How may I serve you?
“How may I serve you, Princess?” The waiter had a smile on his face, one almost identical to the other staff around him. And yet, the purple mare didn’t seem to notice, or care, as she ordered the same meal she had ordered for the last three weeks in a row. The waiter nodded, writing down the meal, and trotting to the counter to obtain it.
“What a day,” sighed Twilight to herself, closing her eyes for a moment to rest. While her friends would never be aware of it, their close call with the Breezies entrance closing had rattled her. Rubbing her forehead, she tried to get the haunting feeling of time running out from her mind. Shifting slightly in the seat, she blinked her eyes open as the tray of food was placed down in front of her.
“Seems like someone has had a rough day,” commented the waiter, giving an encouraging smile as he placed the bill on the table. Pulling out her bits, Twilight counted out the money, and heaved a sigh.
“Not so much rough as eye opening. To see something you need to reach for—and the fear you might miss it—it surprised me how much it has stuck with me.” Pushing the money over, Twilight let a grimace show on her face, watching the waiter place the money on top the check, and move to pick it up.
“Everyone comes hoof-to-hoof with that fear eventually, it’s one of the many experiences of growing up. You gotta have the courage to ignore those nagging doubts at times. Enjoy your meal.” Nodding once, the waiter picked up the meal, and meandered back to the counter. Watching him go, Twilight felt a slight easing in her mental awareness.
‘He’s right of course, doubts are something everypony has to deal with and overcome. I’ll just have to accept my fear, and move past it.’ Narrowing her eyes, Twilight nodded once, determined. While a part of her continued to prick and scrape at her mind, she ignored it, focusing all her attention on her Hay burgers.
“So good,” she spoke with a mouth full of food.
“How may I serve you, Princess?” As with every other week, the waiter greeted her with a friendly smile, and a notepad to write down her meal. Watching him already begin to write it down, Twilight knew what the waiter was writing down.
“The usual, as always.” Following their established tradition, Twilight watched the waiter go and obtain her meal, allowing her thoughts turn to Applejack. Smile fading slightly, she glanced out the window in the direction of the Apple farm. Heaving a mental sigh, Twilight wondered just how much parental protection was the right protection.
“Your order, madam.” Giving a bow, the waiter smirked, and Twilight rolled her eyes. Reaching down for her money, she began to speak, almost unbidden by the waiter.
“Applejack got extremely protective of Applebloom and caused her to act out in rebellion. I can’t help but wonder if she really was in the wrong for wanting to keep her sister safe.” Placing the money down, Twilight looked up to the waiter, who tilted his head.
“I wouldn’t say it was wrong to desire her safety, but a baby birds needs to be allowed to fly. You can’t keep kids in cages, they need to live and learn, like we all do. Of course, letting them roam free isn’t an option either, but it’s a parent’s job to find that balance, and they might not get it right.” Taking the money, the waiter bowed.
“Enjoy your meal.”
“How may I serve you, Princess?” Ordering the usual, Twilight barely had the energy to give her reply. The waiter paused briefly, but went and got her meal. Sighing, Twilight wondered just why talking with Pinkie Pie’s sister had been so exhausting. They had barely even done anything that would cause her to feel tired, physical or mental.
“I just don’t understand why she makes me so tired. I get we have a friendship based on our compassion for Pinkie, but why do I feel like she doesn’t even really like me that much.” Raising her head, Twilight looked to the waiter, who had been about to place her meal down. Coughing into his hoof, he placed the meal down as Twilight paid for her meal.
“Well, there’s people in society whom struggle to form relationships because of how they outwardly appear. Anypony different from the normal standard tends to struggle to trust those whom are normal because of this. It’s a cycle of mistrust that never really heals. I think.” Pursing his lip, the waiter shrugged, and took the money back to the counter.
“Enjoy your meal.” Watching him leave, Twilight mused on her old self, before she had moved to Ponyville. Thinking it over, she let a small smile fall on her face as she ate. Cycle of mistrust; that she could relate to.
“So yeah, both Luna and Sweetie share a jealousy of their sisters. I’ve never been envious of someone, I have had a pretty blessed life in that regard though.” Finishing her meal, Twilight noticed the waiter glancing toward the desk, and felt a slice of guilt for keeping the waiter here while she gossiped.
“I’m sorry, here’s the money.” Taking out the bits for her meal, she watched the waiter take it back to the counter. A little disappointed, she watched as the waiter served another customer, and quickly stopped by her table on the way back to the counter.
“Jealousy is unjust anger toward somepony else for what they have and you don’t. It’s more common than most ponies think.” Continuing on his way, the waiter returned to his job. Standing up, Twilight left, smiling as she felt more knowledgeable about the subject just from their conversation.
“How may I serve you, Princess?” Blinking, Twilight realised this was not her usual waiter, and glanced around. Ordering, she continued to look around, wondering if something had happened to her usual server.
“Your order, madam.” As her meal was placed down, and Twilight grabbed the money, she couldn’t help but voice her concerns.
“Do you by any chance know if the waiter who normally serves me is ok? I was surprised to not see him today.” Placing the money down, Twilight watched as the waiter picked it up, and gave a shrug.
“Oh that pony? Yeah, their mother’s in the hospital. Apparently she took a turn for the worse, and they took time off to see her. So sad. You know they're paying her hospital fees with this job?” As the pony left, Twilight looked to her meal, and felt her loss of appetite. Here she was, preaching her own problems, when that waiter has problems of his own.
“Enjoy your meal.”
Next week, her regular waiter was back, and she mumbled her order, watching the waiter go and obtain it. As it arrived, she already had the money on the table, and waited for their eyes to meet.
“I heard about your mother, is she ok?” Concern draped over her features, Twilight saw the emotions roll over the waiter’s face, before finally landing on a blank expression.
“Who told you about my family.” Strangely enough, the question was spoken like a statement, taking Twilight aback. Opening her mouth, she was about to answer, when the waiter placed his hooves on her shoulder, voice raising as his expression soured.
"I said, who told you about my family!" People began to notice the confrontation, and the waiter looked around, backing off slightly.
“Uh one of the other waiters, why? Is something wrong?” Tilting her head, Twilight watched the waiter glance around at the restaurant, and then give a mild swear, before leaning down.
“Listen, don’t ask about my personal life again. Please.” The tone was polite, but there was a hard edge behind it.
“What? Why? I only wanted to return the favor you did me for allowing me to talk about-“ Cut off, Twilight looked to the hoof holding her mouth closed.
“Listen, I am a private person. I don’t like people knowing about my life. I understand you like to talk out your problems, but please understand that my life is my own. So please respect my privacy.” Finished, the waiter took the money, and walked away.
“Enjoy your meal.” Looking to her food, Twilight’s ears flicked down, and she began to eat them sadly.
“I only…” Trailing off, she closed her eyes, and shook her head. Focusing, she quickly finished off her meal, slightly saltier than normal and a little watery, and turned, leaving the establishment.
Twilight did not go back the next week, or the weeks after.
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Trailing off, not tailing. Not sure if Twi wants to be tailing her thoughts.
Hmm, that waiter sounds a lot like me, or rather the old me which feels really odd since it makes me feel if I ever made other feel like Twilight did at the end. I hope not.
The ending feel like it should be continued but I guess it stands well enough on it's own.
6415145 Thought I grabbed those, lemme fix that.
6415346 I was trying to show that some people will share their life, and expect others to do so without realising that some may not want to tell people that stuff. I mean, some people don't like to talk out their problems, it makes them feel like complainers. Another experiment of mine essentially
6415457 I see. Well, I hope to see more of these experiments in the future.
6415469 A lot of my one shots are experiments. You could start there.
Makes you think about all the people we interact with. Thoughtful, though sad. Applicable to most every reader's experience, and possibly autobiographical?
Unsolicited critique: I can sense the impact that you were trying to make, but the punch feels pulled, somehow. I think the waiter could have acted more emotionally, shown more outrage, or tears, acted mortally hurt, etc. Additionally, and possibly more importantly, I feel that you gave too few sentences to Twilight's reaction. (Twilight stands in for the reader in your story and we feel her pain.) I can see that she could have been shattered, thinking that she had possibly found a new mentor, or even a new friend. More of a bang than a whimper being "taken aback" and "didn't go back the next week", to me at least. What did she think about it; what context did she put it in, as she had put the comments at the beginning of the story? I know your writing; it's incredibly strong; this might be a throw-away story, but there is heart to be found herein. It isn't my right to ask, but I'd very much like to see a few revisions to the ending. Pardon my temerity.
Some miscellanea:
4th pp: The sentence "To see something you need...” needs an em-dash or a semicolon instead of the second comma.
8th pp - last clause incomplete. Missing the word who? Incorrect verb writing?
Further down: because the subject of the introductory clause is singular, "baby birds need” would sound better if it were “a baby bird needs”
Hoof in mouth. She is a princess. This is a friendly gesture amongst friends. I don't think the waiter would do this. Raise is voice perhaps? Wave frantically? Just put up a hoof suddenly?
6415539 Alright, I'll make some revisions to make her reaction more shocked. When I have time.
6415539 Better?
6416369
I will give it a fresh read tomorrow. Btw, I love your tag line in the bio about readers. So true. Readers bring our stories to life.
6416581
It's based off the lego movie.
Overall, it's an improvement. Though the hoof in mouth is disrespectful toward a princess, it now makes more sense as Twilight insisted on prying against the waiter's warning. Now I understand he is consistently shallow and crass, and I can see that Twilight naively did not read him correctly. Now that I see that the substitute waiter addresses Twilight properly and he never does, his character is now consistent and predictable. (I may have missed that in my first read, or is that new, too?).
Twilight seems to read as a bit more effected by the incident than before, though I'm not seeing any change you may have made there. Where as I like implying her tears by making her food saltier, the food is already salty, so it comes off as a bit cute. My opinion, anyway.
BTW, "babys" in your revision should be singular. And in the third to last paragraph you have a pronoun fault: It's apparent that Twilight likes to eat her ears!
At this point, I think you've learned plenty from this story. Not sure another revision would be worth it. Waiting for the next one!
Though I love and have seen the Lego Movie multiple times, your reference went by me. I won't take it badly if you explain it to dense old me...
6420917
6422249 Got it. Still, your tag line does play to my heart. Readers are special.
6422756 Every single one of them.
If you want your privacy kept then keep your distance from your customers. Twilight may have overstepped his boundaries, but his mannerisms made her believe that they were more than strangers.
Huh. That was... surprisingly thought-provoking. I know this isn't the case, but I'm just going to shoot off my mouth for a second. I'm kinda thinking that the waiter is actually a changeling. Sick mother, pays with the job, the use of gender-neutral nouns to describe them, the controlled explosive reaction towards his family, the signs are all there. I know that this isn't the case but I would love to see something bloom out of this. My mind keeps running back to how Twilight never goes to the Burger Barn again, and I just can't help but see the potential of a great romance story here. Or heck, anything you could think of really! Maybe he could be discovered and she stands up for him, and they then start to pave the way to peaceful relations between the two races, maybe even having a budding romance in it to grow too. You could go Romeo and Juliet style, two star-crossed lovers forbidden to so much as see each other due to their cultural differences. There is an amazing amount of potential for this! But, such as the circle of life continues eternal, we all have lives of our own. I just recommend keeping this story in mind if you ever want something different to write, or you get bored. Whichever works.
7168909 You're welcome to write your own story based on it.
7169020 ... I think I just might... Maybe.
7169098 I look forward to it!
7169187 Might not be for a bit, buuuuut I've been getting a great deal of inspiration and it's re-ignited my interest in writing. A while back I went into a rut while writing my "core" story, I'm trying to do a bit of a multi-verse thing, and I just couldn't figure out how I wanted to do this one part so I kinda ended up on hiatus until I got rid of my writers block. But I think I've actually got an idea that's so crazy, it just might work. Welp, you know what they say. Fuck it, I'm going all-in.
(Edit: WOOHOO! I FINALLY FIGURED OUT THAT ACCURSED START!!!)
7169410
gl!
Huh. The ending feels kind of abrupt, but I feel like it was supposed to. I'm not sure I really got it, but I know there's something there to get. All in all, an interesting read.
This was an interesting read.