No Horse's Sky

by Good Christian Ethesto

Chapter 4

The Everfree forest was dark and spoopy, but Noman wasn't even 1% spooked. He trudged onward, zappy gun in hand and small horde of smaller-than-average alien horses at his back. As he walked, he reminisced on previous planets he'd visited, out loud of course. "It was green and red and had plants and animals and robots too, and I shot some of them and made some space dollars, it was pretty swank," he explained, accurately recounting his journey.

"How many space dollars are we talkin' here?" Twilight questions, no longer spooked now that there was money to talk about.

"So many space dollars," he answered, causing the three ponies to 'oooooo' in amazement as they hadn't even seen a single space dollar before. Likely because space dollars are invisible.

"Did you buy some new trees to kick?" Applejack wondered, knowing full well that if she were ever to acquire space dollars she'd more than likely use them on buying trees.

"No, trees are idiots," shrugged off Noman, being more of a fan of shrubs himself. Applejack was so mad, but she's easily able to control her temper and doesn't get in fights with people over stupid things because that's canon.

Rainbow Dash was about to ask about buying clouds when suddenly something jumped from the bushes. The trio of ponies screamed and Noman just stood there indifferent as a writhing tentacle monster stood before them, dripping fresh goo on the ground. That is, until it suddenly transformed into a white pony with spiral, purple hair. "Gul'kafh an'shel. Yoq'al shn ky ywaq nuul," she said.

"Spook me sideways," Rainbow Dash shouted, "you scared the heeby-bajeebies out of me, Rarity." As the element of honesty, she was telling the truth, and below her was a pool of her own heeby-bajeebies.

"Yeah, you shouldn't startle people, I mean ponies (because ponies aren't people) like that, Rarity," reprimanded Applejack, who's known for keeping a clear head and is never stubborn as is canon.

"Lilth vwah, uhn'agth fhssh za," apologized Rarity. "Ez, Shuul'wah! Sk'woth'gl yu'gaz yog'ghyl ilfah!"

"We're following Noman here to his space shit out in the middle of the woods where he could easily kill and or rape us," answered Twilight Sparkle, whom I used the full name of because it lengthens the word count of the chapter by an extra word and I clearly ran out of things to type about a long time ago and am just delaying this story that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. April foods! Ahahaha.

"Uulwi ifis halahs gag erh'ongg w'ssh, darling?" she wondered.

"Sure, you can come with us," said Noman, who'd just finished scanning and naming her for glory and space dollars.

"Not again!" yelled Twilight, who tired of this same joke that had been used every chapter already. But then she realized that Noman had already scanned a unicorn before. "You've already scanned a unicorn like myself and Rarity before, so you can't name her anything," she remarked, feelings smugger than those anime girls I see on the internet.

"No, she's totally a different species and I named her 'Ugly poop-smelly horse feces'," he explained.

"Aw jeez!" Rainbow Dash cried as she hit herself in the eye for the third time, which really hurt causing her to cry for real.

It was all okay though since they'd managed to reach Noman's ship, and everything would soon be fixed. That is, until a chupicabra came out of the woods and killed him in cold blood. "Oh no," he gasped out as his blood all fell out and he died in the dirt like a camel. Twilight Sparkle tried to hit the chupicabra with a stick but it chopped her in half and then it sucked Applejack's blood because Earth ponies are basically goats. Rainbow Dash went home and took a nap and Rarity was a ghost all along, not a pony at all.

The end.

Author's Note:

I'm done.

Comments

[Regidar]

Ethesto
Get your ass back here
You are absolutely not done

[KyunKyun]

Not gonna be reading this one. I really don't like toilet humor, sorry.