50 Years before the events of Fallout Equestria, a monster falls in love with his victim and becomes best of friends with his hunter. Talk of a legendary Raider King brings pariahs from all over the wasteland to the town of Ponyville.
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
1,056 users online
2,000,397 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I came buckets. This is lovely and amazing and I can't stop reading it.
It draws yeh in and fondles yer attention in such an entrancing way.
I will definitely be keepin' me eye on this one.
6838016 Its good to be getting critique, as I have really yet to get any of that.
Your almost certainly right on this. This is one of my earlier writings, so I was still figuring out my groove. I've been meaning to de-clutter that whole section. I like bits of the rant, but it does need to be broken up.
To me, the laser pistol represents one of the most technologically advanced artifacts of inefficient weaponry. Had it been anything else, Tumblweed would have died! I haven't encountered a fallout game where at any point where you have access to a laser pistol, that it is a good and effective choice to use a laser pistol. They don't have mass, they don't deflect really, they burn flesh at least, but they don't really do well in penetrating. It's been 150 years since its manufacture, and that means it could be all kinds of inefficient. Also, Tumbleweed is an earth pony, and there are lots of subtle magics they subconsciously use. The way I see it, the laser pistol is a weapon that relies on getting fickle chain reactions to be effective in combat, making it a piss poor weapon choice. The laser pistol is a joke in itself.
I definitely understand what you mean, I'd like to avoid extraneous fight scenes that get repetitive. However, there are a number of ideas that are being presented subtly in that fight. The biggest thing is the distinction between fights with guns and fights without guns. Tumbleweed doesn't have any weapons! He can fight quite skillfully, but when up against guns, he has to put up a fight on the run because he is both alone and guns are scary. His fight has to take longer. It also demonstrates bits of earth pony magic on multiple different counts, but I don't point it out. Finally, it introduces a number of elements that are active in the city. Its a potpourri of elements being introduced.
6841184
fanon mode GET
I think that energy weapon effectiveness degrades sharply without routine and competent maintenance.
A frequently and competently maintained energy weapon will consistently put through-and-through holes through flesh, bone, thin strips of metal and concrete and pretty much anything within a certain size, density and enchantment level.
A poorly maintained energy weapon will have firepower comparable to a tight beam flashlight and be more useful as a melee weapon than a ranged weapon.
This seems consistent with classic FO's portrayal of energy weapons as high maintenance, high power weapons.
The night serves as a dynamic for the characters to interact with, and the execution is quite impressive. That eyepatch trick is just one of the clever ways nighttime becomes another variable in the action.
Those three words at the end do not exactly give off the sense of breather you were going for in this paragraph. That short sentence is made redundant by the line preceding it. I would take that sentence out.
Pharoah's broadcast is a well-written speech reminiscent of an intellectual's appeal to the masses for revolt. It reaches the grandeur of a world-stage revolution and yet remains within the context of raiders and their own twisted perspectives of the world. The only issue I have with this speech is that it draws a discomforting parallel between a downtrodden social class and actual savages, especially considering the choice of words (pariah, outcast, misunderstood). Turning raiders into relatable revolutionaries, no matter how twisted Pharoah's perspective may be, might be crossing the line.
I cannot believe you rolled with this wording XD.
While I do enjoy how out-of-nowhere this line comes in, I do feel that the tension and pace of the scene is broken for the sake of comedic timing. His comment just seems odd given the multi-fighter brawl currently breaking out around the party. His line should really have come while he was engaging the enemy; the description just gives the visual of Calypto standing to the side while his companions fight desperately to survive.
Did they just use Scapegrace's crystal coat to blind the raiders? Now that was thrilling and brilliant (pardon the pun)!
Very subtle callback.
This is probably one of the funniest exchanges I have read in this crazy story! Flying innuendos, terrible implications, references, and cloudcuckoolander fun. All wrapped within a chat between this host and Pinkie Pie. For that reason, it is the best introduction to Pinkie Pie I have ever read.
This chapter has audacity in the new elements it explores. The nighttime variable that not only weaves into the action, but also into the tone of the unfolding story. A transition in perspective that leads to possibly the best interpretation of Pinkie Pie I have ever read. A visionary's speech that actually makes sense and hits the necessary notes (albeit with some unfortunate implications). The narration returns to its golden wit; the characters coalesce together in a comedic team in the vein of the Three Stooges.
However, the pacing and timing suffered some instances of misplaced or distracting phrases and actions that took away from the flow of the narrative. A joke does not always land during an intense action scene. Letting the narrator wander in thought does not always add personality or substance. But these are far and few in between. Many more jokes and bits of clever narration do land.
I laughed out loud myself during this chapter. You have succeeded with your intention on this one!
An interesting chapter, to be sure. I liked the transition to nighttime and the salty earth method.
There are some jarring bits, though. For instance, the memory orb, while a good idea, muddles who is actually experiencing the memory. For the life of me I couldn't deduce whether it was Tumbleweed or the blinded unicorn, or both of them. I eventually landed on both of them, but I fail to see why tumbleweed, being an earth pony (and therefore lacking the facilities to access the memory on his own) ended up in it as well.
Granted, unexpectedly entering an orb would certainly be a jarring experience, but the way it gets to that point is a bit strange.
8219445
jokers wild is a daoist parable, which makes first person semiomniscient the ideal nartation type. tumbleweed is the storyteller, but he is not experiencing the memory orb. he does not say "I" within that passage.
Also, that salty earth technique is a real life ninja technique from the shoninki. that is something people really did.