- Member Since 16th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
Little_Draco
Young, Clueless, a dragon with hunger for a hoard of knowledge but my hoard is to be spread with friends, families and more.
Little_Draco
Joined 16th Mar, 2012 ·
Offline
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I'm getting a Deadpool-ish kind of vibe from that summary. You have my attention.
8932953
Sorta but no 4th wall breaking, no healing factors or super powers and with a heavy heart, no chimichangas.
8932953
8933151
Honestly this seems like more of a Doomsday type of situation.
Welp- 🤷
8933252
How so? Like the end is coming thing? To be honest, I'm not even sure as my commissioner didn't reveal everything yet. 🤷
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Pretty sure they meant in the DC Villain sense. Doomsday is a creature whose backstory is relatively dark, but basically made it so he is immortal in that if he dies, he revives completely immune to how he died. His "immunity to being killed by" list eventually got so large in one comic series that the only way Superman could defeat him was to banish him to the end of time.
8933635
Dc sense... no... I know doomsday... and yes and no... I'm not sure yet...
the "a lot more scarier" should just be "a lot scarier", as adjective usage is either "more [adjective]" or "[adjective]er" depending on the adjective in question, in the instance of scary, it's scarier. Also unless Spike had multiple drinks, it should just be "They poisoned your drink." instead of "They poisoned your drinks" further down in that paragraph as Celestia goes on to establish that her drink was also poisoned. Having said that though love the chapter, love the premise. Keep up the good work and I hope to see chapter 2 soon
Well, I'm following this now. Also congrats on Being featured.
8934032
YUP! keeping track of this so keep it up :D
Dark comedy with sex? Sign me up!
When I first looked at the cover art, I thought it was the Death of Mice from Discworld.
"SQUEAK,"
Yes yes I realized what I was looking at on the second look but discworld came to mind first.
8934386
Cover art until I commission an artist.
8933681
It was multiple drinks... over time which is how his immune system failed. Just not noticed or seen
"aftertaste" is one word
Should be dilute, not delude. To delude is to deceive, but to dilute is to spread out and make lesser, to lessen the presence of.
Should be adolescence. Adolescents is the plural form of adolescent, essentially meaning a person who is going through adolescence.
caution, not cation. A cation is a positively charged ion.
too, not to.
mast, not mass. Unless someone's bleeding or has been cut or had part of their body removed, they're already at full mass. Though, I suppose, if you want, this one isn't technically incorrect as there isn't exactly a correct way of saying it without being completely blunt, unlike with the other examples. It's just more common for people to say "mast" there.
"onto" is one word
One of those two words is unnecessary. One of them needs to be deleted, but the sentence would be grammatically correct with either of them, as long as there's only one of them, so you choose which.
You need to put "a" before "hold"
This is a good and interesting story, and I would certainly like to see more. Though, just a little thing, given that dragons in this are also anthro, I'd recommend changing Spike's age to 18. The reason why is because in the site rules, under "Don't Post (Content)" the ninth rule is that you can't have sexual content involving human or anthro characters under 18. I personally don't care, it's just a recommendation due to site rules.
8934871
Spike is the anthro dragon we see as Garble and other teenage dragons. In truth, you can move around that. The ponies are different.
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I recommend fixing the spelling and wording errors pointed out.
8935104
I 'll give it a go.
Don't tell me the cover image is a Furvilla paintie. xD
8935442
Not sure...
Hmm...Interesting story,good luck.
And how much chapters are you planning?
Orange, silver, purple, month, ninth, pint, wolf, opus, dangerous, marathon and discombobulate have fun doing these words.
Orange: storage, door hinge(that's a cheat though) porridge, scavenge... need I go on? This is without using the internet.
Silver: quiver, shiver, ... words I could use in a story.
Purple: is a bitch ... as for the rest.... words less likely to use in a story, like 7/10 won't use. Still I could always look up cross languages where something native to zebracan cultrul or African cultrul could be used since she is derived from it. Please give me time to shoot your list down and prove you that rhyming easy tools for a clown.
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Not sure but commissioner wanted at least 5. After that not sure.
8934815
gotcha thank you i must have just misunderstood the context of the plural as it seemed to be referring to the event that had just occurred instead of a general recap. my apologies on that one.
Rhyming is fairly easy. Rhyming in couplets, now that’s the trick.
8934871
Damn, how did I miss all of that?!
8963643
Eh, we all make mistakes, and we all have flaws. To err is human.
With only 5 areas where mistakes were made left, out of nearly 6000, you did well enough. Given how few got past, I would say you're one of the better editors on this site.
8963673
For the record, this is only my second time editing anything for this site. Thanks for the compliment.
Spike is alive... just saying... Neighsay, eat lead while you wait for Celly to find you a nice room in La Hotel De Luna... The MOON Hotel!!!
9164239
Nope even the moon is too good for him.
It was kinda cute to see Neighsay getting so angry trying to kill Spike. Also moar!
9164256
... the sun
...’s core?
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derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/4/172492__safe_artist-colon-the+weaver_applejack_zecora_comic_greatest+internet+moments_hand_monochrome_orange_rhyme_simple+background_suddenly+hands_whi.png
Yay, new chapter
9164256
Trapped in a portrate in the middle of a multiracial village. with no method of magically breaking free.
Spike is OG in this chapter.
Spikes to op right now just saying but he is you made him immortal within two chapters so how fun will reading be unless he's! immune to physical and mortal weaponry now then magical and darker powers can still work
Great chapter.
9164957
Being immortal isn't op, in fact the next couple of chapters will explain that. He might not be able to fully die, but suffering is still something no one has to deal with.
9164389
Close... Very very close.
9165040
Ok
9165042
Statue?
9165090
Shhh.....🗽 but less beautiful.
To understand if a sentence makes sense with the commas, try removing the commas and what came inside the commas. For example "She once more reached up, this time brushed his face." As you can see here, you need an "and" before "this time," or you can not add the "and" and instead change "brushed" to "brushing." Also, check the inside of the commas. "The cloaked claw was also revealed to be dragon scales too" is fine aside from how the "too" at the end is made superfluous be the "was also" if it was a standalone sentence or statement, but it isn't. "and this time, the cloaked claw was also revealed to be dragon scales, brushed his face" it doesn't quite fit with the sentence. To make it fit, I suggest changing it to something like this: "and this time, with a cloaked claw also revealed to be dragon scales, brushed his face."
"you've" fits better, but it's not a necessary change.
"it" should be removed from the statement because the "one" used eight words ago is still in effect.
"Then, the" should be changed to "Then, when the"
One of these "will"s should be removed.
The shift in tense in this section of the sentence would be fine, if it were consistent. However, it isn't, and it should either be all past tense "leaned in and brushed her" or all present tense "leaning in and brushing her"
Either remove the comma between "symbol" and "the" or add a comma after "bit."
I'll probably post some more comments with errors in other places as well, but I felt the need to point out the errs in this first.
"endure" because "endured" is past tense.
"lives which touch"
Just "I see" because s/he already sees it.
worked
You forgot to end the paragraph with punctuation.
I personally think that it's better if it was "but it wasn't"
I think you may have accidentally deleted a portion.
9166225
4. No editor in time so im just winging it on a few sites.
I will take your edits to heart and work on them but that will be it soon.
to give/put some
remedy may
And so he knew that that is where the threat lied in.
over to a pitcher
left on the
This one doesn't quite work because acidic is an adjective while bitterness is a noun, and given its placement, both should be nouns. Basically, this should be "acid and bitterness" though if you wanted you could just remove the "and" so it would be "acidic bitterness"
any way
I think I'm getting a bit tired of pointing the errs out. If you want me to try actually editing this, you can contact me and I should be able to do it given a few days since there's time constraints from various other things, but for now I'll probably stop pointing them out.