My name is Nox. I am an immortal necromancer, once slave of King Sombra, now free. I was once human, a species unheard of here in the land of Equestria. I am the only one here that I know of, brought here after buying a costume from a Merchant. This
Alright so I have not started this fic yet but I think you should say since this is a displaced fic what the costume that the main protagonist will done in the description.
6232477 Displaced Power Lotto Fic, the character she is actually based off of is an old character of mine. So even if I put it in the description, it wouldn't help much, if any. Thanks for the input though, hope you like the story.
I'm glad I could help, nice set up btw. I can guess where this is going. Sombra controlled her, Celestia and Luna had to face her, her plan to subvert Sombra wouldn't work if they didn't face her going all out, so she uses the stereotypical villan monologue to make them fight... or at least that what I think will happen. One issue I see with Nox is she will have a hard time interacting with normal ponies. Trivial slice of life stuff will be what she craves but as an undead horror it will be something that won't come easily. Normal folk will fear and shun her. Even Ponyville will not be a peaceful haven for one who consorts with gods.
Well, Umbra does not has a charecter, she only speaks one phrase each chapter, its like she is not there, the story is rushed, too many thinks happen in a few words, try to make the chapters longer, and put more though process in it, make Umbra talk more and participate, her points of view, her moods, etc., the stpy has potential, but your writing needs a lot of improving.
6233810 Thank you for your input! I realize Umbra is quite dull at the moment, its something I plan on fixing soon. As for my writing needing improvement: I know. I know it well, frankly I'm surprised so many people like this fic as it is. However there is little I can do to improve besides continuing for write, which is the plan. For pacing: I'm still trying to figure it out, part of that falls under my writing just generally needing improving. 6234251 Memory Loss is something I have been trying to elude to (I might be failing at it).
Alright so I have not started this fic yet but I think you should say since this is a displaced fic what the costume that the main protagonist will done in the description.
6232477
Displaced Power Lotto Fic, the character she is actually based off of is an old character of mine. So even if I put it in the description, it wouldn't help much, if any. Thanks for the input though, hope you like the story.
I'm glad I could help, nice set up btw. I can guess where this is going. Sombra controlled her, Celestia and Luna had to face her, her plan to subvert Sombra wouldn't work if they didn't face her going all out, so she uses the stereotypical villan monologue to make them fight... or at least that what I think will happen.
One issue I see with Nox is she will have a hard time interacting with normal ponies. Trivial slice of life stuff will be what she craves but as an undead horror it will be something that won't come easily. Normal folk will fear and shun her. Even Ponyville will not be a peaceful haven for one who consorts with gods.
Well, Umbra does not has a charecter, she only speaks one phrase each chapter, its like she is not there, the story is rushed, too many thinks happen in a few words, try to make the chapters longer, and put more though process in it, make Umbra talk more and participate, her points of view, her moods, etc., the stpy has potential, but your writing needs a lot of improving.
In a previous chapter you stated that Nox didn't know the word alicorn, but clearly she is aware here of the meaning. Oversight or memory loss later?
6233810
Thank you for your input! I realize Umbra is quite dull at the moment, its something I plan on fixing soon. As for my writing needing improvement: I know. I know it well, frankly I'm surprised so many people like this fic as it is. However there is little I can do to improve besides continuing for write, which is the plan. For pacing: I'm still trying to figure it out, part of that falls under my writing just generally needing improving.
6234251
Memory Loss is something I have been trying to elude to (I might be failing at it).