The non-stop procession of questions continued, as Diamond Tiara, now not looking quite as regal as her name would imply, was getting a little upset. To say the least.
Legend says that if you stood close enough to her that day, you could actually see her eyebrows simmer.
Not receiving satisfactory answers to their inquisition, with Diamond silently shaking with rage, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle decided to probe further...
By actually conducting a physical examination.
Now, there's being innocently insensitive... And then there's throwing yourself into the path of a volcano.
For whatever reason on that fine morning in Ponyville, Apple Bloom's friends had a death wish.
Having a little more common sense then her fellow crusaders, the farm filly wisely decided to stay out of it...
Yet, she was too much of a coward to risk the burgeoning relationship she had with her new roommate to get directly involved.
She thought Tiara, used to dealing with the idiosyncrasies of her companions in the past, would be able to handle things on her own.
It was a choice that would return to bite her in the flank.
Scootaloo began poking Tiara's bandaged foot. "Wow, this thing looks real. She's not trying to get out of gym class..."
Sweetie Belle examined the bow on Diamond's head, where a jeweled headpiece once stood. "I gotta say, the ribbon scarily suits her...
Scootaloo gave Tiara's mucky coat a cursory once-over. "She looks like me after I've braked too quickly on one of my hairpin turns. Those dirt naps sure are fun!"
Sweetie Belle studied Diamond's mane. "Get this, I don't even think she's put any beauty products on this morning..."
Upon hearing this last revelation, both of the pink filly's examiners stared at each other in fear. They took an abrupt step back.
"Er... A-apple B-bloom..." Stammered Sweetie, her eyes glancing from left to right with uncertainty. "A-are y-you s-sure t-this i-is t-the r-real D-Diamond T-tiara?
Scootaloo, not usually one to show any outlying signs of fright, had almost turned as pale as her unicorn friend. "Y-yeah, w-where d-did y-you m-meet h-her?"
Bloom rolled her eyes at her friends paranoia. They were acting like a couple of foals on Nightmare Night, and she knew what they were getting at. Time to switch to 'long explanation' mode.
"Look, she's NOT a changeling! I know Diamond Tiara might not look like herself at the moment, but if you'll just listen to me..." The farm filly started.
"Have you been hanging around the Everfree Forest again?" Sweetie Belle interrupted her fellow Crusader, nervously. "We told you not to go there alone. Is that where you found this... Thing?"
She knew her sister Rarity had been practicing her magic of late. The older mare thought that, as much as she loved her passion for fashion, she was losing touch with her unicorn roots. One of the spells she'd been rehearsing was an enchantment that could instantly reveal the presence of a changeling in disguise, just in case Equestria was ever targeted again by those 'heinous brutes'.
Sweetie had been taking a casual interest in her sister's incantations, but the older pony's over-elaborate and time consuming preparation to master these skills didn't seem worth the effort. The young unicorn had turned down overtures to become her older sibling's sparring partner for the day, preferring instead to stick to traditional spellcasting, like picking up brooms.
Now, she was beginning to wish she'd paid more attention to Rarity's iterations, particularly the whole 'changeling spell' segment.
Scootaloo however, wasn't so sure this was necessary. "Changelings don't live in the Everfree, you doofus. Have YOU ever encountered one there before?"
Sweetie thought over all the times she'd been loitering near the dangerous forest, without adult supervision and always without permission. "Well, no, but there's a first time for everything. That place is so dark and spooky and full of nasty things already, would it really be much of a stretch for a new batch of changelings to colonise the area?"
That made Scootaloo think for a minute, and she realised her friend could very well be right. Her pupils turned into pinpricks in their sockets, and despite it's value to her, she began swinging her scooter at the strange Diamond-Tiara-shaped figure in a defensive manner.
"Sweetie Belle, get Apple Bloom to safety. I'll hold off this thing for as long as it takes the guards to get here. If I don't survive, tell Rainbow Dash I'm still her number one fan, winning the Sisterhooves Social with her was a blast, and I'm sorry I left the mayonnaise out of the fridge last time I was round." The orange pegasus carefully eyed the form in front of her, as if expecting an attack.
"Will do, Scoots. Come on, Apple Bloom. We have to alert the soldiers we have an imposter in our midst and find out what it's done with the real Diamond Tiara!" Sweetie's voice cracked with a mixture of exhilaration and urgency.
"Look, you girls don't understand." Bloom pleaded "If you'll just take five minutes to..."
"Uh Oh..." Scootaloo remarked, with a shake of the head "I was afraid of this".
"Afraid? Of what...?" Sweetie Belle was confused. No change there, then.
"Those sneaky changelings. Not only are they highly adaptable, but they're also always developing new powers. It said so in 'The National Hayquirer' last week. So, we know it's fact. Why would they be willing to put their license at risk by publishing lies? " Scootaloo was one-hundred percent sure of her source.
"What are you getting at?" Sweetie was starting to develop a migraine.
"It means... Our friend Apple Bloom here, has most likely been hypnotized." Scootaloo said that last word, as if it was the most dire thing to ever befall ponykind.
"WHAT?! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you'd just hear me out for a second..." Apple Bloom protested vehemently.
Sweetie Belle though had caught Scooterloo-itis. Symptoms included: Recklessness, jumping to wild conclusions and ignoring all forms of logic. It was a highly contagious disorder, and one which was very hard to cure once delirium sets in.
The white unicorn was starting to feel the full effects. "Oh no, what do we do...?" She wailed.
"Take her away yourself, by force if necessary. I'll keep the creature at bay until help arrives..." Scootaloo's initial fear had been firmly replaced with a real sense of duty now.
She felt strong, resilient...This was her purpose now. To keep Ponyville safe from this new strain of changeling, she set the scene in her head. The crowds chanting her name during the parade. Standing on that pumpkin float, waving. Rainbow Dash wandering over to pin a medal on her chest. "You did good, kid..." She'd whisper. "You did good."
She could even become a superhero like the ones Spike read about in his comic books. 'The Avenger On Wheels...' 'The Too Cool For School Bruiser..." "The Scooting Rooting Tooting..."
Hmm... That last one could do with some work.
Still ANY alias was better than 'The Mysterious Mare Do Well.'
Whatever happened to that pony, anyway?
While the orange pegasus was lost in her fantasy of fame, glory and bad secret identity titles, Sweetie was trying to pull Bloom away from the scene.
The farm filly, thanks to years of farm labour, was stronger than her unicorn friend, but Sweetie had one distinct advantage over her fellow Crusader.
And, seeing as how exerting physical pressure wasn't having much effect, the unicorn filly decided to utilise her trump card there and then.
"Hey!" Apple Bloom found herself surrounded by a strange green aura, and felt herself being dragged away from her standing position. She looked up, and saw Sweetie's horn a-glow. This could only mean...
Despite her frustrated frame of mind, Bloom couldn't help but be impressed. Picking up Pipsqueak was one thing, but to be able to transport a larger filly her size, against her will... That was impressive.
Still, it didn't change the fact that the white unicorn's magical breakthrough was coming at the expense of her putting her friends right about their huge misunderstanding. She'd congratulate Sweetie later, now, it was time to put them right on a few things.
" Stop!! Just pay attention to me for a darn second. I haven't been brainwashed... That is Diamond Tiara over there... You two have got completely the wrong end of the stick. If you'd just put me down, and give me an opportunity to explain..." Bloom's exasperation was really getting the better of her now.
Sweetie, still holding the farm filly in her magical grasp, and Scootaloo, still edging towards a now highly irate Tiara, took a moment to glance at each other, before falling into spontaneous laughter.
"Wow, those changelings sure scrambled your brains good, Apple Bloom!" Scootaloo snorted, while still keeping an eye on her prey. "When you wake up later on after all this is over, you're going to feel so silly!"
"Yeah, I mean... How can that thing possibly be Diamond Tiara?!" Sweetie pointed a hoof at the alleged changeling. "I mean, just look at it..."
"It's got no tiara..." Scootaloo started the list of inaccuracies.
" It's stolen one of your spare bows..." Sweetie Belle continued.
"I bet it injured itself during it's initial assault!" Scootaloo observed the bandage.
"It doesn't have a single trace of shampoo or conditioner on." Remarked Sweetie.
"And you want to know what the REAL deciding factor was?" Scootaloo announced, smugly, sounding like Prancy Drew. " The thing that REALLY told us we were dealing with a doppelganger and not the bona fide article?"
"...Huh? No?" Sweetie was a little dazed, both at what this 'deciding factor' could be, and what all those weird sounding words meant.
"Well here it is..." Scootaloo was ready for her big moment. "Would Diamond Tiara, the prissiest, vainest, most self absorbed filly in all of Ponyville, be seen in public looking so dirty and smelly? I mean, I know she's turned over a new leaf now, and we're friends. But come on. Ponies don't change that much..."
"Oh yeah, when you put it like that, I guess it all does make sense..." Sweetie was swayed by the orange pegasus's 'brilliant' detective work.
Apple Bloom was unable to move her legs due to the constraints of her magical field, but if she could she'd have given herself the mother of all facehooves.
There would be no reasoning with this pair of dunderheads now. Lost in their delusions as they were, she was just going to have to hope that events transpired in a way which would teach them a lesson...
And, as it turned out, they did.
You see, all throughout this farce, Diamond Tiara had been like a kettle full of water.
First, she was tepid during the initial questioning.
Then, as they manhandled her person, she became lukewarm.
When they compared her to one of those awful monsters, she was hot.
Finally, when Scootaloo called her all those horrible names...
And Sweetie Belle tried to take Apple Bloom away...
Her new emotional crutch...
It happened.
Boiling Point.
Streams of lava devastating the landscape.
Evacuate all survivors.
Mares, fillies and colts first.
"SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! YOU NINCAMPOOPS!" That was the first time anyone had heard a peep out of Diamond Tiara in a good five minutes, and so shocked were Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle that respectively, they dropped their scooter and equine loads in surprise.
"I'M NOT A CHANGELING! I'M A PONY! MY NAME IS DIAMOND DAZZLE TIARA!! THE REASON I'M NOT WEARING MY TIARA IS BECAUSE I LEFT IT AT HOME!!! I'VE GOT A BOW ON BECAUSE APPLE BLOOM, THE ONLY ONE OF YOU WITH ANY BRAINS IN THOSE EMPTY VACUUMS YOU CALL SKULLS BY THE WAY, HAS LOANED ME ONE!! I HAVEN'T PUT ANY PRODUCTS ON IS BECAUSE I WAS IN A HURRY THIS MORNING!! AS TO WHY I'M SO 'FILTHY AND SMELLY' NOW..." She yelled at the top of her voice, even outdoing her tantum from earlier that morning.
"Is because you..." She stabbed a hoof at Scootaloo, who'd now retreated to huddle alongside Sweetie in the face of this verbal onslaught "ARE THE WORST DRIVER EVER!! HONESTLY, ISN'T IT BAD ENOUGH YOU CAN'T EVEN FLY... YOU USELESS FEATHER BRAINED..."
"DIAMOND!!" A loud voice was heard above the parapets, one that was so rarely raised that when it was, everypony took notice.
Including Tiara, in the middle of her seemingly unstoppable tirade. It was Apple Bloom.
The pink filly took a moment to turn away from the two targets of her aggression. "What?" She snarled.
"What... What did you just say?" Bloom seemed slightly morose, her tone a mixture of disappointment and sadness.
What did she just say, indeed. Tiara really wasn't keeping track. In her rage, she just kind of let her mouth run. She tried to recap her words.
Nincompoops. That was a good one!
Not a changeling. That was true.
Reasons for my current appearance. Dead straight!
Vacuums in skulls. I'll have to write that down!
Scootaloo not being able to drive. HA! Don't I know it.
Scootaloo not being able to fl...
All at once, the world came to a standstill.
Every ounce of anger, bitterness and resentment left Diamond Tiara's system.
Oh, no...
What had she...
Her eyes instantly flashed to the orange pegasus.
Scootaloo was just standing stock still...
Over her fallen scooter...
Being hugged by Sweetie Belle...
A single rivulet of water rolling down her cheek.
In Tiara's peripheral vision...
She also caught Apple Bloom looking at her...
What was that strange expression in her eyes?
Hatred?
Sympathy?
Regret?
She had no idea.
One thing WAS for certain, though.
She'd just burned all her bridges...
By repeating...
The worst thing she'd ever done.
Losing her temper was no excuse.
She'd made a promise to Applejack.
The mare who was more like a mother to her...
Then her real one ever was...
And she'd blown it.
Blown her second chance.
Nopony would want her now...
Her old life was gone...
Her new life had just come to an end.
She was a disgrace.
A lost cause.
Irredeemable.
The CMC were wrong..
She couldn't be 'Somepony Else'.
She would always be rotten, nasty, spoiled old Diamond Tiara.
They'd tried so hard...
And she'd failed them.
She didn't deserve to be in their presence.
She had to get out of there.
Right now.
And, so...
Through a curtain of tears...
The pink filly fled the scene...
Leaving behind three former friends...
And two barely heard words.
"I'm sorry."
Honestly, the new paragraphs at the end of every sentence are pretty jarring.
I was reading your story with the proper amount of immersion one would expect.
Then the paragraphs appear.
Are you trying to make the chapter look longer?
Or are you simply thinking that the new paragraphs after every sentence provide a dramatic flair?
Whatever it is, I think it'd be better for the story if you didn't do that.
Also, Bold face and Italics work just fine for a character raising their voice.
6719231 Interesting advice there.
When I eventually get round to proof-reading this chapter, I might just change a few things.
Not the paragraphs, though.
Everyone likes a bit of dramatic flair after all...
Right?
Diamond, seriously, if you could have chosen any course of action designed to frighten Scoots and Sweetie more than they are already, none would be more effective than apologising to them!
Ooooo... oooo... oh wow... that was intense, jeebus DX CMC, why u do dis?
Nice job!
Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo. You done bucked up now.
Sweetie and Scoots sure do love jumping to conclusions.
Yes, the CMC are idiots. And why didn't AB approach them FIRST to explain the situation before bringing in DT?
6719865 Wait till you get to the later chapters... You may want to evascirate her...
6719601
Gibbs slap for
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A Gibbs slap for
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And a Gibbs slap for to complete the set.
i.imgflip.com/dqj1p.gif
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle have nopony to blame but themselves.
Had a feeling it was going to go there...poor Diamond.
I say Spoiled Rich is most at fault for this situation and what just happened.
Hmmm. Not a good situation.
Oh, boy..... Actually, I didn't wanted to answer and to give you feedback here anymore, but with this chapter you're really done goofed.
I just can't be quiet about this.
So, you believe that it's realistical that Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle would seriously think that Diamond Tiara is a changeling just because she doesn't wear her tiara, because she has a bow in her mane, because her mane isn't styled and because she's covered in mud? That they wouldn't even come to the conclusion that she maybe has gotten the bow from Applebloom?
And also that Scootaloo would really overlook that she threw Diamond Tiara into the mud by almost knocking her down with her scooter?
And that both of them are not smart enough to realize that, if Diamond Tiara would be a changeling, said changeling would definitely not be so lazy with its appearance, but perfectly imitate Diamond Tiara, because they are natural infiltrators? And that even after they made (together with Applebloom) personal experiences with changelings?
All of their behavior here is OOC. You portray them as complete idiots.
Worse, you wrote Applebloom OOC too, by letting her calling them idiots in her thoughts. Applebloom..... calling her two best friends, who she owes a lot of things and who she values so much, "idiots".
And you did that to write a joke scene, where Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle get Diamond Tiara to have a rage fit with completely annoying and exaggerated behavior.
Writing characters OOC for the sake of humor is one of the #1 sins you can commit as as an author.
6720351 I think we've established by now you're an obsessed fanperson of a certain other writer, with a real grudge against me just because I disliked the ending of one of their stories...
So I don't just take your criticisms with a pinch of salt, but an entire tankard.
If anyone wants to see why this reviewer lacks any kind of credibility in my eyes...
Cast your browser back a few pages on the comments sections to the little debate I had with them that seemed to go on all night... And prepare some popcorn. It's FFUUNN.
So, no I don't think I 'goofed'. You 'goofed' thinking I have any interest in anything you have to say.
Besides, most everyone else seems to be enjoying my story... You can't please everyone, dude.
Keep on posting here if you like... but due to your track record of lies, hypocrisy and idiocy expect me to respond with the same kind of rejection that I am now. Ciao
I kinda want to take Sweetie Belle of my knee right now and warm her bottom. I get that she knew something was amiss but she refused to listen as an explanation was being given to her. I hope Applebloom will forgive Diamond Tiara next chapter because her friends where just plain rude here.
eh, could be better. Not the best but not the worst. It's okay, just not my type of story
6720387
EDIT: I saw that you got banned. So, guess there's not much point for that advice here anymore. I still leave it here, in case you should return somehow.
Okay..... I'm only saying this once:
Just because you thought my initial sentence of the first of my comments was rude or harsh, doesn't mean my advice isn't sincere and valuable. The comment, as I already explained, expressed that the story has a lot of flaws, but that there is also something good. That's why "It's not entirely bad." Of course I could have just said "It's not entirely good." but this would have given the impression that it's mostly good and only a few little things bad. Same for "It has potential, but needs work." and similar phrases. While "It's not entirely bad." expressed exactly what I felt when reading it and how the Good vs. Bad ratio in your story is.
Maybe a little harsh..... but I never hold back with my criticism (which frankly no author minded so far, except for you, maybe you should think about if you are a tad bit too sensitive in regards to criticism?) and that's the only way how an author improves, by telling him bluntly and straight forward the mistakes in his story.
And that's what I did here:
You wrote Applebloom so good first..... And then you write all three of them completely OOC for the sake of making a joke.
This is not my preference that I don't like to read this, this is an objective flaw where you misportrayed their personalities, something on which you should work on if you want to write good stories.
Not for me and not for anyone else, but for the sake of the objective quality of your story.
Again, even if you reject what I say, because you got all worked up by the way I wrote one sentence, my advice is still an objective one that gives you feedback how to improve your story and to throw out the mistakes you made.
So, if you reject it, you also reject valuable and objective advice how your story can get better. If you realize one day that certain aspects of it "suck", then don't come complaining to me, because I tried to help you and you dismissed it as unimportant, cause you reacted sensitive to my feedback.
I wonder why I got 2 thumbs down for essentially saying I was going to read, with renewed interest, the part where Spoiled starts her attack in court against Twilight and her friends.
6721993 K I gave Carol a call...
toyhypeusa.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/Wishlist-Wednesday-McFarlane-Toys-The-Walking-Dead-Carol-Figure-In-Wolves-Disguise-Figure.jpg
Look at the flowers, biotch!
You know, I just thought of the best way to handled Spoiled. STINKING RICH deciding to come out of retirement after finding out what a spineless piece of shit his son is and just what the hell his "Daughter" in-law is doing, taking back control of his company from his son, all assets included, meaning that Spoiled Bitch has no money to do anything with, meaning Mayor Mare and others don't have to fear her anymore.
6721260
I'd have liked to see this good story continued and finished. It's sad the author reacted like this. Another dashed hope...
6724725
I liked the general idea of Diamond Tiara moving in with Applebloom and frankly, he did somewhat well with the story once she had arrived, as opposed to the sappy start. But then I lost my interest in it when he wrote Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, and even Applebloom to boot, so OOC in the latest chapter by portraying Scoots and Sweetie as dumb, paranoid little idiots and by portraying Applebloom as somepony who thinks condescendingly about her two best friends who mean so much to her and helped her so much, in order to set up a joke.
That was the breaking point for me, so I'm not missing this story.
Also, the only reason why he wrote this story is because he didn't like the end of RarityEQM's "Aftermath" and he wanted to upstage her by writing his own take, pretending he can do better, there I'm sure. From the very start, this story was most likely just there for that, to make him feel superior over another author because the end of her story disappointed him.....
Still, the idea of Applebloom and Diamond Tiara living together is nice (them sleeping together in one bed, though!)..... I wonder if the site rules allow it to take over a story by an author who got banned, even if the author can't give his agreement to it anymore? Then someone could continue it.
6724831
I was also looking forward for what was yet to be written, and it's sad to see a story stopped just for one moment in one chapter.
6724843
There's a misunderstanding here. deadpansnarker didn't leave because of the story and the critiques he received.
There is no option for a user to terminate his/her account here.
He just got banned coincidentally, for a reason I don't know.
6724913
There is no misunderstanding. Deadpansnarker has been banned, meaning he can't continue writing this story on this site. Because of a quarrel in the comments.
6724999
A quarrel in the comments led, as far as I know, never to a ban of a user here and is not against the rules. And while he was not interested in my feedback and reacted quite childish on it, he didn't become insulting or something like that, so, the ruckus here was most definitely not the ban reason.
6725054
Still sad that this had to happen to a good and promising fic.
6725061
Okay, now I got curious and just checked the site rules and there is the rule of "no personal attacks" and in his last comment he called me an "obsessed fanperson", said that I lack credibility as reviewer, even openly encouraged others to make fun of me and called me an idiot to top it off.
Which falls all under "personal attacks" so his last comment here could be the reason, now that I think about it.
I'm a bit surprised by this, actually. There happen lots of nasty comments here on FIMFiction.net and so far, I've never seen a consequence for something like this happen. Apparently, the mods here do survey comments sections very closely (assuming the comment here IS the ban reason).
6725111
6725061
Has nothing to do with comments on this story. Don't spread misinformation.
6726219
I'm not spreading anything. I was just speculating what might have been the reason.
6725061 Wait. The story is not going to be finished? How come?
6734951
Who knows, people get banned for all sorts of stupid shit and the people who really should get banned get pats on the back more often than not (I still see the same trolls every week around here). Maybe he deserved it, maybe he didn't.
6725111
Calling you an obsessed fanperson was not a personal attack, going by your comments here, that was the level truth. You have been harassing this author over something said in another story, which you really should have taken to PM. The only reason to come to this story and discuss it in public is some sort of public shaming or bait attempt where you would appear blameless as the author was incited by insinuation and outright accusation, and their resulting anger leading to their loss of reputation and face, or perhaps some juicy tidbit of rage that they might have the po-po called upon them for.
I see it happen a lot in this... community. Either way, whether your intentions were pure or revenge-driven, you did start this and you should have kept it in PMs or simply left the matter in the other story's comments if the other author allowed extraneous arguments and such. It's a matter of courtesy to us all that you do not spill it over where it's unwelcome and public.
God knows I've spent the last three years plus doing exactly that, so I've got a damn good idea of what I'm talking about. Please keep this in mind for the future.
It's actually spelled nincompoops.
6719896 You. I like you.
I blame the mother and the father the most. The mother gets 95% of the blame . The father only gets 5% of the blame because he did try to raise his little girl right.
I have to agree with the sentiment that this chapter's a bit over-inflated with one line paragraphs. A little separation is good, but I think you could probably reduce that by half and probably still keep most of the impression.
7068278 Don't worry, it gets better. I am just learning my trade, after all...
...honestly don't blame hr for losing her cool -_- The girls were being kinda dumb.
The last part of that chapter? Oy. Ee. VEY!!!
Oh, Diamond... Scoots is in the wrong here.
Scootaloo, why?
6719601
She didn't get a chance. She was going to explain when she saw them but they were so busy crying changeling that they refused to listen to anything until diamond blew her top. And I don't blame her they were very rude towards her.
SCOOTALOO???? WHY!!!!! YOU DIDN’T EVEN LISTEN TO DIAMOND’S STORY!!! YOU JUDGED THE BOOK BY ITS COVER!!!!!!! NOW YOU’VE LOST A FRIEND!!!! WHY IN EQUESTRIA, NO, EQUIS DID YOU DO THAT??????
6719601
Yeah, that would’ve made sense. It was all THREE of their faults.
6719601
Because she didn't think they would that extreme of a reaction
well that did happen to shining armor at his wedding