After the Twilight Princess retrieved her crown, she leaves Earth and returns to her own dimension. However, the Events of that night released supernatural forces into the world, new energies that changed the Earth. This energy created a race of superhumans known as metahumans whose abilities ranged from enhanced physical abilities to manipulating the forces of nature. MLP (Metaphysical Logistics Protectors), an organization that has watched over the world's magic and paranormal activity, has now reopened a training program for new metahumans. With new arrivals, these metahumans must learn to work and grow together and, possibly, protect the world from other forces of evil.
Chapters (11)
(sees down vote)
...meh, if they can't explain why they don't like it then just ignore them.
6085960 Duly noted
6086119 (reads it again)
...huh, I didn't even notice that it was Zecora the first time. How hard was it to write her lines?
6086492 Meh, not too difficult. I write songs when i'm bored, so rhyming wasn't too difficult. Plus I had some experience writing her lines in MoE. But it is tough having to rhyme all her sentences, but I'll manage.
Cool.
6090096 Thanks
Your story's Ups/Downs ratio feels kind of unfair for the quality of the story. Make no mistake: there are some serious flaws that I'll be sure to mention, but 5/3 seems unnecessarily low. Given the lack of comments, I'm tempted to say that the humanization and your derivations of source material might have attracted some blind down-votes. Take it from a fellow Humanized writer: it's just a consequence of the material that you have to live with.
That being said, your story was kind of a bear to get through. Despite only being two chapters, I had difficulty becoming engaged or interested in it. Here's my quick reasons why:
1. Telling but not Showing. Every new writer's issue. Basically every action was described in a, "Telling" manner, like someone is just describing stage directions to me. Even in Chapter 1's supposed-to-be-tense fighting scenes, the fact that you only described the actions being taken was not engaging or enjoyable to read. As a reader, I want to be have the scenes and the actions described in a manner that is interesting, engaging, and informative, and you do that by Showing. Giving me a simple, literal statement of the physical action occurring is Telling, and you should save that for instruction manuals and After Action Reports.
This may seem nebulous, but I strongly suggest you research, "Showing, not Telling". It's one of the most important things an early writer should do.
2. No Investment or Development. Who is Frost? Who is Relay? Who is Capo? Who are these original characters? But more importantly: why should we care about them? It is important that your audience knows, cares, and understands your characters, because that's part of how they become interested and engaged in your story. But you don't achieve that with character sheets and out-of-left-field action scenes; that's yet another example of Telling but not Showing, this time regarding your characters. The first scene of the first chapter, a scene that involves a potentially-lethal situation involving guns and robbery, came off as rather boring since Frost was barely introduced, and thus I didn't care much at all about him or his situation.
Honestly, I'd suggest you slow things down with the action, and give at least some time to introduce our characters in a way that doesn't leap immediately into guns-drawn-at-faces. Relay's intro was the most adapted to that, but even she could use a little less exposition and a little more exposure.
3. No Introduction. I've read Chapter 1 twice just to make sure I didn't miss anything, but I keep feeling like I have. Namely, I feel like the story is missing an Introduction. Introductions set the presidence for the story, establishing characters, rules, and world that the story will encapsulate. Introductions usually don't have action scenes, or they have action scenes that built towards something. Chapter one felt like hardly anything in terms of characters or world building had been established, other than Frost and Pinkie having a seemingly-pointless beat down of some robbers.
I'd rework chapter one to fit in more of an introduction, or perhaps create a prologue. But I'd actually take the notes from your story description, and find a way to weave that information into a narrative form, and turn that into a prologue. Because that's a much better story flow than what you have now.
Don't despair about the issues, though: those issues are very common, especially points 1 and 2. Those are issues you'll iron out with time, research, experience, and revisions.
To your credit, the story is written solidly. Your English skills are good, and there were very few typos in the story. But while you can write correctly, writing engaging fiction is a very different skill you will have to practice and develop. Keep with it, though, and you'll get it!
6098550 Unexplained down votes are a norm for me since I started. It's one of the reasons o cancelled and deleted my first story. As for your points:
1. I know what you mean by the telling not showing. I was a literature student for a while, so I think I took the whole "vivid description of events" part too seriously, I've always loved detail because in my experience, it helps bring out the character, such as when I describe the character's outfit to give an idea of his personality (suit=gentleman, leather=rough, etc.). That's a department I might need help with.
2. I usually don't just introduce the characters. I prefer to build them over the course of the story, mainly because that didn't seem like a problem in my other fic. I feel introducing and explaining a character too early in a story makes their future actions a bit too predictable (E.g.: Frost is supposed to have a hero complex and feels like he should help anyone he can, ignoring the negativity around him, but that would make it obvious that he could, for example, get killed of horribly injured trying to save someone or is easily betrayed by an "ally".) I like the suspense and the questions it raises about the character's morality. But, if that's the problem, I'll try to add a bit more detail on the ocs in the next few prologues. Also, I'll try to slow down on the action.
3. Superhero fics is new terrain for me. I normally just do typical magic stories, but I decided to step out of my comfort zone and see how I do. Normally, magic worlds seem to build themselves in my experience due to the potential, but apparently, superhero worlds are a bit less easy to go unintroduced and unexplained. The prologues were meant to introduce the characters I would be focusing on, but I guess that came at the cost of explaining the world they live in, which I didn't do so great in either.
My main issue is my overactive imagination. A new idea pops into my head like every 5 minutes and it always feels like something that could add quality to the story (Check my blogs to see how many ideas I've had already). I think that was the same problem with Jupiter Ascending; too much unexplained about the universe they tried to create (Earth is a farm???). But I see your point. Perhaps I'll take an extra day or two to fine tune the introduction of my next character. The start of the first main chapter will be used to give better insight and the history behind the world I'm trying to create. But that's the reason I constantly ask for comments, so viewers understand that I'm asking for help. I should probably blog about that (although I doubt it will have any effect). Thanks for the notes. If you have time, I could pm you my draft for the next chapter when it's done and you can make any necessary changes and alert me of any such changes and other things I should look out for. Again, thanks a lot.
I gave a thumbs up, not sure why there are down votes unless it's people who just don't like this type of story. It's pretty well written and an excellent premise for a story! It was awesomely executed and so far I love your OCs despite usually not really liking OCs as mains, you did an awesome job creating them and making them likeable so far!
In other words he levels up like in a video game.
6123549 more like the tutorials give more info as the game progresses
Next comes the really tough character... the second sun... how do i get around this one?
First!
6139769 lol.
as always.
First! Again!
6140802 is that ever going to change? Then again, technically, I'm always the first so...
6162782
Because of the constant rhyming? Yeah. It's getting tougher every time. I strained something in my brain doing that part of the chapter. 
"Yeah!"
6227911 "LET'S DO THIS!"
So the ice guy invoked the little sister, at a table, full of girls, and then tried to act like nothing happened.
That isn't a hero, that's a Sociopath.
Following this to see how it turns out.
6313900 Sorry. Should've replied earlier. But yeah, that about sums it up. But it goes deeper... Much... Much deeper...
. You'll see.
Well the reference here is obvious. Iron Clad is Magneto.
6402771 Believe it or not, I didn't realize that until after I finished!
I just didn't know what else to use! But yeah, you got it.
Well this fic still has only one down vote!
6433567 Yeah. But I have like 7 in MDW: Assault on Aurora. Six were overnight and I don't have any negative comment about it.
Same with Rise and Fall.
6433576 Wait Assault is out already? Let me get in that.
6433635 Yup. Approved three days ago.
Whoa, nice story you've got here.
6440911 Thanks.
Hope you continue to enjoy it.
Hey, so I have to say it's really impressive what you're writing here and I must say I do enjoy it. I will continue reading.
6502161 Glad you like it. I appreciate the support.
6502319 Well, I just finished this chapter, and it's still going along nicely
But I was just wondering if you'd do anything with the dazzlings, since they were basically at 'Ground Zero' of the Rainbow event, just like Sunset was in the first one.
6505067 Believe me. I have plans for a bunch of characters.
Also, thanks for the fave.
Continue?
6978500 Reboot. I completely lost where I was initially going with it, so I'm going to redo it. Everything: characters, storylines - EVERYTHING!!! IDK. I was working on a chapter and it just sort of fell apart. I'm thinking of taking a hint from Heroes; broaden the story.
Sorry.
6978505 Ah, well Harmony House is still on track, and the future looks good. I'm just in a funk lately.
6978506 Sweet. I look forward to the next chapter.
6978628 what were your main problems with this?
6982558 Mary Sue/Gary Stu character, lost the storyline, and just lost ideas and drive.
6982654 well, Mary Sue/Gary Stu is minor in my opinion. Good writing can fix that easily.
My advice would be to have a single primary character to focus on, like I did with Gilda. Most of the story is set to follow her, even if she isn't the star.
Have you seen One Punch Man? It handles both of these issues simultaneously.
6983033 True. I'll try and hopefully it turns out better. Thanks.
6316829
Psychopath maby?
500 Terabyte hardrive... 500 TERABYTE HARDRIVE! WHAT SPACE AGE ARE THESE PEOPLE LIVING IN THAT THEY CAN HAVE A 500 TERABYTE HARDIVE?! THE YEAR 99999999999999999999999999?
7662395 TBPH... I have no idea.
I just really wanted to put a big number in there (also, at the time, I hadn't really seen what 2TB could hold, let alone 500
). It should be fixed in a few seconds.
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