Six Irritated Girls
Six teenage girls sat in silence in Rainbow Dash's bedroom, glaring at one another.
The movie they had been watching was paused. Phones buzzed with texts and Twitter feed updates, but were ignored. Pizza lay on plates and in boxes, growing cold. Sodas sat in plastic cups, going flat. An electric fan whirred as it oscillated. Outside the open window, crickets chirped. In the distance, the soft hooting of an owl carried on the night breeze.
One minute passed. Then another. And the girls continued to stare one another down.
Finally, Sunset Shimmer facepalmed. "Look. This is ridiculous." She glowered at Rainbow Dash. "Just...admit it."
"Screw you!" Rainbow said. "It wasn't me!" She crossed her arms and looked sullenly at Pinkie Pie. "We all know who did it."
"We do?" Pinkie asked. "Because I thought this whole tense silence thing was because we keep blaming each other and nobody's admitting they really did it!" She wrinkled her nose. "Besides, I'm pretty sure it was Fluttershy."
Fluttershy gasped. "What? Me?! Honestly, Pinkie Pie! How could you even say that?" She cast her eyes at Sunset Shimmer. "There's only one person who could've done it."
Sunset narrowed her eyes. "I'm telling you, it wasn't me," she snarled.
"Well it certainly wasn't me," Rarity said snootily. She shot Applejack a half-lidded glance. "Only somebody with absolutely no class whatsoever would be capable of such a thing."
"Hey now," Applejack said. "Ah don't rightly like your tone."
"Well it had to be ONE of you!" Rainbow cried, standing up and throwing her arms into the air. "It's not like the fart fairy just popped in here and stank up my room with...with...farty nastiness!"
"You're the most likely candidate," Sunset said. "After all, you smelt it. You know the rule."
"Uhh...pretty sure we ALL done smelt it, sugarcube," Applejack said. She twitched her nose. "You know, if Ah didn't know better, Ah'd say it smells an awful lot like horse farts." She peered at Sunset.
Sunset groaned. "First of all, I was a pony, not a horse. Second of all, that's really mean. And last of all, IT WASN'T ME!" She looked at Fluttershy. "But you're right about it having a certain...vegetable stench."
"What! Why! I...I would NEVER break wind in front of all of my friends!" Fluttershy cried. "Or anybody! I couldn't endure that kind of humiliation!"
"Stop pickin' on Fluttershy!" Rainbow demanded. "It was Pinkie Pie!"
"Was not!" Pinkie retorted. "I didn't done do'd it!"
"Well somebody certainly...done dooed," Rarity said.
"There's only one person here so prissy she'd put up all this fuss t' not admit she done tooted," Applejack said.
"You were blaming Sunset Shimmer just a second ago!"
"An' now Ah'm blamin' you."
"Stop. Stop." Sunset stood up, rubbing her forehead. "Let's examine the facts." She began pacing. "At exactly 8:57 PM, someone in this room farted. Within ten seconds, Rainbow Dash began gagging on the stench. By 8:58 PM, all of us smelled the fart. Fluttershy opened the window, Applejack turned on the fan. At 8:59 PM—"
"Yes, yes, we were all there, and that was only three minutes ago," Rarity interrupted snappishly. Sunset glared at her and sat down.
Rainbow shook her head. "Look. There's no reason to keep playing the blame game. People fart. No big deal. Just...just admit it, then we can get on with the rest of the slumber party."
"I don't believe I can remain in the same room with someone who can pass such a horrid stench," Rarity said. "Especially if they refuse to own up to it." She glared at Applejack.
"Ah'm tellin' ya it weren't me!" Applejack replied.
"We need to find the farter fast!" Pinkie exclaimed. "We should round up all the usual suspects—"
"Pinkie, we are the usual suspects," Sunset groaned.
"No! Wait! Listen!" Pinkie said. "I don't think it was one of us! I think it was the Sirens!"
"The Sirens?" Rainbow cried. "Why would you even—they're not even here!"
"But they eat farts, right? Or used to. Anyway! There was always this big green fart cloud whenever they were around—"
Sunset groaned and threw a pillow at Pinkie.
"Hmm..." Rarity tapped her chin. "I suppose someone could conceivably have broken wind into the air conditioning..."
"Yeah, who? My dad?" Rainbow replied. "There's nobody else here but us girls and my dad, Rarity."
"Hmm...yes...well...it was only a theory, darling."
"You wanna know MAH theory? MAH theory is some PRISSY GAL don't wanna admit she farts like everybody else!"
"I most certainly do NOT fart like everybody else! I fart gracefully, silently, and politely!"
"I fart glitter!" Pinkie exclaimed.
Everybody stared at her.
"Well I do," Pinkie replied sheepishly.
Sunset screamed. "Look! It doesn't even matter anymore! Let's just...just..."
She was interrupted by a loud, wet, explosive ripping noise from the general vicinity of Rainbow Dash.
Everybody stared at Rainbow. She rubbed the back of her head. "Uhh...excuse me?" she offered weakly.
Then the stench hit.
"UGH!"
"Rainbow!"
"Holy CRAP, girl! Did you just—UGH!"
"Okay see THAT one was me. But the other one wasn't!"
"How do we know that for sure?" Fluttershy demanded. "It could be...it could be a...a serial farting incident!" She pointed a trembling finger at Rainbow Dash. "You're a SERIAL FARTER!"
"I am NOT!" Rainbow replied. "I only farted one time. ONE! TIME!"
"Once was enough," Sunset said, fanning her face with her hand. "Good grief, Rainbow. Maybe you should cut back on the nachos..."
"That's even nastier than mi—" Applejack covered her mouth with her hands.
Everyone stared at her.
Applejack sighed. "Aw, shucks. Yeah...Ah did it. It was me."
"Uhh...actually..." Pinkie looked down. "It...it was me."
"No, Ah'm positive it was me."
"You think I don't know when I poot?"
"Wait...so it was...both of you?" Sunset asked.
The girls looked around the room at one another.
Rarity, Sunset, and Fluttershy let out sighs.
Rainbow looked at them in confusion. "Wait...what am I missing here?"
Sunset coughed. "Alright. Everybody who farted the first time, raise your hands."
Five hands went up. Rainbow Dash stared around the room, eyes wide. "Wait. You mean ALL OF YOU—?"
Sunset, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie all blushed and averted their eyes. "Sorry, everyone," Fluttershy said softly. "Umm...for trying to blame you all."
"Yeah, Ah'm sorry too," Applejack said. "Heck, Ah shoulda just fessed up t' begin with."
"Oh...I'm sorry too, darlings," Rarity said. "Even if it's unladylike to admit you broke wind, it's even more unladylike to accuse your friends!"
"I only started blaming you girls because I thought it was a game," Pinkie said.
"I just didn't want any of you to think I did it on purpose," Sunset said.
Rainbow blinked. "So...all of you farted at the same time?"
The girls sighed and hung their heads.
"...and my fart STILL smelled worse than all of yours put together?"
The girls stared at Rainbow as she jumped in the air.
"HA! I'm even the most awesome at farting!" Rainbow crowed.
Five pillows smacked her in the face, knocking her flat on her back.
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For a second there. I thought this'd be a Fart-themed version of "The Cough".
Mythril, this is the strangest, yet one of the funniest stories you've made, and I like it
I like it. I started laughing in the middle of class. Only one thing can sum this up:
That was a fun short read.
This fic is smelly
That like to dislike ratio is misleading. This was an amusing time killer.
If only there was a dog to blame. If only.
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3441-Fluttershy_thread.jpg
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1475_medium.jpg
5869405
I agree; this story stinks,
OMG that was the best short I've read about one single fart joke! Props to ya MythrilMoth!
THAT
WAS
FUNNY!!!
Speaking of which, what's that smell now. I am nineteen and I still find fart jokes funny.
5869412 It's being downvote-bombed by people with nothing better to do.
I mean yeah I get that fart humor is take it or leave it, but within 2 minutes it had 7 downvotes. That's not kosher.
That line thoroughly convinces me this was another thing that originally started as one of your "Pony Fails."
Not that I'm complaining.
It's the long awaited spiritual sequel to Pootaloo!
Nice meme!
I enjoyed this, it was funny.
5869454 Yeah, this was going to be a Pony Fail, then it crossed the 1k word threshold. When a Pony Fail breaks 1k words, I usually post it as a standalone story.
Given everything that happened after I submitted it, I should've left it as a Pony Fail.
Oh, my. That punchline.
Oh my wow man, you know what? Fart jokes, as immature as they may be, are still enough to get a few laughs out of anyone and this line from AJ
Killed me
Honestly I could imagine the look on Sunset's face when she said that. I'll like, fave, and drop this into the Goodfic Bin's pending review folder. We'll see if you get in.
P.S. You might wanna tag this as comedy...
Oh, Rainbow FOR FUCK'S SAKE... This was fun. And I disagree. This was better as a standalone.
i.imgur.com/YAGpXPd.png
5869378
Me too
Pinkie really needs to get that looked at. Unless all party people's appendices start generating glitter. Obviously, we need to locate human Cheese Sandwich. For science.
In any case, thanks for a quick, amusing story.
Well, that was certainly an unexpected ending.
I hate to say it, but this story was ass.
And yet, we're still no closer to finding out who played the horse meat card.
That ending made the whole thing worth it.
I laughed I would love to see something like this in the series or movie
oh man, your stories are the bomb, seriously so good
5869985 You are as welcome to your opinion as those who enjoyed it.
5869985 Aren't you a little ray of sunshine?
Okay, THAT cracked me up.
How they can stand to remain in that room, I don't know.
And only Rainbow Dash would take pride in that sort of victory.
Noice.
queef.
This comment WILL get some downvotes.
EDIT:
An upvote? Really? Most of the comments in this section have some downvotes but not this one?
EDIT:
Finally! A downvote...and 10 upvotes...what am I doing wrong? People are saying this is good/bad and they get at least two downvotes! FML
EDIT:
YES! 2 downvotes...AND 15 UPVOTES?!
What the eff do I have to say to get downvotes???
"I played patty cake with your mother?!"
EDIT:
18 upvotes and no change in downvotes.
Fuck ya guys.
Well, that was well worth the read! Most people who attempt gross-out humor generally go too far, but you struck a nice balance here. Not too timid, but not too tasteless either. Thanks for the laugh!
5869668
It was Rarity. Sunset even calls her out on it later.
Well, anyway, cute little story. The sort of pointless juvenile humor I can indulge myself in on an occasional basis. This was one such occasion.
5870546
No, shut up though.
Don't ruin the terrible joke for me.
5870485 And I was right to call him a hypocrite, because he is. He's also a troll. He commented here for no other reason than to be nasty to me. It's not the first time he's elected to abuse the comments system to troll me. It IS the last time.
All he's done by posting that blog post is to prove me right.
Ehhh. Was ehhh. Huge turn off with the paragraph of passive voice right at the beginning, and it didn't get better from there. Far too much caps lock, too.
The punchline was the only good part, but it couldn't salvage the story.
*reads* Meh. I've seen worse things from better authors. Don't know what the fuss is all about other than people jumping on a "Hate Mythril Moth" bandwagon.
It's still better than anything the world has seen from Stephanie Meyer.
5870791 It's not that I'm intentionally an asshole to anyone. It's that my temper frays sometimes--usually around people who, for whatever reason, are determined to be assholes for no reason than to be assholes. I can't help that. I'm human, I'm flawed, sometimes I react to things I should probably ignore.
But I do wish there were a lot fewer people on this website that started shit for no other reason than to start shit. Seriously.
What did I just read?!
5871256 Yeah, that's the stock advice, "just ignore them". Not necessarily always easy to do. Or appropriate.
5870804
That's not really all that better. Intentional or not it's still being an asshole; temper problems as an excuse isn't really vindication. I mean if you killed someone for example, it's either intentional or unintentional. Manslaughter isn't as bad as murder, but it's still bad, and doesn't get you off the hook. Nor is blaming it on human nature, not when so many people are willing to change themselves for the better. Admitting faults isn't progress unless one can work to fix them.
5869405
Gross, unexpected and funny as hell!
5870373
You are welcome.