It begins anew...
Twilight shut the door as fast as possible and rested her back against it, panting heavily and holding a hoof to her heart. Never once would she have ever imagined something like… that happening in the bath. It didn’t make sense, and she certainly didn’t think of the princesses that way. Celestia’s mane was so frazzled as well as Luna’s. And those clothes they were wearing? It was so…
She didn’t know the word for it. Twilight Sparkle, newest Princess of Equestria and Egghead Extraordinaire (her unofficial title by Rainbow Dash), didn’t know the word for what she was feeling. She groaned as she slid down the door. Her mind returned to the next thing on the list. Just what were the guards doing in there with them?
She didn’t want to think about it anymore. It was giving her a headache as she tried to digest the information. She picked up her towel and decided it’d be easier for her to take a shower that evening.
The next morning…
She awoke with a letter sticking to her face. As one might expect, she smacked her lips lazily and then stretched out for her morning yawn. She pushed some bedhead out of her eyes and then was going to begin reading it, until she looked past what was in front of her and realized the scroll it was on had unraveled itself beyond her bed. She looked at the first paragraph.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle
I have sent you this letter to help ease your confusion on the issue of what you momentarily observed in the Royal Bath. It’s a terribly difficult scenario to explain, but I know you’ll eventually come to make sense of it. It was an unannounced thing, but I hope that next time you can come and join us.
As if her morning drowsiness had sprouted legs and walked off, she immediately began to read more.
It all started one very odd evening just three nights ago…
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Well okay then! Let's see where this goes.
Couldn't they just split the muffin...?
Oh gawd...
Dat picture
Omigod yes! I had forgotten about this...
2434143
Thanks for being the 300th comment. I love you more than a cactus at a needle convention.
Cheers
~Cosmic
boards.420chan.org/sport/src/1351726539840.gif
2434853 I love how i I discovered this story yesterday and now there's a sequel...
2434853
It is my duty as a FimFucker.
I HAVE DONE IT!
I read this entire story without blinking!
I AM A MASTER OF STARING CONTESTS...
Also, I think I should add something:
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRDpdb5Dw2GQXyMsPJ_hn7O0jUQWU2ocO9LdoO49KWSqTXTl30x
2438115
All the way through? Without blinking? And your name is a Half-Life reference?
I think I should add something about you too.
2438222
Words... I have none....
WTF was that clip?
Why does this picture seem familiar...
What is this and why is it in my favorites? How long ago did I read this? Why is there more? *faints*
2439857 I personally believe that Nirvanna is more likely than impudent bass exhalations of sulphur dioxide through ones lower crevice.
2444983
Oh? Oh! Twilight Clopple enjoyed this?
Well... damn. Thanks! Made my morning.
I love how people manage to pick at almost everything in an extremely well written and well though-through fic, yet they immediately love one about a bloody staring competition. All the same, it did make me laugh quite allot, have a like (\
2445721
The beauty about fanfictionry like this is that there's nothing really to pick at. It's just there and if you enjoy it, great! And you look kind of foolish trying to nit pick it because everyone's here for fun.
2446328 Glad someone else feels the same way about these things. Damn paraspites
I also read your other fic, I loved it and it made me laugh even more, but I do have one question. What the hay possesed you to write them?
2446441
This started off as a joke on a comment thread! The thread itself no longer exists and the comment long faded from both of our respective memories (the guy I was talking to). It just somehow got to the point where I said "Nightstare Moon!" and we both laughed at it like idiots.
So, being an idiot, I wrote this.
I'm really freaking glad I'm an idiot.
2446448 Fair enough, I'm also glad you're an idiot lol
2445067 dunno.
2438115 AS HAVE I! WE ARE DA CHAMPIONS!
2446525
*guitar starts up*
...my friends,
and we'll keep on fighting till the end.
Cause we are the champions,
we are the champions.
No time for losers
cause we are the champions...
if the world...
2446641
I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I've come through
We are the champions - my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
'Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the world.
I've taken my bows
And my curtain calls
You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it
I thank you all
But it's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race
And I ain't gonna lose
We are the champions
my friends
And we'll keep on fighting
'Till the end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Cause we are the champions of the world
2446652
You know, I've been wondering recently:
Is this the real life?
or is this just fantasy,
caught in a landslide?
No escape from reality?
I'm just a poor boy,
I need no sympathy.
Easy come, Easy go.
Little High, Little low.
Whichever way the wind blows,
doesn't really matter
to me....
2446641>>2446652
Ok ok, you two have had your fun, you're the champions. Top shelf work, yadda yadda.
Now please stop.
2446663
Why should I.... I.... I....
Those eyes... Those beautiful, seductive eyes...
I can;t look away, I can't lo....
Yes Mistress. Yes Mistress.
What would you have me do Mistress?
2446702
i552.photobucket.com/albums/jj335/spacemanman/surprisewetmane.png
Stop commenting useless things is what I'd have you do.
2446662>>2446715 Yes mistress! Right away mistress!
2445721
because the well thought out ones have had a shit ton of effort put into them...and there are douchebags out there who just wanna rain on the authors parade and nit-pick their hard work to shreds. this is just a silly little comedy fic and there is nothing to gain from nit-picking. which is why people don't do it as much with these ones.
tl;dr the more effort that's been put into a fic, the more encouraging it is for douchebags to nit-pick it
And so it begins... again
2491531
Not quite. The charge is reversed, but they have found that certain anti-matter particles have a 'negative' mass, in a sense. Then again, measuring said mass is impossible, due to the whole "releases tons of energy when it comes into contact with matter i.e. BIG boom" aspect. It is funny that they are the only known particles capable of destroying matter. Take that law of conservation of matter!
It received a like at the start because the muffin sounded delicious but as I read I have to agree with the author that this was not well written. It was funny for a while but once they started looking away at the muffin reading the story became more of a chore that I was determined to finish.
2502941
Because I love criticism, are there any specific elements that made you feel this way? Do you feel it was more because of the randomness that takes place that you found to be a turn-off?
2503077 I guess you could call it that. More the sudden shift from the snippets of the early chapters to trying to make it an actual story. Had the chapters been an assembly of those little bursts of dialogue it probably would have felt fresh. It's a staring contest. The only real action comes from attempts to break the other person's concentration through dialogue or dropping something to startle them. The NightSTARE Moon bit killed it for me. I love a good pun and I'll end the sentence there. Of course what really destroyed it was how they kept breaking their stare to look at the muffin, look around the room (eye contact with ref or not). At that point I just felt the story was being dragged out artificially.
If you were to rewrite this story I would advise you to break the chapters up into larger chunks of time such as "Day 1" or "Morning of the First Day", "Afternoon of the First Day", etc. and use the time stamps as headers for scene transitions. As for the actual contest mostly snippets of dialogue with an occasional action to break it up such as Celestia knocking a silver spoon across the room to try and draw her attention and setting it up as a back up plan. The Nightstare Moon joke I would have kept as a one off joke and written it out as soon as it was introduced with a brief exchange where Luna asks if her sister is buying it and she says no. Really the light bouncing off the spoon should have been the end of the story.
I will be giving your indirect sequel a chance because of the artwork drawing me in just as this did.
2503474
I felt that the light bouncing off the spoon would have been far too predictable and I wanted to see the reaction from the audience- actual readers and not the crowd of three by the end- what would happen if "evil" won for once. Sometimes in life, your trump card just isn't enough. Of course, I'm trying to convey a sense of realism in a story about two goddesses staring at each other for a piece of food, so take that for what it is.
As for artificially dragging it out... well that was done on purpose. I wouldn't doubt most people would have trouble writing a staring contest over a thousand words, let alone five thousand. That too was to emphasize the length of the contest, but I tried to keep it as entertaining as possible. I imagine you're going to have an issue with the journals in the next story, that's where I got the most criticism and they're right. But I won't spoil that for you, I'll let you read that on your own.
The smaller chunks of time in this was due to me trying to balance "action" with "how much can a person actually do for a distraction without distracting themselves." You'll notice the time stamps became increasingly infrequent in terms of activity up until the conclusion.
I will say the ending for My Little Bubble Bath, I feel, is superior to this one.
Live, Learn, Let go
~Cosmic
2503646 Don't be modest. You tried to convey a sense of realism in a story about two goddesses staring at each other over a piece of food THAT EXPIRED while they were doing it. But not one silly face? Not one fake yawn? No off key singing?
This was quite funny.
Oh hey you finally learned how to use author's notes. I'm kind of sad Celestia lost, but 'twas a fun silly story.
Oh sequel! ^^
I don't know why exactly, but this was bizarrely entertaining and I'm happy I came across it.