pub, from that day, had sentimental value to them, alongside nostalgia. Whenever they went there now, though, the bartender would make them pay up front for everything they bought. He ordered his and Shining’s food, as they got the same thing every time. Large hay fries, two bottles of vodka each, and a large double veggie burger. After a while, Shining got there, and Kal was suddenly sick to his stomach, remembering his problems once again.
“What’s the matter?” Shining said, confused, as he sniffed his own armpit “I took a shower, so I don’t know why I smell…”
“No, it’s not that, although you do smell” Kal smirked in between gags.
Shining rolled his eyes and continued on “Is this about the mission? Are you seriously THAT worked up about it?”
His question was answered when vomit covered both his and Shining’s plates. After a few seconds, more vomit filled the table.
“How did I even throw up this much? This is the only food I’ve had for two days!” He said queasily, his face a sickly green color.
“I think I’ve lost my appetite” Shining said, as he levitated his vomit-covered burger for a second before setting it down in disgust.
“Let’s just go and leave this to them” Kal said in between spasms, “I just wanna get this job OVER with”
The two headed back to the castle for their chariot-ride, and eventually flew off.
(Royal chariot)
Shining grinned evilly, “Now the first person we’ll talk to is my sister, we’ll be sharing her house with her. Oh, and just so you know, her house is a library”
Much to his dismay, Kal perked up a little, “Oh, a library? Maybe this won’t be so bad after all! I hope they have books on combat tactics!”
Shining frowned, “You’re not supposed to like it dipshit, you were SUPPOSED to groan loudly and obnoxiously like you always do”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kal said before he groaned loudly, “I’m sooo depressed that my best friend is a sadist”
Shining let out a defeated sigh, “You’re pretty annoying sometimes, you know that?”
(Ponyville)
After they had landed, they thanked the pegasi who had brought them there and trotted off. After only a few steps in, they came across a pink mare with a poofy hot pink mane. She turned around, saw them, and gasped dramatically before running away.
“The buck was that? Is that a normal reaction from ponies?” Kal angrily asked. He had read up on Pinkie Pie and was completely perplexed as to why she wasn’t in a mental institution.
“Heh…well, not really, but that was one of my sister’s friends…Pink…something…” he said, concentrating visibly in an attempt to remember her name.
“It was Pinkie Pie, Shiny, and I think she’s onto us, did you see how fast she ran!?” he looked around to see if she set up some sort of sniper position. He took note that it may be easier spotting her due to her pink body, but also that she could easily hide that with some face-paint and a ghillie suit.
“No no no, trust me, she’s…different, but she’s definitely NOT a saboteur” Shining said trying to relieve his friend’s stress.
“Well…whatever you say…I don’t trust anypony in this town, except you and possibly your sister!” he cheerfully and spitefully added.
Almost on cue, Twilight came up to them both and greeted them warmly, hugging her brother and then coming up to Kal.
“Hi there! I’m Twilight Sparkle, you must be Kal!”
And that’s when it happened. All of his knowledge, his years of experience in persuasion, his skills in psychological manipulation, his carefully planned out phrases for each pony, the memorized biographies of everypony in town, and even his own name, all of that disappeared in an instant. Oh my sweet Celestia, what is happening to me? His brain felt like it was melting, his heart was pounding like a drum, his eyes twitched, and he sweated incredible amounts. Oh you’ve GOT to be bucking with me.
“Gaaaahhhh…” he said loudly and awkwardly, before continuing, “Y-um, yeah, I’m, uuuh” he stopped, strain completely visible on his face as he attempted to remember his own name. Your name, your name dipshit, it’s not rocket science!
Feeling extremely light-headed, his entire vocabulary rushed through his head as he tried and failed to find words. He completely panicked as seconds ticked by and they both stared at him, frowns slowly forming on their faces. Oh for Pete’s sake, you know eight languages fluently and you can’t say anything to these bucking ponies. Just pick something, ANYTHING, any phrase in your brain and say it.
“Gaaah-uuum…so you’re Lyra then?” he said, stuttering and utilizing a clearly fake inquisitive tone of voice.
When I said pick something, I didn’t mean something false, dumbass. He started to feel dizzy, and as that was happening the effects of not having anything in his stomach started to tie in with the pressure. After a minute of heavy panting and his body swaying like a tree, he collapsed, fainting in front of everypony there. So much for being Discreet, Brass, now everypony’s gonna know who you are. Oh yeah, and I remembered your name asshole, it’s ‘Brass Kalibur’ buck face, and you’d better not forget it next time we get into something like this. He realized that although his subconscious was incredibly rude, he was also right. He had one mission, which so far, he was failing at. He needed to blend in with the locals and assassinate Tony Bon. Tomorrow, he was determined to at least talk to Twilight, and THIS time he wouldn’t faint when he spoke to anypony. He had had his doubts but now it felt more like a challenge than a mission. He was going to win, and he was going to take out Tony Bon.
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It looked like this story wasn't doing so well. So I thumbs-uped it, and didn't even read it. I pit it in read later though.
You need serious work here bud.
This sounds awfully Gary/Mary Stu-ish.....and awful
So much hate in the comments
, guys come-on if you can't love, tolerate 
. Here is a thumb for all it's worth 
.
It's okay but not fantastic. It needs a bit of work like not so many skills he's really good at, it makes him seem like a Gary-Sue. This is honestly a pretty okay story, people just hatin'.
So take a thumbs up and one 
I'm not sure why this is getting so many thumbs down, so I'll break it down and see if I can catch anything.
Concept: Master assassin, very introverted, sent to infiltrate Ponyville- Good
Grammar- Almost perfect, only a few slips, like at the ends of quotes- Good
Characterization- Well, most of these characters rarely get screen time, so not much is known about them, but I think it fit- Good
Misc- Your story telling is good, I was immersed, good imagery
Conclusion: I have no idea why. Did you make someone with an army mad?
ANYWAY: Nice story, I'll be watching and reading. One
for you, keep up the good work!
Also, on the Mary Sue thing: I'm not sure Kal would count as one. He's specialized in one area, but if you take him out of that, he shuts down (such as the restaurant scene). A Mary Sue is way overpowered, good at everything. Sure, not sleeping for weeks is excessive, but maybe he rests in a way that accomplishes the same effect? And he only has that skill set. If you asked him to write a book, or direct a movie, or make a song or have a conversation, he'd be lost. So, I don't think he is one, but maybe I missed something.
Just from the story description I gotta say he sounds like the most spectacular Mary Sue I've EVER seen.
don't tell me... said assasin is bassed in you... yeah, sure...
Dial down the sexual content and language just a little, and it will be smooth sailing. In addition, don't use firearms. Equestrian society hasn't developed the gun yet.
Once again, it's amazing how a description can turn off so many people and deliver so much hate.
To be honest, I read the entire thing. My opinion? It's fine. The 'Gary Stu' element is not nearly as strong as the description portrays. The writing is actually quite solid, and he can even spell!
People have become too accustomed to seeing something like this in the description and INSTANTLY assume it's utter shit. This one isn't. Now of course, it isn't great. There's several points where the paragraphs are far too long, and maybe a few other nit-picking things. But truly; not as bad as one would think.
My advice to the author is to space out some of the ridiculously long paragraphs that are in there, and make a better description. I'm going to both like and track this, because I found it rather humorous. Though, firearms in Equestria are a bit iffy unless you're going for the 'Assassin's Creed Hidden Pistol' notion. Besides that, no qualms.
And as for the others who get turned off because of said description, I recommend reading the contents of a book before criticizing it due to its cover. And by cover, I mean description and current negative-vote count.
776556
776755
eggs-actly
776556 Ah, he WOULD be perfect at everything, and he has been good at everything up until this point in his life. See, he's the kind of character who, in a way is spoiled, because he's never tasted failure. Why has he never failed a mission? Because he's ALWAYS been put to the tests going by his strengths. The reason he does so awful in a social environment is because he has virtually no experience with it. He's a specialist, he's good in specific areas but is almost blind in others
For example, in school I'm good with science, but I do AWFUL in math. Why? My mom's a science teacher, so I've been exposed to this sort of thing for a majority of my life. Does that make sense? Sorry, I'm ok at putting my thoughts to words, but I can't explain things very well 
If that guy is so good at assassinations, then why hasn't he gotten his cutie mark yet? And I'm pretty sure there's only one language in Equestria. English. Also, totally cliche color scheme. The story itself is not completely trash, but you have to change he description or people are gonna keep on hating. Switch out that poorly photoshopped art too.
Edit: I found his cutie mark. WTF. A SKULL? What kind of a cutie mark is that? God. Replace it with a dagger or something! Skulls? Those got cliched before they were even invented!
Main character is a Mary Sue variant. He seems too good and the description of being better than a doctor is much overboard. Tone it down.
Just saying what your character would do is not good enough. You must prove in your story he is as good as you say he is. If he could kill a bear with his own hooves, than show a proper example in the story. Better than a doctor? The show he is as good.
If he is as awesome as you say, than write out his awesomeness in the story and not just the in the summary field.
An example of something silly and stupid but awesome is this http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5590/Human
The rest of the story is fine, but it is the character description that puts people off. To be honest, this sort of story caters to a more centralised readership. Not everyone will like it, but those that enjoy this sort of setting will.
Keep it up.
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I literally just changed the description before I saw your two comments, but it was difficult to work my way out of the hole I've dug myself into
Also, about the cutie mark and the image...I'm not very good with photoshop and such, I didn't think it was important, to be honest. I didn't wanna take something from google, but at the same time I wanted people to be able to imagine him as who they wanted. Also, it's funny, because I was originally gonna draw a daggar in, but it was obstructed too much from the wing, and I felt a skull would be much clearer
777290You don't necessarily need to take from Google, just go into groups and find a group for artwork. Many of the artists there will draw you something free of charge, or maybe just a comment or like on their story in exchange. For example, Stalin the Stallion did some work for my first story, and it turned out pretty nice. You could ask him. All he asks in return is feedback and a rating on his story. It's a pretty good deal, if you think about it.
777771 People will draw you something like that?
Well, 1.I don't know how to contact them, 2.This is a small time story, I'm pretty much writing this for kicks 
777066 Right, and just because you can specialist in one area does not make you a Mary Sue. It just means you put all your time into one area, and can't do anything else (which is advised against in most games with stats). So, I'd argue that he is NOT a Mary Sue, which is what people seem to be assuming from the description.
Also, in the description: "also probably Equestria's worst extrovert"
This is kind of confusing, maybe change it to "biggest introvert?"