First off, I have no idea what is going on. I was having a massive boon in my writing thanks to MLP and the latest film that has been released and you'd think i'd be happy right? Wrong! One minute i'm writing down some gibberish because of a strange voice in my head and the next i am back in Highschool!
I wouldn't mind as much if it weren't for the fact that i reverted in age thanks to a certain sun Princess, who ALSO robbed me of my knowledge of all things pony and left me with only the knowledge of my mission!! God i hate freaking highschool...
(The events depicted take place after the movie and there will be spoilers, reader discretion is advised
PS- I do not want to come off as a jerk when i say this, but if your going to dislike it without reading it GTFO. Either read it or don't, you don't have to if you don't want to but don't spoil it for everypony else by bombing it, i put a lot of work and time into this one as i do with all my fics and it would be greatly appreciated.
PSS- Sex will be implied and not shown but just in case i'm putting the tag there. )
Man this was a LOOOOONG one. Started it on the 6th of June no less
But it's finally done, enjoy!!
Shizz, uploaded and complete.
Well, into the abyss!
Wheeeeee-
Aaagghhhhh!
Help me, I'm falling!
Aaaghhh
*lands on first chapter*
Hmm, not bad
question, where exactly is the story placed?
Equestria or wherever the Equestria girls movie is?
or both?
2923594
Movie verse
Let the reading commence!
Uproaring standing ovation
When i saw the picture at the end i was i wat
Then i laughed my ass off
*lick*
Okay.....that was very rushed. I think I need sleep before continuing this...
So... the romance is for Sunset Shimmer? Interesting.
twilight.ponychan.net/chan/arch/src/131676497766.jpg
Go on.
And next we meet Fluttershy and Rarity!!! So who's this Umbra Glare jerk?
Well, that blows my hypothesis of Umbra Glare being Sombra... now I haven't got a clue!
And Sombra as a drama teacher!!!
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8269-93c.gif
So, I guess the maths teacher was Dr Whooves? Or Time Turner, what ever you want to go with.
2927845
Yep, Doctor was math teacher. PLus Sombra can PROJECT his voice!!
Ha, Discord is the school caretaker!!! I imagine him to be a mix of Discord and this guy.
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133612430337.png
And Umbra is really suspicious.
HOLY SHIT!!! I AM ACTUALLY IN THIS STORY!!!! But then again... this is contrary to that statement.
farm8.staticflickr.com/7375/9344161030_f41d214d12_h.jpg
And now to read the rest of the chapter.
I thought it had to be a dare to the person whom the bottle was pointing at?
Oh look, the hypothesis is proving to be correct. Umbra is a bloody changeling.
Yeah, she's got nothing to worry about!!
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT-zDTHTppfypZehmOES9PdOq7z-8XKJCos8qxoyqYmoCfOMcMZ
2927889
Know dat feel
Yeah, let's piss of the changeling by getting a hug from his crush, that's going to work out well!!
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3014-yzSaE.gif
Well.... shit.
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMTIvMTQvMjBfNTBfMTRfMTNfMTgwNjc5X19VTk9QVF9fc2FmZV9hbmltYXRlZF9iaWdfbWFjaW50b3NoX2dpZl9zaGl0c3Rvcm1fYnJhY2VfeW91cnNlbHZlc19icmFjZV93aW50ZXJfaXNfY29taW5nIl1d/180679__safe_animated_big%2Bmacintosh_game%2Bof%2Bthrones_shitstorm_brace%2Byourselves_brace_winter%2Bis%2Bcoming.gif
Yeah, he's a changeling. Time to dust off my rifle, got some bug hunting to do.
Okay, Chrysalis need Sunset in her demon form for some reason to do with the Algorithm, and Umbra is one of her agents.
2927962
Your gonna read this all in one sitting aren't you?
Okay... so not a changeling. New theory. Chrysalis stole the Algorithm so that she could defeat Umbra, and for some reason needs his help, and that of the elements of harmony.
2927964 Oh look, notifications are broken again.
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw787_tumblr_lqatnybhEg1qjmjvko1_400.gif
And yes, I am. May have to take a short break in a while to go get a new car, but rest assured I will resume once I am back!
Okay, so he's working with Chrysalis. And I was wondering how long it would take for Gilda to get involved.
I think that seven on two are favourable odds.
Don't remove the crown Twilight. They made their choice and must suffer the consequences.
Yeah, Sunset likes 'me'. And Umbra is not happy about that.
2927999
keep telling yourself that
Why doesn't Twilight just blast him with her element when he's not looking?
See, if you hadn't of released this in one go, then I would be posting this on nearly every chapter!
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8357-mlp_cliffhanger.jpg
But thankfully, I can continue!
Oh yeah, everything is fine and dandy!!
DID YOU FORGET ABOUT YOUR FUCKING MISSION, AND THE CHANGELING QUEEN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE STOPPING?!?!?!?!?!
I don't think AJ's the jealous one there! Rarity seems a little obsessed.
See, when you have a changeling army, you invade something like the police, that way you can use their resources to get what you need, not a school.
she really didn't think that one through.
Sombra defeated, Nightmare Moon on the way.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8wn3xdjOn1ra2jz8o1_500.jpg
Sorry I couldn't find the quote on it's own, but comment at 2:29
Well..........fuck. This won't end well.
Why would you need Discord in a human world? It's full of chaos anyway!!
What you did there...I see it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=EAwWPadFsOA&t=14
For those who have finished the story. I found an image that best shows what Umbra Glare would have looked like as a pony when he was reformed.
fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/133/1/3/sunset_glare_by_jaquelindreamz-d657oeg.png
*Warning Spoiler of a big plot point to those who have not yet discovered his identity^^^^^*
Well, that surely was a fun ride. So what are my final thoughts?
What I liked:
I liked the tone of the story. It was a good balance of happy, dark, and mysterious. Most of the characters were also portrayed well, and you showed potential traits they may have, apart from what's been shown in the show and movie. An example is Sunset Shimmer: Sure, she was a threatening individual, but deep inside, she's desperate and needs help. You portrayed that part of her, and how she grows out of it, pretty well. Finally, I like how 4 villains were written without taking away too much from the story. Most stories I've read with that many villains tend to fall apart, but this is an exception.
What needed improvement:
Some characters seemed out of character to me, like Rainbow Dash during the chapters in the middle to the end. She came off as someone calmer than what she'd usually be.
Another flaw this story has are the transitions between scenes and character's points of view. Some of the transitions did not feel smooth; they needed a wee bit more detail in order for the transition to flow better. And the changes to character's points of view felt confusing around the beginning of the story until the middle to the end, where I can tell who is speaking next.
In a nutshell:
It was a well written story and characters were handled nicely. But there are some parts that needed more detail.
2928839
Thank you my good sir!
As I said, you can't rely on chaos around humans, we evolved from the damn stuff!!
Yeah, been away cos I was cannibalising my old car for the new one, which is the same model!
Well that was downright devious.
No Chrysalis, it won't.
So... I guess you could say he was... winging it?
.....
Yeah, I think we all know where he's going.
Unless you a planning a dick move, mr Metaphor.
It that was me... screw my old world, I'm moving!
The description confuses me.
So he's a barony that was age reverted in order to do something for Celestia? What?
2938071
He blames her, but it's the portal's fault