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Tantabus27 stories ·160 members
"I created the Tantabus to give myself the same nightmare every night. To punish myself for the evil I caused as Nightmare Moon.
Luna is forced to face the consequences of keeping her feelings of self-loathing hidden, in the form of her very angry sister.
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Beautiful...absolutely beautiful
Damnit, somebody beat me to it
Kewl.
The interplay here was nice. I think this idea would really benefit from a more 3rd person objective telling style, especially seeing that it's a one-shot. I thought the dialogue was the strongest part of this story, but I also think it could be stronger to... elicit more emotions.
In any case, I liked it.
Nicely done.
I too wondered about Celestia's reaction towards Luna's self-punishment. This was very well-done.
6198845 However, you mixed up "where" and "were."
I believe it is Tantibus, Latin for Nightmare.
I'm glad you did!
One on hand, I'm a little bummed that someone beat me to it.
On the other, I'm glad that someone actually wrote it!
After seeing the episode, I wondered what Celestia would think, finding out that her little sister had been punishing herself, and how she would react. I think you did a great job with their interaction.
Well done.
Darling? That doesn't sound like Celestia.
This was amazing. I just loved this story and I did not even consider that. But it is true. What would Celestia think, if she found out, what had happen?
6199776 Thank you so much!
6199053 Thank you so much!! Noo don't be bummed, I wrote this in the hopes that other people would see the potential for some serious sisterly bonding! That episode definatly warrants a lot of fanfic!
6199036 Ha! Me too! Scariest thing ever hitting that publish button! Thanks so much
6198849 Thanks so much, I knew I would make a spelling mistake! thanks for pointing it out haha!
6198576 Thanks so much!
6198488 Thanks so much, I definately think I will experiment with third person more!
6198251 Omg! Thank you so much!!
6198350 Ha! I'm so sorry! This episode definately deserves a mountain of fanfiction exploring Luna and Celestia though!
6199802 It is a very effect telling of the story.
Well, the idea certainly is one worth exploring. And for the most part, it is a very touching tale regarding Celestia's reaction. However, there are a few things holding it back.
If Luna created the Tantabus merely as a reminder to keep herself from walking the path of darkness as this story implies, that would've been fine. But that wasn't the Tantabus's purpose. It was supposed to punish Luna so that she would never forgive herself for all the pain she caused. That is what should've been addressed in this story, and I don't feel like it was.
More importantly, the formatting is quite sloppy. It would certainly behoove you to look into an editor who can clean up things like backwards quotation marks.
Overall, not a bad take on things, but it could certainly use a bit of polish.
Yeah if one of my siblings had done something as bat shit insane as touring themselves every night I would be very very angry with them. I don't think i could be able to stop shouting at them for some time.....
*checks watch*
Yep.
About two days. Figured as much,
Good job pony fandom in general, pitter_patter in particular: you do disappoint.
So, that's at least three fics in under two days dealing with the most obvious tantalising fanfic fodder from the episodes (Luna,'s self-loathing, Magical Filly Lyrical Big Mac and Filthy Rich).
I was not so much hoping, but expecting as much, and hoping for a full-flegded flood. (It was, even just from a fanfic inspiriation point-of-view a particularly good episode.)
Also, this is about what I would have expected Celestia's reaction to be: pretty much going ballistic that Luna hid it from her. Nice work.
Congratulations for posting!
And RP: no one needs to be first; just to be themselves.
Be encouraged to post further, with more stories and thoughts. They do you credit.
6200517 I would just be like "Why?
"
Brava! Brava! Bravisima! Encore! Encore!
9.5/10! Glorious! Characterization felt real, feelings actually were real, story flowed nicely and the grammar was well above average.
Amazing indeed, I tip my fictional hat to you and this small jewel you have here.
Interesting read, though could do with a little bit of proofreading.
Things I noticed: Equestria, not Equastria. There were also a few quote marks and formatting issues, as well as the grammar. Don't let that criticism diminish what you've done though, this is a damn good piece for someone's first fic, and heck, you managed to get featured on your first fic, that's a pretty good achievement in itself.
Check out some of the proof-reader groups, they'll be an invaluable tool if you decide to keep writing.
Loved it. Very emotional read.
I knew it was only a matter of time until this story was written after I watched the latest episode, Very well done.
6204941 N'awwww! Thank you!
6204811 Thanks for reading!
6202672 Thanks for the advice, I shall conquer formating one day!!!
thanks for reading!
6202427 Why thank you
6202343 Oh wow! Thank you so much!!!
6201819 Yay for overcoming first post jitters!
Thanks for reading!
6205054 Por nada, amigo. 'sokay, kid.
Indeed, I beheld Celestia's reaction as similar to a horrified Catholic mother, finding out her convent nun of a daughter had been self-flagellating (That is to say, lashing her own back with a cat-of-nine-tails whip over her shoulder) over a past sin she can never take back.
As I've explored in my own story, Ex Evils Anonymous, self-forgiveness can be the hardest obstacle of all for an 'ex-evil' to overcome. Glad to see the Hasbro/Dhx team was also thinking along those lines. Whether my own story gets canonized or not, I do hope they're planning to round up all the reformed baddies in the entire show, for either one episode or a 2-parter. Maybe Season 6, maybe not.
Hope you can post a comment on mine; I can't seem to get anyone else to do so, at this time.
6205035 Oh sure thing it was a great read.
Wow. My eyes actually got all teared up at a couple points in the story. Great job.
I can't emphasize enough how much I loved and needed this story especially after episode 13. That episode had me in complete tears as did this story. Being the sensitive dork I am I just kept faffing over the fact that Luna was literally tormenting herself over something she didn't have to face alone. And this fic has given me some sort of closure as this is exactly how I'd envision Celestias reaction to Lunas suffering would be. Thankyou for an amazing and beautiful read!
6205049 For what? Telling the truth? You wrote a story which I could read for free and you're thanking ME for complimenting it? Logical fowl!
P.S. Thanks for writing this.
"Creator, how did I fail you? I gave you pain as you commanded of me! I did all that you willed of me!"
This is just SO TOUCHING AND OH!
On a side note Author person.
Equestria
"Huh, never thought I would work up the courage to actually post something!"
Well, congrats! Jolly good story!
I like the idea of the story, but it's not well communicated. The emotions flip back and forth rapidly with little to no transition and it's difficult, or outright contradictory, to try to figure out how much Celestia actually knows about the situation before it's explained. Nice enough for a first story, but could be better.
gonna go cry now, THE FEEEEELLSS!!
Ahh, very nice!
It is in my opinion that you should write more fanfic, you have an great writing ability and I can see it being improved on ☺ and on the side note, good job on this one-shot
Hm. The ending feels rushed. I know this was supposed to have a happy (well, happier) conclusion, but it still feels like "happily ever after" - and I know from experience that such things take years to resolve, even with help, and they never truly go away.
I would've prefered a more serious conclusion. I suppose the last two lines are what I was looking for, and sadly they feel more like a footnote than anything else.
Otherwise, solid bit of work. I suppose I could be a bitch about the overuse of "sister", too, but that's a technicality (though it does take away from the experience - nobody talks like that, and it doesn't feel like a quirk of speech).
This story does, however, bring to light the darker side of the whole affair. I suppose I wouldn't mind reading a story that focuses on these aftershocks: a story where Luna is the serious one, not willing to give ground to any nightmare - real or imagined - that could once again hold her; a story where Celestia becomes the happy-go-lucky one, at least in comparison... Possibly, a story where Twilight gets sucked into little scuffles between the two, ends up a confidante for both... and a little bit of a psychotherapist, I suppose. Cooperation and Understanding are parts of Friendship too, right? And besides, it's fairly clear that Equestria isn't done with the whole Nightmare Moon thing - not even close, I suppose...