Rarity is having a rough day. Her friend Pinkie Pie comes to her rescue. Now Rarity has a problem: What do you do when your Prince Charming turns out to be a princess?
This line. Gah, the squee-worthy implications of this line. Rarity, I don't think you need to be worried about whether Pinkie feels the same way about you.
This story is beautiful. A lovely, delicate dance as the two ponies each carefully weigh their words and actions against what they feel, what they want, and what they think the other wants. It makes me happy to read it.
My only complaint--and this is more a matter of personal preference than criticism--is the angle of them both having a repressive childhood. It allows for the context of the premise, yes, and it is presented in a way that makes sense with regard to either character, but... I don't know, the theme of it doesn't feel like it meshes well with the tone of the story. Their bonding in the story is very much a thing of the present, and trying to connect them through their distant pasts seems a little bit unnecessary to me. Or maybe I'm just over here trying to preserve my headcanon that everypony had a happy, healthy foalhood.
Not my usual story preference...or my usual pairing preference...but exceptionally well written, and I'm actually eager to find out how Rarity will discover Pinkie's true feelings in the matter. The refrain has four lines. Does this mean you have four chapters planned?
1868709 I do get that, but this was the basic concept I came up with. They had otherwise healthy foalhoods, but both sets of parents were prudish about sex. Pinkie's for religious reasons, and Rarity's because such things are simply not discussed.
Whoa, I was JUST checking on this story last night to see if it updated and I had just missed it or something. Good to know I wasn't too far off the mark!
To her, it almost felt like she was only just getting to know the real Pinkie, with all of her quirks and wiles, secrets and subtleties, hidden beneath the willful obfuscation of her clownesque behavior. There was surprising maturity masked by child-like innocence, and breathtaking beauty - which Rarity could scarcely believe she’d never noticed before - just a shower away from Pinkie’s usual, Discord-may-care attitude towards her appearance.
Beautiful. As per the norm, your window into Rarity's thoughts leaves me in awe and wonder at her complexity and nuanced observations. This chapter was brilliantly paced, and the odd family stigmas they both experienced as foals seemed to reveal themselves naturally. I can hardly wait for another chapter...
"Well, I could be all mopey-dopey about it, but that wouldn’t make it better, now would it" Wisdom and truth at its finest, Can't wait to see how Rarity attempts to find Pinkie's opinion of her. Ciao darling
Delightful, this is. Obscure ships are best ships. I'm usually not a fan of Pinkie shipping but this is pretty damn cute. And yeah, the characters are delightfully in character. This is one of those few mature fics that is done tastefully and the "clop" is used for greater purpose. I shall most certainly continue to follow this. Keep up the good work!
I still find the title pic to be utterly adorable for some reason. It pleased me to see it in the featured box. And it reminded me that I forgot to fav.
I really hate that word. Other than that though, this was top notch. You don't see a lot of Raripie. It's really quite an adorable pairing. Poor Pinkie though, that was really cruel of her parents.
1875488 Wait, Prance was used in the show? When? I thought that was a fan term. As for either Prench or Fancy, what about a portmanteau of the two. Prancy, to me, is a much less forced term, and still fits with the country name of Prance. Yes, it's not a pun on the word French, but I think it fits better. Besides, not EVERYTHING needs to be a direct pun.
1875529 Never mind, I had been following fan convention. I have actually been going over every script I can find to see if Prance is actually mentioned or if I am just insane again. Its not, but Fluttershy in suited for success actually does say "French haute couture". So I do have an alternative that does not sound retarded now. Fancy just... sounds silly and Prancy... is no better. I did briefly entertain Pranciscan.
So far a beautiful take on what I am beginning to regard as my favourite ship. Good versions of both characters, as well as their personal hangups. Well written and crafted. Please write more!
To throw in a bit of constructive criticism, I don't really enjoy the full 180 role-reversal between the chapters. They pretty much completely swap characters in chapter 2.
1924640 While I appreciate the criticism, and I am sorry you did not enjoy it, I believe your complaint is less that they swapped characters but rather swapped roles. If you will indulge me a bit, allow me to explain why
The challenge of the story for me has been about the perspective. I normally write in third person omniscient. Telling a story only from Rarity's perspective is quite different, as such I can only reveal Pinkie's motivations when she does. Pinkie's foalhood mirroring Rarity's was a big part in why she took the risk she did. The trouble was, as she stated in story, it left her with some triggers that still mess her up. Rarity hit on one by mistake, and it kinda sent her into Pinkamina Mode. Meanwhile we have a functionally straight Rarity trying to come to terms with confusing feelings, and also trying to calm her new lover down. Rarity is still our naive girl of the story, but while she understood next to nothing about sex, romance is something she gets. Thus we have her trying to 'seduce' Pinkie. Pinkie on the other hoof was not thinking about seduction so much as what would make Rarity feel good. Their actions may seem similar, but their motivations are different. The whole intent of the backwards and forwards nature of the last two chapters was to put the characters on somewhat even footing.
That being said, I appreciate the criticism, and I hope chapter 3 works better for you.
1924760: Any idea on when the next chapter will be up? And will it be clean or will it have another clop-scene (I don't mind either way), cause I'd like to see more developement between Rarity and Pinkie (Which can be done either way)
>> Steel Resolve Thanks, hope the next chapter's up soon. While the motives & perspective are different, I just find it unsettling how in both chapters, one of them had a rough childhood and the other is trying to coax her. Both stories are similar, (but pinkie's was more depressing IMO), it just leaves a bad feeling of same-ness. No complaints on the bath part though, it's just the similar stories, similar attitude, similar coaxing get to me. But hell, i'm no writer. If it's some kind of liturature-abstract art thing then this is way over my head. -best regards
Commence read.
So they both had awkward moments involving their mothers. Though for Pinkie it was a deeper issue.
New rule when playing Hot and Cold ~ Sexy Times....make sure nothing temperature wise is involved so to make the signals make sense.
TL;DR.
That was quite lovely. Looking forward to see how this goes on.
This undoubtedly one of my favourite lines ever.
New chapter, finally!
yay!
This line. Gah, the squee-worthy implications of this line. Rarity, I don't think you need to be worried about whether Pinkie feels the same way about you.
This story is beautiful. A lovely, delicate dance as the two ponies each carefully weigh their words and actions against what they feel, what they want, and what they think the other wants. It makes me happy to read it.
My only complaint--and this is more a matter of personal preference than criticism--is the angle of them both having a repressive childhood. It allows for the context of the premise, yes, and it is presented in a way that makes sense with regard to either character, but... I don't know, the theme of it doesn't feel like it meshes well with the tone of the story. Their bonding in the story is very much a thing of the present, and trying to connect them through their distant pasts seems a little bit unnecessary to me. Or maybe I'm just over here trying to preserve my headcanon that everypony had a happy, healthy foalhood.
Not my usual story preference...or my usual pairing preference...but exceptionally well written, and I'm actually eager to find out how Rarity will discover Pinkie's true feelings in the matter.
The refrain has four lines. Does this mean you have four chapters planned?
Fiddlesticks! That's adorably sexy for Pinkie.
Hm a Raripie fic and a fic that isn't specifically clop for the sake of clop, intresting if I do say so myself.
1868300
Same. I see lots of words I don't wanna read XD
Excellently shipped my good man.
Seriously, either I'm really good at picking up foreshadowing or Rarity is extremely dense.
1869163 A little of column A, a little of column B...
1868709 I do get that, but this was the basic concept I came up with. They had otherwise healthy foalhoods, but both sets of parents were prudish about sex. Pinkie's for religious reasons, and Rarity's because such things are simply not discussed.
"that can be dangerous and make your oven explode, and then you get batter literally everywhere"
Why did that make me laugh?
Anyway, awesome chapter!
Hot and cold scene was pretty funny.
Is that Rarity's night-time-sexy-times name?
1869279
Sexy_Times.RAR
It just keeps getting better oh gods....
1868300;1869144
LE;MR
Long Enough; Must Read
Whoa, I was JUST checking on this story last night to see if it updated and I had just missed it or something. Good to know I wasn't too far off the mark!
I am loving this story. can't wait to see what happens to those two
1868420
also one of the best indications that the author is doing it right!
and OH how right it is, the characters are SO very much themselves...bravo again
Glorious. The passion, the tenderness, the sensuality. This is shaping up to be supremely epic.
Beautiful. As per the norm, your window into Rarity's thoughts leaves me in awe and wonder at her complexity and nuanced observations. This chapter was brilliantly paced, and the odd family stigmas they both experienced as foals seemed to reveal themselves naturally. I can hardly wait for another chapter...
How do I give this more thumbs up? I can only do it once for some reason...
Damn.... Extremely well done! So much emotion and thoughts within the words... it pulled me in deeply!
1870144 I dont have to comment anymore... yours just hit the nail on the head^^
It's only going to get better from here.
Very good chapter, I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment.
This is all well and good, but where's the cake?
So much wuv. Moar. I demand. Nao.
"Well, I could be all mopey-dopey about it, but that wouldn’t make it better, now would it" Wisdom and truth at its finest, Can't wait to see how Rarity attempts to find Pinkie's opinion of her.
Ciao darling
Delightful, this is. Obscure ships are best ships. I'm usually not a fan of Pinkie shipping but this is pretty damn cute. And yeah, the characters are delightfully in character. This is one of those few mature fics that is done tastefully and the "clop" is used for greater purpose. I shall most certainly continue to follow this. Keep up the good work!
I still find the title pic to be utterly adorable for some reason. It pleased me to see it in the featured box. And it reminded me that I forgot to fav.
Prench.
Prench.
PRENCH.
I really hate that word.
Other than that though, this was top notch. You don't see a lot of Raripie. It's really quite an adorable pairing. Poor Pinkie though, that was really cruel of her parents.
1875408 Forgive me, but my choices were Prench or Fancy. And since the show calls it Prance... its Prench.
1875488
Wait, Prance was used in the show? When? I thought that was a fan term.
As for either Prench or Fancy, what about a portmanteau of the two. Prancy, to me, is a much less forced term, and still fits with the country name of Prance. Yes, it's not a pun on the word French, but I think it fits better. Besides, not EVERYTHING needs to be a direct pun.
1875529 Never mind, I had been following fan convention. I have actually been going over every script I can find to see if Prance is actually mentioned or if I am just insane again. Its not, but Fluttershy in suited for success actually does say "French haute couture". So I do have an alternative that does not sound retarded now. Fancy just... sounds silly and Prancy... is no better. I did briefly entertain Pranciscan.
1879772
Fair enough.
Pranciscan. As in San Prancisco? Or am I way off the mark?
1879878 No, as in the monks. I altered all occurances of Prench to French, in this story and green.
1879891
Oooooooooooh. Yeah, that makes more sense.
Since it's first person, and Rarity instructed, then it should be changed to 'I instructed'.
1886648 its actually 3rd person limited
Oh man, this chapter was masterful. Loved every moment.
1907759 Rarity does that.
So far a beautiful take on what I am beginning to regard as my favourite ship. Good versions of both characters, as well as their personal hangups. Well written and crafted. Please write more!
To throw in a bit of constructive criticism, I don't really enjoy the full 180 role-reversal between the chapters.
They pretty much completely swap characters in chapter 2.
1924640 While I appreciate the criticism, and I am sorry you did not enjoy it, I believe your complaint is less that they swapped characters but rather swapped roles. If you will indulge me a bit, allow me to explain why
The challenge of the story for me has been about the perspective. I normally write in third person omniscient. Telling a story only from Rarity's perspective is quite different, as such I can only reveal Pinkie's motivations when she does. Pinkie's foalhood mirroring Rarity's was a big part in why she took the risk she did. The trouble was, as she stated in story, it left her with some triggers that still mess her up. Rarity hit on one by mistake, and it kinda sent her into Pinkamina Mode. Meanwhile we have a functionally straight Rarity trying to come to terms with confusing feelings, and also trying to calm her new lover down. Rarity is still our naive girl of the story, but while she understood next to nothing about sex, romance is something she gets. Thus we have her trying to 'seduce' Pinkie. Pinkie on the other hoof was not thinking about seduction so much as what would make Rarity feel good. Their actions may seem similar, but their motivations are different. The whole intent of the backwards and forwards nature of the last two chapters was to put the characters on somewhat even footing.
That being said, I appreciate the criticism, and I hope chapter 3 works better for you.
1924760: Any idea on when the next chapter will be up? And will it be clean or will it have another clop-scene (I don't mind either way), cause I'd like to see more developement between Rarity and Pinkie (Which can be done either way)
Ps. Really loving the story so far ^^
1927326 Funny you should ask, about 2300 words in on the next one.
>> Steel Resolve
Thanks, hope the next chapter's up soon.
While the motives & perspective are different, I just find it unsettling how in both chapters, one of them had a rough childhood and the other is trying to coax her. Both stories are similar, (but pinkie's was more depressing IMO), it just leaves a bad feeling of same-ness. No complaints on the bath part though, it's just the similar stories, similar attitude, similar coaxing get to me.
But hell, i'm no writer. If it's some kind of liturature-abstract art thing then this is way over my head.
-best regards