>Checks site

>Sees Paradise being uploaded

>Tracks

I can't wait to see the next chapter Slywit!

Great to see this being uploaded here. It's an excellent story.

>>965965

(assuming you're referring to Chapter 10) It's coming.

Be it rain or sleet or pony, I will continue this story and get it out there eventually. I'm always at least thinking about how to complete next chapter when I'm not actually capable of doing so.

Easily my favorite fanfic, hooves down.  MUST.  GET.  MOAR.

What do the &#150 and &#151 mean?

>>23952395

It means I failed at converting a few characters into the right format. They mean basically a dash line --

Huh, very entertaining story. It's nice to see young Luna and Celestia.

Oh dear god Granny Pie?

>sees chapter 10 at long last

>gets chills down spine from awesomeness

>forgets the urgent homework I was supposed to be doing

and now we know where pinkie pie gets her... unique.... qualitys.... :

THIS is why I love this fanfic.

MASTERFUL.  

The whole of chapter 10 was just spot-on.  I mean, like, spectacular.  The scene with Celestia running from the pack was just amazing, and then Granny Pie with her Shaman-y-ness just comes along...

As much as I hate the cliche of the phrase, you can have all of my stars.

If Granny Pie can laugh away the wolves whenever she wants, then why does she let wolves eat some of the Earth Ponies? Why get the herd to do stuff that would protect everyone?

>>26482648

Learning to truly approach a wolf without a hint of fear is a skill extremely hard to master. It goes against basic instinct and takes a certain kind of pony, IE a shaman. Even with that in your favor, teaching a pony is difficult, teaching an entire herd is impossible. Just one freaking out would cause disaster.

Not only that, but could you imagine the shaman trying to explain this to them, when they already think she's crazy? Good luck getting one to agree with a live demonstration (they'd probably just freak out and ruin it anyways)!

"Ponies bumped into each other, stammered,"

You probably mean "stumbling".

>>26642664

Yeah, some of those early chapters I released without a volunteer proof-reader. I did my absolute best, but some errors have still managed to slip through.

>>26662666

Providing proofreading for you was exactly why I did it. It didn't break my concentration noticably at all, I was just trying to help...

Also, based on reading to chapter 4, it occurs to me that what with there being the forebearers of obviously represented, that the shaman may be the forebearer of .

Oh my god....Pinkie just happened to this story...this story was awesome and then Pinkie Pie just happened. That gets a holy crap *squee*!

Seriously, as far as origin fics go (and this one goes quite a way back indeed), this has got to be one if not my favorite for the moment. The interplay between the sisters, the entire societies you've laid out, the system of predation and then you throw all the little references (Uncle Apple, Granny Pie, the Elements, the quotes from Celestia...) and this is almost fecking perfect...

It's kind of insane. Also... That's the first time I've used a smiley here. You made me do that.

Ok, so we have proto- and either Ebon (1) or Silver Spear (2) is probably proto-.

(1)"My passion is related to . . . bringing ponies together, I guess."

(2)"A close ally, friend maybe even? Either way, Phantom feels just a bit safer when Silver is there, but I guess we all do."

Huh... so do pegasi not exist yet, or shall there be TWO proto- ?

Grr... my internet connection keeps eating my comments.

I seem to remember finding a DIFFERENT error of the same sort as the three following on my first read-through, but since I found two more that I didn't find the first time, I think that is enough.

Failure now and she'd be thrown to the forest,

Should be "Fail"

It simply wasn't done, pony were meant to be together.

Should be "ponies".

His body limp with limbs laying about unnatural.

Should be "unnaturally".

Ponds can be a LOT of sizes. You aren't trying for mathematical precision here, but pony-lengths would probably serve you better.

it was like a wondering mountain

Should be "wandering".

I see pegasi pre-exist the story...

the change went beyond juvenile fantasy and into something estranged.

Not sure if the last word here is a good choice.

Huh... I guess this might be the impetus that lead Luna to decide that the night needed to be striped of its fear, and thus eventually becoming the ruler of the night? Too bad she didn't manage to strip it of its inconvenience (or perhaps ALL of its fear?) before she got fed up with her subjects and went nuts (however you will handle that...).

I personally hope that it WILL turn out that they actually end up controlling the sun and the moon, rather than that being a lie. For one thing Luna DID bring about darkness in episode two, and for another it would be a violation of Honesty to do otherwise.

Three trees fused into one for the purposes of creating greater safety? Why does this seem symbolic?

Here is a hint:

In case that wasn't clear, let me try to express it another way:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Didn't realize the symbolism of the unicorns silencing all natural song to turn it into a "useful" thing until you pointed it out more clearly... that is a good thing I think.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She raised back legs, intimidating the canines with a chambered kick.

"chambered" is used here in a way I am unfamiliar with, or it is a typo.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Honk" is cool, but at the same time, anachronistic due to the fact that... wait I guess the humans MIGHT have invented squeeze-bulb horns, and besides, a reality warper doesn't necessarily let the fact that something hasn't been invented yet stop them from referencing the concept. (also, nice to know my earlier guess was right about proto-).

>>26732673

Thanks a great deal. I love detailed comments, as it gives me more to work with and thank about. And:  Whoohoo! Smilie level!

To everyone who comments, even if I don't respond direct to you, I have read and love the comment.

>>26702670

Yeah, I do my best to make the chapters readable. But now that I have formats on FimFiction, Googledocs, Deviant Art, and my own personal copy, it sometimes gets confusing know where I've corrected what! In either case, I try (almost) every time to fix an error someone points out. I'm so that I just can't let an imperfection stand.

>>27242724

I'm not sure the first two are errors (in my mind, for some reason, Pony can be plural when referring to a race. ". . .us pony"  for example. Probably makes no sense and I should break the habit and throw in that "s".) The third is an error, though, and I'll fix that.

>>27332733

Might have confused me with those other faces there. . . I thought I had it fogured out until

Chambering a kick, must be my martial arts background influencing my words. You can think of chambering a kick much like chambering a bullet. It's effectively "cocked and ready to go" (though I do not think guns are where the term originates, just an example). What was going on in otherwords was Celestia rearing with her legs ready to kick but had not actually kicked out. Like someone pulling their fist back to throw a punch, but that split second before actually throwing it forward.

The fact that Granny Pie is who she is justifies the use of Honk. I'm sure it makes sense to her in some way (besides, I thought it was really funny to have her honk that nose and thus worth it).

>>27342734 The trinity of pony races (earth, unicorn and pegasus) which are represented not only by the three trees being joined, but by the main duo themselves as a combination/distillation/[insert word I can't seem to remember here] of the three races (presumably mirroring the way they'll eventually unite the three at some point)?

That's what I got from it at least. Certainly one of the things I've liked in this story, especially when the earth ponies get a fair shake (well, mostly) in ability during the last chapter or so. Their easily the most dismissible (see: "Unicorn = master race" jokes) in a lot of fics so it's nice to see them get some love.

Y'know, that wolf scene is making me seriously consider becoming a vegetarian.  So much power in the words...

>>27382738

Ahh, I see. I'm glad to see people still gleaming symbolism from the story. It's always interesting to me what people pick up.

Yeah, Earth Ponies are certainly very useful with that talent of theirs. They'll certainly play a critical role continually for the story.

>>27432743

As long as you're not eating anything that can ask you not to, then you're probably okay.

I actually adore wolves. Just last week, I got to hang out with some trained ones at this one person's house that has a lot of exotic animals. They had an older, laidback she-wolf and a young male. They were absolutely adorable and liked a few pets and attention after they feeled you out.

They look a lot more like dogs (really tall dogs) when not all fluffed up for the camera. That classic wolf face you see is after they've let their fur stand up the intimidation factor. I suppose wolves have such a huge role in the story is that I respect what they can do and I think they would be very scary up one on you in the food-chain. Otherwise, I love them.

"Chambering a kick, must be my martial arts background influencing my words. You can think of chambering a kick much like chambering a bullet. It's effectively "cocked and ready to go" (though I do not think guns are where the term originates, just an example). What was going on in otherwords was Celestia rearing with her legs ready to kick but had not actually kicked out. Like someone pulling their fist back to throw a punch, but that split second before actually throwing it forward."

Ok, that makes sense once you explain it. I can't be the only person who would be confused by it. Might try a physical description, such as what you said above (but condensed down to about six words or so) instead. Then again, maybe not. I can't tell because my own perspective limits me too much.

"Yeah, I do my best to make the chapters readable. But now that I have formats on FimFiction, Googledocs, Deviant Art, and my own personal copy, it sometimes gets confusing know where I've corrected what! In either case, I try (almost) every time to fix an error someone points out. I'm so that I just can't let an imperfection stand."

>>27492749

Yes, uniting the pony races to make them safer is, indeed, what I meant.

Another terrific chapter, wolves, granny pie, everything was spot on as usual! Love it loved it loved it. Even if I'm now slightly more scared of wolves than I was before I started. Lovely prose, wonderful characters, and an always compelling story. Keep it up!

And curse you cliffhangers! This isn't as big as last time...but anytime a chapter ends it's a cliffhanger!   Can't wait for the next bit!

-Squeak

Well... can break the fourth wall, so why can't she dye her mane and fur and master the art of time travel?

Amazingsauce story. It deserves a

I'm so glad I discovered this story. The idea of Celestia starting out as an earth pony is novel and fascinating. I think it's interesting that Celestia got her horn first, and Luna got her wings first.

Following! :)

*Bored, checks around for things to do, hopes that Paradise has been update, my face when it hasn't*

Hopin you get inspiration for more chapters soon mate.

This story has been wonderful so far, I cant wait to read more

Radom comments are random so here we got a random comment because of it's randomness.

Kamehameha!!!

>>35803580

I'll do my best! Most of what I need right now is simply sleep and energy. As soon as I have that, I can make progress. Sleep is hard to get.

>>36023602

Thanks! I'll have more updates as soon as possible.

That Chief sure is some jerk. Would like to kick his flank real hard so he would fly right into a cave with a dragon in it.

Hope he will have a fate worse than death (yes I'm a bad pony and I frankly don't care).

moar

I'm working on a fillyhood fic too, though mine is very different. Nice idea too! Gonna try and read all of this, but don't want to accidentally steal ideas!

>>69676967

Feel free to read it! I'm not overly concerned with idea protection, so I won't persecute any accidental inspiration.

Literally streaking; a long, fading tail of the same unclear color trailed behind, evaporating like dew in the Sun as it went.

-So, probably a pegasus after-all despite the warning of personal desires clouding judgement. Or MAYBE just a cloudy-colored non-pegasus leaving a contrail.

Losing little time, she turned her attention to the sky for the comet-like pony.

-Proto ?

Her wings snapped to her flanks and stuck there. Without warning, Luna fell into the treetops, only able to yelp in surprise.

-Not thinking Luna=proto-... but nice Dragonshy reference anyway.

Going to stop here to change computers.

>>69776977

Awesome, and feel free to check out mine as well!

Y'know, I'm still curious how far along the established timeline you'll be pushing this fic.

Well, fun chapter even if not a whole lot happened (ignore me, I just want instant and lasting gratification), I like our first glimpse of the pegasi... it'll be interesting to see what sort of set-up you've come up for them. I certainly imagine it'll be very different from the unicorns and I'm not even sure it'll be all that close to the earth ponies either. I'm thinking tribal for some reason... dunno why.

Nice job.

>>70257025

It'll cover up to Nightmare Moon, then there will be a chapter or two extra of covering the pilot of Friendship is Magic and a little of its aftermath, from Luna's point of view.

In between getting off the other computer, and getting my lazy but through the process of opening the necessary two windows (one to read, one to write my comments) something occurred to me...

You have a small group of prey-animal-creatures, living in extremely primitive conditions, traveling through dangerous territory between various groups, and fitting themselves into each group in turn.

The first society has a strong leader and is a pretty nice place all told, if it weren't for the threat of death.

A later one is run by very strictly, along military or semi-military lines, and puts huge amounts of effort into hiding itself from, or tactically beating predators.

A prophecy is involved near the start.

These (will) go on to found their own society with members from many different societies, taking small bits from the structure each of the other societies, but in the end mostly coming up with novel ideas that work better than anything they have seen before, especially when it comes to the form of government (their original herd didn't have the sort of robust distribution of responsibility to run a large empire, and the unicorns lacked freedom).

A secondary character escaped from human ownership.

All of which to say that you have basically created the Pony equivalent of (highlight to read punchline) Watership Down. This realization makes this story 20% cooler.

Actually, I'm going to go ahead and post this, since it is a seperate thing from my normal review style, and thus worthy of its own post.

>>70597059

Funny enough, I've never read the novel in question. I am aware of its existence however. Sometimes I use it as an example of a story featuring animals that nevertheless is to be taken seriously (I think)

>>70387038 Definitely curious as to how the unification of the races shall occur/proceed in that case. Kinda neat how you'll be touching on both common and uncommon ground with this fic since you'll be hitting creation mythos and the NMM mythos as well. Curious to see your take.

GODLIKE

This has been on my to-read list forever, and I finally got around to starting it yesterday evening. Read half of it then and just caught up now - I would have read it all in one go if it hadn't been for my need for sleep.

It's basically amazing and you should feel good about having written such a great thing. As someone mentioned above, it feels a lot like Watership Down, and adds much-needed characterisation to the Princesses.

Do you have any plans to incorporate the Discord stuff from the season two opener? I can see how the world you've set up could clash with what's recently been added to canon, depending on how many years pass between the events of the story so far, the newly-revealed backstory, and NMM.

Great story so far!

Amazing story so far, maybe some problems grammatically but overall a very good read. The subject matter is that of a fresh idea and has not been prodded to much. I love the fact that you came up with all of this, being a sucker for new ideas I couldnt stop reading! Lol. Very nice, hope to read more chApters in the future.

>>82618261

Grammar problems are like cockroaches. I've poisoned, gassed, set traps, flooded, burned, irradiated, introduced competitive species into their ecosystem, yet they still manage to survive some how!

can't wait for the next chapter! <3 this is probably my most favorite fanfic ever!

I do love this story more than any other origin story ever. I am quite fond of "Celestia's Notebook", for it's focused magical research (Luna and Celly are NERDS ), intent goal of becoming alicorns (to unite the three races ), and the catastrophic sabotage induced accident that utterly breaks the world (funny how unicorns are always the horse's asses ). It goes into beautiful detail explaining why Celestia and Luna are tied to the sun and moon, why they are so powerful, and why the world is so unmotivated (weather, seasons, the day/night cycle, etc all having to be manually operated by ponies ).

Paradise takes the opposite origin styling by choosing the emergence route. It feels inherently mystical. There are forces at play that NOPONY understands, not even the loving sisters. They are simply making their way through their frightening and dangerous world, trying to better themselves,a nd trying to understand what they are set to do, and apparently, become.

In conclusion... Withdrawals... The shivering.. Need my FIX!!! Next ChaPTeR PLz...  

>>89218921 I agree, not sure... how long i'll last... *Shivers*

>>36253625 LOVE IT

Just sent the rest of my review via PM now. Other people seem to prefer ME SPECIFICALLY to do things that way, since it keeps the commentary area neater. Does make it more likely that others would ask the same sorts of questions I do, forcing you to answer them twice to pursue a dialogue with everyone.

Please tell me which method you want me to use in the future.

>>97009700

I suppose here is fine. Most people are fairly adapt with the scroll function and probably would just tl;dr it anyways.

I appreciate the comments a lot! Sent a reply.

OH MY GOSH THIS IS SO GOOD!!!

Best fanfic I've ever read, for anything

The character development is divine, the story enticing and I just love the pacing,

Gosh, this is amazing, I love your attention (but not over attention) to detail and the way you describe places is just completely immersing. Please do not stop writing this. You has cakes from me.

Is this fic still alive? Was some time since the last update and i dont want to start reading anything that will remain incomplete. It looks awesome.

>>2303623036

Yes, the fic is still alive. My updates have simply been very slow for last 3 chapters. This fic will NOT be stopped, but there is not a rush to read it yet, not until my updates are more regular

>>2307823078 Awesome! I just hate when I start to read something good and it ends up with me never getting to see the ending.

I srly cant wait for the fanfic toooo be updated nwn! I luv Celestia and Luna fanfics x3  Thanks for the amazing Story!

and im gonna cry now waiting :D

I get home. I go on FimFiction. I see that I have new unread chapters. I check to see if Paradise has updated. I am disappoint.

But seriously, Slywit, take your time, you can't rush a masterpiece ;)

>>2877928779

It'll be a bit of time yet. But patience will pay.

Okay, that was just awesome - working in the Pie lineage like that. I started this story today and haven't been able to take my eyes away. You have quite the gift, thank you for sharing it with us!

When I found out this story was last updated a few months ago, I got mad. Like Luna-without-Celestia mad. To be honest, I didn't think there was a chance that you'd be updating after this long.

But all I have to say is thank you, now that I can see that it's still being worked on.

I don't think I can wait.

>>2883428834 How much longer must i wait?

Image: http://www.google.se/imgres?q=i+want+it+now+applebloom&um=1&hl=sv&sa=N&biw=1366&bih=622&tbm=isch&tbnid=V8Kvvaf_d7ApMM:&imgrefurl=http://everfree.ponibooru.org/post/view/34270%3Fsearch%3Duser_id%253D1647&docid=s6NKELMK40Go-M&imgurl=http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/5f66577810660b9de6c358a0c2b833f5/34270%252520-%252520apple_bloom%252520asking_for_it%252520caption.png&w=639&h=357&ei=7ezcTtGrJYHm4QSG_ejbDQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=344&vpy=160&dur=623&hovh=168&hovw=301&tx=128&ty=65&sig=114854947280560147845&page=1&tbnh=98&tbnw=175&start=0&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0

>>5255452554

I return home on the 16th and will commence work. Expect a new wave of chapters after that.

>>5257152571 I can hardly wait :)

"Expect new chapters in a few weeks" OH LUNA I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!! Where's Doctor Who and his TaRDiS when ya need it!?

I love this story. It is by far the most interesting of Celestia and Luna's backround stories. Hopefully Celestia will get her wings soon

Oh my. New episode kinda kicks this in the face. Although maybe you could fanwank up something. Please continue anyway, SlyWit!

>>7269572695

Actually, the new episode won't effect Paradise at all.

Also, I just got back home about two hours ago. I've got some catching up to do with family, but you can consider the hiatus over. New chapters to come very soon.

new chapters very soon?

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

bestfanficever

YES! YES! YES!

Oh... Sorry Trixie. I was just freaking out because Paradise is being updated VERY SOON!

Ooops...

i can't wait for more!

If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.~John F. Kennedy

I love this one! More! This is brilliant!

How soon is very soon? I cant wait anymorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre

>>9077190771

As soon as the Christmas bustle dies down (hit harder than expected), I'll be working on the chapters. If I'm productive, maybe a week after that or less?

I thought this wouldn't be so good, but it is AWESOME

I know right? Once I read that part, I started to RAGE

I'm just asking, why does Luna get her wings first? ( I don't hate Luna, she's my favorite secondary character)

>>104419104419

While the horns simply came at the right time, the wings are contingent on . . . well, something else I'll try not to spoil. It'll be dealt with more later.

Though, if you remember, it's never been age. Luna got her horn mere hours after Celestia, despite Celestia being far older than a few hours. Certainly, their relationships to magic are playing out differently.

Darn, I do hate being tight lipped. I hope to get the new chapter out soon for you.

Finally got the time to read this in its entirety. I'll say you've done a good job so far.

Can't wait for the next chapter.

>>9115291152 When I saw your comment Slywit I was all like...

Image: http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&biw=1440&bih=766&tbm=isch&tbnid=hlP7xxuVak0NTM:&imgrefurl=http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/wingboner-clopping&docid=5fYrhMdhgjCKIM&imgurl=http://d37nnnqwv9amwr.cloudfront.net/photos/images/newsfeed/000/139/109/7123%252520-%252520meme%252520pomf%252520rainbow_dash%252520wingboner%252520wing_boner.png%253F1308834005&w=680&h=509&ei=d88DT9X-CeKniAKL8sCQDQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=177&vpy=147&dur=492&hovh=194&hovw=260&tx=120&ty=106&sig=112851510200202281380&page=1&tbnh=129&tbnw=174&start=0&ndsp=33&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0

>>107212107212 Wait, I meant to post this...

Image: http://d37nnnqwv9amwr.cloudfront.net/photos/images/newsfeed/000/139/109/7123%20-%20meme%20pomf%20rainbow_dash%20wingboner%20wing_boner.png?1308834005

This need more chapters and fast, and poor Celestia get's to suffer more

All wait no uploads makes me a dull boy All wait no uploads makes me a dull boy All wait no uploads makes me a dull boy All wait no uploads makes me a dull boy

......................................... You know what, I should really stop staying up all night waiting for this to update...........

>>140695140695

You really should. I'm only about 3,500 words into my first draft, and this looks like the chapter will be much longer. It's been a really troubling start to get on this. Out of practice for 3 months and so on, I'm trying to grease these old wheels as part of the process of writing. It will still be a couple of days at the very least, before I even hand it in to an editor/proof reader.

>>140857140857

Days to reach editors...

DAYS

...

You may take as many days as you like to continue writing. I hope you have a nice long chapter to introduce us to the pegasi. I'll just be over on my bed shivering into my Celestia + Twilight throw until it comes out.

gah, why does waiting for this have to be so hard!?

It is great to see you back to continue your story.

The answering came automatically. “Trying become part of—” Realization dawned and she meekly added. “Oh . . .”

I believe there is a missing "to" in this sentence.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES!

Yay

YESYEYSYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

Update to Paradise . So worth reading

This made my day. =3

Looking forward to the next chapter-- no matter how little or long it will take, I'll be waiting.