Just what became of six legendary Equestrian heroes? And where did the first Alicorns come from?
The answer is both more exalting and more disgusting than one might expect.
Rated “T” for Turbid, “IM” for immaturity, and “S” for unapologetic silliness.
The Critics Rave!
“…a classic undignified farce…”—A British Gentleman
“…I am impressed, amazed, shocked and appalled. I’m impramazocktapalled.”—AlphaBrony
“GGA burns the good faith I had in him after the Riverdream Manuscript…” — Anonymous
Chapters (3)
This story was inspired by this blog post by Estee, who should not be blamed for anything that followed.
Here is the comment that begat this story. [Spoiler warning]
That was a classic undignified farce
Well done my good Sir or Madam, and have an upvote 
{grumps}...damnit, Ross.{/grumps}
Origin story accepted!
And was the entire story just a setup for for the last line? I think it was.
That was one of the silliest and hilarious one-shot story I've ever read.
Thanks for the laughs friend.
Yeah, we're not going to top that for silly, are we?
6392236
I could have sworn we'd had the "Never, ever give the universe a dare!" talk.
6391988
Thank you kindly!
6392058
Actually, the core idea came first.
6392071
Thank you! I’m glad you liked it!
6392236
6392247
Dare I recommend another story of mine?
6392247
*whistles innocently*
*fails utterly due to a) completely inability to whistle and b) is irredeemably Evil*
I can only imagine how many attempts it took before Luna was successfully synthesized. And the implications of Pinkie being the reincarnation of a being who is still technically alive are fascinating.
This was far more amusing than it had any right to be. Thank you for it.
6392349
It did take about a year and a half. Just imagine how many beans Clover had to telekinetically shove down Hurricane’s gullet. Imagine how much research they did on soothing creams and lubricants… I’ll stop here, but it’s kinda too late.
In the context of this story, I conceive of the Mane 6 as being archetypical heroes whose spirits echo through time, turning up where they are most needed. Puddinghead/Pinkie just happen to be consciously aware of it. (I really just wanted an excuse for the Chancellor to exhibit a Pinkie Sign.)
I’m glad you enjoyed it!
*slow clap* I am I impressed, amazed, shocked and appalled. I'm impramazocktapalled. With a side of beans.
...and it is now, at least as of this glance, in the Feature Box.
There may be a deity willing to forgive this, but I'm pretty sure they're not local.
Um.
6390610 AND A WHOLE LOT OF PAIN!
And slightly uncomfortable sexual positions.
6392508
I don’t think I’ve ever done that to anyone before. Thanks for the compliment!
6392549
I hope you got a screenshot because it’s not there now.
…But this is how it has to be, huh? The one story of mine that even grazed the feature box is the one about farts that I wrote in under a day.
There’s a lesson here, but I don’t think I want to learn it.
6392580
…yeah.
So... For Luna to be synthesized, did two ponies have to stick their heads up two other ponies' butts too?
6392593
Such are the source of most good things.
6392605
…Feel free to draw your own conclusions.
QFT
…
…
… I feel right now like I just stepped out of a movie theater hosting Federico Fellini's Dumb and Dumber Thrǝǝ.
6392600
Comedy oneshots have to have the highest payoff/effort out of any genre on the site.
6392600
You should have it in a few minutes. (I couldn't get the image to upload.) It's there again at this writing if you want to try for your own.
*grabs scroll*
Dear Princess Celestia,
Humans are weird.
Fluttershy. Sherman tank. Been there, done that, winced lots.
6392600
It's there, 7th slot of 7 reserved for new stories (last 3 reserved for updates, of course). Turn off your Mature filter to see it.
6392616 No. I won't! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS THE ONLY GOOD WAY TO GET GOOD THINGS!
6392620
…It’s that feeling you get when you want to say to the author, “I’ve been waiting patiently for the next chapter of Mismatching Wits… but, hey, it seems you want to do this instead…”
6392622
T’was ever thus, sadly.
6392640
6392649
Thank you for your kind assistance. You know, the site looks a lot more peaceful with mature stories hidden. Perhaps I’ll leave it this way.
6392728
It’s not the only way; it’s just the way that has always worked in the past.
Hm. Reminds me of that one episode of South Park. HumanCentIPad.
Honestly, I'm just glad the ascension worked.
Oh my goodness.
This tale combines your usual impeccable prose, good sir, with the kind of ludicrous humor that would have made me wet my pants with laughter in my middle school days.
And it is glorious.
6393012 Also, the South Park movie, in which they light a fart on fire.
6392415 So basically, a lot like Link, Zelda, and Ganondorf.
You've hit the feature-box.
So, making Alicorns is like making Yellow Jade in White Wolf's Exalted RPG. You can only ever create Yellow Jade by pure accident; any intentional attempt to create Yellow Jade fails, even if you exactly follow a procedure that had previously worked (by accident, of course).
I mean... we weren't explicitly told that Luna was created in exactly the same manner, or if they simply stumbled upon something similar. And Twilight was definitely created by accident - that spell shouldn't have blown her up.
Cadance? Well, nobody cares about her origin story, so we can just pretend it was happenstance too.
I guess this means they were trying to jump the gun and ascend Twilight ahead of schedule in Castle Mane-ia?
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/11/27/483135.gif
We tried putting the ponies on rails like a locomotive linking with two box-cars ...but it just wouldn't work!
6392415 Woah... the Mane Six are Equestria's Link.
6393012
I suppose that when you have a day like this, there’s nowhere else to go but up.
6393024
For Luna’s ascension, stars and garters may have worked better.
6393029
Thank you very much for your kind words!
6393211
I’ve wanted to give that thing a good smack for a while now.
6393182
Pyroflatulence has a long and ignoble history.
6393281
I am not a deep devotee of WoD, but sure, I’ll adopt that.
6393630
That seems to be a case of overplotting.
6393875
Perhaps they just didn’t think they could hard enough. Or too hard.
6393182
6393923
I’ve never played the Zelda games at all. They are popular enough that I’ve doubtless absorbed some game lore via cultural osmosis.
Oh dear god...
Well, at least her first words weren't blargy parble.
Topkek
Nice going you just got me banished to the garden shed for the night i was laughing so hard......
Are we sure MythrilMoth didn't write this?
That was....that was a thing.
I'll admit, this was stupid and silly in the best way. My sides were hurting as I read the story. Have a thumbs-up.
...I don't know whether to laugh or cry
What you did there. I see it.
That was silly, vulgar, improbable...
And utterly magical.
All of my yes. This is INCREDIBLY dumb and I love it.
The sequel will obvious involve the birth of Luna.
6390610 Interesting how Estee seems to be behind so many of... Well, let me rephrase that.
Okay, seriously, you get a thumbs up, a favorite, and my undying gratitude for this hilarious tale. Seriously, I lost it at the scene involving Hurricane and Pansy, and I thought to myself "How could it get any funnier?"..... and it did.
Also, LOVE how each of the former Hearth's Warming characters were really the previous life incarnations of the Mane 6 (not just being acted by them in the play in the future). Of course, now it makes me wonder what kind of Alicorns would be made if you mixed the mane six (probably happens in an alternate universe).
Finally, my absolute favorite line from the story simply because of how gross yet hilarious it is:
I normally don't like the alcohol->salt thing, but that atrocious pun was worth it.
FIMFiction in a nutshell.
And throughout it all, one of the things that stayed with me is that Pansy apparently liked it in the butt.
Is that still with you, Celestia? Is Pansy's legacy still alive within you?