Stargaze goes to canterlot castle to fulfil her ancestors' vow, she never expected it to go the way it does. Stargaze must learn the scerets hidden in her family's past, and what her true destiny is in order to save her princesses and Epuestria.
First Fic I hope you like it.
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Okay, here we go...
*True
*Equestria
*Canterlot
*secrets
*to save the princesses
Moving onto the fic itself;
Try to indent it a little better, there's nothing wrong with splitting it up in smaller paragraphs. In fact, it makes reading the fic much easier and makes it feel better. Also, this is a thing that bothers me, but there's nothing wrong with it. I just think that it breaks the flow of the fic.
There were many things Luna was thinking of all at once so many that it was starting to give her a bit of a headache, but what Luna didn’t know was that the biggest headache of all was still yet to come.
Outside the castle
Stargaze look back to make sure no pony had followed her up to the castle.
This is what I would have preferred:
There were many things Luna was thinking of all at once so many that it was starting to give her a bit of a headache, but what Luna didn’t know was that the biggest headache of all was still yet to come.
-----
Stargaze look back to make sure no pony had followed her up to the castle. She had that strange feelin
Grammar-wise, I couldn't find anything too disturbing of it. But I am no prereader, I'm an author so I'm not very good at spotting grammar mistakes. Even if the grammar was good, I would recommend that you get a pre-reader or an editor to check for those things for you before you post a chapter.
With that out of the way, good luck with your future writing. Never give up when you get a little critique, as most of us just want to help to make you improve your writing and all of those things. Cheers!
Also, the whole ''Luna thought'' thing could be executed better, just saying.
694765
THanks for that I will keep that in mind for my next chapters.
695850
Here to help so you can improve.
I did a doubletake on that title, and then clicked in it just to find out if it was intentional... It seems to not be... Therefore as Symphony said...
"TRUE"
not
"TURE"
That alone is the biggest red flag that a story can possibly have, a misspelling in the title. I don't want to be mean, but I don't think words can convey how much of a negative impact that has in the eyes of potential readers.
...cleaning up that honestly god-awful mess of a description would also be in order. "Epuestria"? Really?