One Last Time

FlutterDash1,424 stories ·2,585 members

"Love? Really Rarity that sounds a bit far fetched. She's my best friend. Ever since summer flight camp." Dash said to her fashion friend.

"Darling, it's love don't over think it. You have been caring for her a lot recently, just be thankful I spotted and she didn't."

Rarity thinks Dash has a crush on Fluttershy, but Rainbow disagrees.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 3
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Doubt

Doubt #1 · Aug 24th, 2015 · · · One Last Time ·

Interesting...

There are a few technical issues with the writing littered about the story, but that's secondary to the absolutely bizarre story structure. Is the complete status a mistake? Because this story is only complete in the sense that the words end. Also, the everyone rating should be teen. Petting and sexual fluids aren't exactly under the umbrella of family-friendly.

And perhaps consider throwing in more detail so that the reader is given a more complete picture of what's happening in each scene. For example, at no point is Rainbow Dash mentioned being tired until she collapses. When something like that is mentioned all of a sudden as it was in the story, late into that particular scene, it feels jarring, because the reader has already formulated an image of what's happening which doesn't include Rainbow Dash being exhausted.

And I know all I've done is point out flaws so far, but honestly, I'd still like to see another chapter.

Rainbow87dash