Nightmare Night

by Ugly-Duckling123

ch 1

The six of them had just gotten away from the monster that was in the tunnel and that sticky web.

Now Spike, Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Twilight were on a cliff above the applefarm over looking the corn maze.

Suddenly there was an evil laugh and something which was hanging from one of the branches of the trees unclipped itself and rushed right over their heads, making them scream.

Pausing in the air for a moment, right in front of the moon a silhouette the six friends were quite familiar with was seen, before the being swooped back down targeting Spike's costumed second head.

The six friends were all really scared now. All clumping together shivering their eyes on the one thing they wished they'd never have to see in real life ever again. With that messed up mane and tail, those red eyes, those fangs, and those bat wings...

Flutterbat.

All around her Vampire Fruit Bats were flying around ready to do what ever she wished.

But just as Fluttershy was about to send them to spit out some of their apple seed's at her friends to scare them even more she realized that her friends weren't having any fun at all.

"Oh my," she said coming to the ground, wings lowered and ears folded back as she came out into the light still wearing Rarity's dress "I am so so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Fluttershy?" they all cried confused. Last time when Fluttershy was like this the Bat's instincts had more control then the ponies was.

Then again this was Nightmare Night and Rarity did say she had a Vampire Fruit Bat costume.

"It was you the whole time?" Rainbow asked shocked.

"I can't believe it," Twilight said stepping forward smiling.

"That. Was..." Rarity began.

"THE BEST THING EVER!" Pinkie screamed a smile on her face.

"It was way more terrifying the the most terrifying thing I could of thought of," Rainbow Dash said spinning around her friend happily, confused as to not seeing where the pony ended and the costume began. Then again Rarity was the one to make it and she was the best costume designer in the whole of Equestria.

"You out-nightmared the scariest part of the corn maze," Applejack said amazed knowing it was true since it was her family that did it.

"How did you do all this?" Twilight asked coming over now.

"After you left I realized I wasn't ready to give up on Nightmare Night," Fluttershy said walking away slightly until she was back in the shadows a bit more. "So I asked Granny Smith if I could try and make the corn maze even scarier for my friends."

"You came up with all of this?" Rainbow asked just to clarify.

"I had some help," Fluttershy said just as the three glowing ghosts appeared, turning out to only be bed-sheets only hovering because there were birds in there.

"Angel was the scary figure that kept scurrying after you in the corn maze," she said as her pet rabbit popped up on her head dressed as a vampire too, his black and red cape blowing in the wind as he took a bow.

"Fuzzy-Legs made the sticky wall that made it difficult to see and move," Fluttershy continued as a spider came out of her mane and saluted her friends, getting a salute from Applejack.

"And of course Harry was the especially scary monster," she finished as the monster from the cave came over and took of it's mask revealing to be Fluttershy's bear friend.

"Wow..." Twilight said amazed "That. Was inspired."

"You have to do this every year," Pinkie said getting agreements from everyone else.

"We... could celebrate Nightmare Night together every year," Fluttershy said avoiding her friends eyes leaning to the left a bit as if weighing her options. "But the truth is I really don't want to." she said lowering her head, but keeping the Vampire Fruit Bat costume on her red eyes looking to the ground.

"You don't?" Pinkie asked sitting on her tail so she didn't roll away on her roller-skates.

"But you've done it," Rarity said coming over to help with the costume to which Fluttershy backed away a bit more. "You've found a way that we can all have a fabulous time together," she said letting Fluttershy be as she looked to everyone else.

"Yes but... I've also realized something," Fluttershy said folding her wings, confusing Rarity, sure that she made the wings on her Vampire Fruit Bat costume to be stiff, meaning that they shouldn't be able to fold like that.

"You may all love Nightmare Night," Fluttershy said surrounded by her animal friends and now some Vampire Bats as they were hanging from the trees eyes on the other ponies. "And I may be good at being a part of it. But it's no fun for me seeing my friends feel like they're in danger. Even if I know they're not. I really don't like it. It's just not my cup of tea."

"Scary tea?" Pinkie said in a spooky voice coming over with a torch to her chin.

"No. Just regular tea," Fluttershy said smiling and pushing Pinkie gently away on her skates. "We do lots of fun things together. But I'm afraid that this just isn't gonna be one of them. Actually I'm not afraid. I'm perfectly fine with it." she said standing tall smiling.

"Then we are too," Twilight said as everyone came together and Harry gave everyone one big bear hug, as the Vampire Bats flew back to their sanctuary sensing that they weren't needed anymore.

"Well better be getting back to the corn maze before them kids start believing that story about the bones being of ponies who didn't make it out cause we've been gone for so long," Applejack said going to the cave entrance followed by everyone but Fluttershy who asked Harry to show everyone the way out "You coming Sugarcube?" she asked.

"Oh no thanks Applejack," Fluttershy said smiling opening her wings again with glee "I've still got to return Rarity's costumes remember?" she said flapping her wings a 'please believe me' smile on her face not quite detectable in the light where she stood, confusing Applejack because she was sure she saw Rarity close and lock up her store before they all set off that night "I'll just fly to the Boutique from here, and see you tomorrow."

"Ok be careful now then," Applejack said as she set off back down the tunnel.

---

As the girls, and Spike, were arriving at the Boutique after getting out of the maze, they were all confused even more by the fact that it was locked shut, that there was no lights on or even warm telling them that they had been on recently.

Opening the door Rarity prepared her horn just in case something was waiting in the dark as she switched the lights on. But nothing was there. Just the Vampire Fruit Bat costume that looked completely untouched.

"But that doesn't make any sense," Twilight said getting her voice back first. "We all saw Fluttershy dressed as Flutterbat right?" she asked getting nods.

"May be Fluttershy made her own Flutterbat outfit and that's why Rarity's one is still here, in her locked lights obviously been off for the last few hours store," Pinkie suggested at last taking off her skates.

"Er... guys?" Spike spoke up thinking of something "Did you find it off that the Vampire Bats were there to help Fluttershy? And that the way she ripped off my second head was exactly like how she snatched up the apples when she got turned into one? And how about how she kept trying to stay in the shadows?"

"I would think that she acted like that just to keep up the act Spike," Rarity called from the changing room taking off her costume.

"Yeah and the bats probably acted like that because cause of her they get to have their own apples," Applejack said unbraiding her tail.

"I agree with Spike," Rainbow said keeping her costume on a bit longer, only taking off the helmet "Something just... didn't seem right with Fluttershy back there... You don't think she can still turn into a bat... do ya Twi?"

---

Once Applejack was gone Fluttershy looked to her small animal friend who were beside her, Harry still in the tunnel and asked "You don't think they suspected anything do you?" she asked worried speaking of her pony friends, happy to get shakes of the heads from everyone.

"Oh good, now come on, Nightmare Night's still on, and I really don't want to be out here anymore," she said opening her wings and taking off once everyone was ready.

First place she actually went was to see the Vampire Bats to thank them for their help, even though they weren't needed.

The leader of the bats squeaked 'Your Welcome', followed by all the other bats, some even bowing slightly.

With that Fluttershy flew back to her cottage.

---

Flying home, Fluttershy got there much quicker than normal.

Opening the door and letting herself in Fluttershy made it up to her room unknowingly snatching an apple as she passed the fruit bowl, not minding the discarded apple cores or apple seeds that were all over the floor of her room.

Then looking out the window, to make sure no pony was there to see her, Fluttershy closed her red eyes as her body began to glow slightly.

When she opened them again, her mane was back to normal, her eyes were back to being teal-green, her ears were back to being pony ears, her wings back to being feathery instead of stretched skinned ones, and her fangs were gone. Well except for the one that was a reminder from when she first became Flutterbat.

"Hmm... Happy Nightmare Night everypony," she said finishing the apple, licking her lips of the juice and running her tongue over her fang, discarding the core and the seeds, and then slipping under her bed to wait it out until morning.

Comments

[NebulaNyx]

If you are going to do a retelling try to change a bit more then just having a small scene where they find a costume still hanging up. You didn't actually change anything, in the story or add anything significant.

As the girls, and Spike, were arriving at the Boutique after getting out of the maze, they were all confused even more by the face that it was locked shut, that there was no lights on or even warm telling them that they had been on recently.
Opening the door Rarity prepared her horn just in case something was waiting in the dark as she switched the lights on. But nothing was there. Just the Vampire Fruit Bat costume that looked completely untouched.

If you took this part out, it would just be the same as the episode. This is the only thing you really wrote for yourself. The rest is just the same as the episode.
This was disappointing, I was hopping for more.
A good idea that is sadly fails to get anywhere near its potential.
If you were a new writer you could maybe get away with this, but your not. This is your 17th story. We all know you can do Much better then this.

[Ugly-Duckling123]

6481734 'You have a go then' is what I will say first...

Next, it had to go as the story went or it wouldn't of worked
Third, I did mix it up a bit, with the vampire bats being there to aid Flutterbat (they weren't there in the episode)

And finally (though I'm not sure why I'm doing it after what you said) 'Thank you for believing I can do better'

After a few more comments or whatever if they agree I may redo it...

[NebulaNyx]

6481783 Please just know I was not trying to be rude or offend you in anyway. I just don't think you were really putting your best effort into this. Oh and fair enough regarding the bats. I thought they were just a part of the scene. For some reason I remember seeing them there with Fluttershy.
But again, you can Defiantly do better. We have seen you write good stuff before and while i have not read many of your stories, I do know you can do better work then this.
My recommendation is rather then re-telling the story, focus on the changes, don't repeat stuff the show already did unless you have to. Focus on making it different. Let us see her friends reacting to finding the costume still hanging up, show us what happens as a result. Talk about how Fluttershy became a vampire fruit bat again. Maybe change what happens up on that cliff overlooking the corn maze. Don't just reuse someone else's story.
You have a really good idea here. Explore it. Use it. Show us what you can do.

[Ugly-Duckling123]

6481829 We all have off days...

This must just be my one. Thanks for saying that you have more faith in me and all that, but no matter how i look at it I just can't seem to change anything to this to fix it to how you're suggesting it should be.

If you want you can have it to try for yourself

[Ugly-Duckling123]

6481829 Ok (Thanks to a good night's sleep) I've added some more to this story, and I have also mixed up the order of the text

Hope you like it better now

[narusakufan]

That was good and something else.

[GuineaPigGal]

Wow! This was awesome! It seemed a little rushed but apart from that, great job!

[Ugly-Duckling123]

6729159 Thanks
Hoped you like it

[JazzyWaffles]

Personally I wish the episode had been more like this. At the very least, have her remove everything but her fangs, then maybe later have the fangs get shown again when she's under her bed at the end. Just a little detail like that would've been amazing.