50 Years before the events of Fallout Equestria, a monster falls in love with his victim and becomes best of friends with his hunter. Talk of a legendary Raider King brings pariahs from all over the wasteland to the town of Ponyville.
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What follows after that line is not a badly written rant, but it definitely should be a separate paragraph from the preceding sentences. I enjoyed the wit in the rant, but it took way too long to get to the point it needed to be at. Had the rant simply gone from the line about terrible ghosts of the past to the sentence talking about the scariness of guns, then I do not think much would have been lost, really.
That does make for a rather funny scene, but I cannot help but wonder how Tumbleweed can just take a laser beam to the face and only flinch. A headshot with a laser beam would make for some nasty, eternally painful burns! A minor gripe, however, given the nature of the story.
Finishing up the big chase and showdown with the raiders, the grotesque gore splatter at the end was actually quite fitting. It was longer than I had seen such moments drawn out before, but a combination of interesting narration and continually added spectacles kept the scene from becoming boring. The only problem I could see is if this kind of presentation is used in consecutive scenes, because action scenes should not typically last this long in word count. The next time a fight is underway, it should be varied in length and content.
Once more, this story has fun just running with its insane sense of humor. A wonderful break after the long fight! Scapegrace is also introduced with a great amount of detail exposed in merely a page's worth of conversation. That is great characterization.
Overall, the chapter was a thrill to read. However, Tumbleweed's ability to shrug off devastating laser wounds and the way the raider encounter dragged on a little too long were striking enough to warrant attention. The narration and dialogue remain top-notch in the meanwhile.
On a side note, whatever happened to that bartender robot Tumbleweed got into a fury? Was it not following him at the conclusion of the last chapter?
Good chapter. I'm glad to see tumbleweed's sense of humor.
However, I feel like scapegrace's physical appearance is described perhaps too early. Tumbleweed is running from raiders and happens to bump into her. He likely wouldn't notice so many details so quickly, and it kinda interrupts the flow of his fight in a jarring way.
Shortening & simplifying the description of her upon "first contact" and expanding on it after the action has passed would go a long way towards improving the flow of that portion of the chapter, in my opinion.