You can buy the strangest things at 'cons. As a Warriors fan, I decided to go dressed as one of the awesomest villain characters in the series- Scourge. Of course, naturally, enter The Merchant, selling a collar with dog teeth to complete my image. Said collar not only sends me to Equestria and makes me the size of a pony, but also gives me necromantic powers to bring back the recently deceased. Things happen, and allow me to find new powers that I can use. But even with all these powers on my side, what can I do for the people I love?
In case you can't tell by the title, this is a displaced fic. Tags will be added and changed as the story progresses. I have some idea of where the story will go, but I'd rather not get anyone's hopes up. Starts during season 3, after the Crystal Empire episode. Minor gore, but really not descriptive. Some swearing, but not excessive.
This seems cool. Keep going.
This looks like a very promising idea. I don't think I've ever seen a Warrior's crossover with MLP, so you know that you've got my attention now.
I liek it
why do i see a similar end to this request.
Well... That was unexpected
YES, YES, A THOUSAND TIMES YES.
Does she become a Tom or is she still female?
Nevermind.
6435902 Melody is still female, but "Sang," the body, isn't
Summary
Mispelled the word 'title'
Chapter 1
"I used my telekinesis" is better - 'pink telekinesis' sounds odd.
"She noticed my saddened face and sighed" Would flow better - Waifu is an Asian term/meme - I doubt he would know about it.
This is worded strangely - I don't know how to correct this in a style that would match yours. Also, are you trying to make Shining Armor a hipster of sorts? 'Biz' sounds very, very, casual. I don't think 'Biz' is used today in real life.
Put a space after hour.
Should be "Oof!"
Chapter 2
Mispelled 'straight'
Mispelled 'straightened'
"What exactly do you want?" Sounds better - The commas aren't necessary.
I like the premise of this story. I would consider getting a beta-reader/editor/something of the sort - Grammar and such can kill a story.
wow shining. someone says kill me and you just snap the neck like its nothing.
i respect that.
MOORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I BEG OF THEE!
6435955 thank you.
6436056 this is a displaced story. There's sertain guidelines that I have to follow when writing it.
Shiny has a LOT more backbone and guts than he normally has, most of the time he's only a couple of jumps a head of blueballs
6436639 ... I get that but... it was that scourge actually died... thought there would be something preventing it.... (like an permanent unbercharged spy head) but yeah.....
Ill delete that comment in sec...
Also i have a habit of posting freaking comments like that that it seems like no one but me understands
Color me impressed
6437006 I understood it, and I loved the Spy head. It just wasn't where I was going with the story.
I shall serenade you now.
See's a displaced fic, okay let me check it out. Displaced warriors fic, oh my god....someone else loves the series too! Scourge, yes!
You've really peaked my interest. I love the story and I can't wait to see where this goes.
I'm not a huge fan of the series but I'll never past up a warriors crossover, never mind a displaced! You have my attention, hope to see more soon.
What I want is for you to kill me.
Da buck???
.... I WANNA DO A CROSSOVER!!!!
6471971 I'm doing one with legendarys of equestria first. When I do my second crossover chapter, I'll see if you want to do it then.
6472764 Okay. It'll be a while before I can do another crossover anyways.
This is a really awesome concept! Also Scourge, my most favorite villain from any book.
Crossover as a human being in the MLP universe as X? Check.
Most generic explanation in the history of history? Check.
6499875 As I've replied to someone else's comment before, this is a displaced story. And for your second part, I assume you're talking about the intentional vagueness- I plan on expanding it later, after the mental breakdown. There is, after all, only so long until a person snaps under their own aloneness, ne?
6499896 I don't like displaced stories. I don't like the "explanation" of:
Person goes to X con dressed as Y and buys Z from mysterious merchant, and is in equestria as Y. It's just so unoriginal, it gives me minor depression and a severe loss of faith in humanity.
6499916 Then you came here for what reason, exactly, other than to be rude? I clearly put in both descriptions that this was a Displaced story. Hell, it's in the title. You had no reason to come here.
marilyndevonish.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Witch-You-Have-No-Power-Here.jpg
6499916
You have to admit though, some of the displaced are pretty good.
6499962 You could say that, but I personally think that instead of a person being put into Equestria as X, X can be in Equestria directly, as a character. Or a human can be X in whatever universe X is from. Either of those could be mildly logical and interesting. So-called displaced fanfiction is just
6499962 It's just not his cup of tea, and that's fine. So long as he isn't rude about it, it's all good.
6499983
Yea, I admit that would be pretty interesting compared to what Displaced is now. The fun part about Displaced to me is that you can take a character and change up said characters skill set to help further a situation.
And with that, my flawless(obviously horrible) counter argument(I am so sorry) has been finished(i don't mean to be mean).
6500018 stories like that aren't displaced stories, though. You'd probably be better off looking for HiE instead.
6500055
Well, yes and no. Some displaced are characters that don't have a very flushed out move set as of when they were made so the author gave the character some tweaks to the powers to help with the situation.
6500096 No no no. You misunderstood(or I didn't explain clear enough). You were right on the money, his ideas weren't displaced. TBH, they exist, just not as this type of story.
Aww!
Just one question. Maybe I just missed it while reading. How big is he? As big as a adult pony or like a foal?
6499916
That's one way to see it. I would say many try this setting because it is easy for beginners in writing. Is it unoriginal? Undoubtely. But every writer has to start at one point. And by the way, you can still write a great story, no matter how unoriginal the setting is. There are some great displaced stories out there, that can prove it, like the one with Gilgamesh.
But if you are not that much into displaced stories, than there are a lot of other groups who might catch your interest, like The Good HiE List.
Personally I didn't find this story that unoriginal. My own Laharl displaced is much more unoriginal, since the story started with him imprisoned in stone.
6501232 The top of his head is level with the bottom of Shining's jawline. I was going to make a size comparison chart later.
one thing DON'T ABANDON THIS STORY to many interesting concepts with displaced humans have been abandoned PLEASE break the mold this is TOO good of a story
6542754 nah, I'm not abandoning it. I am a HUGE procrastinator, but rest assured, I am not leaving it here.
6542773 oh thank you THANK YOU
This is one of the better displaced storys, and the start is a good one. Alot of the storys written in this genre ends up being nothing more then a crossoverparty with other displaced, so they stagnate and suicide (the character has no interaction with the world we came to read about).
But there are those that manage to implement others storys and still go strong, Gilgamesh is one of them.
6465081 That was my reaction
Haven't really found any good warriors crossover story's but this one is interesting can't wait to find out how fluttershy will react to our displaced hero
When will it be off hiatus?
7723306 honestly, I don't know. I've actually lost quite a bit of interest in mlp... The only real reason I haven't labeled it cancelled is because I said I wouldn't quit. I may start writing this again, but chances are I'm not. I don't know.
7727533
Alright, thanks for a honest answer.