Rainbow dash has been forced by her parents to attend the worst party of the year! The young nobles Gala! She must escape! Though its going to be hard, even with Flutter-shy's help.
I was born in england, i love to draw read and make up story's since i could think. I LOVE MLP!!!!!
Rainbow dash has been forced by her parents to attend the worst party of the year! The young nobles Gala! She must escape! Though its going to be hard, even with Flutter-shy's help.
A curse has been brought upon you.
You may expect it's climax by sundown.
(NOTE: I mean no offence. I am only posting my opinion - You can ignore this comment all you want.)
The chapters are too short, the grammar, spelling, and capitalization all need work, and in the description you say Flutter-shy. It's Fluttershy. Not Flutter Shy, not Flutter-Shy, Fluttershy.
Also, you need to work on some of your punctuation. Now, I'll list all your grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes.
FIRST CHAPTER
"I WONT!" Shouted a blue filly with a rainbow mane.
(Also, you could just use Rainbow Dash or Rainbow.)
an idea
(Also, Flutter? That annoys me. Just a personal nitpick, but I personally think Flutters would work a lot better.)
fillies
The yellow pegasus jumped.
(Also, I noticed you type "Rainbow dash" A. "dash" need's to be capitalized - "Dash", and you could just use Rainbow for ease of typing.)
"There's going to be a race tomorrow, and everypony will be watching. And I can't fly well like you Dash,"
"I wish we could swap, a race would be WAY cooler then a boring old gala..."
"Atleast you can invite a friend..."
"I totally forgot!" The rainbow maned filly started to think.
"Got it!" Rainbow Dash (No need to use dash btw) exclaimed, jumping into the air. Every pony in the garden stopped what they were doing, and looked at her. Fluttershy squeaked and jumped behind a bush.
Rainbow Dash
goodbye to Fluttershy
CHAPTER 2
Ok, now your capitalizing Dash?
"Sorry dad..."
"Thanks mum-," Rainbow Dash decided to use false flattery, "-you look gorgeous today, and dad, your tie really makes you look stunning."
...
Just...no. You should have told us their names by now.
"That's 'cause"
In the show, Dash doesn't speak all fancy like "That is why you should..." More like "That's why you should..."
This is getting too much.
too kind." But seeing Fluttershy's face, Rainbow added: "But that's not a bad thing! It's what makes you you."
away.
chapter 3
...
I'm going to need back up for this.
lcbo.com/content/dam/lcbo/products/000067.jpg/jcr:content/renditions/cq5dam.web.1280.1280.jpeg
WHEW! Ok, back to this.
guarantee
Noticing a
(Also, you don't need the parentheses. We can tell.)
....
farm8.staticflickr.com/7127/7483291714_88f20666dd_z.jpg
Cheese Sandwich had brightened everything up.
Rainbow, u mad bro?
(This should be made.)
Again, I mean no offence, and the vodka and guns pictures are meant to be jokes. I mean no offence, I only mean to help improve your story. You probably just need an editor, and a brush up on some subjects.
--SYA, The Horse
The curse has been lifted.