Not a bad start. This looks like this will be an interesting read. Loved the Mane Cook joke by the way.

Nice very nice.

Image: http://1mut.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Me-gusta-face-meme-collection-1mut.com-5.png

First off all, this deserves more readers.

Secondly, the commas at the end of dialogue is bugging the crap pout of me,

(see what I did there)

Last thing is that I really like this story and I can not wait for the next chapter!

Funny and crazy

I feel sorry and glad for him at the same time.

Cliche ending is cliche! BUT it's good! Congratulations you have made me like a cliche ending. I hope you're happy!

>>820992820992

Thanks!

Although it is cliche, it is also Daww inducing. Besides, the story isn't over yet, you might find the ending not so cliche...

>>821984821984

How do you know?

>>822014822014

Cause the story says incomplete... And any good story doesn't let a romance bloom without some sort of hitch or problem.

Huzzah! More marvelous chapters of magnificence!

Oh god I missed things...

I'll go fix them RIGHT now.

>>868499868499

Oki doki loki!

I'm going to send you chapter 7 revised later tonight.

>>868704868704

AWESOME!

Marvelous! I really like the way you handled this and how this ended! So I say to you good sir: Great job! I honestly thought the marefriend would be mean like his ex best friend but instead you made her a character you could use later!

>>872659872659

Well, they say write what you know!   Thanks again for the comment!

Righteous

Awesome story man. I thought I would hate the chuck norris references the first time I saw one being that I played WoW for 5 years but you made them funny again. heres hoping we see more storys from you in the future

I personally loved the stand up comedy.

>>873765873765

Thanks! You are pretty righteous yourself!

>>875610875610

I am tired of Chuck Norris jokes myself; so I was VERY determined to make sure any references weren't horrible. And you're in luck, I am currently writing a sequel to this one!

>>875781875781

I aim to please, thank you

What a way to end it.  Excellent, truly excellent.

Get on that next story, bro.

>>876742876742 awesome can't wait

im enjoying this. when i read they are going to meet applejack i was like. did gonna be good.

amazing ending great story

You sir, have made a masterpiece!

I have not read something that made me happy like this in a long time.

Well played, Keep up the good work.

>>931678931678

Dawww, thank you! That motivates me to work even harder!

>>931478931478

Why thank you!

>>930699930699

That is the reaction I was hoping for. thank you for enjoying it!

Promising

just read it all and wow just wow

>>934516934516

Is it a good wow?

>>934522934522

yes the wow i am giving is a good wow

>>934531934531

Yay! Thank you so much!

I cant belive I laughed at that 'Stable tennis' joke *groan*

*raises hand* Uhh, Vinyl's white, not yellow.

>>936363936363

MLP wiki said Yellowish White, so I went with that.

“Fancypant’s, I have one question to ask. Have you ever considered being a superhero? Seriously, you’re rich and good looking! Your parents aren’t dead, are they?”

Stable tennis I'd be lying if I said I never heard that one before also.....

A hetero Twilight Sparkle pairing with an OC thats not a human stu??? Rare find.

>>991077991077

Thank you, I do my best to try stuff that is "somewhat original".

>>991159991159 Well done then,human/pony pairings never sit well with me. I see so many stallion OCs on DA plus a large  list of BG males with fan names on MLP wiki but barely either of these are used in the fanfics I find for some reason.Always nice to see find someone use one.

A few grammar errors but otherwise a good chapter.

Awww

Great story.

Conversation between Applejack and Laughing Stock seems rather strange to me.

I`d picture Laughing Stock being more forceful about not being lumped with showbiz type... Something like this.

“So do we have a deal?" Applejack was gritting her teeth. Her hoof was hanging in front of the stallion, waiting for him to shake it.

Laughing Stock paused, making a show of thinking things over, then abruptly answered - "No. Deal`s off." It wasn`t what Applejack expected to hear. "What? Why you..." - she was shushed by a waving hoof. "And now, I`ll tell you why it`s off." - he offered quietly, glaring at orange mare - "Because I will tell her on my own, in the RIGHT moment. And if I`m really the slimy showbiz type for whom right moment never comes, ask yourself this - would you want THAT kind of pony anywhere around Twilight?"

I sill dont see Friendship to useful

Wow, a well-made OC story...don't see too many of these around. Great work on this! I can't wait to see what kind of jokes he's got!

It's funny, we both have OCs shipped with Twilight. Yours is a comedian, mine's a soldier. Your's found his cutie mark by complete accident, mine had his life circumstances force it upon him.

That's interesting. I'm really hooked right now. Great job!

Silver out!

This is really good. I am enjoying this greatly! Your structure is great and you go deeper into the thought processes of these ponies rather than keeping it bland like many stories do.

Great work!

Our OCs are very alike in personality to some extent. They'd be instant bros if they ever met!

Silver out!

Applejack's contract, Rainbow Dash and her Buck Norris jokes, and a near muffin fatality at the hooves of Pinkie Pie...

I laughed so much during this chapter! Laughing Stock is an awesome character, I can see why Twilight likes him.

The grammar did get a little screwy in that last paragraph though, watch that. Anyways, carry on!

Silver out!

>>10759701075970

Thanks for all the kind words! Your story intrigues me, which story is it? I want to check it out!

>>10761471076147

I can't wait for you to read chapter 7 if you laughed a lot during this one.

>>10761481076148

He's not in my story just yet but he's gonna intro'd in my next chapter. My story is a little darker than yours and has a crossover/world war type thing going on. I still try to put a little comedy in there for relief though, which you seem quite good at yourself.

Spoiler Alert: Reading Optional

Anyways, if you care, my OC is Blaze Silverstein. He is a brown earth pony with light green eyes and a field commander for the Republic of Karalia, an Equestrian allied nation. My plan is to have him fight alongside Shining Armor throughout the war and that's how he comes into contact with Twilight. He's slightly younger than her. Wish me luck on how I'm gotta get that shipping to work!

-

Ok now that my self-advertising session is out of the way, I'd like to tell you that when I clicked on this story, I had high hopes for it...

And I got exactly what I wanted! This is a great story and I could sure learn a lesson from you about writing while you learn a lesson from me about GRAMMAR!

Just kidding it's not that bad, and I'm sure you've probabgly fixed it already.

I can already tell just by looking at the picture that your sequel is gonna be gold!

Great work and keep it up!

Silver out!

>>10762381076238

That sounds awesome. I can't to give your story a read!

>>10763201076320

Maybe sometime in the distant future, we can do a collab where our OCs meet! It would either be awesome...or a disaster waiting to happen!

Reading chapter 4, I've got work tomorrow so I think that's as far as I can make it for tonight. Expect one more comment.

Don't freak out about me not giving you a like or a fave, I usually finish the story before I do that...more special.

Silver out!

I lost it here:

Are you kidding me?! Twice in one day?! This is bull-

And here:

“Because my sister said Twilight’s new friend was crabby, but I am not seeing it.”

“Girls, I think you better get going before all the crabs get caught.”

“Ok then, bye Twilight, bye Crabby!”

“The relationship I have with my friends is so strong; it allows us to…do very special things with each other.

A sly grin slowly grew across Laughing Stocks face as he began to imagine what those special things could be.

“Laughing Stock,” Twilight said shaking her head side to side. “That is NOT what I was talking about.”

“Hey, in my defense, you can’t end a sentence like that. A stallions mind can be a rather creative place.”

I feel ya Laughing Stock. I had the same stupid grin on my face.

“I don’t know much about fashion…or anything really, but they look nice.” In an attempt to make Twilight Laugh, the stallion put on the massive hat and made his way to a mirror.

You capitalized it. I see what you did there.

“Can I join your group? I want to wield an ancient weapon too!”

“Sorry, there are only six elements” Twilight said.

“Can we kick somepony out then? Rarity doesn’t seem very generous to me…” Laughing Stock suggested.

Again, I feel ya Laugh. I want an ancient weapon too...and Rarity is not exactly my favorite of the six either. Still better than Applejack though. Given his situation, I think Laughing Stock can attest to that statement.

“But if we ever come across the element of mediocre comedy, you will definitely be the pony for the job.

BBBBUUURRNN!

Twilight let out a small sigh as she reached into her saddlebag. She pulled out a few bits and threw them at Laughing Stocks feet.

“I thought you were different from all the other ponies from Canterlot.” Twilight said with pain in her eyes. “I told myself that this stallion was different, he didn’t look down on small town ponies like everyone else does. Turns out, I was wrong.”

Ew-oh...burn...

“But you have a rubber chicken cutie mark…so that means…”

“Yes I do.” Laughing Stock was thrilled the girls figured out his story

“That means you knew another pony with the same cutie mark as you” Applebloom deduced.

At least he ran into Vinyl Scratch. Something a little positive for him. At least he scored one victory today amidst a sea of defeats.

I will be continuing on later!

Silver out!

She set you up with the perfect line, he thought. Now is the time, go for it!

“They aren’t actually.” Laughing Stock took a deep breath. “I have seen something even more beautiful.”

“What was it?” Twilight asked, still looking at the stars above her head.

“You” the stallion replied turning his head to look at her.

Yeah buddy! That's how its done right there!

“She somehow knew I felt the same way because I told her right before you entered the barn.”

Ohh! Cheap shot Applejack! Cheap shot!

This was a great chapter man and I adore the fact that its still not over.

Silver out!

Don't blow it?

Way to be a real confidence booster Vinyl...

I'm loving this story and I'm almost finished!

Silver out!

I just finished this story.

It was hilarious, sweet, and I love how you redeemed Ruby. Twilight and Laughing's relationship seems believable and not a lot of writers are able to do that. An all-around great story and horribly underrated.

I think I saw a Batman reference in there with one of Fancypant's jokes.

I can't wait to read to read the sequel tommorrow!

WARNING: HORRIBLY WRITTEN BLAZE MEETS LAUGHING STOCK SCENARIO

DO NOT READ...UNLESS YOU'RE BORED...THEN IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.

Laughing: So...what do you think? Pretty cool book huh?

Blaze: I liked it, but I would've just shot that Slick guy in the face instead of making him a janitor, but that's just me.

Laughing: So THIS is what happens when you have a sadistic soldier as a friend.

Blaze: Hey! I'm not sadistic! A little mentally unstable? ...Maybe.

Laughing: Hey...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! AND WHAT IS THAT THING?!

Blaze: This is a Mare-16 assault rifle and I'm dropping into your universe to kill that Slick Prick! Hehe, like my nickname for him?

Laughing: What the hay dude!? Are you off your nut!? Y-You can't do that!?

Blaze: Aww, c'mon man! I'm just gonna pop in to the story real quick, and shoot that prick in the mouth. I'll be back in a jiff, I promise!

Laughing: What is WRONG WITH YOU!?

Blaze: Sadly, many things...

Laughing: H-have you ever...killed anypony with that thing?

Blaze: Of course! Who hasn't?!

Laughing: Well, that's all I needed to know! If you'll excuse me, I need to find a police officer to arrest you for war crimes...and the lack of tacos during last week's barbecue...just as bad.

Blaze: Hey, you leave the hypocritical army I fight for out of this!

Laughing: Dude...you should really leave the comedy to me...and I still hate you for the lack of tacos. You disappoint me greatly.

Blaze: Well, judging by the sequel, I'm pretty sure I made better friends with Shining Armor in my universe than you did.

Laughing: Shut up, Enchilada Silverstein.

Blaze: It's Ensign...my rank is Ensign, not a Mexican food.

Laughing: Damn you and your hate for Mexican food.

Blaze: I don't do spicy.

Laughing: Excuse me? Does our little 'unstoppable' soldier have a weakness?

Blaze: Just because I'm shorter than you, doesn't mean you can pick on me.

Laughing: I'm also older than you so you better listen to me kid! Hehe.

Blaze: I'm a military officer, I don't have to listen to any of the crap you say.

Laughing: How did Twilight in your universe fall for you? You're an idiot...just kidding! Don't rip me in half or shoot me full of holes because I hurt your feelings now!

Blaze: First of all, I'm very skilled and well-trained in military tactics and strategy. And being a soldier entitles me to be stupid! Haha!

Sorry about that, it's late here and my brain is scrambled beyond belief at this point.

Expect me for your sequel!

Silver out!

>>10901521090152

I laughed.

This is very cute but you need to decide if your characters are going to use contractions or not. it's very odd to have them speak so formally one minute and then relax into more normal speech patterns the next. It's jarring and makes it hard to get into the story. so far every character you've introduced would speak with contractions as it's a more casual way of talking. If you do not use contractions it sounds more like you are writing a thesis or a scientific paper.

hope that helps and definitely gonna keep reading Laughing Stock seems like fun.

>>10992011099201

Alright, thanks for the advice! When I get a chance, I'll fix that up.

Is this really your first story?

>>13457231345723

Yeah...isn't it obvious by the pacing? Lol

I really enjoyed this. Have a

>>13521881352188

Why thank you! You get a

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_cake.png

Why didn't I know about this fic when it first came out?

I wonder what Laughing Stock is going to think of the rest of Twilight's friends, especially Pinkie Pie?

>>10282501028250 Yeah well he just figured it's not nice to make Applejack mad just for the fun of it.

"Are you kidding me?! Twice in one day?! This is bull-" LOL!

>>13535741353574

Because this story is like a rare gem, buried beneath other fics.

Holy crap, I sound so conceded...

So he admits it, finally!

CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TORCH JUGGLERS YAY!

Honestly though what did they THINK was going to happen when they tried that?

>>13537271353727 Well I'm glad I found it and I look forward to reading the sequel, from the looks of things Shining Armor is following the "My Sister Is Off Limits" trope.

“That one was for you Rainbow Dash.”

That whole bit right there had me laughing hard. This fic was great, I read the first 6 chapters in one night because I couldn't stop, and now I'm done with chapter 7.

Time to read that sequel

>>13897651389765

Thanks! The sequel is better imo, but I'm glad you liked this one.

Yep, this is awesome. Derpy approved.

>>14770141477014

Image: http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f44/GNRocker/Pony%20Folder/002-1.png

When Laughing Stock told Fluttershy he hated animals, this was my reaction:

*Facehoof* "No no no no no no.....no no.....no, no NO"!!!

>>14771921477192

I was just looking for an excuse to use an Indiana Jones reference.

"Really Applejack, would you care to tell every pony what YOU did"?

BUUUUUUUUURRRNN!

Cool story Brony

“Oh Twilight, I just remembered that Applebloom needed some help with some fancy school project. I was going to bring her by the library later, but since you are here, could you give her a hand?” Applejack asked.

“Sure, that won’t be a problem,” Twilight insisted.

Oh yes, it WILL be a problem, because ponies don't have HANDS

Our project made me realize a few things about your stories.

1. How the hell did I never have the time to read them? *Facehoof*

2. Fancypants. I'm not exactly sure if you're psychic, but the hilarious foreshadowing for his superhero status made me laugh harder than I possibly should at 2 a.m.

>>15202961520296

I just remembered I wrote that...it's rather hilarious...yet creepy.

I wish this foreshadowing power worked on midterms.

>>15203271520327

Just a bit, yea...

I wish I could see my future tests...

Okay this has been on my read later for months now (along with the other stories in this series) I like it so far so I'll continue reading.

>>15996861599686

Daw, thank you! That makes me happy!

I like the story and all, but there are two things I need to point out. First, I feel that Applejack was slightly out of character. I don't think she would force somepony into a deal like that. The second is just instalove. Like I said this is still good.

>>16000431600043

Yep, I agree with you 100% on both counts. It was my first story, I had no idea what I was doing.

Is it weird that when you said "Master of Ceremonies" I instantly thought of Teen Titans?  

>>16010321601032

I write stand up comedy for a pony...to me, everything is weird.

But no, its not that weird.

That was really good. I shall read the next one tomorrow, because it's almost 10 PM and I'm kinda sleepy. Also congratulations you earned a new follower.

>>16013561601356

YAY!

Motivation to write the next big story!

SO AWESOME!!!!

>>16599511659951

So glad you think so!

After talking to you so much I finally read the first Laughing Stock story, and now my cheeks hurt from smiling so much at it

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1487_131714558508.jpg

>>16792081679208

Thanks bud!

Image: http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f44/GNRocker/Pony%20Folder/IMG_0307.jpg

There is a distinct difference between visiting students once a year versus learning everything they know from the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria"

IS AN ALICORN

people...why is  the word "people" in this...it should be "ponies"

OMG PON3

-Yay

A classic.