The amount of times Ponyville being the center of the bad guys has grown since Twilight moved there. But Twilight defeats them with her friends with ease. But this pony walking into the town seems like no friend or no foe. But can ponies decide which one he is before he does something that may lead to disaster?
Sometimes when you see someone as a friend who really isn't, they can manipulate you into their evil hands, and when they do so, the chess board is set, and you won't be able to stop your master from using you as a simple pawn. Will Ponyville share the same fate?
Or can they discover the true identity and goal he hides?
Chapters (5)
Alright, look. I can't really say much about the story content itself: it's not my kind of story, though I'm sure it would have a certain appeal to many if they can get into it. But "getting into it" is sort of difficult.
I can understand what happens through what you write, but it doesn't flow. I can't get a good picture in my mind of what's happening, I just know it's happening, and at times it is just off. I wouldn't call it bad, because I actually do understand what's happening most of the time and you seem to be trying pretty hard to set the overall scene straight, but it still doesn't make the reader particularly want to continue reading, at least in my case.
I'd like you to continue, but I'd highly recommend finding an editor for your story. If you pay close attention to what and how they edit, as well as talk to them, you might learn the nuances that are missing in your writing. That's my opinion, at least.
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Yeah I've been looking for an editor for a long time, still haven't found one but...still looking! In the meantime I'm having to self-edit, trying to see if I can fix mistakes myself.
I really hope I can find an editor soon...