It has been said that everyone deserves a second chance. It could be a decision made, a choice to make, or even to live again. Usually the last one is literal in the sense of having only one life to live. Unless you're one of the rare, lucky people who get a chance to live another life. I happened to be one of those few lucky people to be reborn again. Oddly enough, it happened on a Tuesday, a day that was going to be a normal, boring day. As to why I was picked... well, you just have to sit back and listen as I tell you my story of being born into a different life from the one before. Ah, before I get to far, I wish to thank daughterdragon for letting me use their pic as a cover for my story. You're awesome like that.
Chapters (27)
this story is great keep it up
While i cant say its great as very little has happened, you have at least intrigued me enogh to want to see where this goes.
Hmm, needs some grammar work in the beginning, but over all an interesting take. Can't wait to see more.
Okay, I'm going to just come out and say it- your description needs rewriting.
Though it might not be as effective at drawing in readers as decent coverart, descriptions play an integral part in informing readers of what they're about to get into. It's one of the few ways you have of selling your work to your audience, and this description is painfully lacking. I'm going to break it down, piece by piece, so you can get a clearer view of what I'm talking about.
Well I'm hooked.
Huh? What are you talking abo-
For most what? Most people? Most bronies? You've barely even explained what the scenario is. Outside of the HiE tag we have no idea of what you're talking about!
Is the fic itself this full of sentence fragments? Good grief.
Because your description sure as heck didn't help with that!
"Oh, and thanks to the person that did my cover, I guess."
This is not how you sell a story. You've told us basically nothing and given us no reason to care. Please try a little harder in future, and look at the descriptions in successful fics to give you a better idea of what to try.
Well, I think you made a good start.
Seems interesting.
A little rushed, but...decent.
Hold off on any other comments for now. I just need to review my chapters again.
OK, we're all good to go. Just needed to fix a few things.
He was confirmed as performing for Celestia, but when openly assaulted on stage, there was no mention of her so much as investigating who was behind it?
I fully expect his encounter with Discord to go something like this:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/6/3/643904__safe_blood_boop_nosebleed_bioshock_bioshock+infinite_artist-colon-deyogee_rosalind+lutece_robert+lutece_lutece+twins.png
To clarify who those ponies are:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/4/19/604777__safe_screencap_trade+ya_spoiler-colon-s04e22_bioshock_bioshock+infinite_mind+blown_rosalind+lutece_robert+lutece_lutece+twins.jpg
Good old Lutece twins from Bioshock: Infinite
So let's ask Medley their best question!
Would you like the cage or the bird?
Great story man. Hope to read a lot more soon.
6741662 I prefer the bird, myself.
A new year is approaching, which means I have a question to any who choose to comment: Would it be a good thing to make two separate stories, this one being the more action packed one while the other being the more slice of life times where the characters get a day off from their adventures? Just something I thought would be beneficial. Otherwise, I can always have a chapter here and there in this story that are a bit more peaceful. Happy holidays and a happy new year to all!
That drink sounds awful, but I shouldn't knock it till I try it.
The last two paragraphs were kind of sloppy, in a "rushed through it" kind of way. Also, why is he telling Twilight all this info about himself? Wouldn't the human stuff make him sound crazy without Faust to back him up on it?
This quote is brought to you by, the letter P
I now know why he had that interview with Twilight, but did he have to tell her about his human past? I still think that it would make him sound crazy.
Great chapter dude. But I think your link is broken.
6880993 Sorry about that. It was my first time working with a link in a sentence, so I was hoping on the fact that it would work.
It's certainly an interesting story. It's enjoyable and fairly easy to follow, though admittedly it does seem quite rushed at times. Perhaps using a bit of "Slice-of-Life" moments to slow it down. Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing these sudden wake-up calls he received.
I would also advise you keep Tryan change up the episode slightly, simply to reflect that there is another character in there which should change a fair bit of the story.
Other than that however, it is quite enjoyable and I look forward to reading more.
Why is there a sex tag?
6900143 Much later in the story
Please make another chapter... Pleeeeeeeeease?
7219978 Don't worry, a new chapter is in the works. Just be patient for a little while longer, alright?
THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH! Now get back to that desk and write me some more.
7225350 Heh, I don't think that'll be something to BOAST about. Gotta BUST that idea soon.
Oh, just as a heads-up everypony, my e-mail is kinda on the fritz, so if you have a question or great comment, it'll be a longer while for me to respond.
7238781 Problem solved, by the way. Please, don't be afraid to comment or send me messages. I don't bite, truly I don't.
B̡͘͘u҉̸t̢̀͘ Ì̧ ̶d̷̡o.̸͟
I think I know where that's going.
7278306 Ąh̕͢͝,̛ ͠the͟͟͡ s͜͠è̡c̶͝ŕ̡et̢͞͝ t҉͜o̶ ͏m̀͡y̕͠ ͡͏s̵͏p̡ee̵͟c̷͜h̢,͘ ͠h́uh͢͠? ̵W̷̢ę͟l̵͢l̡,̧̛ ̨̛̕I'm̷͜ a̵̕l̷̕͜wa͝y͘͜͞ś͡ ̶̀o͘͢͠ņe͘͠ ̨t͞o͘͡ c̨̢͠o̸͞͡ņt̸̨in̨ú̶͠é ҉m̷̸y͟ ̸͞w҉o͢͡ŕ͞k̸͝.̷̧ ̨͘͢H͟er̶e͟͞ ̧is̷ ͟t̀͏he̵͟ ͞͠s͏̛͠ìt̵e ús͟͢ęd́: http://eeemo.net/
7278306
Zalgo text generator. Nova_Blast uses it too.
Link!:
http://www.eeemo.net
This is the music I imagine plays when the possession discussion happens...
Twilight roared before she tackled me and we started fighting.
For some reason I couldnt help but think of this.
You left it in italics after the lyrics.
7425731 The problem should be fixed now. Thank you for noticing that! Hard to tell when trying to make sure it's all good to be published.
6721727 <---------------what he said!
DAMN!!!!
but still, 18 yrs to get back old memories back?!
woot!
nice! i thought your gonna milk 18yrs of his life into few chapters before going into the main story.
good thing you did not!
woot!
wait a gosh darn pinkie minute!!!!!!!
i thought he has his memories BUT there was no trade-off on not remembering the mane 6 or the MLP cartoon universe!
even a slight hint of it doesnt exist in his mind!
wat da heck dude!! really contradictory here!
DAMMIT!!!! wat did you do!!!!!?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
7527600 I find that some ponies just forget these things. If you aren't constantly reminded, you just don't think of it as important enough to remember.
Pretty good bookmarking this for sure
Can someone please tell me how I can create a story like this I already have it planned out l. I just don't know how to actually start it out with me ending up in Equestria as a Pony
Short but nice chapter. Can't wait for more.
The description makes it looks like a shitload of bad fanfics with 7th Element that doesn't contribute to anything except for another character that we don't need.
I recommend reading the 'currently trilogy' story of Hiver. The canon events are background to the protagonist. But when he does get involved, it derailed the canon train quite heavily. Especially with the latest one. All those who read the story are waiting for the sequel of it.
We don't need nor want to re-watch the episodes "now with added character" fanfic. If you don't derail something in canon, put it in the background.
Also, put common sense in your characters. The idiot balls can greatly destroy a character or even a story if used incorrectly.
TL;DR
I will read the story. But based on the description, I don't expect much.
First chapter...
There was no reason as to why Fausticorn would send him to Equestria.
And he seem completely fine with restarting his life without any reason. You didn't tell us WHY he chose that option.
It seems the events happened because shits and giggles.
It's not good, but I've seen worse. And that worse did become better.
P.S. It's "college", not "collage". Collage is a type of art, it seems.
Exposition!
Can't say much about this.
Don't know what to say beside it summarized the events nicely.
Still no info on WHY he chose what he did.
More exposition!
He performed in a big public event. And some smuck unicorn from Canterlot managed to get away with assaulting a talented artist in the middle of his performance in public, on the elevated chairs of the theater...And even then, there were no investigation conducted by competent detective(s) right after the event...Something that big is bound to have the press's noticed. Not just that but the hospital would be notified of such event and reported to the law enforcers. Even if Canterlot is the land of snob, only a small number of Canterlot's inhabitan would be nobility. And even then, Not everyone in the nobility is the parasite type. Otherwise, Equestria would have fallen because of incompetence and or burried in layers of snow because the racism that is displayed would have attracted the windigoes.
Another thing is that the general populace would've reacted in someway that caught the attention of the press, which will caught the attention of the princess.
I'm utterly Mystified by the situation.
Uhm...What age is he?
If he is more than 18, shouldn't he have the memmories of the events in the show?
What is with the hatred against green?
Green is a great color of Mother Nature.
Applied well and it is really easy on the eye.