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Duel Monsters has always been a ancient force. However Kouki Anono had no idea who he really was. That all changed the day he and his friends meet some strange people.
On Equestria Discords statue has gone and a weird energy is in its place. The Princess and the elements of harmony get sucked up into this strange word where Magic is cards and former enemies get a second chance.
There is only one thing to say to all this. "Lets Duel!"
Co-written with thunderclap.
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The premise for this looks pretty interesting. It's the first Yugioh cross over I've read. You've even captured that quirk of explaining what every card does well and the cliches of believing in each other/self/heart of the cards. The story itself looks like it will be pretty interesting. The mane 6 and Celestia ending up in a human world with a different school of magic based around the card? Though, couldn't the Egyptians use magic outside of just the cards? I don't remember... keep thinking about Ancient Egyptian Laser Beams... But yeah, the story looks fun. Two Discords? Twilight's deck being based off equestrian stuff? Spike being Baby Dragon so potential of a greed growth spell? Lots of promise.
Now, for the bad flip side. While I enjoyed the story, the pacing is way too fast that it's easy to get lost and loose track of what's going on. The unmarked transitions and perspective switches make that even harder. I think we transitioned/switched three times in one paragraph...
You could use an editor. I noticed a lot of grammatical and structural errors in the reading. There are more than a few places where sentence structure is off and works are scattered, and you messed up the values for attack/defence points and life points in a few places, not only values (eg. '(3500-33200)' and '(Twilight 4000-33000)') but inconsistent tagging (ATC in one place, Atk in another, ATK in one more, even life points labelled as Attack and defence in one place.)
The pacing and grammar sometimes combine to make important points... more confusing than they need to be. I missed how Twilight learned how to play the game the first time I read through, because there was an unmarked transition and perspective change in the sentence after she got the book. Another example instance:
I'm not quite sure what happened here. Did her magic manifest them? Did they pattern from Kouki? A lot of stuff get's lost. Same for setting. The errors in the story telling sorta detract from the story being told. (Also, I think you misspelled Kouiki as Houiki in two places, and forgot to capitalize Twilight in at least one place.)
But enough on that. I'll be tracking this story. I can deal for the most part and I want to see where this goes. Not a fav or like yet, I'll be reserving those for now, but you're on one of my shelves. Keep the story coming.
5896386 Yeah Its kinda hard the edition was kinda fast. However hopefully chapter 2 would be better and I'll revist Chapter one to fix it tomorrow if weather permits.
Why? WHY?! I want to read this story SO badly! Why couldn't you have gotten an editor?!
5896402 i haven't read yet but i wanted to say something before i do.
This is a very original idea "merging" this two words together, I'm only concern in how your going to explain a duel play-by-play without making your readers loose interest, since you can't use as much visual aid as the original series and manga.
But lets see how it goes.
His 'Duel Dick'?
That's hilarious
6575346 ... danm.... I almost forgot about this....
Cool.
This is a cool story I'm sad it's canceled I was hoping to see sombra or crysalis
6575350
Why is this story cancelled?
Why did this story get cancelled?
It was pretty interesting.
Though bummed that Spike is missing out on this.
By that, I mean actually being here, not a card based off of him.
Why didn't Spike get to go too?