Twilight cast a spell and got herself turned into a filly. Luna has tricked Celestia into believing there is no cure, and now as Luna tries to 'find a cure' Celestia has to look after Twilight the Alicorn; filly version. And heaven knows Alicorns are not born often for a reason.
Traducción Española: https://www.deviantart.com/spaniard-kiwi/art/Potras-alicornio-de-alto-mantenimiento-y-tu-990270118
Very rarely do I do this, but... FIRST CHAPTER FAVORITE!
You have done a great job here.
~Dess
2266355
:D thanks I hope I made you laugh at least once ^_^
me like it!!!
faved and moustache for you
2266428
Well Celestia is already losing her patience. This can't end well.
1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ffuuka/board/m/image/1274/71/1274711803084.jpg
ONORE LUNA
An interesting idea written with a notable lack of care and expertise. There are several instances of the you confusing two words that sound the same with entirely different meanings.
For example:
>Celestia realised the filly wanted food as her mane began to rapidly disappear down her thought
>down her thought
>thought
So Twilight descended into the abstract plane of incorporeal musings and mental examinations, then? I believe the word you were looking for is "throat".
Sloppy writing, no other way about it. Chances are you misspelled "throat" and jumped on the auto-correct's first suggestion.
It got potential, I like it so far.
Keep the awesome work coming and always remember that your awesome!
2266632
Damn I always get that wrong. I'll try and fix that if I get time
2266698
Thanks~
2266632
Alright I quickly revised it, anything I missed?
"Luna has tricked Celestia into believing there is no cure"
why?....
"and now as Luna tries to 'find a cure'"
but you just said she said there was no cure , so how can they be looking for one then?.....
2266760
Your name, for one.
>Warewolves
What kind of ware? Hardware or software? Or were you thinking of "Werewolves"?
But seriously, there's plenty of mistakes and I don't feel particularly inclined to play editor. I'm sure that if you ask nicely enough someone will heed the call, but it won't be me.
2266769
Why? If I explained that it would ruin part of the story.
Let me say this, there is a cure, if you read the opening, Luna tricked Celestia into believing there isn't one In that book and got Celestia to look after filly Twilight while she went off to apparently 'search for a cure'
2266782
I am Warewolves, I will always be warewolves and I'm not going to go into how my name came into existence.
Fair enough, thank you for your time anyway.
2266784 ok just making sure the logic for this wasn't completely broken before decided to take a look....
2266893
Fair enough
Can't wait for chapter 2!
moar dude. MOAR.
Youth meat old man
2266792
Well, you didn't get all defensive or play the victim, so for what it's worth I'll wish you the best of luck in writing and, more importantly, learning about and expanding your writing.
2267727
I write TO learn how to write better. I love people telling me what I've done wrong, because then I can LEARN.
When people just say 'this sucks', well how the hell am I supposed to stop it from sucking if you don't tell me what about it sucks?
I write and write and write, and eventually maybe what people say will stick and I will improve because of it.
2267701
I know, translations are funny.
2267944 It's my new favorite quote.
2268015
Enjoy
2267791
A good writer can make an engaging story. A great writer may make a poor story, but will learn from their mistakes and improve each time.
Your issues seem to concern style and some word confusion. Both are best remedied by simply reading more. I would suggest Terry Pratchett, for his sly humour and instantly recognizable style.
2268368
It's more hand-to brain co-ordination
My brain works quicker then my fingers, and so have trouble forcing myself to slow down because doing that means I might lose that train of inspiration. Slowly but surely I'm working to remedy that behaviour, but it's the cause of most of my errors.
The only advice I can give you is, find an editor. There's something about this that doesn't seem quite right, but hell if I can figure out what.
2269555
Thought I had one, but turned out they haven't replied back in a while. And I'm tired of getting a 'one time' editor. Find me a thorough editor that isn't going to vanish and only appear once a week, and then we'll talk.
2268411
Editing is a wonderful, terrible thing. You should make use of it more often, since that would most likely solve your little issue..
2269628
I use three different editors, non person.
2269692
Then you need new ones, suffice to say.
2269844
Find me a good one to use then.
Potential, I LIKE IT!
enjoy it Twilight, while you can. Soon you get Molestia in this
2270096
Don't tempt me
I can see it now....Molestia Unbirthing everywhere.....
Please don't go the molestia route. She can punish Twilight and Luna enough using Trollestia methods.
How will Twilight's friends react to an infant Princess? Here are my guesses
Will think Twi is adorable
will laugh her wings off
She will be happy. or maybe will be sad. She is Pinkie. Happy is highly probable, but sadness is possible.
already had to deal with Sweetie Belle as a foal. Problably does not want to deal with a foal any time soon.
will simply shrug and move on with life
2270133
Jesus, whats wrong with thinking something is cute? Celestia is Celestia, not Molestia.
2270164 There is nothing wrong with thinking something is cute, (In my eyes, the only thing cuter than Fluttershy is one of the mane 6 as a filly).
I was just saying that I hope Molestia does not happen and guessing what the other five will think. Keep up the adorable Filly!Alicorn!Twilight antics.
2270191
Ya I meant no
Molestia is not in this story. Do the tags show any hint molestia would be in it?
SO CUTE! But annoying...
2270210
Who or ?
2270236
It seems strange to see Celestia behaving this way. I usually thought of her as a mother figure to her and Spike and all.
During nap time, you spelt filly as fully. Might want to fix that.
2270342
I see it more as Celestia is realizing she has to be more motherly if she wants to handle the tornado that is FILLY TWILIGHT ALICORN VERSION
2270360
:\ damn
2270364
Come on she handle Spike did she ? Then again he did't have magic but still acted like a normal baby with the ability to breath fire and all but still..
Filly Ali-Twi. Hm. ..... I like it. Take my green upthumb, sir.
Might want to look into getting a spare bedroomn for Twilight so your snoring won't wake her up Celestia.
2270375
I don't feel that Celestia raised spike myself.
2270609
2270652 I don't snore, Princesses don't snore. Sure Celestia, keep thinking that.
2269849 2269844
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/36233976.jpg
Seriously guys. You should stop arguing. Just shake hands (or hooves if you use ponysonas I guess) and agree to disagree.