The Flower's Grove

by Peekaboo

The Cave

“So you fell, heard the voices again, and just woke up back here?” the raven asked. Winterwoods nodded, rubbing softly at her throat. She felt like she’d just been choked. Perhaps she genuinely had.

“I’m starting to worry that I’m just dead and this is my personal torment for having done something wrong.” Winterwoods sniffed sullenly.

“If that were the case, then clearly the mouse I ate last week would be here, telling me so,” the raven offered. Winterwoods scrunched her nose and snorted.

“That’s not really helping.” She scolded, but looked over to her neatly stacked items sitting once again at the end of her bed. With a sigh, she got to her feet. “This is the last thing I want to do, but the only thing worse than going out there and being tormented is sitting here moping and wishing this wasn’t happening.” She slung her items on again. “If there is a way I can put an end to this, then I have to try.” Winterwoods stomped off before the raven could reply, and made her way out her front door once again.

The sweet scent lingered still in the air, powering past the smell of dew and water, the earthy smell of her home and garden, even the smell of her chicken coop. With a new determination she charged up to the treeline. Stopping at the edge, she observed the forest closely. It looked very similar to how it did when she was awake, the one major difference being the unnatural fog that still swirled heavily around every plant and tree.

“I’m sick of this. Show me your worst, forest! Come at me, monster!” She growled, and galloped down the path. She did not slow down for anything this time. She ran the long, winding trail until her lungs burned, her hooves were numb and her legs felt like they would fall off. She ran until she simply couldn’t run any farther.

She came to a stop alongside a creek, near collapse and gasping for air as her limbs trembled from overexertion. Tenderly stepping to the edge of the brook she took a quick drink from the frigid water as it babbled by. It was clear and icy, being the glacial runoff of the nearby mountains, and it briefly soothing her parched throat, and allowed herself to breathe for awhile. Her whole body ached, but it was a minor nuisance compared to the fact that she hadn’t come across anything yet.

“Enough!” she shouted into the fog. “Show yourself, you coward!” She belted out the words as loudly as she could manage, and to her it sounded almost like primal roar amidst the trees. Her answer was quickly met with a wintry blast of air that knocked her harshly off her hooves. It coated the whole area in a thick frost, and chilled Winterwoods to the bone. Scrambling to her feet, she watched as the whole landscape around her changed. Frost grew into ice, and ice into frozen walls, and walls into an icy cavern. It continued to shift and move until she stood at the entrance of a deep, dark cave of solid ice.

“Alrighty then... Good job. Thanks.” She mumbled to the powers that sent the disconcerting message. After a brief moment of wavering resolve, Winterwoods stepped forward into the cave. As she went further and further in, the frost-encrusted walls swallowed the light,devouring with it any sense of security and warmth. But as the cave became darker, Winterwoods could see something glowing faintly in the distance. As the prickling ice settled into her spine, she found she could no longer tell the difference between the cold and her own fear.

After walking inward for the better part of an hour, Winterwoods finally approached the rear of the cave. It was dimly lit by a broken item sitting upon what appeared to be a throne of ice. As she stepped closer, she could see that the glowing items were broken shards of metal. They pulsed slightly, radiating with a magical energy.

“Is this what has been causing all of this craziness?” Winterwood’s whispers echoed softly in the cavern. She reached her hoof out to touch the metal, but stopped just short of it. The sound of dripping had become prominent in the cave. She hadn’t noticed this before, but it sent a shudder down her spine. She lowered her hoof and flattened her ears back. She didn’t know what these things were, but she didn't need to be a unicorn to feel that they held onto something evil.

Winterwoods couldn’t stand to look at the scraps any longer. Discomfort rattled through her body and she decided that whatever it was these shards were hiding, it deserved to stay in this cave. She turned her back to the shards and made her way to the exit. Had there not been the slightest sound, she’d have kept going. But her ears betrayed her, flicking towards a gentle vibration in the air. It was a soft sound, like fabric brushing the floor, or drapes being pulled aside. Despite herself she cringed, anticipating the worst.

The sound of the dripping intensified until Winterwoods could swear it was beating painfully down within her head. A presence more cold than the ice that surrounded her pressed against her back. Letting out the breath she'd been holding, Winterwoods turned. Sure enough, the creature stood right in front of her. But its presence, which was bad enough, wasn’t what frightened her the most: It had the shards. They were pieced together into what appeared to be a makeshift helmet, hiding where there should have been a face.

The new adornment made it's long, unnatural neck seem strange, and almost crooked in appearance. In a slow, fluid movement, it lowered its empty head even closer to her own, until she could swear it was eye to eye with her, its cold nothingness touching her on the lips. The sound of dripping intensified still until she could swear that, ever so faintly, something within the inky darkness of the creature whispered.

“Don’t you want to play?” it said in a voice so faint, that it wasn’t so much heard as it was felt. It chilled Winterwoods until she feared her heart would genuinely stop. Her eyes rolled back and she fainted. As her consciousness slipped, she was yet again barraged by the angry voice, though this time it spoke alone.

“I only wished you to understand. I only wished to be loved as you were loved… I only wished. I only wished to be more like you. But, I only wished. I am not like you. And perhaps this is all my fault for that reason, but I suppose that’s old news now. You made sure of that. You had been my hero once, you know… I had adored you. You are no hero though. You're just an old fool, selfish and callous to her very bitter core. But I, I am a villain. I am a monster. And I’m not sorry, not anymore. Because you, you absolutely disgust me. Because you made me what I am. You made me who I am.” The voice whispered emptily.

“I did what I did then because I was angry, because I was sad… because I just didn’t want to be alone anymore. The worst part for you though, and perhaps for me, is that after all this, after all these years of torment, after I lost my battle against you, after my short reign in the world was done and after my due punishment has been served, is that I. Still. Won't. Be. Sorry. And every year that passes hence, I still won’t be. I'll do what we know I'll do, because deep down, we both know you deserve it... And the very next chance I get, I will act. That is a promise, oh you maker of hardened hearts. Remember that whenever you think of me. I’ll be awaiting my chance. And when I get it, you will suffer for the pain you’ve caused me.”

Winterwoods jolted awake with her heart pounding in her chest. Sitting up, she trembled in the darkness of her room, unsure of the questionable fear that pricked at every ounce of her body. Something was terribly wrong. It was still very dark out; and was long before dawn she guessed. Her room was silent and still.

“What... Is... All... This?” Winterwoods moaned, getting up. She moved to the window once again. The raven was sitting at the end of the bed, with his head cocked to one side. “Why is this happening here? Why is this happening to us? Who is causing all this?!” she shouted at the window.

“Shhh! Listen!” the raven hacked. Winterwoods would have thrown something at him had she not then heard what he meant. Somewhere a soft cry could be heard. Winterwoods peered out the window and saw nothing. The raven flew to her back, and joined her search out the window.

“It's coming from outside... Let's go look.” Winterwoods whispered. As softly as she could, she made her way down the stairs and cracked open the front door. She saw nothing unusual. Opening the door wider, she poked her head out. Still nothing extraordinary could be seen, though the cries were by far more audible. “Hmmm.” Sneaking to the corner of her house, she peered around her bushes to her rose garden.

Mouth agape, Winterwoods stared in wonder at what she saw.

Comments

[Silver Flare]

The worst part for you though, and perhaps for me, is that after all this, all these years of torment, after I lost my battle against you, after my short reign in the world was done and after my due punishment has been served, is that I. Still. Won't. Be. Sorry. And every year that passes hence, I still won’t be. I'll do what we know I'll do, because deep down, we both know you deserve it... And the very next chance I get, I will act. That is a promise, oh you maker of hardened hearts.

The chills are real. This right here feels like the dark heart of the story, and it's bracing. Good work, here.

[Vic Fontaine]

7332451 Seconded. One of the best passages so far.

[PioneeringAuthor]

Okay, it's getting really intense here!

As for grammar, again you got a really good hold on syntax!

However, I noticed something:

When you write dialogue, you tend to end it in periods when many times it needs commas.

Let me explain:

"She said it would be okay," the girl answered.

Notice I used a comma inside the quotation mark instead of a period? That's because the spoken words come before who is talking.

The girl answered, "She said it would be okay."

Now I used a period in the quotation marks, because who is talking comes before what she is saying, see? Try to remember that, because I notice you keep using periods instead of commas in a lot of places.

Other than that, great job on the grammar, and once again you nailed the atmosphere!