Thoraxis, a changeling, finds himself stranded in Ponyville, with no way of knowing how to get back home to his brethren and queen. The Mane Six, knowing of his presence in the town, and dreading of what he might do, try to find him, forcing him to hide. Adopting a persona, Thoraxis tries his hardest to survive in this enigmatic land of ponies, without being found, and runs into several, rather large "obstacles," of varying natures, in the process. Will he make it?
Warning! Early story. Bad grammar inbound!
Chapters (10)
I like it. Please continue.
Another!
Why have you forsaken us thoraxis!
6387052 Do not fret.
Pretty interesting so far! Gonna follow.
Nothing good could come after this. Just the way I like it.
Nice.
No.....
Don't break the fourth wall....
Please no.
6424923 No, please do... As long as you do so in a way where I can visit that side at least.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/321/276/fbd.jpg
I can definitely feel empathy for Thoraxis. That's good, the reader should given you're only making him at most the antagonist, possibly the protagonist, as opposed to an actual villain of any sorts.
I get the feeling Twilight's relying a little bit too much on books. I wonder just how much of her information is outdated or just plain wrong.
Poor Apple Bloom is going to have nightmares for ages. Not just seeing the Changeling cocoon, but also having her piece of pie be stolen from her
. Luna, where are youuuuu?
Derpy calling Thoraxis strange? Somewhat of a pot and kettle moment, I would say
Thoraxis is gonna have to control his instincts, and maybe take a new form later if he gets kicked out of his current job. It won't take much more than an idle comment from the Cakes for the Mane 6 to latch onto this.
Trixie's great-grandmare, is that you!? Well, assuming Changelings and Ponies are cross-fertile in this story, anyways. I imagine Twilight will completely ignore that comment about Changelings being capable of empathy until it's narratively convenient
Man, the Mane 6 come off a little bit mean here. I guess Thoraxis lucked out being in his Changeling form so it'll take them a while longer to link his pony form to him, but he'll probably have to come up with a new disguise sooner or later. But first, muffins in the morning
"I've had a hoof twitch telling me there's somepony new in town for that long and I still haven't thrown him a Welcome to Ponyville party YET!
"
Once Thoraxis freed Moredread, I wasn't sure how this was going to go. After all, this story still only has Comedy and Adventure tags, no Dark, Gore or Tragedy. I was thinking something like Moredread would inadvertently end up as a servant of Thoraxis, and be the comic relief character who constantly tries to convince Thoraxis to do evil stuff.
Let's see if his retirement sticks.
Also, I doubt Pinkie is that dense. More like she's waiting, waiting to spring her own trap on him
(party-throwing instincts overpower protect Ponyville instincts in this case)
Given this is pre-Tirek, I wonder if Discord's defection will collide with Thoraxis' and his raising a Changeling infant. Chaooos!
Princess Celestia fainting? I guess Moredread must have been terrifying enough, which makes it even more of a surprise that Discord hasn't (purportedly) heard of him.
Twilight's going to go Lesson Zero again once she sorts her library for the nth time that month and finds one's missing
No wonder Pinkie didn't care earlier to what was obviously Thoraxis. Bet he won't be able to return to Sugarcube Corner anymore now. He'll probably have to buy her off with money to get new toys for Pound and Pumpkin Cake.
Wonder if the hatched Changeling will be a queen, or just a regular female Changeling.
Well Sweetie Belle, he wasn't stealing foals' toys in that instance because the sign literally said free toys
I would probably change the length of time Twilight and co. take to travel to Ponyville from two days down to two hours (everything outside of the silly cake competition episode suggest it's a very short trip between Ponyville and Canterlot), because if Celestia and Luna could teleport everyone back to Ponyville so easily, there was really no point in waiting two days after receiving a letter from Moredread and inviting them to Ponyville if they could have gone to Ponyville so easily, or Twilight so easily teleport everyone to Canterlot.
6437324
Granted, some mistakes were made, but it'll pay off.
odd comedy story, but so far I like it.
I might be a bit drunk.. but Discord might read this next >:D lol
Aww, poor Pinkie. If she had stayed by just a little bit longer, maybe the infant Changeling could have imprinted on her
There are way too many commas
This is actually funny, to me it looks like he don´t even noticed what he is doing there,...that he is probably getting himself a new Life in Ponyville.
"...And the mystery gets deeper..." Pinkie whispered, as she looked to you, the reader, simultaneously piercing through the fourth wall as if it was a knife through wet paper.
6424923
I know how you have to feel about it, but somehow this one was okay, really not the worst I have read so far, the fourth wall thing I mean.
Why didn´t he said anything about taking "free" toys?
Everything happens a bit to fast, or at least I would have liked some more reactions toward the baby changeling.
Are they together or something like that? I´m a bit dissapointed, that there was no real Toraxis, and Skia bonding scene.
Well somehow even if it wasn´t bad, it happens way to fast, and some things, or some reactions are missing in my eyes, I guess I still read the sequel, but it coud have been better.
That was kind of a weird ending, I guess. A little abrupt.
Huh. Here I expected the changeling to be the homemaker in this...erm...pairing. Which I am totally not shipping.
(I'm totally shipping them)
6561627 TOO LATE! Sequel's out, and he's dating a wyvern!
6437187
Actually, the main six came off as spot on in my opinion. They have every right to feel suspicious of Thoraxis, especially since he admitted to being a part of the Canterlot invasion, and they did give him opportunities to try and explain. It's just his fault for not trusting them and trying to get away. And even that seems like it would be in-character for a changeling to do. I've seen a lot of other stories where the main six just pretty much say things along the lines of 'Changeling! Evil!' so this one seemed a lot better than others just because they acted more in-line with their character personality.
Uh oh. If Twilight don't kill him, Big Mac will.
6661646 YOU NOTICED! You are entitled to a cookie for being the first to realize it was Smarty Pants!
What did Moredread do? Why does something tell me I don't want to know. Well, this ought to be interesting.
You're a tad bit too fond of commas. It's rather annoying to have sentences so thoroughly chopped up by them.
There are good ways to break the fourth wall, and bad ways to break the fourth wall.
This one is just plain jarring and doesn't really work.
THIS DESERVES THE HIGHEST OF FIVES!!!
6437151 That first statement indicates that you think that any of Twilight's knowledge isn't from books.
6785834 Sounds like FUN madness at night
I-I do I-i n-no I-I I-I I-I NO JUST NO M-MY BRAN M-MY M-MY M-My BRAN
I-i i-i i-i dh dh dh dh to good bran broke you you you you broke my bran
6672627 he thar dad
Poor Cuteling.
Hopefully he'll have time and energy to recover.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Leave the poor Cuteling some, jerks!
I wonder if the rest of the swarm and Chryssie are okay.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Pro infiltrator.
Cya
Raziel-chan
6612762 i have to agree with you, they exclusively used non-lethal force to stop him, didn't even hurt him almost at all and gave him several chances to explain his situation. Much better than some stories where they turn into murderous xenophobes.
Cya
Raziel-chan
I don't think Pinkie is really interested in catching him as long as he doesn't hurt anyone.
Huh, a male Alicorn. Let's see what's his story.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Heh, Discord.
Cya
Raziel-chan
That's kinda cute, using love filled toys like that.
Cya
Raziel-chan
Snrk, the mental image of that Alicorn in an apron.
Cya
Raziel-chan