In the nursery where Princesses Celestia and Luna played as fillies, a pony locked in an eternal dance ponders the past and clings to her hope for the future during the banishment of Nightmare Moon.
Another one-shot piece.
Chapters (1)
TypewriterError
Joined 7th Jun, 2012 ·
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Wow. That... Not even My Little Dashie made me cry.
I think that explains what I'm trying to say.
923187 Understood
Right up there with The Velveteen Rabbit.
923242 That was a big inspiration for this
I used to love that story when I was younger. Still do honestly. lol
Excuse me for not having a heart.
All the same, this story was FREAKING AMAZING. EVERY WORD OF IT.
I just wish I could cry...
That was awesome. Though I personally would have left out the last two sentences, for extra sadness.
Also quite a few typos and double words, you might want to reread the thing.
923521 I debated leaving them out. you can pretend I never wrote them if you rather
I'll check it over. Thanks!
923537 No, leave them. It's perfect. It ends on a note that's cheery, it's brilliant.
While I didn't cry, it still moved me as a story. I love this story, thank you very much.
923685 Don't worry, I won't take them out
Well today was pritty disturbing. Sorry but theres no heart beat today. Good story thou.
GAH IT ENDED TOO SOON!
Good story but I didn't really feel too emotional over it. I just couldn't empathize very well with the character for some reason, possibly because I could see that ending coming a mile away and a lot of her sadness seemed kinda cheap. It was very apparent that this whole thing was just trying to incite a sad response right from the get go so my mind automatically lock up my emotions and kept me calm and cool throughout the story. If you would have tried to make me happy first with the childish sweetness and happy memories until Luna slowly starts to become sad/angry (but downplay it heavily so that it's only little hints until she's right at the brink) then the sudden hurt, then fade it "back to reality" as the ballerina fails to see once more where she went wrong, THEN sad dance of hope and despair when my guard is down. Give us a taste of what is lost first. Give some happiness and lower our guard, then rip it away so we genuinely feel the loss. Only then will we truly realize just how horrible that loss was to her. We'll rage, we'll cry, we'll want to crawl into the story and desperately try to console and love that poor broken ballerina, and we'll love you forever for giving Luna back to her and easing that agonizing pain of being alone. Just consider this next time you make a sad fic and the thing will have people teary eyed and DEEPLY emotional by the end.
924510 Please do not take this as me trying to be rude but my goal was not to get people overly emotional. It was to display just a few different kinds of love in a detached way. I wanted the reader to perhaps find one expression of love they could identify with and try to look at it a little more objectively. Every expression of love given by Ballerina is something I have thought or said in the past. I will admit I might have made her a little too melodramatic while trying to make her childlike. (almost to the point where she is mentally unhinged)
I know I need to keep working on my writing and I am nowhere near perfect. lol. I will consider the advice you've given me.
924721
Oh cool! well, I'm glad you cleared that up.
And thanks for being nice, I just had to deal with a particularly rude and grammatically... challenged... young author who has deleted several posts of people just like me. Trying the road of patience again as he has potential but his grammar is so bad I'm almost certain English is a recently learned language for him!
925171 lol. No problem
HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH.
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I hath felt thine eyes brim with manly tears.