• Member Since 27th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen Aug 1st, 2017

jayjaejai


Clop is proof that God wants us to be happy.

Comments ( 21 )

This was a very well done piece. Vanilla sex can be a bit predictable in any story, but you did well by mixing in the light domination angle that Cadance used. The affection she bore for Shining was very visible not just in action, but through the dialogue. It was exactly how a peek into the intimate moments of the married couple would be. Well done! :twilightsmile:

This is a nice change to the other CadenceArmor clop I've read, so thanks.

It was sweet. I like to see Cadence supportive role instead of seeing their marriage in shambles. I truly think that Cadence and Shining Armor can be interesting characters and this fic helps support my statement. Good job man.

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Thank you all for your comments. One problem people have with married sex is that marriage is seen as the "finish line" in a relationship. Marriage is safe, marriage is mundane, marriage is unexciting. Whether or not you agree with that, I find that you can make even the most mundane things interesting if you want to, but I'll admit it wasn't very easy. I was inspired to write the fic when I realized I couldn't find any male body worship fics. I realized that a body worship clop would work really well if the characters were deeply in love and were comfortable in expressing that love in a deeply intimate way. And who better to do that than the most iconic married couple in the show?

I needed to start my male body worship fic with an easy and relateable premise: the idea that someone is insecure with their looks. It gave a problem that the lead character (Cadance) could easily solve in a sexy way. The toughest part is making Cadance's dialogue sound like something a madly in love wife would say about her husband. Even though there is only one chapter in the story it took me about as long as first three chapters in my first clop fic PPPP to write.

But I'm glad everyone has enjoyed it. Your comments are highly appreciated.

Comment posted by Mr Ghostman deleted Nov 22nd, 2015

The best smut is the kind that has me smiling throughout.

Thank you very much for this!

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Nothing brightens someone's day like an orgasm.

Thank you for your comment.

I've pondered for a very long time how erotic you can write and still have it God honoring. I'm still not sure I've found definite lines, and though this is farther than what I'd be comfortable writing, I'm not sure it did anything wrong. It wasn't sex for the sake of sex and actually said some intelligent things about relationships.

I will say that I am uncomfortable with spouses ever referring to one another as pet. More than that though I will point out how Cadance is telling her husband she enjoys his penis; yet the word 'cock' also refers to a rooster which is a small, weak, stupid, dirty animal. If Cadance is trying to dispel any negative connotations or dissatisfaction Shining Armor has for his equipment, finding a better/ stronger word would be a good idea.

(You also seriously need to look over your paragraph splits. Several times you have them both talking in the same paragraph, lack paragraph split, and sway between single and double lines between them.)

This is the first one-shot I have ever read with just a sex and romance tag; and I don't regret reading it.

Hope my future wife will love me like this.

One other thing I'll mention is that obsessing over their body appearance is typically a much more female than male thing to do. I'm not saying it couldn't happen to someone like Shining Armor, but if I'd written this it would have been more on the lines of:

'Shining Armor used to be the fastest, strongest and most magical of anyone around; but then he got a prolonged illness or serious injury and has a lousy self image because obstacle courses that he used to be able to do in one hour now take him three, he can't do all the spells he used to be able to do, and his main shield is weaker than it used to be and is more exhausting to use etc etc.'

Things like this would be much more upsetting to a male than thinking his nose is too big or his lips are too small.

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Obsessing over body image is more common than you'd think, self-doubt is a nasty thing that can take anything about our bodies and make us think that it is disgusting to look at. Shining Armor is a particularly good example of this because he always has the younger Colts in the guard to compare himself to.

Well well well, expect a neat little present on Friday.

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That's pretty cool! Thanks!

6664622 Real world example: Older Men taking plastic surgery!

That was really sweet. :twilightsmile:

6672746 Hmm...It's a good story and the concept behind it isn't seen very much on this website, but I feel it is a bit rushed. You rushed it too much to get to the physical act. I feel that this story would be much better if it were longer, maybe spanning several chapters, with less sex and more of the healing aspect. As you said in the story,

self-doubt is one powerful beast, and a large chunk of him didn’t believe those words she spoke.

If you have this self image healing going for longer, it would make for a better, more intimate story. Also, while this is a worship fic, there isn't much worship as Cadance only goes over a few parts of his body. Cadance should go over every inch of his body, commenting on what she loves. there could also be more physical contact, not heavy petting, but touching in a worshipful, loving manner. Shining feels like he has lost his power and she should touch him, please him, make him feel more powerful. If you work on your descriptions, you would make for a more compelling story of healing and love, rather than what I feel is somewhat slapdash and shoddy. If you want, there are a few stories you can read for reference.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/164364/how-to-court-alicorns-a-humans-guide
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/250921/the-shields-protector
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/133441/the-life-of-a-non-brony
These stories should help you work on the descriptions.

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This site needs more faithful couples rutting passionately and with a feeling of depth to their personalities... It needs more THIS STORY!

I might be asking your advice for my own poor attempts at such things. Would you be willing?

Bravo! That was beautiful! I'd love to see more of the relationship grow.

6661543 Equestria is matriarchal, so colts probably have unrealistic body image issues in their attempts to fit the female-decided standard of masculine beauty.

Your composition was a big rough, but I ultimately found myself too engaged by the story to ultimately fap. Upvoted and faved.

🅱🆁🆄🅷 shining’s insecurities hit home

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