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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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If this is an April Fool's chapter, I will be VERY disappointed...
EDIT: Closer inspection reveals it is not. I am pleased.
Scotch?Pythia
Well, again a lot has happened in this chapter. I am very eager to see what is next. Also nice to actually see pattern of comedy endings while still being it's usual dark drama. Been some interesting developments I wish to see through.
Until next time Somber.
Edit: Thanks to Bronode, Icy Shake, and Heartshine too, for editing.
(I should thank the patreons too.)
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Maybe... We shall see.
I feel bad for Charity. I hopeshegets a chance to shine sometime. Precious too. She needs to embrace her dragon half. Maybe majina knows somenice dragon stories?
Fuuuuuuuuuck!
I don't... I can't even...!
FUCKING BADASS EARTH PONY SHAMANESS!
"The Whiskey Express pocked softly along the concrete roads, between three story tall walls decorated with mosaics of zebras in ancient armor. The wide boulevards were broken in two lanes separated by an overgrown planter space. Huge oaks shaded the lanes as they walked. All was quiet. The ruler straight roads offered long fields of vision, but Scotch Tape didn’t see anything moving."
I don't have time for much commentary, but the reason for them dismounting doesn't seem to be mentioned.
"After a kidney stones and a month of fail"
Oh. Ow. Sorry, Somber.
Another excellent chapter, though. :)
Abnother good chapter done! Great work!
Sounds weird, like a excecution went horrible wrong.
First she deployed a fear of machines, now of bathrooms. Sucks if she has to relief herself.
Scotchia ship is best ship!
The very thought of Somber as GM for a game scares me. This monster just.... Damn. Would have been a TPK in my group.
Ante up.
I thought Majina and Skylord where a ship? Maybe she just likes him for his starlordness.
And I thought my antagonists were brutal, damn
EDIT: Also, what's the chemistry behind the cherry smell? I know the garlicky one in the Riptide chapters was related to mustard gas, so is this something as well? Chloroform maybe?
I have to agree with Charity when it comes to who won the war. I imagine quite a bit of the zebra lands was lost when Celestia one rained down upon them. And all the other megaspells as well. It's probably only because the zebras had such a large territory that they even have land now to live on.
Wow, that city is really messed up. It seems like the Blood legion is the worst out of the legions. But I wonder if the other legions have the dark spots too? I mean turning a whole town into something you would think about scenes from the Blob movie has got to be some of the evilest stuff any of the Legions have done. But it sounded like the other Legions had a bit of a reputation as well.
HA! HAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT! PYTHTAPE WILLL HAPPEN AT SOME POINT! I KNOW HOW YOU THINK SOMBER! ITS GOING TO HAPPEN ATLEAST ONCE Scotch had a crush on Pythia in horizons, looks like its the other way round this time, oh, and i called it two chapters ago!
When this story started, I was shipping Scotch with Pythia. Then came Skylord, and after that joke with "I ship it", started to ship him with Scotch. And now we're back to Scotch and Pythia. Well, considering that main characters of the best FoE stories always seem to end up with mares, it's not surprising (and yeah, I consider Blackjack to "ending up" with Glory, millenia from now they are having kinky bondage lesbian sex in the afterlife ;p). Of course, aside from Littlepip and Blackjack I can think of only one other main character from FoE story that's mare and is in relationship with a mare, but eh, details ;p. Not that I think it really matters, it depends more whether it fits with the character or not. Regardless, relationships in FoE stories are ALWAYS fun to read about. Hope there will be more of that next chapter^^
But wow, all those zebra being killed... in practically every work of fiction that would bring about trouble, let alone one where there actually are spirits. Sanguinus must be insane to allow Haimon to continue. And Haimon... I am torn, between respecting characters making tough decisions for better good (Blackjack gassing her Stable, Arthas slaughtering Stratholme - admittedly, that one is debateble - and Itachi murdering his entire clan), and the wanting to bash against the wall characters who try to do everything on their own or think only they can do it (Goldenblood with the OIA and Ministries, Arthas throughout Warcraft III, Sasuke with pretty much most of his shit, but mostly the end of 4th Shinobi World War). Can't tell for now whether I will be hoping for Haimon to have a good death (which seems like the best option for a guy who "had to" murder everybody he ever loved. And lets be honest, Somber is going to kill him off soner or later ;p) or to die in the most horrible way possible (if he continues to do more horrible things or causes harm to Scotch and the rest in any way, shape or form... even more, I mean).
... also, Precious and Skylord, yay^^ New ship^^ And on that note, I gotta say, Skylord is... kinda impressive. I mean, he is travelling for weeks (right?) with five females, and he isn't buzzling with hormones. I suppose it could be attributed to all of them being of different species, but damn, he's a professional. How old is he, exactly? Or the others, for that matter. Cause if they are all in the "teen" age... well, I would expect at least one scene of somebody walking in on somebody doing something weird
Love your work, Somber, hope to see more of your amazingness when the time comes, and wish you all the best^^
8071499 Iron legion = slavers and extortionists. Thorn legion = drug dealers. Gold Legion= do anything for money. Fire Legion= throw slaves as Cannon Fodder against the Pyre. Green Legion= Will steal almost anything not nailed down if they want it. White Legion genocided Yaks for their territory. Bone Legion= necromancy. Sand legion= kill everyone indiscriminately in their sleep. Shadow Legion= probably the least fucked up of all the groups. Star Legion= buys slaves to use their souls for fetishes. Blue Legion= pirates. Storm Legion= kill your community for laughs. Blood Legion= rape your females to breed more Blood Legion.
In terms of territory, from largest to smallest, it goes Blood legion, Fire Legion, Iron Legion, Gold Legion, White Legion, Thorn Legion, Sand Legion, Bone Legion, Green Legion, Storm Legion, Blue Legion, Star Legion, Shadow Legion.
Not all the legions are at each others throats. The Bloods and Storms can get along, and most Legions recognize the Green's neutrality. Bones and Sands get along more or less. Irons, Thorn, and Golds have working contracts. Star Legion and Bone legion give each other space. And every legion agrees the Sand Legion scares the fuck out of everyone (Though, Shadow Legion is catching up to them. Bone Legion will just slit everyone's throat in their sleep. Shadow Legion does sabotage, infiltration and other shenannigans.)
Scotch with Pythia, sitting in a tree. Dreaming of spirits and what the future might be. First comes sex. Then Tape goes craze. Till it all ends in a bloody haze.
(God that took forever.)
I do wonder why there are no perks
Daaaaaayum Somber, what an update! I like it a lot! We learn a little more each chapter, tis greatness!
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Whoah... there's a lotta Legions...
Nice job Somber, keep it up!
I don't know what to say, just thar I feel very pleased with how things turned out.
But Precious... that is a sad note to end on for her.
8076431 I have a bad habit of making a lot of things. Unfortunately it complicates matters immensely. I still trip over the spelling of the Eschashiks... and I named them! Arrrgh! But yeah, the biggest is the Blood Legion by far. Then you have the fire legion, followed by the Irons, Whites, and Thorns. The Sand Legion is a little bit tricky, because they have huge territory, but you never see their numbers. The Bone and Star legions are small, and are generally the most disturbing and unpredictable of the lot. Golds have small but well protected and guarded enclaves. Greens are small, but mobile and many, with a few bases. Storm legion are another small, mobile force, but they're more annoying rather than the nightmare of the Blood or Irons. Those guys come and stay. Storms hit and run. Blues are the same way, thought they're generally a joke to most other legions. Atoli wannabees.
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Ooohoohoo... maaan if you saw the planning document of mine, I mean, its nowhere near the level of clusterfucks that most might be, but to me it feels like a mess I have to sift through.. >.> We're both the same in that regard anyway, making a lot of things and complicating things.
Wheeeeeew...
Dark chapter with what happened in that city but the shipping is about to leave the Drydock and give an old Atoli friend a second chance. Also whybrid hasn't anyone tried to take out the Sand legion if they are so scary.?
8082592 Because you can't see them. They inhabit a vast area that's sparely populated. You can ride across it all day and never see a soul. Then you stop and take a leak and- BLAM! Your head is blown off. You try to move an army through it and every night you find more and more throats slit, leaders first. The other legions you can generally see coming. You can fight. You can hide. Against the sand, the only warning you might get is a garrote suddenly going tight. You might have vastly superior firepower, but they never give you a target. Worse, the locals aren't going to help you because they know one word of assistance and it'll be THEIR throats cut. Of course, that just means the other legions kill them for not selling out the Sand's hiding places.
Wonderful chapter, can't wait for more. :)
Maybe they can encounter a money spirit to ship Charity with.
8093128 Prosperity spirits are nice things to have, but they can very quickly attract and be consumed by spirits of greed and envy. Spirits of justice are good spirits for a trader, unless you're a dishonest one, in which case spirits of greed and trickery are more likely. Spirits of money are two faced and perilous. They can just as easily cause good things to happen as wicked things.
even boulderXtom?!
This would be great for Killing Joke.
Who said anything about need?
This implies there's also a Great Eastern Empty.
Damn, I thought I had it.
Kill her. Kill her before she find out she's Starlight Glimmer or her daughter or whatever.
Was his father Asneeze?
C'mon, you're in group Blackjack 2.0, you're expected to die more than once. Although I suppose all those headstones start to add up ...
Scotch is hearing ghosts or spirits of gunfire?
Missing a period.
Maybe they run on spark batteries?
Betraying the city, obviously. And angering the spirits of the walls by doing it.
Oh Skylord. You'll understand what it means to be Blackjack Junior soon enough.
Of course she does, she's learned Protagonism 101.
I'm going with "no." Even BJ knew the ends didn't justify the means, but Haimon has an awful lot of means going on.
Nah, so far the spirits seem to mostly like her.
... Now I'm out of chapters to read. :fluttersad:
This would be great for Killing Joke.
Who said anything about need?
This implies there's also a Great Eastern Empty.
Damn, I thought I had it.
Kill her. Kill her before she find out she's Starlight Glimmer or her daughter or whatever.
Was his father Asneeze?
C'mon, you're in group Blackjack 2.0, you're expected to die more than once. Although I suppose all those headstones start to add up ...
Scotch is hearing ghosts or spirits of gunfire?
Missing a period.
Maybe they run on spark batteries?
Betraying the city, obviously. And angering the spirits of the walls by doing it.
Oh Skylord. You'll understand what it means to be Blackjack Junior soon enough.
Of course she does, she's learned Protagonism 101.
I'm going with "no." Even BJ knew the ends didn't justify the means, but Haimon has an awful lot of means going on.
Nah, so far the spirits seem to mostly like her.
... Now I'm out of chapters to read. :fluttersad:
Okay. So. First things first.
Thank you.
Second, I'm still noticing the pervasive copyediting problems from the previous chapter; it does take me out of the story a bit, but it doesn't kill the experience for me. Except for when you referred to Scotch Tape as "Asmodiar, Avatar of Not Nice Thoughts" for eleven paragraphs which... huh? Someone fucked up on that one.
Third, ~zebra lore~ continues to be interesting. I really like how you're drawing parallels between Equestria's wartime experience and the Zebrases, and on a meta level, between this and Project Horizons. Haimon's words and actions remind me of Goldenblood to an unsettling degree, and it remains to be seen whether or not the characters will continue to parallel one another, or if Haimon will diverge. Goldenblood, after all, elected to seek redemption in the end.
What I'm saying is that I want Majina to be zebra!Psychoshy. Maybe her mother found her flash-frozen in the dumpster behind a zebra 7-11, or something, and it reminded her of a funny story, so she kept her around and raised her as her own child. And the Legate was such a bad father that he didn't notice he had an extra daughter.
Fourth, and this is a criticism, I'm not sure how I feel about the flashbacks. Narratively, they seem to serve the same function as a memory orb would've in PH, but where those came during lulls in the story, Scotch's spirit-visions (or whatever) happen during an intense, climactic moment. It breaks up the pacing a bit, which ultimately works against the tension you're trying to build. It doesn't kill the tension or the pacing, but it's definitely a setback.
Fifth, last criticism (and this is more nitpicky), the title. The capitalization, specifically. It's... inconsistent. With both traditional style, and with the scheme you've been using up until now.
Sixth, and most importantly, Pythia is still the best girl. Fuckin' fight me.
Subtle commentary on FO1-2 vs. 3-4?
Oh god, please not Old World Blues!
I think it's interesting and important to have Charity here as the voice of the average ponycentric pony. As they get deeper into Zebra culture, it's easy to forget how the typical pony perceives all this.
Heh! Well, okay then... I wonder, if you traced Pythia's heritage, if you'd find that each mare got with a stallion just long enough to have a daughter. I have this suspicion that Pythia's mother imprinted her mind into Pythia, and that it probably wasn't the first such transfer, but something went wrong this time, which is why Pythia has skills and a remarkably adult outlook, but no foreign memories. Now I'm wondering if she's basically Tanit version 12 (assuming Tanit was even the first.)
I guess I'm not surprised she's paired with Tanit. Being a sunstripe, blessing or not, would mark her as someone influenced by ponykind in a period where that would be a dangerous association. Thus the gay = evil trope gets invoked.
Herne the Hunter?... Given the gun, I guess he's the Orah, since nobody else was noted as such. That's assuming Ignatia was the Roamani (I mean, WAR spirit?) and Xiegfried, a technician with an X name, was Propoli.
So just short of having to pay royalties for syndication. Got it.
So the Zebra version of Macintosh's Marauders, basically. I wonder if they got shipped out to fight at Hoofington. And if Tanit (or her "daughter") survived...
Oh, they lost, all right.
"A strange game, Professor Falken. The only winning move is not to play."
Well, now you've jinxed it.
I do like how Scotch is growing into the leadership role.
I'm guessing... Roamani construction?
Definitely Roamani.
Woo!
It's weird that Scotch has full-immersion spirit senses, right? I mean, most shamans can't interact with them as if they were corporeal entities, right? It's just a smell, or a sound, or an image, but not all at once, right?
I'm starting to see why Scotch is involved with all this. The war left a lot of psychic scars, but two centuries of "ignore it" has just left all this spiritual gunk building up, like a boiler that never got descaled. She's all about fixing things and building a better future, even if it's not literal architecture.
Oh, GOD.
Well, sheeeeeyit.
Okay... Okay, so this is new. Super new. But all the bodies are gone?...
Ghost army?...
Or, shit, they have ICE? Or... hybrid electric drives?
Now that's using your head!
Yeah, give you one guess who they're working for. Because naturally, the new Empire will need to destabilize all existing power structures...
Well, that's a thing. Did NOT think we'd be seeing the "memory orb" marker in this story.
Andre passed out instantly, which suggests this is a nerve agent. The color and smell might mean it's Soman. Or it's just an anaesthetic -- they did do firing squads, obviously -- which might mean it's poorly-distilled ether. (Or to hell with distillation, it's just booze and acid they mixed right before dumping it.)
All right, ether then.
That's engineers for you. We see a problem, we want to fix it.
I feel you're going to regret that.
Ah. Well. As long as you don't make a habit of it...
I think that depends entirely on how he intends to destroy them and what he intends to build in their place. Given his prior actions, I don't trust him in the least.
Scotch is, despite everything, such a sweetheart...
I wish the font was different when they speak in zebra vs pony
Which, naturally, means the inverse is true: if you see them, they see you"
Key words here: "after two hours"
Whne, again, did Pythia give the all clear?
thaaaats right. So, now that we're past the two hour mark, wanna take another peek at the future?
You see here, that's the thing.
she wants to know. The city is trying to tell her.
simple as that.
Fuck shipping. We're gonna need a barge for that much money.
I look forward to Haimon's recompense. Red Eye. Steel Rain. Autumn Leaf. All bastards he'll dine in hell with.
Fuck no. Not even close.
In other news, a ship has begun its voyage.
Great chapter. I know in my last comment I didn't want to hear about the "12", but that was in regards to how the story Arc with Big Mac and his troop. But listening to Majina talk about them was great.
Only thing that didn't seem right was Scotch Tape flubbing on the incounter with the Blood Spirit. Say she wanted to help but didn't ask how she could. But I'll forgive her. It was her first time after all.
Caught that Reservoir Dogs reference: bet Skylord's gonna be put off being assigned as Target Pink. XD. And the commandos were like "ignore Majina, she's cute and harmless"
Poor Precious.
I feel like there needs to be another male in the group. But there's already so many in the party as it is. Is there a reason Somber makes so many characters in a party? Is it a JRPG kind of thing? I think I remember him liking the Final Fantasy franchise, and those always have 6 or so characters to play in a party. I really hope Scotch ends up sleeping with all her friends just to shake things up. Skylord is slowly cementing himself an asexual in my book. Hope Precious finds someone special to help her figure out if she can have kids; given those questions she had for that doctor.
It's hard to decide if Haimon is worse than Blackjack. Probably. She never really gave much thought to her actions; Haimon knew what he was doing and decided that sacrificing everything he loved was worth destroying the legions. They're both foal killers imo. (something I understand is a part of FO1 & 2) I actually hope he's keeping true to his promise and eventually willingly goes back to his city to face his death. I think that'd be the best ending for him.
8072993
Yep, lovely people. 🙄
It's a good thing they're mostly fighting against each other. If they ever rally under one banner and decided to invade Equestria, I doubt that anyone could stop them. It would be the end of the NCR and the Commonwealth and destroy all the progress that has been made in the last few years.
I bet that several years later, Zebras will tell Old Road stories about Scotch Tape and her friends. Obviously most of these stories will turn Scotch into a Zebra. Can’t have a pony as hero of a Zebra story, can we? The Carnilia version of the Story will also include lots and lots of sex– but no lesbians or gays because you’re only allowed to fuck like rabbits if you can make children.
See, that’s what I meant, when I said that you don’t use codenames that give your enemies clues about your identities.
So he’s Zebra Chuck Norris?
I love the world building in this story. The Tremendous Twelve is just a minor detail to flesh out the setting, yet so much effort was put into it that you could basically write a fanfic about them.
You know that it's a bad idea to explore that abdoned city, because something bad is going to happen. You know that Pythia is right and the best course of action is to keep moving until they've reached your goal. Yet I can also imagine how boring it must be to drive on the same road for three weeks with nothing in sight but razor grass and the occasional city ruin in the distance. I doubt I would even last a week before growing restless.
And in hindsight it was the right decision, because it helped them avoid getting captured.
Death by getting by sucked into a toilet and then squeezed down the drain pipe. A very unique and horrifying way to die. And Scotch had to watch it happening. Wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if she gets nightmares and panic attacks near toilet bowls.
I think back what I said about Haimon earlier. He IS crazy. He realizes that they can’t defeat the Blood Legion. So he opens the gate for them and has them killed the whole population so that their angry spirits will remain in the city, preventing the Blood Legion from making it their capitol.
Alright there’s insanity. And then there’s Thanos level insanity. Haimon clearly fits into the latter category.
If the situation was really that bad, he could’ve told them and then let anyone chose for himself whether he wants to fight to the bitter end, surrender and hope for mercy or take his own life. Sure the Blood Legion may have gained a new stronghold, but at least you’re friends and family aren’t suffering for an eternity as restless spirits.
I’m curious to learn what his long game is, but I doubt that it will make me feel any sympathy for him.
Scotch is showing a serious chase of chronic hero syndrome. And I’m really conflicted about it. On the one the hand, I wish that she would listen to Charity and Pythia, because in this stories heroes rarely get a happy end. We have seen that spirits can do really bad stuff. It has already damaged her lungs. She’s becoming Blackjack who also tried to help others and do the right thing and suffered greatly for it. And so did the people accompanying her.
On the other hand, isn’t that what makes a hero a hero? Knowing that she will get hurt physically and mentally and still tries to do the right thing? Scotch wants genuinely to make the world a better place and help others. Even if it’s dangerous. Which is truly admirable. Because the Zebra homeland isn’t an okay place to live and needs people like Scotch.
Oh god, she’s teasing her like Blackjack does with Threnody. She IS really turning into the next Security.
But yeah, I can see why people ship them. I’m just crossing my finger that Scotch Tape’s love interests have more luck than Blackjack’s.
I mean seriously, is there any character who had sex with Blackjack and didn’t die a horrible death?
And no, Littlepip doesn’t count. She’s immune to the Blackjack curse due to her being the main character from another story and killing her of would’ve been kind of rude.
This story just got the questions, answers, action, gore and other stuff kick it needed. Man it's so late right now for me. Anyway, Somber is gonna kill me with all the names I have to remember. And I thought remembering names from PH was hard, NOPE welcome to world of zebra tribes and zebra names and other stuff. I really need to start writing down all the character because I often have problems with 'I heard that name, but I don't remember'.
As it was in PH we have more gay shipping with Pytia and Scotch (I have yet to combine their names into a shipname). If it was the only big thing adressed in this episode my mind would be chanting SHIP! SHIP! SHIP! over and over again.
We are starting to get more pieces for the puzzle. And I must say, with all the spirit stuff, thissis building up to something bigger than PH in terms of story. I really can't say how I wan't to spend the rest of the night just flying trough the story. The same I did with Kkat's ending and several times with PH
Jesus this chapter got dark fast. But this is also the first time we've truly seen what spirits can do without a shamans direct aid. And why pissing them off/wronging them is a very bad. Like... A mare straight up got sucked into a toilet. By water being manipulated by spirits. That's pretty damn horrifying. But I also love this chapter. Also... Poor Andre and Greengap. I figured Haimon was insane but shit... Even I wasn't expecting that.
The spirit of the Whiskey Express!?!?!?!? I wouldn't be surprised
Charity probably does too
Not a ship I considered, but one is support
I have to say, the trope of showing the villain do something utterly awful to something utterly innocent (like a puppy, child, or whatever) usually does not work for me. But that one line about the tiny amount of blood in the filly's body... That line hit hard, and made me genuinely hate the bastard.
Unrelated note: I've been shipping Pythia and Scotch for a few chapters now, and I'm really glad to see it's going somewhere.