Twilight finds a book. In this book, there is a certain virus that spreads quickly, and has the potential to wipe out millions.
At the same time, a mysterious virus appears from unknown origin, spreading quickly from pony to pony.
Is this virus the same from the book? If so, can Twilight stop it before it causes harm?
Inspired by Ndemic Creations, Plague Inc.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like it so far! Keep on writing!
Oh, and I thought I would point this out: "After a good amount of walking, (and a bunch of annoying coughing) Rwilight and Spike"...
Rwilight? Is that a new character?
Allow the Plague Inc. to begin.
Just invading Equestria instead of earth XD
You make it sound like the citizens of Ponyville are their own species.
I play the game, it is a very intresting idea of the game and good to mix with the idea of those virus movies, but you are the virus
Well going well it is going to continue or it is dead
Well this looks awasoe
Just thought I could try to be helpful?
ponies, not people
suggests, raising a hoof
just in case you can't tell, commacommacommacomma. I added one.
you switched tenses. Two paragraphs ago, it was past tense.
that doesn't quite look right. Maybe try, "Twilight nodded towards the doctor, to show that she agreed with him." Or something like that.
you switched tenses again.
tensesssss. "Who knew? This could be the last peaceful slumber she had." Try that, maybe? Or paraphrase it, I don't even know.
try "Spike? Spike, where are you?!"
what kind of other pain could she cry in? I'm not trying to seem like a jerk, but that part kind of interrupts the otherwise smooth flow you had going.
Legs, not arms, I think. Unless this is anthro and no-one told me.
"Her tears dripped from her cheeks, falling onto the dead Pegasus." might be a better fit.
in, not at.
accepted the invitation and walked in." tenses dunno where they belong.
It has a sort of awkwardly abrupt ending, but that's my personal opinion. Don't have to change that if you don't feel like you need to. And that goes for my other commentary, too.
Sorry if some of my additional comments made no sense, I'm a little tired and sorta loopy. Or maybe that's just me being me. But anyhow, I didn't mean to seem like an asshole, even if that's how I came across. The storyline is good, and has lots of potential.
toodles!
~Laya