Everyone knows that Celestia went to the sun when Nightmare Moon came back, or did she? What if she Celestia made a friend in another world during her short term banishment, a friend that really gets her and not the princess she has to be?
Nice, let me tell you I took a look at embracing the sun and loved it: sad to see it go, but this...this has potential. Not to burst your bubble, but there were a few misspells,
"But that is no for me to decide; it is up to those who wish to redeem themselves." Would that not be...not or am I seeing things?
but besides that loved the first chapter: also, if it's not too much trouble: you mind telling me where you got those pictures from? Did you draw them or do you know somebody who does? Would love to use some for my story.
...I got nothing... Sorry, no wall of text tonight. It has potential, but this first chapter is just getting things rolling, so there's nothing to really write about. Have a nice day.
Joshua is a common name in most stories, a cliche I found. So I fixed the name and personality to a more fitting persona of his character as a man with troubled regrets but keeps them buried for his own sake.
I never read the original story, so I will be going in fresh. There were a few repeats and spelling errors but this seems interesting. I will keep an eye on this. I can't wait to see Celestia's reaction to what Discord did.
Ah Discord...this just proves that the guy is annoying as all hell, but can ultimately be the reason behind so many good things. At least on Fimfic anyways lol. A great first chapter and nice to see the ideas behind embracing the sun coming back again!
Might want to run through this chapter and fix the major errors of calling our human MC Joshua instead of Marcus. It makes it too obvious that you cut lines straight out of Embracing the Sun and placed them in this story.
608601260860146086015 Oh, I see you have already been told about the fact you keep changing the MC's name from sentence to sentence... and yet ten months later you still haven't bothered to fix it. Joshua still keeps magically appearing, doing something, then disappearing again.
"Hey, Celestia," the annoying spirit said, repeating the words with each poke he made to her cutie mark. Celestia could ignore it and tune him out any day of the week, but this was getting out of hoof and she had so little time to rest before collecting another rune from the vault for her task. "Hey, Celestia. Hey, Celestia. Hey, Celestia." Focus on the letter. "Hey, Celestia." Focus and he will... "Hey...Celestia." "WHAT!?"
Nice, let me tell you I took a look at embracing the sun and loved it: sad to see it go, but this...this has potential. Not to burst your bubble, but there were a few misspells,
but besides that loved the first chapter: also, if it's not too much trouble: you mind telling me where you got those pictures from? Did you draw them or do you know somebody who does? Would love to use some for my story.
looks great, I loved those cute pics
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It took awhile, but I found them on Google images
...I got nothing... Sorry, no wall of text tonight. It has potential, but this first chapter is just getting things rolling, so there's nothing to really write about. Have a nice day.
Great job. Can't wait to see more of this.
Fantastic first chapter, I'm a bit confused though; is our plucky human's name Marcus or Joshua?
Marcus or Joshua PICK one OK!!!!!
But the story is good I like it WOW.
Why joshua and marucs? It doesnt make sense is marcus but then ot changes to joshua care to explain?
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Joshua is a common name in most stories, a cliche I found. So I fixed the name and personality to a more fitting persona of his character as a man with troubled regrets but keeps them buried for his own sake.
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MARCUS!!!
Thank you
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Marcus
orig05.deviantart.net/11d4/f/2012/220/5/e/xzibit_yo_dawg_render_by_kernelpanicx-d5aa710.png
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Darn it. How did I miss that?
6086665 There are a few other typos litter here and there, but those are not too bad (and this one gave me the giggles).
I never read the original story, so I will be going in fresh. There were a few repeats and spelling errors but this seems interesting. I will keep an eye on this. I can't wait to see Celestia's reaction to what Discord did.
Ah Discord...this just proves that the guy is annoying as all hell, but can ultimately be the reason behind so many good things. At least on Fimfic anyways lol.
A great first chapter and nice to see the ideas behind embracing the sun coming back again!
Amazing chapter, can't wait for the next one!
Might want to run through this chapter and fix the major errors of calling our human MC Joshua instead of Marcus. It makes it too obvious that you cut lines straight out of Embracing the Sun and placed them in this story.
6086012 6086014 6086015 Oh, I see you have already been told about the fact you keep changing the MC's name from sentence to sentence... and yet ten months later you still haven't bothered to fix it. Joshua still keeps magically appearing, doing something, then disappearing again.
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I see what you mean. And to be honest, I dropped the ball on that.
It should be fixed now, but you're the judge of that. Also, you're very blunt with criticism aren't you?
If so, then I need it to improve where I'm flawed. Just as long as you're not one of those kind of readers that is extremely hateful.
Also, if anyone reads this then please tell me who I can have as a good editor, BECAUSE I NEES ONE VERY BADLY.
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And fixed, I meant the prologue. Not the whole story. I'll have to fix it when I get off work.
Nice beginning, pouting Sunbutt is amusing and the little villains are just plain adorable.
There's still Joshua being used in this chapter.
At the start the constant tense shifting was annoying, but it got much better later.
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aOLxQGLJouI]
It's good. But little Moony's picture is not showing like the others.
Supposed to be
(world was coming to a close.)
I will try and find any other mistakes there are.