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Vimbert the Unimpressive
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17
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Joined December 2011
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25w, 6d/fic/ception
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18w, 22hCompleted Story Compendium
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“Anything else I can do for you, oh perfect one?” Spike asked.
He and Rarity were standing in Carousel Boutique's backroom amidst Rarity's usual mess, and Rarity was working on her latest masterpiece. It was a simple dress, yes, but to her, it was more than that; it was an opportunity. She was on the brink of something new to the world of fashion, and she would be damned before she let such an opportunity pass her by. Spike had been happy to help, of course: perhaps a little too happy.
Something in Spike's tone made Rarity pause. He seemed to be a bit more attentive than normal, true, and she was grateful for that. He didn't sound that much different than normal, but she found it to be more unnerving today. Had she just grown more accustomed to his mannerisms over time, and today was an exception? Surely, it had to just be her imagination. She had been fretting for hours about where to make a simple stitch, and she knew she was pushing her stress limits just a bit.
“Just a moment, Spike.” Rarity shook off the strange moment and affixed a few more pins to the dress Hoity Toity had commissioned. It was highly decorated, even by her standards, and she was quite certain that most anypony who looked at it would cringe a little from all the sparkles and sequins she had added. However, whoever he was obtaining this dress for, he wanted nothing but the most fabulous of all the fabulous dresses the world could provide—so naturally, he had come to Rarity for help. She smiled, trying to keep herself from drooling as she thought of the flood of bits this one dress would provide just from publicity. She had never imagined she would be making a dress for a stallion, but if Hoity Toity's client thought this was going to be the next big thing, who was Rarity to judge? Fashion waited for nopony, and she preferred to be leading the herd.
“Spike, be a dear and grab me some more rubies, will you?” A few more gems were all she needed, just to be sure.
“At once, milady!” Spike saluted and dashed off. He rummaged through Rarity's things in search of more gems, tossing various nicknacks aside in the process. He had gotten more and more efficient at fetching things for her as time went on; the result of hours of practice and memorization, Rarity supposed. At times, Spike almost felt more like her assistant than Twilight's, particularly since he'd returned from his little outing among his fellow dragons. More than once, she'd sent him back home after a day of helping her, only to find he'd only made it a few steps outside the Boutique's door before falling asleep on his feet. She smiled, thinking of the sight of Spike snoring on the ground.
“No. I must focus,” she muttered. As she worked, her expert magic continued to pull the dress together almost without effort. Although she still needed to give her efforts her full attention, she found her thoughts drifting to Spike's behavior once again.
He had been spending more and more time around her since he had tried to follow the Great Dragon Migration, to the point where she had begun to worry: was Spike starting to reject all of dragonkind in favor of... her? The little darling would no doubt make some lady dragon very happy some day, but Rarity couldn't help but worry that he was making a broad generalization about his fellow dragons based on the ones he had met so far. True, her own experience with dragons had been less than pleasant, but if Spike was any indication, dragons could be quite the little gentlep—er, gentlemen under the correct circumstances. Spike had just been unlucky; for his sake, Rarity hoped that was true.
Even though Rarity was quite happy to see him content living among ponies, she worried for his future. Dragons were long-lived, or so she had heard, but Spike seemed to be behaving a bit more like a pony each day. Eventually, he was bound to learn that some differences just couldn't be overcome. After all, differences and diversity were what made Equestria great. It had, after all, been a coming together of different ponies that had given rise to the nation in the first place.
“Got 'em!” Spike called as he dashed over with a load of rubies hugged to his chest.
“My word, I hadn't realized I even had that many left! You are quite the little helper, Spike-er...” She bit off the end of “Spikey-wikey” and noticed a quick flicker of a frown pass over Spike's face for a moment. Had he noticed?
However, Spike's face immediately brightened and reddened. As Rarity took the gems in her magical grip, he scratched his head and leaned against a wall, striking a slouched pose that strove for “cool” and “humble” but attained neither. “Aw, it's nothing.”
Rarity continued to work on the dress, pouring all her creative energies into getting it done. After all, she did have other orders to deal with later this afternoon; she only hoped she would have the time to work on them afterward.
She had the materials. She had the design in her head. All it took now was just some elbow grease. As she worked, attaching dozens upon dozens of rubies in strategic locations, she became more and more aware of Spike's lovestruck gaze on her. Rarity began to sweat, partially from the exertion of creating a fabulous work of art and partially from her mental picture of Spike.
She knew full well that when she turned, he would just be standing there, staring at her with a vacant expression. It was sort of adorable to imagine the little dear with a crush on her, but such a thing could never work in practice, of course. Had he been acting like this all along? Idly, Rarity wondered at what point exactly she had become accustomed to such behavior. The thought that she had ignored this for so long spoke uncomfortable things about her character.
“Spike, dear?” Rarity asked without turning.
“Yes?”
Rarity suppressed a shudder at the oozing admiration dripping off his voice.
“Might you, eh...” Rarity's mind blanked. What could she have him do? It didn't seem fair to keep him here and away from whatever Twilight was doing today, particularly if all she had left to do was simply assembling the thing. Besides, some time away from her might do him good. “I do believe that that shall be all I need for today.” She turned, putting on her best starry, half-lidded gaze for him. “Thank you ever so much for helping today, Spike. I don't know what I would have done without you.”
He nodded, looking bowled over by such praise. Spike remained in the room, leaning forward at a slight angle, enraptured by Rarity's every slight movement.
Rarity shifted her weight uncomfortably. “Er, Spike... what I'm trying to say is that you could go back to helping Twilight. I'm sure she's got a lot to do today; after all, Princess Celestia has been calling her to the castle more and more, and I'm positively certain that whatever it is, it must be quite serious.” Rarity put a hoof to her chin in thought, considering what top-secret things Twilight was doing for the princess, only to dismiss the tangent just as swiftly.
Spike waited, staring for several long moments after she had finished speaking. “No, that's fine,” he said, sounding half-awake, “I'll just stay here. Twilight said she would be okay today, so I'll just stay here in case you need any more help.” He drifted over to a cushion and plopped down, his half-lidded eyes fixed on Rarity.
Rarity searched for a response, but came up empty, her brows twitching as her eyes fluttered about. “Well... all right, then.” With a smidgeon of hesitation, she returned to her work. Her hooves and horn moved in unison as she continued to work on the dress. All she needed was just to affix a few more gems, and her masterwork would be complete. With infinite patience, she floated the final gem into place with a gentle push. “And... done!” She stepped back and admired her work. “Well, Spike? What do you think?” She bounced in glee. Seeing a completed work always filled her with joy; although the road to get there was often hard, she loved it when a fashionable plan came together.
Spike stared across the room and over the dress-wearing ponyquin at her. “Oh, it's fantastic...” he murmured, not bothering to take his eyes from Rarity's sweaty form.
Her eyes narrowed. He wasn't paying any attention to her creation at all; he was only present for her. As nice as a girl could feel from such attention, it irked her that all her hard work was being ignored. If this was the level his affections had grown to, she had to take action. His indifference was an affront against fashion, and such things could not be ignored.
Rarity trotted across the room and bent down to Spike's level. She spoke, trying to keep her voice warm, yet firm. “Spike, we need to talk.”
His eyes shot open in delight at being addressed in such a direct fashion. “Oh, sure! What about?”
She glanced at his trembling hands askance; she didn't feel comfortable looking into his eyes. “About... us.”
He tried, and failed, to suppress a giant grin. “U-us?! W-w-what about us, Rarity?” His breathing quickened, and she was quite sure that his little heartbeat had quickened.
She paused. How to attack this? She didn't want to crush his feelings, so perhaps beating around the bush a little was in order. “Spike, has Twilight had a talk with you about the birds and the bees?” In all likelihood, she realized, that had probably sounded like an awful non-sequitor to poor Spike, and her expectations of him knowing what she was talking about and getting the hint were rather low. She couldn't imagine Twilight approaching such a subject in the first place. Even if she had tried to explain such a thing, Rarity couldn't imagine Twilight delivering it any way other than with a deep blush on her face as she tried to keep it as academic and clinical as possible. She could be so unromantic at times.
Still, one could always hope for an easy solution.
He blinked. “That kinda sounds like something Fluttershy would talk about, not Twilight.”
Just as often, the easy way out was not an option. She paused, considering how to remain ladylike and elegant while broaching such a subject. “Er, that is to say... you're a strapping young dragon, and I'm quite certain that...”
“I sure am!” Spike puffed himself up, trying to look as manly as possible.
Rarity rubbed a hoof on her head, trying to ward off a looming headache. “Look, Spike... how about this. You are a dragon, and I am a pony. Yes?”
He nodded his head, although his dull-eyed, vacant expression made it clear he had no idea what she was driving at. “Uh-huh.”
“Good. So, then, you understand.”
“Uh... no.” Spike scratched his head, a sheepish grin crawling across his face.
Rarity resisted the urge to break something; her left eyebrow twitched in annoyance. “Spike, darling, you know I love having you around...” She noted with dismay his face lighting up at her use of the word “love.” “However, I can't help but fear that you may be spending time with me a bit more than might be entirely healthy.”
Spike scrunched up his face in confusion and folded his arms. “Too much time? With you? Naw, Rarity, that's just not possible! I mean, you're... awesome!” He laughed the little nervous laugh Rarity had come to know very well; it always meant Spike was trying too hard to be “casual.”
Rarity sighed and patted him on the head as she realized that explaining this might take more time than she had thought. “I'm afraid that is just the sort of thing I am talking about, Spike. Here, have a seat,” she said.
He sat down, still looking perplexed over the direction the conversation was going. Rarity sighed and carefully floated over a cushion, fluffed it for a few moments so it was precisely to her specifications, and sat, careful to get her entire body on the overstuffed cushion; Rarity would brook no possibility of discomfort if there was another way.
“Now Spike, I am quite certain that you think rather well of me... well, I know so.”
“Aw, gosh.” He blushed and scratched the back of his head. “You noticed, huh?”
She smiled, a warm memory surfacing. “Well, words that could have been the last a lady ever hears while she is falling to the ground do tend to stick out. I know you have a crush on me, Spike, and it's very sweet.”
He curled into a little ball, his tail riding up as his face burned with embarrassment. In that moment, he looked his age: a baby dragon, trying to be bigger and older than he really was.
She felt her heart melt a little at the sight. Somehow, she doubted the little fellow knew just how cute he really could be, but telling him would probably do more harm than good in this situation. Spike could be insecure and full of false bravado sometimes, but she had no doubt in her mind that he'd realize his true strengths eventually.
However, to realize that potential, nothing could hold him back. Including her.
“W-well, Rarity... you're just very pretty. And smart. I really... I mean...” He paused. “I wanna be your knight!” he blurted out, only to cover his face with both claws. He pried a small hole in his own defense against the sight of her, fearful of what reaction he would behold.
Rarity, for her part, kept her serene smile on her face, although her mind was reeling. Her knight? She wasn't sure if that was obsessive or romantic. Then again, there was a fair amount of overlap between the two at times, or so fiction had told her.
“Spike, that is a very noble thing to want to do. But...”
“But?” He cringed again, fearing what was to come.
Rarity reached over and tilted his head up with a hoof. Then, trying to be as gentle as possible, she gazed into his eyes and said, “Spike. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much about dragons, but I have to admit, I was a little nervous around Twilight when I saw you followed her everywhere. I had always heard dragons were nasty, uncouth brutes, and even though you were just a baby dragon, I assumed you would be the same way.”
He tried to shy away, but she cradled his head gently, coaxing him into looking at her.
She chuckled. “However, you proved to be quite the little gentleman. I did—and do—appreciate all the help you give me around the Boutique from time to time. Really, I should hire some help one of these days, if ever I could find someone who could live up to my standards... but that's besides the point, I suppose.
“But Spike, like it or not, we're different species, and things just couldn't work. I know you haven't had the best of luck with other dragons so far, but if one dragon can turn out this adorable and refined, I'm sure others can too. Don't worry, you'll find... somedragon... someday, but it's not healthy to almost... drool over someone of a different species. Not that you drool, mind; such a thing would be most ungentlemanly. It's just that sometimes I can't help but worry that you're focusing a little too hard on, well... trying to be my knight.
“Don't worry, Spike. You'll find a nice lady dragon one day, and I hope I'm around to meet her. I'm not the only princess out there, Spikey-wikey.”
Spike, who had been silent, spoke up a tiny, fragile voice. “Does this mean... we can't be friends?” Tears gathered in the edge of his eyes.
She scoffed. “Oh, Spike. We can always be friends.” She wrapped him in a warm embrace. “We'll always be friends. Just think about finding some dragon friends one day too, okay?” Gently, she stroked his head spines.
Spike hugged back with all the strength he had in his tiny arms. “Yeah... friends...”
Rarity felt tiny patches of moisture on her coat, and she hugged him closer. “Don’t worry, Spike. You’ll find your princess someday.”
"I hope so, milady," he said weakly. "I hope so..."
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I remember reading a blog entry of yours, saying that you were planning to write something like this. I was expecting it to be a straight-up author filibuster about the rickety nature of the Spike/Rarity ship, but this surprised me, in more ways than one.
For one, this isn't an author filibuster, which is great. Ship-sinking filibusters tend to suck hard. This, on the other hand, is actually quite good, and more than a little heartrending. You kept the characters in character, you gave Rarity an extremely sympathetic portrayal (something that I think is rare in stories like this), and you played the angle of her letting him down gently very well. That hug at the end, Spike's tearful, mournful resignation - I knew there was a reason I was watching you, and there it is. You're damn good at this. Well done.
Now, shall I post my seventy page essay rebutting your claims now, or later?
Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/5d7d686053451f4cfcb37fd52727805b/151167%20-%20Dragon_Quest%20friendzone%20rarity%20spike.png
OH N-
Oh, it's you.
Thanks for the praise, and I await the essay I'll tl;dr. 
And then I realized what my cover image should have been if I could draw.
True, but his growth spurt in episode #whicheverofthewaytoogoddamnedmanyRarityones means that this could become an issue again.
That's my flimsy rationale, at least.
I think so too.
Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood. Passerby were amazed at the unusually large quantities of blood.
That was an excellent read. You kept them both totally in character, addressed his meeting of other dragons and his "confession" and made me emotionally attached to both Rarity and Spike's point of view. I have only one thing to say to you, Shrek 2.
Please continue this as a full length story if you can, for inspiration go to fanfiction dot net and look up "It takes a village". It's a great story about Spike getting older, and includes his realizations about his relationship with Rarity.
Oh, well I am very impressed by the way you wrote her character then, without making her seem like a greedy, self absorbed, high class snob like most do when they write her. As for the story, it's basically her contemplating what happened during "The Secret to my Excess" and her fellings for Spike, I would say it's nuetral towards her being put in a good or bad light though. It's quite similar to your story, but it's more of her thoughts rather than an actual converstion with Spike.
Congrats on being featured on Equestria Daily, probably the only reason I found this story. I was under the impression that this would be about Rarity getting reeeeeally stressed out and tearing into Spike (in a way, I was kind of hoping for it; call me morbid), but nevertheless, I really enjoyed it. The weird bastard in me enjoyed Spike's heartbreak at the end, though. He thinks he's finally moving forward...when he hasn't moved at all. 
Only with the roles swapped, I think.
Very well-written story, V. All literary aspects are on par and it deconstructs a pretty significant subject in the fandom. Thing is, I just don't agree with it. Certain things seen in the show may suggest otherwise, but there is no solid rule yet stating that Spike will outgrow or outlive the ponies, and the species difference is meaningless. Every time Rarity pointed it out in this story I just rolled my eyes. Species means nothing if they're equally intelligent. Love means everything.
On Rarity, you did a fantastic job nailing her character, but not Spike's. He's more mature than his years suggest, and you pretty much ignored his dry, sarcastic attitude and wry sense of humor. He has demonstrated a cartoonish infatuation from time to time, but he's not this constantly lovestruck around Rarity.
What this boils down to in my opinion: Great story, message falls flat. Now I'm gonna go read a Twilight & Spike shipfic. With clop. 
I have to agree with Swashbucklist on all points. (Except for the clop; I'm not in the mood today.)
Species does not matter. The reason zoophilia is taboo in our society is that - as far as we can tell - there are no animals on this planet that match our intelligence and decision-making abilities. Hence a romantic/sexual relationship could never be truly mutual. But in Equestria, different species are on the same intellectual level. The reason for our taboo does not exist.
Spike/Rarity is nothing like, say, a horny girl and her dog. It's more like Sarek and Amanda. (Please google if that doesn't ring any bells for you.)
Vimby - If you can explain why the species gap in this situation has any reason to dictate the affection Spike or any other filly may have for each other, I'm all ears.
Softy - I'm not entirely sure Vimbert's reasoning had anything to do with zoophilia. He probably just thinks it's wrong from a moral or biological standpoint.
Nice concept and well-written in general, but the execution has some iffy points.
> Uncomfortable Stare Spike is turned up to 11. The only scene in the series where I remember Spike acting like this is that "dragon pincushion" one from "Green Isn't Your Color", and that was clearly playing it for laughs.
> The point where Spike ignores a direct request from Rarity to leave broke my suspension of disbelief. Since when has he ignored and imposed on Rarity like that? What would his motivation even be? "I just want to stare more, I don't give a f*** what Rarity wants." Then, profit? Does not follow. 
> Rarity's conclusion regarding the possibility of other dragons like Spike completely ignores the highly unusual circumstances of Spike's upbringing. Also, way to trample all over the whole "Spike is one of us" point from "Dragon Quest". More like, "You're one of us, darling, but don't get any funny ideas." in this case. Nice. 
> This is just a personal conclusion, but the only thing that the series has ever said about the growth of dragons is that they grow as their hoard grows. If that's the case, then it follows that a dragon's growth is HEAVILY influenced by his/her environment, perhaps even moreso than age. Telling Spike to back off of ponies with this in mind is pretty darn cruel, in my opinion.
> Also, if the series pulls something like this after the awesome of "Secret of My Excess", I rage quit.
>>713048 And Spike represents ... the ignorance of youth? An immature infatuation? A child developing a crush on an adult? If that's what you're saying, it's limited to this fanfic, because canon Spike is better than that (not to mention closer to the mane six's ages than every anti-Sparity brony seems to think).
I love this. <3 It wasn't agonizingly stretched into 6 pages of her trying to tell him, as I've seen SOMEPONIES do before, and there wasn't the dreadfully cliche "Spike runs out the of the boutique crying" bit that one might expect. You kept them both COMPLETELY in character, I could picture this happening in my mind clear as day. I also like how you portrayed Rarity as sympathetic and yet didn't write Spike out to be annoying either. I found this rather touching, and it was well written in my opinion. Well done.
>>721648 "Close" is a relative term here, but consider that Twilight got her cutie mark by hatching Spike, and that she looked younger in that flashback than, say, the CMC. I'd say six or seven years in age difference for the two, and by extension, between Spike and all the Mane Six (though the show itself is maddeningly vague about anything age-related, and intentionally so). "Baby dragon" is probably relative as well, seeing as how dragons very likely have a far longer lifespan than ponies. A ten-year-old being with a life expectancy of 100 years is something completely different from a ten-year-old being with a life expectancy of 500 years.
Skirts Impressions as I go along? Am I even capable of such a thing?
-Dragons could be the perfect gentlemen? As opposed to what, gentleponies? Well, I can buy that they're not Gentleponies. But...Gentlemen? Is Rarity's horn picking up frequencies from an alternate universe?
-Can horses use the term "elbow grease?" I know I've used the word "elbow" tons of time when describing ponies. Meh. Guess it's not important.
-This story has a lot of interrogative statements in its narrative. I can't figure if that's you attempting to insert Rarity's voice into third person omniscient perspective, or just you being you. I think the Eagle Eye stories always have the narrative questioning the shiet that's going on. Jee, I wonder why.
-I wish I had your mastery or semicolons... or at least your daring, trenchcoat flashing of them.
-This is starting to resemble Ernest Hemingway's "The End of Something," only with ponies and dragons. I wonder what Hemingway would think of furries? He'd probably saw off the end of the shotgun.
-"Askance". If I was more familiar with that word, I'd totally whore it.
-Spike is Seifer Almasy?
-I'd still prefer "gentledragon" over "gentleman." Ooooh. What about "gentledrake?" There ya go.
-Ah. So now the title makes sense, and I'm guessing you threw it onto the story with the same amount of sincerity that you have reserved for Rarity as a character, lulz.
Ahem.
So yeah.
If I was reading this twelve months ago, when I was *just* getting into the MLP fandom, I would have absolutely loved this story. The whole Rarity/Spike was just an annoyance to me then, and I had a knee-jerk reaction of "STFU" to people who shipped them. But then, as the months wore on, and I realized I was a 29 year old obsessed with friggin' ponies, all of the various shippings didn't bother me much. I began to embrace the idea of Rarity/Spike. But, of course, if I ever even remotely contemplated their actual relationship, it'd have to involve some sort of future scenario when Spike was more adult. Cuz... ew.
Even then, I'm sure Spike would be packing more than an average riding crop by the time he got old enough to wanna do more with Rarity than have picnics and pin diamonds to dresses. And... ew.
Regardless, the pair of Spike episodes in Season 2 won me over. Not only was the whole Spike/Rarity thing more adorable, but it was more complicated. The ending to "Secret of My Excess" was perhaps the best single moment in all of MLP. And I really, really love the switcheroo that undergoes in "Dragon Quest," where Rarity finds herself in a situation where she's gotten affectionate with Spike (as a motherly/aunt figure) and seeks to protect him.
Do I still think the two belong in some sort of a relationship? Fuuuuuuuuuu-Nah. Just... ew.
But I am a lot warmer to their shipping than I used to be. What you've done here in this fic is very realistic. It makes total sense. It doesn't beat around the bush. It doesn't hang itself on errant branches of melodrama or sappiness.
However, it doesn't really have much of a hook. It's... just a scene. A realistic scene, sure. But what do we gain from it? Alright, so Spike and Rarity are no longer a thing in Candle-Stick-Head-Verse. I can buy that. But what's the significance? Is there even a significance other than "SCREW YOU RARITY/SPIKE SHIPPERS"?
That's when I start to wonder if you did indeed do this story on a dare, or as a challenge to yourself, or in response to certain marsupials who were establishing some argument about the coupling and you were all "Ha ha, no." And then you prepared to drop a literary bomb of thermonuclear rationality on their prostates.
Whatever the case, even if this story had very little hook for me (I get the playfulness of the dialogue and the title at the very end, I suppose) I am nevertheless impressed by the casualness and ease with which you wrote Rarity, both externally and internally. For a guy who fucking hates her, you wrote her very respectfully. As a matter of fact, if I went into this expecting to witness some sort of bias bleeding between the lines, I'm tempted to suspect you have less than favorable opinions of Spike. Why else would you ditch him like a bag of dead kittens? I guess this is just a life lesson.
I dare you to write a sequel where Spike is breaking out from the Elemental Basement of the world and then flies all around Azeroth, burning everything to ash and summoning the end of-fdjkhfgk;aljfalkjflkajfjakljfd
So yeah, cool story bro. Upvote, for Rarityspeak, if nothing else.
Semicolons are my jam.
Well. Gotta say I'm unfamiliar with that Hemingway story, but if I get the chance midst all the other crap I have to do, I'll give it a read. As should come as no surprise, I couldn't stand Secret of My Excess because Rarity irritates me to no end as a character.
With that in mind, I'm glad I apparently wrote her so well, since that's what I've heard almost universally about her in this story, objections of those overly invested in the ship aside. I don't have anything against Spike, but he often seems to get a short shrift in the show, so I figured I wouldn't be amiss doing much the same in this fic.
As for it feeling like a scene... that's more or less exactly right. This could have easily been a full story, but writing just this much was absolute agony just from having to try to get Rarity's voice just right. I've been trying not to write this story for a few months, and I'm pretty sure my stress levels would skyrocket if I tried to write that white drama queen any more than I already have.
I finally got around to reading this story and I have to say I really liked it 
. As many others have said, you wrote Rarity quite well. I rather like how she let him down gently. From the title of the story and the description I thought this story would be a lot more comedic and Rarity would be unintentionally rude but I was surprisingly glad that it wasn't that way. Now Rarity is definitely not my favorite pony but even I have to admit that she is portrayed pretty badly in a lot of fan works. I am also not a huge fan of her and especially do not like the pairing of her and Spike 
. Secret of my Excess was probably one of my least favorites of Season 3. It almost killed my respect for Spike as well but Dragon Quest redeemed him for me. But anyway I'm getting a bit off topic... 
The only criticism I have is your word choice of gentlepony and gentleman 
. In the show I know that gentlecolt seems to be used in the same way gentleman is so you probably should have used that instead. Gentledragon or gentledrake probably would have been better where you used gentleman in the story. It's not a big deal and at this point you probably don't really care but I just wanted to offer my two bits .
Keep up the good work !
You wanna unship Spike and Rarity, you're gonna need to use a better reason than 'we're too different.' You should say they're too different on a social level and their relationship wouldn't work out, like they don't mesh intellectually. But what's in this story are just superficial differences. I'm a pony, you're a dragon. Bullshit. You also need to write spike in-character. He's more like a nine-year-old who's infatuated, not a seven-year-old with a puppydog crush. I'm sure he'd give Raritys dresses a look if it meant something to her. Remember the fashion show? He didn't know what he was doing, but he supported her. and when he gave his fire ruby to Rarity in "Secret of my Excess" that was him sacrificing something he was really anticipating because he genuinely wanted to make Rarity happy. That's not a child with a crush.
Now you can't say I never read nothin' o' yourn. :V You lucky butt, with yer fancy schmancy Everfree Radio voice-actors-included reading.
Hey, I liked this, though I think the Sad tag is a misnomer. Then again, I'm not sad to not see this ship work out. V: The main strength here is Rarity's voice. Every word she speaks is entirely in character (granted, the fantastic VA impression helped that). Even Spike's "I wanna be your knight!" plea was adorable as shit, but it's better to let him down like this than break his heart later.
Not a bad story but Rarity's comment about Spike finding a dragoness someday is very unlikely to happen. Spike was hatched by Twilight and raised around ponies therefore he's a very social creature. From I've been told by a few writers is that dragons in this world are more loners so that would most likely entale a more solitary lifestyle with little social interactions like Spike has in Equestria. Also the comments on being a BABY dragon, I'd guess Spike is at most 5-7 years younger then Twilight plus they've never stated exactly how long dragons live. Given how big the dragon was in Dragonshy I'd say probably in excess of a thousand years or more. By dragon standards he might be a baby but everybody always keeps calling him a baby dragon only cause of his small body size. If he's 5-7 years younger then Twilight then by pony standards he's probably least a teenager. All this really seems to be is a fic to bash Sparity pairing.
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