- Member Since 8th Jun, 2015
- offline last seen 25 minutes ago
DarkMagicEn-Forcer1
My is DarkMagicEn-Forcer1 I am not a brony but I did like the show. I like Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, Team Fortress 2, Fairy Tail, Sonic and Power Rangers. When I heard about theses displace fics I count me i
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Please get someone to check your grammar.
6620781 Does this site have a grammar and spell check? Because I did try to find all my mistakes.
6620814 It has a spell check, but look. Let me show you, all mistakes will be highlighted in bold.
Your short summary:
Your long summary:
Awful first impression.
To say nothing of the plot. Do you really, really think that what this site needs is another cookie-cutter Displaced fic? Because it doesn't.
Well, this certainly is not passing contributor reviewing.
6620837 Will it a idea I wanted to write.
As for plot in the future chapters. Will Rainbine's group and Fluttershout's group are going to hunt down foes that Celestia or the Mane six have defeated and kill them. After that they or going after Celestia.
6620866 If you want to point out the mistakes be my guess. Because I have a editor wanted blog up for a reason.
6620935
Before you write, at least learn the basics of the English language.
Sounds pretty much like every displaced fic with characters switched out. With Celestia made the bad guy for no good reason.
6621000 Celestia is a racist.
6621006 Do you have any canon proof of that?
6621011 Not in the canon. I mean the Celestia in my story in racist.
6621018 That's the problem right there. What you've done is made her OOC, Out of Character. Literally just to give your 'hero' an antagonist. That is a big no-no.
If you want a racist, prejudiced monarch, create one. Don't take a benevolent ruler like Celestia and make her dance on puppetstrings to do things she wouldn't do. Make, say I don't know, them fall into a merpony kingdom ruled by a racist siren. Throw them into Zebrica and have them knock heads with a giraffe queen.
If you need a character to be something, and there isn't one, then the solution isn't to make an existing character OOC, it's to make a new one.
People still write this shit?
6621028 Other displaced writers had written Celestia out of character so why can't I?
6621050 Then stamp AU on this, because it certainly ain't fucking canon.
Badly written contrived ones.
Whack!
Okay, okay, I take it back. Yeesh.
I'll give you credit, it's at least a decently unique location.
Also who is Rainbine? What are the Elements of Insanity? I know this is a MLP site, but it doesn't mean you can just throw things like that in there without context. Not everyone knows what The Elements of Insanity are.
cliché as fuck. Every other Displaced fic starts like this. It's no wonder the entire genre is hated by most people.
I believe there are no bad ideas, only bad authors, (To a certain extent.) but that requires authors to put EFFORT into their fics rather than use the single biggest cliché in the book.
...
FNAF?
No fucking comment. It's nearly as bad as a sign as Displaced is.
God, don't tell me you're ripping off Dash of Humanity? I liked that story.
Maybe because you're a gun toting maniac OC? I'm just saying.
Oh god, not MORE Elements of Insanity that I don't know about because you didn't explain!
Also you used I'am again.
For the love of god, please get an editor. You need one. I understand if English isn't your first language, but that just means you have to get someone to edit this.
I'm not even getting into the story. I'm sorry, but in a Displaced story is the sign to leave right now. I've seen my fair share of Displaced fics and this isn't going to be that high quality.
Hell, this could be the next Fallout: Equestria and no one would read it due to the awful first impression that is the title and description.
TL;DR Get an editor and maybe scrap this entire story. Displaced as a genre is already saturated with this type of story and is why it's usually considered a bad genre.
I'm not saying that you should stop writing, I'm saying that you should be writing something OTHER than this.
6621050
Because writing her out of character - writing anyone out of character - is bad and they shouldn't have done it either. DIsplaced writers tend not to be what you'd call 'good role models' when it comes to writing.
I mean, this brings to mind the old question of 'If your friends all jumped off a bridge would you join them?'.
6621070 No I wouldn't.
Anyone I am going to write up plans for future chapters now.
6621066 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTEBgkbhVbU 3:20 that where I got the name for story and what the Elements of Insanity are. Plus I have a editor wanted blog up because I know I need an editor.
Holy shit in a god damn bed bug is that the least coherent story synopsis I have ever had the displeasure of reading.
I mean, what the hell is half of what you're saying mean? Raindbine? Elements of Insanity?
Your story image is what I assume is 'Rainbine', but to anyone else is just looks like you took EG rainbow and slapped some neon green of her, gave her some vocaloid headphones, and a gun from the anime "Strike Witches"
All in all, It sucks, and that is not even getting into the nitty gritty here.
You have my attention, this looks to be a promising story.
I'll give it a read soon, but right now I'm busy getting a Co written story done. I'll definitely give it a read though.
6621221 Thanks.
6621121 Story synopsis, a synapse is something very different, I normally wouldn't correct complain but the fact that you're giving off about the bad writing...
6621248 No problem
also, I heard you were in need of an editor from the displaced group post. I'm one of the first official Displaced Editors, so if the option is still open, I can help.
oh no it is the element of cancer
6621255 Yes you can help me with his fic. :pinkie happy: And maybe you could help me with my "Somebody stop me!" fic.
I'm LeoneHaxor. I remember it so you don't have to. Today, we're looking at the synopsis of... "I'am 120% Cooler!"
(here we go)
First and foremost, your use of contractions. It's either "I am" or "I'm" - I noticed that you used "I'am" for the title of your Eggman fic a while back, and apparently no one pointed that out between them and now.
Secondly, the whole "go to a convention, meet the Merchant" shebang. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but the Displaced admins (MidnightChaos/FlutterWitch in particular) are getting tired of the overuse of that character. If you came up with a new Displacer, that might get you some points with the review board.
Let's get to the meat of the thing:
...not one word into the story itself, and I can see why you want an editor.
Now I'm not saying that I'm a master of writing descriptions for my stories, but I can see that this is one of the descriptions that invites a downvote hurricane. Let's break this down.
6621412 Actually I was planing on using a new displacer. The clue about this new displacer is at the last part of this chapter. Also Dark Lord Kirito has offer his help to edit this story and accept his help. ^^
6621412 Also Fluttershout and her friend are also Displace.
You GOTTA be kidding me right? English isn't my first language either, but even I can tell this is, well embarrassing. I know it's difficult to learn another language, I've been there, but jeez, simple grammar isn't hard!
6621777 Okay, look: I admit that this isn't the BEST I've seen in terms of grammar or spelling...but don't be a dick about it. He's asking for a damn editor so he can fix it, and no one comes up with a perfect first draft.
6621820 Fair enough. I didn't mean to be blunt.
6621837
I don't know how anyone got that impression.
6622054 Touchè.
6622079 I personally find it interesting how TCB fics are popping up in the Similar tab. Particularly, redskin's short-lived Supernatural crossover and the Trevor/Spectrum spinoff.
6622124 Perhaps since this one is TBC, it pulled some other ones?
6622124 Wow, that was a real empty response. I take that back actually, I guess I just sort of expected you to hate me.
6622167 If this was a Displaced story with The Conversion Bureau universe, it would actually make a bit of sense. EQG Rainbine being Celestia's only frame of reference for the human race would be pure Paranoia Fuel for the poor mare.
And if she learned that the Merchant and other Void Dwellers had a habit of exclusively Displacing humans to Equestria, she could be Potioning the hell out of Earth out of a Well-Intentioned Extremist attempt to keep similar OP psychopaths from running amok in other Equestrias. Again, she was dealing with an Element of Insanity here.
Hell, why has no one done that yet, anyway? That sounds like it'd make for a pretty kickass story.
6621249 Whoops, I didn't realize that I put that there. Psychology class made me think of a synapse instead of a synopsis which, in my defense look and sound similar.
6622218 Defending Equestria and it's alternate versions from psychopathic void dwellers? I'd read that.
Good grammar and an interesting concept, I don't know what all the hate's about. Just haters being haters I guess.
Can you do more please
7128733 working on it
Great job mate.
Good job with this chapter and I can't wait for the next chapter
7307973 Thank You
7308787 ^^
Great fic pls continue
7535497 Thank you I will do
7535517 funny story but really damn short man. Just gonna track in case u update but thats all.