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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is a nitpick on style, but it's a good idea to avoid weasel words such as 'possibly' when you narrate. It's fine if a character isn't entirely sure from their perspective, but when god speaks, he speaks in absolutes. Remember that.
Funnily enough, back in the days of wooden ships, sailors would store dead officers in whiskey barrels to preserve their bodies until they could get back to shore. One of the more famous cases was that of Admiral Horatio Nelson, the slain commander of the British forces that wiped out the combined French and Spanish (Bourbon) fleet at Trafalgar.
It looks like he's talking to himself. Reserve quotation marks for speech. Italics will suffice for character thoughts.
Sarcastically I'd guess. You described him in rather unflattering tones.
Ohhh, I get it! It's a title, right?
So a pegasus then. I could do with some more description to be sure though.
In the future, go for metaphors instead of similes, they flow much better in prose.
Taking his capture quite well. Then again, the poor salt has been away from sexual comforts for quite some time. He must be very lonely.
So, a monocle, then?
Teachable moment: when you can cut unnecessary words, you must do so. I'm glad you used metaphor but redundant language is a real immersion breaker for the reader. How about we say:
Better, but we can still improve this to really paint a picture for the reader with a metaphor:
Not a great metaphor I wrote, but you get the idea. The rejection is the knife.
Oh, cool. He's an equal opportunity pirate! Best kind.
Is Velvet a robot or something? Oh, one more question: how did we get from throwing Rye overboard to throwing Lace overboard?
My best interpretation of this scene is that Velvet used demon powers to make Rye throw a comrade overboard to her death. I still have to wonder why Spyglass is so concerned for the well-being of Lace in the last sentence. Spyglass seemed pretty gung-ho about tossing Rye overboard...
I'm really not trying to be a jerk, but I'm guessing you're a young person and new to writing. At least, you're writing at grade school level. Go here for some basic advice on improving and give it another try.
Good day.
For the record, your eye-catching short description drew me to your story. That was a smart piece of clickbait! Well done.