- Member Since 26th Feb, 2012
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
abrony-mouse
Occasional FimFic contributor. Also short reviews on request. Blog for silliness, music, writing. STATUS 2024.05.02: Read, reviewed, posted a Minty pic. The usual.
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Heh, I like what I see so far. I take it this is gonna be slowly breaking Anon's mind till he's a happy, simple minded thinking mare?
I had wondered about this scenario for awhile. Not necessarily Anon, but a HiE turned pony interacting with Our Town before the events in season 4. Of how it would go down, and possibly how they'd pick up their life again afterwards.
That said, I look forward to seeing how it will play out. Either straightforward with a slow breaking of Anon over time to accept her place as a fellow villager, or if something else occurs.
The only reason I can see this as something else occurring is the story has the romance tag and no tragedy tag, which I doubt would be the case in a straightforward breaking someone's will story.
I like this. But I would like to see some one-on-one with Glimmer and Anon.
please keep this going
This is such a good setup. Goddamn you for your cliffhanger. XP
I eagerly await the next chapter.
Thanks for the interest guys :)
I'm hoping to update this once a month, but might go down to 2 weeks if I'm feeling inspired :P
6187591 @Ascent_Express unfortunately I don't like straightforward f/f clop. Could happen in a futa-ey way I suppose. Possibly an idea for a future chap.
Okay this story does have too many problems for me to continue reading it.
First of, the paragraphs are ocationaly way to long and should have been fixed by spliting them into two (for example) when you, the caricter or the story start talking about other things the pragraph has to be split for the sake of readebility.
Second of, commas are missing and periods too though i only saw a few periods missing, a lot of commas that should have been there are completely missing. (Sorry im to lazy to show you the examples)
Finally this story is confusing with its timeline and passing, I recomend getting an editor or look over your own story with a more profesional eye, grammar errors like this can ruin a story like it did for me.
This story has potential the plot is interesting and the caricters are interesting, but for me the grammar errors ruin it
This story gets a 4/10 and is not worth my time for now
(Btw, sorry for any grammar errors of my own english is not my native tounge and my auto correct is failing me...)
6189240 @DerpyEngi and Redd
Sorry it wasn't for you, but I'm glad you liked the ideas.
I've had a proof reader in the past and it wasn't for me :P I'm too possessive of my stuff. I get what you mean about the commas, but I'm kind of surprised that there's missing periods! I didn't think I was that bad.
I'll give a thought to the time-line thing. Not sure what I can do to make it more straightforward though.
6189935 fist of forgive me with the periods I was being a Derp
there are no missing periods
But to make it more straight forward you do not have short flash forvards and flashbacks, try to make them longer or just add them as a short comment from a character
new part of Our Town ready :3
I'm glad to see this story continue.
6298321 You probably could have been a bit more polite about it. You come off kind of coarse. I wasn't the one who downvoted you, I approve of constructive criticism and you did state that's what you were intending, but you were a little rude in your presentation and you acted very defensive after just one person downvoted you.
while I agree that your story would be improved by better formatting, I must say that I'm really enjoying the story and hope that you continue to update. I really like the overall tone that you're creating and the sense of fighting against an oppresive force. good job and good luck, hope to see more.
I'm sorry if I came out rude. I have a hard time trying to put words to the paper. It is easier for me to talk to people instead of writing.
Edit: Just Deleted my previous chat things and now I'll show myself off for now.
Thanks for the interest guys :)
Have improved formatting a bit (I uploaded it from word and it lacked spaces - that is now fixed). I should have the next update next month.
New chap of Our Town here. Time is getting tight though so next update probably won't be on time :( but we'll see. Hope people enjoy it :)
nice chapter, I really think your formatting has greatly improved and I can definetly see your growth as a writer. Can't wait for the next chapter, but I'll sit here and be patient.
Starlight did seem to have a greater connection with Double Diamond. I could see her have shades of this—a kink of seeing mares be dominated by stallions, perhaps even living the scenario vicariously. She can't ever let her guard down and let herself be dominated, after all. So, maybe she took to turning every other mare of the village into a submissive to get her rocks off.
Well, if this is normal in her village, I'd like to see some more hints of how exactly this manifests among those already indoctrinated. There should be mares sucking off stallions in dark corners around the town then, after all.
Rip this fic?
6659226 It's been only two months. Give the author some time. It's the holiday season so they probably have family stuff and school business to deal with.
just to let people know that tfic is not dead and have material for it but am being verrry slow with it :(
still not dead :p and might have a bit of time to get the ideas I have on paper onto Fim :P didn't expect it to take until the start of the next season of pony to resume :P
7006973 I'm still hoping for the next chapter
Would like to see more =o
Really wishing for this story to continue!! :(
update?
Just woud like to say thanks for the comments! They really encouraged me to return to this :)
It returns!!! great to see an update and I hope to see more soon.
I've waited years for an update.
Nice
I can't remember when I bookmarked this or w/e the thing is called.
Although I have read this a few times hoping for an update.
Great to see an other chapter, looks like the planed isn't going to plan at all. I wonder if Party Favor was also rapped by the others ponies of Our Town when he arrived? I will be looking forward to see more of this story again.
Very glad to see that this story is going somewhere :)
Interesting um... setup I suppose. I really think you could take this story some fun places, as long as you don't... leave it without updating for another two years.
Scenario 1: Fuschia escapes and gets help. Party Favor's v&'d for raping her.
Scenario 2: Fuschia doesn't escape and gets caught. Party Favor is murdered for impregnating a mare who's not allowed to rear foals yet.
Scenario 3: Fuschia doesn't escape and stages a coup against Starlight Glimmer. With Fuschia in charge, Party Favor gets strung up by his balls for being a dick.
Scenario 4: Fuschia doesn't escape, but escapes getting exiled, and Twilight saves the day as usual. Party Favor's v&'d for raping her.
It was a really, really, really bad idea to finish in her. There is no scenario I can think of where Party Favor is not screwed in a bad way. I was honestly surprised he just went and did it. Is he a literal moron?
Also kind of surprised Fuschia's not more upset by it. I mean, Starlight's been pure evil, but until this moment, Fuschia didn't have to worry about being pregnant. Now her body could be doing stuff back there getting itself good and impregnated, and then she really has to escape. She's as good as dead once they start noticing the changes that come when your body goes into foal mode, and the longer she remains captive, the harder it'll be to get rid of her foal.
I kind of want to string him up just for this. Nobody deserves to be put off of sex because they got raped by some moron who's absolutely terrible at it. Party Favor cares more about whether the house has a window than whether she's enjoying it or not.
8281603
thanks for the detailed comment!
about Party Favour all I can really say is good point. I'll just add though that it doesn't say "He finishes in Anon" so it leaves it a bit ambiguous (but not very :p ), and if PF did finish inside then Anon might not think about that at the time because he was so completely disinterested in his female sex before Our Town
and is currently focused on his daring escape. From PF's perspective though I agree that his action feels off.
just to clear one thing up though - I didn't intend for the sex to be a straightforward rape, and while the writing is sparse on detail I think that it comes across that poor Anon is acquiescing and wants PF to think that 'Fushchia' wants it too:
8281688
No problem! Thanks for making something so interesting to comment on!
Okay that would be kinda hilarious. Fuschia's all freaking out over being pregnant and Party's like "How could you think that I wouldn't pull out? I would never do that to Starlight!"
Thankfully, the holy bible isn't considered law, so It still counts as rape even if she doesn't scream. Party Favor didn't seem to care if she was willing either. But yes as a crime of "intents" rape is very tricky, and mind readers could verify that Fuschia wanted it. Trouble is, this is the second time he's fucked her, and the first time was unambiguously rape.
So don't worry. You made it pretty clear Fuschia's willing, if under strong coercion, and mind altering magic. Honestly it makes her look kind of dumb too, like she's going to be 23 miles out saying "aha yes this rock will make a perfect hiding place. Good thing my clever scheme to get Party Favor to cum inside made him sleep so soundly. Best plan ev—OSHI I FORGOT THAT SEX MAKES BABIES" Unlike him, she kind of gets a pass though, because when you're going to be raped whether you like it or not, it's easy to find some reason to think that you want it, so you won't feel so powerless. So she might be rationalizing rather than stupid.
Just gonna point out you've spaced indicators of who is talking on separate lines, when they should be in the same line as the one talking, otherwise it throws the reader off.
Also how is it Equality to Starlight that mares are expected to have a meal prepared for their partner as if they themselves couldn't have had a long day?
Yes it's alive, more happy sex, she must learn to enjoy her marehood to it's full extent
Now, who is going continue making this story since he won't?
How's it coming?
9411376
never thought I would be able to continue it :D but apparently writer's block can be unfrozen by impulsive RPing and not overthinking things. who'd have thought :P
Glad to see this update!
Nice to see you back, I wonder if the make him wants to stay in Our town?
He she going to get her cute mark back
welcome back!!!!
Glad to see you are continuing the story!
I know how you feel dude equestria labs needs continuation
woo! i managed to move my character a whole 2 metres in this chapter.
this chapter was inspired by this
https://vimeo.com/334038489
I'm not sure why... but I guess Anon's sheer warrior poniness called to me
Yay i thought this story was going to die. i'm glad we got a new chapter. Now i'll see if our character finally tells everyone what starlight is doing
Guess she never took survival classes to not get lost then x3