• Published 3rd Oct 2015
  • 3,335 Views, 25 Comments

Hero - ShardsOfDream



Equestria has fallen, and a heroine rise to bring hope. But only if she can resist her lust and avoid becoming another submissive slave.

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Comments ( 14 )

You should continue on with this story; you're showing a lot of promise in this premise...

6489712
6489892
Who said anything about letting it die. I'll probably continued it in the sequel. Because as for now, I only have enough time for one-shots. (in fact, I kinda overshot my goal by 4K word, was hoping for a quick clop and setting the stage)

Well, I wouldn't introduce a bunch of characters for no reason at all, I'll probably write more, but not this week.

Solid story that did everything you set out to do. Too bad people see FoE and Oc tag and auto dislike.

6492713
I knew this story was never a good idea from the start. The whole thing fits pretty much every criteria for instant downvote. But perhaps that's what made it worth writing.

In a world where most of the population is female it seems unlikely that females would become heavily enslaved and abused. If you pay attention through the show pretty much 80% of the population is female while most of the males are in the guard from the looks of it due to the fact that there are no female guards so far in the show and so many guards in Canterlot alone. So its possible that thinking logically and realistically equines in this universe may have a genetic make up that some how makes it quite a bit more likely for a developing infant to be born a female rather than a male, leading to an almost entirely female society; however one where males are seen as being the ones to become warriors and defend the kingdom. With not all that many males being seen doing much else aside from more masculine jobs that require more manual labor. However in most other species so far seen there are very few females, if any shown. Which could mean that this is a world where most species and much more minor factions are male dominant while the world powers (for this example being Equestria and the Griffon Kingdom) are more female dominant.

This is just the observations of some random guy on the internet trying to use logic though, so don't listen to me if you don't want to.

I must admit I am not one for sexual based dystopian stories but when reading this for a change of pace and an unusual title despite FOE's brand being present, so far it was different. Different archetype than the usual detective for a corrupt government for a short while before he fell back into the land of cliche's along with the mare in question. Different ending which was a nice change of pace and earns the right not to be down voted instantly, which I never have done to my knowledge. But there is a serious need of an editor here.

6497127
Here's an upvote for your logic. I wasn't the one to come up with the whole slavery idea, but I decided long ago that I wouldn't be addressing that problem in logic in this story.

6497278
Could I tempt you with an offer of being my editor? I promise I'll be kind and there's cake!

Wait...

Is Nighthawk some kind of split personality to Moonlight? The bandage on the neck seems to point in that direction.

While vastly different, and indeed more tolerable than other stories from fall of Equestria. Read: filth. I respectfully must decline as one I still dislike FOE and two the workload, minor or major may in fact kill me at the busiest time of my year.

7800051 i may never get over the heartbreak of his death, but that may help to ease the pain.

8174261
It's actually my first written piece, since well... ever. (Or high school, if those school writing counts). If you can help, I'll be really grateful for it!

Hey, ShardsOfDream,

we were wondering if you would be okay with having your story added to Schorl Tourmaline's Real Fall of Equestria Fangroup.

Oi mate still want a sequel?

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