On a lonely night, Luna meets a strange creature that calls itself a "human", then she follows him without knowing what kind of surprises the destiny had in store for her.
8448059 Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter and pointing out all those horrible mistakes, I already corrected them and now the text makes more sense.
Is Jack and Luna gonna save Elena somewhere in the story or is she dead already?
And also “Oh meine liebe dame.” Krause let three more soldiers walk into the room. All of them looked at the woman with hungry, excited eyes, right in that moment she felt terrified.
“You can be certain that I will kill you. Also, I assure you that Jack will Join you in hell pretty soon. But first, I’ll let you in the company of these three great gentlemen.”
As the soldiers smiled and closed in on her, the only thought on her mind was Jack; she silently prayed for his forgiveness, she didn’t care for anything else.
“Habe spaß meine herren!” Krause said and closed the door. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!? This is real bullshit I'm seeing here! I really HATE THIS, it only brings disgust to the reader like your puke just went back in your mouth and back in your guts!
Good night King Phoenix, after reading your comment I kind of got curious about what I did wrong in this chapter, also because I saw that the comment was modified later, so let's share some thoughts.
First, this story has a "mature" tag for a reason, this is not exactly your "rainbows and sunshines for everyone" kind of a story, I just realized that I should have added a dark tag too, something I already fixed.
Now, let's talk a little about Elena, answering your first question, at this point in the story she's not dead yet, and I think that you will not come back to read further chapters so I will spoil you a little. Yes, I do plan on killing her in an upcoming chapter, as for the how, well I can't tell you, there are more readers that want to find out.
Elena is the second main atagonist of the story, a woman thirsty for power, ambitious and who will do anything to achieve her goal, however, and for her bad luck, she messed with the wrong man.
Krause Ornstein can be described as a crazy motherfucker, he is even worst than Elena, and if you read previous chapters you saw some of the things he have done, the man practically murdered a hundred people for the sake of his master plan.
Of course he would search revenge on Elena, he not only wanted her dead, he wanted her to suffer, to break her own will to live, and that's exactly what he did.
I think that your main issue with the chapter is that Elena suffered a very dark and terrible fate, but this was always part of my idea for the character, sorry if this kind of bothered you and pushed you to never come back.
Without nothing else to say, I just want to say thanks for taking some time to read this story.
9137588 Can't say... the writing mood has not returned to me yet, the worts part is that I have the rest of the story planned, I have the ideas in my head but i just can't force myself to sit and write, I kind of hate me for not being able to continue what I started, I hope I can write at least the next chapter before the year ends.
I hope you bare with me.
In a more happy note, can you please give some feedback regarding to the story and what made you add it to your faves? Just to help me put a smile in my face.
Feels like there are too many commas.
tells
‘‘He saw Tiberius’’
held, past tense
hasn't
mean
used
answer
You mean ‘‘of her life’’?
she
I do not even know what that should be.
her
has
board
trouble
Said ‘‘perhaps’’ twice.
Second ‘‘face’’ should have a lowercase F.
eyes
Lowercase J for ‘‘join’’, uppercase H for ‘‘hell’’.
You mean ‘‘closed in on her’’?
people
it?
white
hasn't
take
man's
were
want
Remove the ‘‘does’’.
says
‘‘this is a very high risk’’
8448059
Thank you for taking the time to read this chapter and pointing out all those horrible mistakes, I already corrected them and now the text makes more sense.
8451422
No problem.
Is Jack and Luna gonna save Elena somewhere in the story or is she dead already?
And also
“Oh meine liebe dame.” Krause let three more soldiers walk into the room. All of them looked at the woman with hungry, excited eyes, right in that moment she felt terrified.
“You can be certain that I will kill you. Also, I assure you that Jack will Join you in hell pretty soon. But first, I’ll let you in the company of these three great gentlemen.”
As the soldiers smiled and closed in on her, the only thought on her mind was Jack; she silently prayed for his forgiveness, she didn’t care for anything else.
“Habe spaß meine herren!” Krause said and closed the door.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!? This is real bullshit I'm seeing here!
I really HATE THIS, it only brings disgust to the reader like your puke just went back in your mouth and back in your guts!
8479848
Good night King Phoenix, after reading your comment I kind of got curious about what I did wrong in this chapter, also because I saw that the comment was modified later, so let's share some thoughts.
First, this story has a "mature" tag for a reason, this is not exactly your "rainbows and sunshines for everyone" kind of a story, I just realized that I should have added a dark tag too, something I already fixed.
Now, let's talk a little about Elena, answering your first question, at this point in the story she's not dead yet, and I think that you will not come back to read further chapters so I will spoil you a little. Yes, I do plan on killing her in an upcoming chapter, as for the how, well I can't tell you, there are more readers that want to find out.
Elena is the second main atagonist of the story, a woman thirsty for power, ambitious and who will do anything to achieve her goal, however, and for her bad luck, she messed with the wrong man.
Krause Ornstein can be described as a crazy motherfucker, he is even worst than Elena, and if you read previous chapters you saw some of the things he have done, the man practically murdered a hundred people for the sake of his master plan.
Of course he would search revenge on Elena, he not only wanted her dead, he wanted her to suffer, to break her own will to live, and that's exactly what he did.
I think that your main issue with the chapter is that Elena suffered a very dark and terrible fate, but this was always part of my idea for the character, sorry if this kind of bothered you and pushed you to never come back.
Without nothing else to say, I just want to say thanks for taking some time to read this story.
9137588
Can't say... the writing mood has not returned to me yet, the worts part is that I have the rest of the story planned, I have the ideas in my head but i just can't force myself to sit and write, I kind of hate me for not being able to continue what I started, I hope I can write at least the next chapter before the year ends.
I hope you bare with me.
In a more happy note, can you please give some feedback regarding to the story and what made you add it to your faves? Just to help me put a smile in my face.