Immortality comes with a price. For Twilight Sparkle, the princess of friendship, one price is harder to bear than any others: The loss of her friends.
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Ancient_Of_Sirus
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Not bad, not bad at all.
It could use a little proofreading, and I suspect you're going to run into a bit of trouble from people who have read the "alicorn Twilight dealing with her friends dying" plotline once too often, but it's a heartfelt piece of writing.
To be honest, this seems like it could be the intro to a longer story. I think you've got a lot more to work with here: Twilight coping with loss, of course, but also what Cadence is going through with Shining Armor, how Flash is on his last legs, and how Celestia and Luna have been through it all before and how they can support the others. Just my two cents, but you've got the seeds of a lot of great ideas here.
Anywhoo, very well done for a first fic. Keep on keepin' on.
losing. There were quite a few more sprinkled throughout, but that's the one that kept coming up.
Anyway, yeah, like the last guy said, this is an idea that's been done to death (GEDDIT
), but you've got some fairly impressive turns in here for a first time out. Most impressively, I think, is how naturally everything flowed out from Twilight's memories: the past in a series of naturally-occurring snapshots, never showing more than they need to, but still with enough in the background to catch the reader's imagination (Rarity lost her magic? Twilight killed a pony?!). Well... except for the paragraph about the Cutie Mark Crusaders. That one squats right down in the middle of the story and just stares at you.
Easily the biggest problem here, though, is that there's no ending, just an end. Twilight remembers how each of her other friends died and/or spent their last days, thinks on the lessons she's learned from her elders about how to cope with the constant loss, and now Pinkie's dead and the credits roll. No snapshots at all? Nothing comes to mind about the perpetual party pony?
That was such a sad story! I am in tears right now.
It was a very good story though
5836697 have to agree, this can be more than a one shot
Hi everyone. I've proof-read the story a bit more now and hopefully it reads more naturally. English isn't my first language, although that's no excuse to be sloppy. Thank you for the loose/lose one, I'd never have caught that.
I'm considering turning this into something longer than an one-shot, now. I felt a connection with Twilight in writing this, so I suppose it could become a longer story and although I don't have a plot in mind I'm sure I could think of one.
It was a spur-of-the-moment story. I figured this would have been done to death already, but you can't be picky about inspiration. I wasn't sure how often this had been done before although I figured it would have been done at least a few times.
Thank you all for your feedback. I'll let it simmer for at least a day, I think, and see what people have to say before I decide to try and make it into something longer.
I enjoyed this fic but I have to say, there is 1 or 2 punctuation errors, but since the English language is not your primary language it's ok because we are all human and we make mistakes, that's part of learning, but this is really well written you could feel twilights emotions as you were reading, which is very hard to accomplish if you are not use to writing stories, well done.
This was a great read but so sad.
it does bring up a good point for the actual mlp Maine 6. Twi will have to watch all her friends die. 
beautiful you nearly had me in tears
Good story. Puts a heavy wrench in my heart when. Sucks how much grief death brings
5837024 your profile pic is scary
This makes me want to write a story dealing the with effects of immortality. This was very well written.
Just a question, and this isn't a criticism or anything, just something I honestly want to know. Why is the last one always Pinkie Pie? Whenever I read one of these stories, Pinkie Pie is always the last one to die. Is there a reason for that? An unwritten rule? I want to know in case I write one myself and end up breaking some rule and have a ton of dislikes for making the last of her friends Rarity or Applejack.