• Member Since 13th Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen Oct 19th, 2018

volcodom


Just a guy that stumbled into the fandom, and started writing.

Comments ( 470 )

5896420 That monkey tho.

I'll have to check this out soon when I can get away from my own writing.

I'm very much liking what I see so far. Keep up the good work.

Okay I am absolutely loving this but there's one serious blaring problem: punctuation . The beginning was fine but as soon as Adagio and Sunset sat down to talk there were missing periods, names that weren't capitalized, misplaced commas, and even a few missing words in some places. I'm not saying it's bad. It's definitely good. But please please please look over your work before you publish! It's a lesson I had to learn the hard way!

This was a little better, but you should still go over your work.

so beautiful :heart:
please continue :pinkiesad2:
you're a great writer, really, is the most beautiful thing I've read :raritystarry:

5896630 Thank you very much! I'll admit because my last 5 years of writing experience have been strictly in the Social Sciences I am positively awful at dialogue, and I desperately need edited with a fine tooth comb. I have made a number of corrections, and in the future will be taking a bit more care. If I remained ignorant to something horribly glaring, please let me know!

5897175 if you need an editor, I'd be happy to oblige. Your dialogue is fine, and i can understand where you're coming from. When I first started writing I was 15 with no experience. As for letting you know about anything else, I'll say something if i see anything. :twilightsheepish:

5897407 If you have the time and are willing to deal with it I would love an editor, shoot me a PM and I'll credit you in the story for sure :twilightsheepish:

This is pretty good so far. A few grammatical mistakes but I'm interested in the fact that this is the first "Sunset takes in the Dazzlings" fic I've read where the Dazzlings weren't living on the street and begrudgingly accepted Sunset's hospitality, but rather them having a friendly conversation and accepting Sunset's help with no problem. :twilightsmile:

Nice, very nice. Grammar still needs work, but it's still good.

5897986 Haha! glad to know I have some consistency! No worries, I have chapter 3 finished, but am reserving it for a little peer editing so hopefully I can get it up here before too long. I'm glad you all enjoy thus far!

Enjoying this so far as well. When I saw it added to the Sunset/Adagio ship group, it went from "You have my interest" to "You have my attention."

There were few parts in Adagio/Sunset's first talk which align with my own headcanon and writing, which was nice to see.

The wording flow and sense of immersion improved noticeably in chapter two. While some wording in the first chapter jarred me out of the flow, the second really pulled me in to the scene that was going on around them. The witty back and forth was fun. And the closing moments the second chapter with the flowers were just... yes. Like fine wine, my friend. ;)

This is getting more interesting :trixieshiftright:
continues friend :twilightsmile:

Q07

Ahhh... very very nice. You've got the characterization down to T, and for me that's the most important thing. I don't think I'll have any trouble delving into this! Onward to the next chapter!

svpow.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/onward.jpg

Wonderful story thus far, good and intersting, can hardly wait to see what happens next... Keep it up!:pinkiehappy:

Q07

Unfortunately for your joke I am an uncultured swine, and as such will not be partaking in any cultured humor apparently. :twilightangry2:

Q07

5901867 You really reached for that joke didn't you? :facehoof: At least your jokes have some brains behind them, all I could do was make a twenty year old Toy Story reference.

5901877 I was reaching hard for that one, but it hit me like a bus while writing!:derpytongue2:

Sexy, heartwarming, hilarious drunken sirens and Sunset: AWESOME. :rainbowkiss:

5902641 hopefully it's improving slightly as I get practice? I'm super happy you guys are having fun with this, warms my bitter old heart:yay:

Adagio 'attacking' Sonata was really funny. Yay, now everyone is happy!

Absolutely adored this chapter - I'm a huuuuge fan of the Aria/Sonata/Adagio/Sunset ship myself, and all the twosomes you can make out of it~
I could really feel the feelings erupt between Adagio and Sunset (which are my favourite ship at the moment too, so double brownie points :raritywink: ) and it was so tender and passionate...just a really good read!
I really like this story and this chapter, and I almost can't wait for the next one!
No pressure though~ :scootangel:

5906147 So secret time here, I was actually super nervous about a few things here. The first was the choreography of the action, it's a skill I'm jumping into to improve my writing with that level of active description, the second was rushing into the idea of a relationship at all, it seemed quick to me, but I wanted to write a real romance, not some 400 chapter anime style cock-tease story, and third and most relevant to my responding to your ask, I was and am extremely nervous about shipping a poly-romantic, and polyamorous group. I'm not a member of the poly community, and there's no way this work is going to devolve into smut (often :pinkiecrazy:) I'm crazy happy to even get a single positive response from making this fic into a poly fic :twilightsmile:, I promise there's a lot more to come, chapter 5 is already evolving on the page!

Yes, Sunset, Adagio is evil. And that's what makes her AWESOME!

Good and sexy, but too much jumping back and forth between storylines within the chapter.

Sunny managed to break Adagio! Victory to the Shimmer. It's really nice how all the girls hugged Adagio when she was feeling down.

Really cute story thus far. :D I like the idea of them being in a poly-amorous relationship, it just fits them somehow. It'll be interesting to see what the rest of Sunny's friend think of this.

Not the first poly-shipping I've read, but so far it is the best. Looking forward to reading more.

5920763 awwww thank you! I got started in this ship because of the Jerry Peet fic Razzle Dazzle, but I have a majorly different take on the ship. You may enjoy that one though :twilightsmile:
I will admit though, the use of mommy fetish in that fic, kiiinda wigged me out, be warned.

5920787 The ending made me so sad... ;-; Dagie'...

5930259 brother I'm 215 pound, black belt martial artist, I cried at the end. Jerry may write dirty smut, but the feels were real.

"Her skin turned so red that passing cars might have stopped,"

:rainbowlaugh: I am dead.

5930560 my goal at the start was to making folks laugh, I'm glad at least som .of my lame jokes work!

Oh guys, the finals, they were so real. I'm only a few pages into the next chapter, but I promise I'll get it done here in the next day or two!

Today's lunch break activity is Chapter 5. Got 4 read yesterday. Still loving the way this is shaping up. One of the things I love so much about Sunset/Adagio shipping is that it can take so many believable forms. Anything from hard and almost blindsiding like you have it here, to a gradual realization of shared past ambitions and having to find a way to move on after having those ambitions crushed and then coming to realize what's truly important.

My writing has gone more toward the latter, so I'm loving the experience of the former in this story here. ;) Granted, your Adagio did already come to that realization above - just before the events of the story here. Regardless of what form the development of the relationship takes, it still has that root in the common change of heart that both have gone through.

5939726 I'm glad you're enjoying thus far! The way their relationships formed is really based off my experiences with relationships at this age. They're all so young and young people rarely make slow moves towards a relationship. I wanted to encapsulate that feeling of sudden romance, and while is isn't that same journey to companionship, it is a story of the journey of companionship. Hopefully as everything evolves I can continue to keep everything interesting despite the fact that the actual thread of starting a relationship is more or less dealt with.

5939825 Indeed, yeah. Like I said, I enjoy the way this is going.

As an aside, I had a feeling the various college-life aspects of the story were coming from a place of experience. And even though, in my case, I graduated about 15 years ago, I feel like I'll forever have that mid-20's outlook. (I did the martial arts thing back then as well, by way of Aikido. Lost most of what I learned of it at this point, though. ;)

5940118 You might say I have some first hand experience, I may not have dormed at OSU, but I'll be damned if I didn't party with my classmates a few times.

Martial Arts is my passion, and I've neglected it here lately, gonna rectify that now that finals are over, work to get further into that black belt, and maybe take up an actual grappling discipline, though my true love will always be striking.

So far introducing the Dazzlings has gone well, although the only two left are Applejack and Rarity, and they'll probably be the hardest.
Dazzling Shimmer is awesome.

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