I Don't Speak Pet

by markhaox14

My Pinkie Sense is Tingling.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, Spike! Pinkie said it herself; her tail was twitching! Do you know what it feels like to have a frog, a flower pot, an anvil, a cart, a piano... and another flower pot land on you!?"

"Uh... no..."

"Exactly! So please stop asking me and look for a helmet, quickly!" After a few seconds of shouting, I quickly calmed myself. A Princess should never be so... uncouth. Or grouchy. Besides, what little remained from the library, Spike moved here. I had no clue where anything that survived from it was.

I saw him nod, and run off to another room. I slumped in my seat, groaning a bit. The girls looked at me, Rainbow chuckling. Typical. "Wow, Twilight... I've never seen you freak out that much before. Especially when Pinkie's tail shakes!"

I turned to her, more than a little annoyed. "Aside from me and Rarity..."

"None of you have ever been attacked by objects hitting your head!" She finished. I could tell Dashie somehow irritated her with that statement too, and I understood why. Other than me, she was the only other pony that fell victim to Pinkie's tail twitches when a vine from the Everfree Forest knocked her out in my old library. It... wasn't pretty.

"They're both right! When my tail twitches, you better take cover! Let's see, it's been..." She checked her right hoof, as if she had a watch. For all I knew, she probably had a mental watch and just acted like she had one on her hoof. "Ten seconds three milliseconds and five nanoseconds since my tail twitched so I hope Spike hurries and finds something for you Twilight!" I hope so too... I didn't want to go to the hospital again and explain to Dr. Horse that I yet again suffered head trauma at the hooves of the Pinkie Sense.

I heard the door to the main chamber open, and I sighed in relief as I saw Spike carrying... wait! That helmet! That was the helmet I used to try and explain Pinkie's... well... Pinkie Sense! I can't believe that old thing survived the library's destruction! "This was the best thing I could find, Twilight. I saw an umbrella hat too but... come on, what good will that do?" Indeed, what good could it do? We weren't living in some fantasy cartoon.

He walked up to me, handing me the helmet. Well... this would have to do. I grasped it in my hooves, a smile crossing Pinkie's face as I did. The other girls simply looked at the helmet in complete confusion. "Uh... what exactly is that there... doohickey?"

Typical Applejack... depreciating the complicated nature... of science! "This... doohickey... is a scanner. A neuroelectrical scanner, to be more precise. I could be even more precise, but at that point, I'd... probably lose you guys. What it did was read the brainwaves of a subject... this case, Pinkie Pie, and detect any sudden changes in electrical pulses distributed throughout the brain and spinal cord!" I smiled as I explained... I always loved explaining technology and science to my friends!

Well... they obviously didn't love it as much as I did. They all stared at me as if I were speaking gibberish... which I must have been to them. Man... I would've loved it if sometimes I could share my ideas with them and actually have a conversation with them regarding theories, principles, hypotheses, and experiments. But... alas, I didn't know many ponies in Ponyville that were graduates of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.

I placed the helmet on, strapping it tight against my head. After a moment, I heard a clang and a thud. I turned to the ground next to me, seeing a... wait... was that a cannon!? I heard Pinkie giggle soon after. "Oh, silly me! I forgot about my hidden confetti cannons!"

"You mean to tell me that you didn't remove those things like I asked!?" I interrogated in a mix of both shock and anger.

"I guess not! Whoopsie!" Whoopsie? Whoopsie!? You... you were supposed to remove those things, Pinkie! They're a hazard to everypony!

Fluttershy cleared her throat. "Um... I know they can be a hazard, Twilight... but... I kinda think they're a fun... albeit a bit scary... surprise."

I thought suffering another concussion was scary enough, but nothing could be scarier than confetti! Anything but that! I rolled my eyes just thinking about it... I saw Fluttershy droop her ears a bit after that, whimpering a bit. "Uh... Twilight..."

"Ugh, yes?" Wonder what Applejack was gonna say. Probably something to do with bucking every confetti cannon out of its hiding place.

"Uh... no. I wasn't going to suggest bucking every confetti cannon out of its hiding place..." she said, a bit annoyed. Wait... how did she... know I thought that...? "Maybe because you're thinking out loud, Twilight?"

Wait... thinking out loud? How? I was sure I wasn't talking. "No, but your helmet is!" Wait... my... helmet...? I felt my hide shake and quiver... oh dear Celestia... i-is it reading my thoughts!?

"Um... yes, dear. It is."

I rushed to unstrap the helmet from my head, and as soon as it was loosened, I took it off. I hoped they couldn't read my thoughts still but just to be sure... hey diddle diddle! The cat and the fiddle! Luna jumped over the moon! Celestia laughed! She saw such sport! And the dish ran away with the spoon! I turned to the others. "Did you get all that?"

"Uh... what?"

It worked! They couldn't hear my thoughts anymore! I inspected the helmet in my hooves... weird. How did it switch on? How was it still working after so long? And... how could it display my thoughts...? I thought it was a scanner! Unless...

"Spike, was this helmet on when you brought it?"

"No. I turned it on! I thought it would work better that way." Oh Spike... this isn't power armor!

"Hmm... when it was connected to the large system while I was trying to understand the Pinkie Sense, it only read her brainwaves... I suppose without the detection systems within, it... can read thoughts instead." I felt a smile cross my face. A huge... huge smile! Think of what I can do with this! "This... is... amazing! Oh, the research I could do with this! The projects! I could submit this to Celestia! And she'll love it! Love it!"

A thought came to me... I... sorta also wanted to use this for myself. See what others... well... thought. Thought about in their minds... ooh... the idea of it just made me shiver in excitement!

"Er... are you sure that's... wise... to keep around, Twilight?"

Oh... I forgot... this thing did intrude on our most private thoughts... surely, the girls wold be a little miffed if I went about and jotted down a pony's deepest... darkest secrets... I turned to them. "Hmm? Oh! Er..." Think fast, Twily... think fast... it's what you're good at... what can I say to keep this yet not worry the girls...? It came to me! "I meant with... our pets! Yes, our pets!

And with that, I was sold. The girls all smiled at that thought. "Oh, boy! I would love to know exactly what Angel thought of his tail styling! I mean, I can understand him, but I always want to be sure!"

"And when Tank wakes up from hibernation, I can finally know what he'd want to do, straight from him! Maybe a race like the one in the gorge!"

"Or Winona when she fetches! She sure loves to play fetch! And chase her tail. And... drink from the toilet... huh... I wanna ask her why she likes doin' all that..."

"I must ask Opalescence what she thinks of my wardrobe! And I simply must hear her input for new styles!"

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! And Gummy! I can't wait to hear Gummy too!" I tried my best to contain my laughter. But I couldn't resist... I laughed out loud! Oh wow! Gummy? Having thoughts!? No offense to Pinkie, but that gator was as dim as a firefly! "What's so funny, Twilight?"

Hmm... actually... Gummy could be a perfect first test run! He wouldn't think of much so he'd be perfect to convince the girls that this device wasn't that interesting! Which means more time for me to make more tests! "Heh... nothing, Pinkie. I guess I could test Gummy first!"

"Awesome! When do we set that up?"

I smiled a bit deviously. "Tomorrow, sunrise." I knew the other girls would be asleep by then, so it'd be perfect. How wonderful! I finally have something I can read minds with! Maybe I can go even further and communicate... have an actual conversation with Owlowicious! Sure, I'd have to endure a morning hearing little to nothing from Gummy, but after that, jackpot! Tomorrow is gonna be a good day!

Comments

[Europa]

Good idea but please, for the love of God, stop color coding your text. You should be able to communicate who's talking without color codes, and if you can't you need to learn how.

[DrOblivian]

6094062 Agreed entirely.

[Vinyl Destination]

I'm interested in the story but you may want to lay off the color coding. It kind of limits what you want to do because you would want the colors more distinct. If you run out of individual colors it would be bad for your story.

[grogar]

interesting idea, and twilight to be HUGELY surprised.

[Boxx]

i.imgur.com/QKXjZwr.png

[Malbutorius]

6094062
6094095
Agreeing with these, color coded text is a pet peeve of mine.

[The dragon hunter]

Oh, this is going to be so good

"Spike, was this helmet on when you brought it?"
"No. I turned it on! I thought it would work better that way." Oh Spike... this isn't power armor!

Silly dragon, THIS is a power armor
derpicdn.net/img/2013/3/21/275759/large.png

[whizzball1]

Now this is going to be fun.

[ValdimarGreen]

Please don't color code the text. It's an evil gimmick perpetuated throughout history by evildoers and ruffians.

[Bookwurm666]

"I must ask Opalescence what she thinks of my wardrobe! And I simply must hear her input for new styles!"

You are better off not knowing