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Stripped of my humanity, torn from my world and procedurally trained into the perfect lapdog by a deranged madman.
Mad pony, I guess, although I hardly see how thats any better.
A thousand years have passed in the blink of an eye...
Are we... free?
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Aww, I love Peridot. She's the cutest!
7881059 Indeed~
Nice. Can't wait to see where you go with this.
Peridot is my favorite gem.
Woah...
d0gl0ver.wordpress.com/files/2009/08/cute-puppy-pictures-loldogs-please-sir-may-i-have-some-more.jpg
Hmmm... No mention of Jasper... Curious, that.
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That's extremely interesting. I'm already excited to see how Peridot will develop in future chapters!
Please don't do the flashback thing- it's way overdone. You've created an interesting setup here, and ditching the interesting here and now for a backstory that we basically get the point of already would just be painful. Short dream flashbacks would be fine, just not the full in media res treatment. I'm temporarily faving this to see which direction it goes.
When I see this:
I think of something far darker than an E rating. I'll have to give it a look after work.
Well there seem to be a lot of drama, not much explanation on what's happening. I will be looking forward to see more of this.
Very intriguing beginning, I really want to see more.
But why a displaced story? It looks like it'd work as a crossover instead as the other crystal gems were mentioned and even given a back story with the crystal empire. Which by the way is genius and now I can't imagine why no one else every thought of that. Hope that you continue this!
Holy. Shit
I really want to read.more.
7881559
A temporary mislabel.
Meant it to be Teen, now its labeled correctly.
no big flashback info dump please! keep us guessing into the past with debit's of trauma to keep us guessing to build a story in our mind of what happened to her like rediscovering with her kind of way!
so quick question is there a risk of gem corruption?
I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter, I definitely liked this first one
7881722
Currently, no. At least not in the fashion as it was shown in the cartoon. King Sombra does have his nasty tricks, however...
I am very intrigued by this start. Looking forward to the next one.
Finally a good Steven universe crossover
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Nice
7881797 so did he like do a gem kindergarten thing?
7881862
That... sounded more French than Itallian.
7881885 that's because it wasn't angry, it was happy.
Oh hey, another displaced story. Anyone want to take bets on how far it'll go? Million to one that it'll be completed at all, one-hundred-thousand to one hit more than 15000 words.
Anyways, not liking that there were other gems; seems like it's gonna destroy a metric shit-ton of SoD that a bunch of cosplayers showed up and decided to pick up their roles to a 'T', but we'll see.
We demand MOAR!!!!
Please?
7881893
...
Huh, you got a fairly good chuckle out of me. It almost threatened to turn into an uncontrollable belly laugh...
7881250 Moar YOU WANT MOAR?
Edit: so do I...
Yas! A Steven Universe crossover with peridot!
My friend, I congratulate you. There are very few Steven Universe crossovers on this site, and may I say, this is the only one I am really getting into. Please give us more ;)
Okay, very nice start. You portrayed the mental state quite well and left me with faint chills reading how she was suffering and coping with it. The expansion of the lore and setting Book Smart gave was pretty good too. I... fear for what happened to the rest.
So far, So good.
But that crack's got to be nasty. Hope's for healing it soon enough!
7881894
Being a displaced story already puts it at a disadvantage to an actual Peridot-In-Equestria story, but this has some potential still. Yes, the other Crystal Gems being there is pretty unbelievable, not so much that six people decided to cosplay in a group together and all got sent to the Crystal Empire, but more in that, as with all displaced stories, that all of them took on their roles flawlessly. Never understood why people would see the need to act out their character just because they look like them. I'm not suddenly going to get super into advanced technology and engineering just because I'm dressed as Peridot or Dexter, after all. Plus it just seems to make the displaced trope pointless, it's like, if this character for instances is going to act exactly like the real Peridot would in the same situation, then why even bother not having it be the real Peridot?
Also hard to believe Sombra could defeat the Crystal Gems as all, but we'll have to wait to see how he pulled that miracle off.
P.S.
Has a displaced story ever been completed beyond a one-shot? I'm actually curios about that.
7882078
After every Halloween, I had to have an intervention because I wouldn't stop acting like the person I went as. It's an insanity I share with these displaced humans that I take on my costume's characteristics in all aspects of my life. The year I went trick-r-treating as Hannibal Lector was a blood bath...
So. Crossover, or Displaced? Displaced would be a laughable farce, as there's already plenty of character from the crossover source to work with. Instead of going 'hur dur, human dressed as X' it would work far better as being the Peridot instead. Either way, dealing with a broken character like this could prove to be interesting.
You did a good job with the start, but Displaced is a massive knock against you.
7882078
7882049
7881894
Why does everyone keep assuming that the Crystal Gems that Book Smart mentions are Displaced humans?~
There's only one Displaced human in this Equestria, and her current name is Peridot. That being said... she isn't the Peridot that the Crystal Empire originally knew.
Who's to say if the original Crystal Gems are still around or not? There's uncountable evil sources to be had in a magical setting... Who knows, Peri might actually end up running into the original...~
7882108 Honestly, I didn't think the others were Displaced. Only that there were other gems before Sombra had his way with Peridot.
7882113
>'had his way'
I... was actually considering inferring that Sombra had done... 'certain' things to her whenever he wanted, furthering her dislike of Rarity and 'her profession'.
...Should I?~
7882121 Dark. But appropriate. Somewhat. He did have his harem, so he might just have relegated her to only information hub in his debasing/objectifying.
New displaced? Hmm, let's see whatchu got.
Ignore the haters but take whatever criticism they give, I mean if any of it is constructive that can help you improve, just try to have fun despite any negativity that comes your way.
I love it! Good job.
7882078 There has been a number of completed ones, The two that really pop into my head are The Mighty Warrior of Epicness, which is completed, but it sequel is not. The other is Headless, not Heartless which has a few sequels, all of which are completed.
7882108 Honestly, I assumed that at first as well, but that is the norm for most displaced fics. Then I remembered who is writing it and changed my thoughts on that. Still didn't expect an actual Peri to be in this, so that final line did surprised me.
Peri, What kind of Pony was Sombra? did he ever tell you?
7882108 The biggest question is why Displaced in the first place? You are taking what makes Peridot the character from the Crossover material, and stripping them of their personality so you can have your wee little human from a con who ruins stories by not providing the character of the 'Displaced' character.
Given this chapter it is quite obvious that you can write quite well, but why can't you recognize that running with the Displaced theme instead of simply making it a crossover is going to be detrimental to the story overall? Seriously, why do people have such a fucking hardon for Displaced when it destroys the potential experience of that character in Equestria? Just make it random fucking human as a pony Sombra broke, because that's what you're doing.
Fucking Displaced. Stupid fad won't be nice and go the fuck away.
EDIT - Go as dark as you'd like to, I mean the whole theme to start is an extremely broken character. I doubt Sombra would hold anything back.
7882108 The story is still new so until more information is presented a lot of speculation is going to occur. But in a way it's good as it shows that this isn't some sort of passing fancy for people but something that's making them stop and think about. As an author, you did a good job in capturing everyone's attention.
It also looks like you have an outline and plan for this story, so this Peri isn't the Peri that we're familiar with. OK. Good to know. Displaced or crossover, this is your story and I trust you to take us on one heck of a ride. So I'm sorry for jumping to the wrong conclusion, please, continue. I really want to see what happens next. I'm starting to feel for this new Peri of yours.
I'm reserving judgement for now. However, you have my full attention. It's certainly a unique idea.
I'll be tracking this. It seems pretty good so far. I hope "Peridot" gets better and actually catches a break after all those years of torment.
First, I am actually very interested in the story and hope it will be good, but am also highly skeptical that it will be because of the horrible track-record of Displaced fics. Don't want to get my hopes up and feel all other readers should try to do the same. It will hurt less if you don't get your hopes up after one interesting chapter.
Seriously feel this story would have been better if this was the real Peridot in this situation instead of some ass-hat human. I'd read the shit out of that.
Also,
7882108
Well, that's defintly a unique twist to a Displaced story, though whether or not it's a good one is yet to be seen. Actually sounds even less believable than a bunch of humans getting Displaced together. So, what? The Crystal Gems were in the Empire for awhile, then left without a trace just as Sombra and this fake Dot showed up? Well, they better not be in this world still; it'd make the story way less convoluted than it's shaping up to be if they left for their own world after being stranded for a while.
Options I can see:
Warp pad accident.
Actual AU where the Crystal Gems and Steven originated from this world to start (ponified version of SU).
Alien planet reached through space travel.
All of the above are pretty weird. Lay off the drugs.
7882353
As a story approver, maybe you can tell me if I'm remembering this correctly. Didn't the Four Score Divided By Whatever trope get banned or some such because they weren't about any characters from MLP, just people turning into them?
I vote we ban Displaced for the simple fact this it sucks and needs to die. It's not even like there aren't any good ones, just that those are too drastic a minority to justify letting this trope fester any longer. Seriously, there's hundreds of the damned things on the site, and out of those, only two or three percent are halfway decent, and out of those there's an even smaller fraction that can actually be called good.
And of course, there's the fact that nobody finishes them anyways. Displaced is just a easy cut-and-paste formula that sub par writers try to use to disguise their shit writing as anything but.
This bandwagon needs to burn. Make real crossovers, people, not this half-assed drivel... Unless you are doing a story where someone get's sucked out of a convention dressed as an original character or the like. Those are technically fine I guess. Like if someone was dressing as, I don't know, a random D&D monster or a steampunk version of a character, well, those are technically not pre-established characters, so you aren't trampling on other fandoms.
dear author, you had me intrigued but like everyone said. Don't make this a displaced story. Make this Peridot OUR Peridot, the one we all know and love, the midget genius who fears the Diamonds [not much anymore] has zero to low knowledge of earthlike Culture. BUT keep the broken traumatized bit going. Make the healing SLOW as it should be. Make her miss Lapis, Steven.. and her barn back in Beach City
7882446 It's already been added to the 'Displaced' and 'The Great Equestrian Cosplay' groups, so I think we may be out of luck.
7882490
Stories can be removed from groups, but yes, looking at this author's other works, it's unlikely. They are obsessed with Displaced, which is a shame, it's like finding out J.K. Rowling is a member of the KKK.
Can a petition be started to ban Displaced or can we make a anti-displaced group? I'm tired of seeing my favorite non-mlp characters on the cover art, only for it to be a displaced story. Peridot is awesome and one of my favorite characters from recent cartoons, so to see this got me excited then kicked me in the balls. Same as when I saw Flutter is Shy's Megaman ZX story, got real happy for a second then nothing.
Here is me hoping that Peridot will call Rarity a prostitute in one of the following chapters!
I started to read this story because I thought you wrote "not a displaced story". I don't even have any beef with your character being a human originally, because why not? Shine on you crazy diamond. And then I noticed that you wrote "new displaced story". And then I was disappointed.
Buuuuut, now I'm interested, so I might as well give it a try. And who knows, maybe you won't ruin the story by shoehorning in a crossover with a different story, or diluting the premise you already have going with whatever the hell the overarching thread of the displaced stories is supposed to be but never get around to having.