agron989
Joined 7th Jan, 2014 ·
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This has a good enough starting concept (as clop goes), but it is some of the worst writing I've ever seen. Your maths is wrong, your paragraph spacing is unnecessarily huge, you have multiple people speaking in a single paragraph, and I can't even tell if you intended anything more to be in the chapter since it currently ends in "Sc".
6366270 Thank you I fixed the problems that you notice
6366309 hello agron we meet again good to see you adding more detail fro last time although you reverted to your old way halfway through
i said it once i sad it again 1 speaker during a section if another wants to speak separate them.
if they dont know what sex is how do they know what the book is about by the cover describe what the cover looks like fromm there Innocent perspective
Ie say the cover has a stallion rutting a mare in the standard position
to them it will look like the stallion is trying to climb over the mare so say it like that!
also change it to one book They wouldnt print two books when one is unnecessary you just combine it (and as per fandom cliché you can call it either the 'Pony Sutra or the kamaresutra {<-----how does this translate to ultra marine auto correct}
or since its twilight
1 Reproduction and You The abridged reference.
2 Sex for dummies
3 pleasure 101
6366920 Hello Commander Darklight it's good to see you too thank you for telling me about the problems that I have I'm working to fix them
Good start, but the passing need to be more slow and there's errors here and there.
Cheerilee is spelled wrong a lot of times so try to remember how it's written
The spancing is also weird between paragraphs so try to change this too. And is this finished? Because this doesn't seen like a true entire chapter, looks like the end have things missing. Plus the title should be like "Twilight's New Lesson" 
Taking those out it's good
If you need any help you can have mine in pre reading stuff 
48 words, truly an amazing chapter. I am awed by your literary genius.
you do relise that you dont have to publish it every time you write a part of the chapter just save it
6384078 thank you I'll unpublished it for now
6381655 I'm back on track
6396515 again publish only complete chapters
6412055 thank you again for the help I will
will this be updated soon?
7514213 Yes it will sorry about that been busey with other stuff.
one year later
7515101
Premise is fine, least work on your writing, formatting, grammar, etc.
Story really well written. Please write the following