genuis101
Joined 30th May, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This. Is the kind of story I love.
Interesting start, and it's well written. Too early to tell how it'll go, but there's definitely promise here.
6568756
Glad to hear it.
6569794
Hopefully somewhere fun and interesting. Glad you enjoyed.
Love this story so far.
Looking forward to seeing where it goes. Keep up the good work, sir!
i.imgur.com/LaJ9Kmo.gif
Cadence is a distraction, whatever she knows it or not. Called it.
6570215
Glad to hear it.
6570419
Thanks.
6570750
It is suspicios isn't? Thanks for the comment we'll have to see if you're right.
This sounds cool, hopefully you're a regular updater, would love to see where this goes.
Awww, I just LOVE your description of Orchid. One problem, though... "I walked around the table and took Orchid’s hand to help her back onto her feet." ummm, she has hooves, not hands... Other than that, absolutely brilliant!
6575218
Glad you liked it. But I think you overlooked an important word:
Orchid is mostly human including hands and feet.
6574860
I certainly hope to be. But will probably in a bi-weekly to monthly range.
6575292 Oh... Woops.
At least they will have plenty of dragon meat until they can get more supplies.
So if they do succeed in killing this dragon, what is stopping another rival dragon from swooping in?
Interesting... I have an idea how things might go, so this should be very interesting indeed. Looking forward to the next chapter!
So the dragon shps out some of the production rather than keep it all for his personal horde, and ending slavery here leads to war with equestria.
I bet 1 cookie that the shippments go to equestria.
So the ponies are normal, but given the last chapter the changeling is anthro. So he also has the Alicorn Amulet and a bunch of other things going on. Gotta say that:
memecrunch.com/meme/4EHUX/you-had-my-curiosity-now-you-have-my-attention/image.png?w=499&c=1
Very fun! I want to fan art!
Interesting. I think I'm going to burrow under this story, track where it goes.
This stinks to the clouds of "OC mary sue is the only sane character."
Very cool. O wanna see where this goes. Tracking.
You must be fucking kidding me.
6612261
So what? How many times have fimfic writers used Alex or Anon? You can fill the state of Rhode Island with those humans-in-Equestria.
6612272
You know how many times those have been good?
Here's a hint: this story didn't shift that ratio positively.
6612279
6612216
It's much too early to say where this character is going and I, for one, prefer names that haven't been overused (and haven't found the name chosen to have any relevance to how good the story is)
6612216
Too early to judge. If the story shows the OC struggling to get this far, then we can throw out the Gary Stu item.
6612304
No. No it's not.
This is another piece of forgettable trash that is sadly going to become immensely popular among Fimfic's general population of extremely stupid people.
Or do you want to tell me that yes, this story is likely to have well-thought-out, deep characters with engaging personalities and interesting stories? Do you mean to say that the main character is not a massively overpowered self-insert whose only actual struggle throughout this story will be a half-assed edgefest that will have no effect on character growth? Do you think I should give it a chance based on its merit as one of the countless effluvial "
authorhuman is persecuted by THE MAN, gets a party of uninteresting characters together for his cheer squad, and saves the day from everything with no consequences" stories that have infested this site since its inception?Because I think you're full of fucking shit if you do.
6612261
6612216
Well I suppose the adage that you can't please everyone will always apply. I hope you find stories more inline with you sensibilities elsewhere. For what it's worth, we are only on chapter 2, and I don't see how a Robocop reference guarantees the story will be horrible.
6612159
Gasp. Glad you are interested. Hope I live up to your expectations.
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6612019
6612029
There is quite a lot going on, but then again we have started at the end and jumped to the start so stuff is all scattered around. We'll have to see what goes right and what goes wrong to bridge these points.
Toast: On the subject of species, I hope that was clear. Let me know if I need to be more explicit.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
6612098
6612217
Thanks for the comments. The fun is just beginning.
6612305 He's already claimed to have fought on par with the Sisters. He's leading a military campaign against an established and prosporous nation. Any military failings are clearly not due to his own might, and he's already demonstrated a clear understanding of the logistics needed not to be an idiot throwing away soldiers and supplies in blatantly foolish ventures. He's already a lock for the mary sue category. The only question is if he did something sufficiently monumentally stupid to make Equestria regard him as a threat or if it's a simple misunderstanding. Take a look at the tone of his musings and especially his assessment of Cadence and tell me the answer to that question isn't obvious.
6612393 Pattern matching. Missed the reference, but that speaks to your tastes which supports the pattern.
This is interesting and I would like to see where this leads to.
6612477
Yeah without some background to state how he got here (further) than what we have or if he experiences failures I gotta say the main character is charging for a Mary Sue award.
6612333
6612477
I'm not saying it's demonstrated itself to not be a mary sue self insert, but there is plenty of potential here.
First off, they're trapped in their mine in the first chapter with only diplomacy being the way to avoid their complete slaughter. Second, he's not necessarily on par with a (most likely single) princess, he just showed that he'd been injured by Luna and all we know right now is he survived.
This story may not be something you'll enjoy, but it has not yet demonstrated itself to be a self insert. I see potential and, when I see a legitimate problem, I will give criticism that will allow the problem to be fixed rather than useless character attacks.
What does the title mean?
6613604
The title means "Frozen Silver" and is in Latin (as best I could approximate with google translate).
6613614 oh ok! Cool! Also seeing how I have your attention I was confused about something.
Is this Anthro? You described Orchid with more...womanly features. Did I read that wrong?
6613618
I was worried I hadn't been totally clear there.
Chad is human.
Orchid has taken an "anthro" form.
Everyone else is show standard.
6613629 No no no. It was clear it also explains her lack of grace, on unsteady legs. It was unclear because you never said that the ponies weren't.
(Did she do that for him?)
I like the story keep it going!
6613552 I never said self insert. In addition to the scar from Luna, he's also gone 2v2 with the sisters and walked away with a sore back.
You say this is too early to tell where this is going. This almost went on my watch list because I almost agree, but then I dug deeper. What was said, how was it said? Let me see if I can't give it a shot.
Chad's revolt and Luna's rescue attempt are concurrent and at least one group opens fire. Top choice is Geralt screaming about how Chad is working for whoever, second most likely is Luna's archaic, royal, I-am-in-charge-and-unquestionable attitude setting Chad off, third is Chad's possession of the Alicorn Amulet sets Luna off. After your shot heard round the world, the two groups fight and Luna's forces, already depleted from their rescue attempt, are forced to withdraw.
The next encounter is with Twilight or Cadance, almost certainly Twilight. She comes either alone or with her friends to try and act diplomatically. If the Alicorn Amulet hasn't been revealed yet, it will be now. Twilight comes off as a know-it-all and demands he hand over the Alicorn Amulet, which is evil and corruptive. If her friends are there, Rainbow is holding the idiot ball and cutting her off from making a clear explanation. Chad replies to the tune of the amulet being a tool, good or evil depending on the wielder, and decries the ponies as superstitious, authoritarian, or liars with a load of propaganda. The idiot ball now gets passed to Applejack. Either at this encounter or when conversing with his ponies later, Chad is made aware of the meaning of Princess of Friendship, and the Elements of Harmony, and possibly the cleansing of Nightmare Moon and reformation of Discord. He labels it as mind control magic and categorizes the entire diplomatic venture as a covert attack on his will and/or identity.
After this predictions get fuzzy, but logistics don't. He's leading an army of foreign slaves and they need to eat, and he's been declared an enemy of one of the only prosperous nation he knows about. His army marches across Equestria, pillaging farms and stealing whatever supplies they need. He justifies it as survival, but it only cements the Equestrian label of a dark lord type character.
After that I got nothing. The statement of a Water Shard suggests instead of wandering from farm to farm, he'll direct his forces in a quest to gain objects of power, either to aid in their defense or effect an escape. He knows nomadic warband isn't a viable lifestyle and he wants to go home without dooming his people without his ubermagic to protect them.
If I'm anywhere close to hitting the nail, then I stand by my assessment. If I'm not, well this is the least objectionable scenario I came up with. Useful criticism is a grand thing, but sometimes the problem can't be fixed. The only way this story goes is "Equestria is fighting an unjust war" and your set up with a slave revolt means that the idiot ball needs to be passed around the Princesses for that to happen. That's an "only sane man" mary sue fic. And the only way to fix that is to strip the story to its foundations, because that's where the problem is. I've yet to encounter an author that took "write a different story instead" as useful criticism. Leaving a downvote and moving on is an option, but that hardly leaves any kind of meaningful feedback at all. I know exactly why I consider this bad writing and I lose nothing for leaving a critique, so why shouldn't I? There's no taboo against leaving a dissenting opinion, and if there is then there shouldn't be.
On a side topic, I haven't once attacked anybody. Unless you count Chad, but he's fictional. I am offended by your accusation and require an apology.
6614086 there is criticism like ryvaken is giving. And there is being a troll. Goodbye.
6613820
I'll start off with the apology; I combined two responses into one (note that incoherent heresy's post was also tagged) and his was the one that was attacking.
Yes, some stories don't have a good enough idea to be worth continuing and a comment is better than a mystery downvote, but right now, there are many ways to keep your predictions from coming true. Chad and Luna can be the only ones holding the idiot ball, leaving Celestia, Cadance, and Twilight misinformed. Also, just because Chad is thinking things doesn't mean the author is going to have those things be true.
But I'm sure Genius is glad to have your negative predictions. I know I would like to have comments like that on my stories so that in case I was planning one of them, I'd be able to avoid it.
6614679
6614128 Thanks. I really do wish you luck. It's...very rare for an author to actually take the time to read criticism this detailed, and it only cements my assessment. You're painting your settings and using details brilliantly. What you have is so very well written that I hope you keep writing. You have skill and talent that easily puts you among the best writers I've come across.
Keep up the good work.
Is this story dead?
6842260
Blame inexperience.
No, but I am new to writing and have a full time job and put this out just before the holidays
I am aiming to have a chapter 3 up soon and with a much shorter delay to 4.
6842446 don't feel bad at all! I liked the story and wanted more of it. I look forward to further chapters
6842476 I feel the same way.
6842446
continue , rewrite, or cancel, pick one, don't just leave a story unfinished for years without giving a reason for doing so, if this comment is rude, sorry not sorry, this needed to be said