Loving on the Beach

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 9 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 9
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Lord Of Dorkness

Lord Of Dorkness #1 · Apr 21st, 2015 · 3 · ·

Pro tip?

Starting your one-shot clop story with heavy hints how Princess Twilight is apparently such a stingy miser and slave-driver that her forcing her son/brother into doing unpaid castle cleaning for so long it has given him chronic back-pain?

Sorta a mood killer.

Frankly, there are far simpler excuses to have a character go to the flipping beach.

GameQubb

GameQubb #2 · Apr 21st, 2015 · · ·

5889926 You know in hind sight maybe that was a bad idea

Lord Of Dorkness

Lord Of Dorkness #3 · Apr 21st, 2015 · · ·

5889930

Yeah...

Points for trying something more original than 'it was a warm day, and X wanted to unwind' but I don't think this particular idea worked that well.

sidewayz2013

sidewayz2013 #4 · Apr 21st, 2015 · · ·

Man this descriptions making it look good... sucks I have to wait til after work to read it lol

DanvilleBengal

DanvilleBengal #5 · Apr 21st, 2015 · 4 · ·

Not bad for an initial entry. I loved the description of Twist that you offered; I truly believe that she is one of those girls that is a little gangly and awkward when a kid but blossoms into a beautiful swan at maturity. And she's 19, so even though she's of age, she still has a little growing to do. But Spike doesn't mind one bit.

I get the gist that Twist offered her flanks as opposed to her honeypot because of the issue of being knocked up, but for a first encounter, I personally wouldn't think anal would be the first sexual act between them, especially if this is the genesis of a new romantic relationship. There has to be a little bit of trust in them. Loved the foreplay though--plenty of desire and lust, as well as a few seeds of love between them.

I have to assume that both Twist and Spike weren't virgins before they met. Just a hunch.

And Spike may have a bit of melancholy because of Rarity (par for the course, my scaly friend), but in my personal opinion, it's her loss. She may be very happy in Thunderlane, but I think Spike got the true diamond in the rough with Twist. The true generosity was her not giving Spike a chance, because then he was finally able to see there were more mares out there, and inevitably there would be at least one mare that likes Spike as a lover and not just a friend. I can just see a future point where Rarity be w/Thunderlane by her side on an errand or date, and run into Spike in passing with Twist by his side. No words can be spoken but in the back of her mind she will be feeling ecastic that her Spikey-Wikey has found love for his own, and it would be a bit of peace on her part.

We have to see a little epilogue though. We have to see the confrontation with Diamond Tiara.

Eonflare

Eonflare #6 · Apr 22nd, 2015 · · ·

A nice little story, but the start was kinda sad. He's working hard enough to have back pain? Not a sign of good treatment, even if he'd be fine in the long term because he's a dragon. Just a little nitpick, the rest was good.

OmniFox