Young police officer with unnaturally colored hair and eye, goes on his first patrol after finishing his training to become a Dog Handler. Due to some unexpected events, he along with his dog companion named Mischief, ends up in the land of Equestria, where he has a pleasure of meeting the race of colorful and friendly ponies. Now he must survive within society composed mostly of ponies as the only member of his species in this foreign world.
Which with his luck and talent for getting himself into trouble that always end up with him almost dying or at least with some major injuries, is kinda hard considering this peaceful world is also inhabited by gigantic monsters and power-crazed lunatics.
Hiatus until an unspecified (and probably non-existent) time in the future
(Featured: 16.03.2017)
Edited by FLUTTERGUY411
Edited chapters: 6/?
People who contributed by helping to find errors in the story through comments:
-scruffydogflame
-A random person
-Amethyst Blade
-LunaEpona
-Hein des Nisseroi
You absolutely must get a proofreader. There are too many grammatical errors in this story for me to count.
I'm sorry I have to put it so bluntly but: Please please get yourself an editor.
Or at least a proofreader or something. I get it that this is your first story, but still, there are so many typos and grammar errors that asking the comments to list them just isn't going to cut it. It's an interesting premise which I would like to see fleshed out, but I just can't focus with some confusing grammar error every other line.
5830255 Ok thx, once I start writing something longer then few words I just forget about any grammar and orthography. Not only in English but in my language (Polish) as well.
This has potential, looking forward to more!
“Your Mather is from Poland?
Listen to the other commends:
You absolutely must get a proofreader.
I know that he is still a normal Human, but i hope he is one of those Characters, which are able to do amazing things, even if they aren´t OP.
It is written interessting enough.
this is hella good you just need a proofreader and you got yourself a awesome story concept
Well, this is certainly a unique spot in the timeline to insert a human. Usually they get added just as Twilight arrives for the first time, or right at the begging/end of a season. It's unusual to drop one in mid-adventure. Despite some grammatical oddities I like how this is going so far. Looking forward to seeing how this pans out.
Till now the story looks promising, but you should better not try to much like
, i don´t know, but it probably interrupts the story a bit.
I can´t explain it good enough, but there was something similar once, but that author talked to us inside of his story, i just mean don´t do to much like this please.
While i am sure that this Human isn´t the strongest being ever, i would like it, if someone more or less common like him, could do some special things, or help alot. I usually enjoy weak Characters, that are able to do great things.
I hope you don´ skip much of the story later, a bit Unicorn Twilights isn´t that bad, but i never liked time skips.
Good job.
More please.
Needs some editing but still good
this is really good. looking forward to the next chapter.
I like the idea you have here. Even with all the grammatical errors I was willing to give it a shot in hopes that you found an editor/proofreader later.
That was until I read,
I had to stop right there.
Sorry.
5937522 You're not the first one to point that out. Guess it wasn't such a good idea after all. I'll probably change that on something else or remove entirely.
As long as his dog doesn´t stop listening to him completely, i think i could really start to like this story more than befor.
Glad you updated. This was really good. Nice job.
It's an interesting idea, but you really need to get an editor or at least a proofreader. It's not just spelling mistakes, it's like you have autocorrrect on and it keeps correcting to a similar but wrong word. Like ware instead of wear, freight for fright, and cloths for clothes. Also a fair bit of basic grammar and awkward sentence structure. As for the story itself, the characters are behaving believably and it's stayed interesting thus far.
Portals smell funny.
Other than the grammar, that is the only that bugs me.
I'm liking this story so far, will read more.
The story gets heavy about the last fourths.
You get a like for the premise but it's still a hard read with the spelling
...I can't really tell you anything anyone else hasn't. Get a proofreader and this would be awesome, but it's kind of stuck at a "meh" level.
I think you might have missed a bold tag.
6076974 Where exactly?
6077772 Starts here:
6078454 Thanks
Heh, the old 'HiE is all but immune to magic', or, in this case, his weapons are simply ignoring all magical means of protection. Dunno if it's the material, or simply the fact they're not weapons from Equestria. Though judging from Applejacks thought about the weight of the knife, I'd say the former...
The latter would make sense, too. A spell that causes a case of 'no weapon in the world can harm me' is useless when faced with weapons from another world, as mundane as they might be...
Hm, we'll see what the reason might be...
Glad you updated. Take your time and do what you got. I can see some good potential in your story.
As I open this chapter, My eyes are drawn above the chapter title...
Still liked this chapter anyway. Can't wait for the next one.
Just FYI a pistol will fire just fine soaking wet. Some of them will fire without problem under the water.
Kinda wondering how your going to work the anti magic properties Revan is showing. Is the lead and steel magically inert like in a bunch of fantasy fiction or is it because he is from a different universe?
I can't say I have any professional experience, but I'd be glad to lend a hand with proofreading. Nice chapter by the way, the fight scene was very well done.
6187303 Well, the thank you very much :)
Do you have a Steam or Facebook account so I could contact with you in some normal way? Before you ask, I don't have a Skype account (that thing is annoying as hell)
6186456 Oops?
6188260 There should also be a proofreading group on the site for people in the position you're in
I would really like the next chapter a bit sooner, i don´t want you to rush anything, but sometimes it is getting a bit less interessting if i have to wait far to long, mostly because i don´t remember everything.
However i still now what happened here, at least the important parts, and i like how everyone reacts to him, he is probably not much more special than others, but he seems really special in this world.
What i mean is, while i saw other Humans with Magic resistance, it seems like he is more special, he can really help in a fight, and the main six aren´t overpowered at the moment, or at least the Enemys are in a way, that needs both, Pony and Humans to win.
I don´t suppose to see the next chapter to soon, but i hope it doesn´t take a whole month, i just start to like this really much.
Me two
go time. Kick her ass Mischief!!
looks like nightmare moon is now all bark and no bite
I have seen what police dogs can do to criminals. It's not pretty.
i forgot if they are anthro´s or not.
I guess in your story the horns are very sensitive...well it was probably just weird because the dog had to lick at it.
In one way the photo was a funny thing, at the other hand i hope this blackmailing doesn´t end up into a bad thing, not bad as bad bad, no just like a bad story situation, not sure what you could have planned for that.
It seems like Revan X Twilight at the moment,....somehow the dog disturbs me a bit now.
nice save i guess, it could be my poor english, but it nearly sounded like a to usefull ability.
I liked the fight, and even if i think it made sense that she won, it was nice to see that she had her flaws, and well while the Dog is a nice addition, not sure if i want him to be the one that saves the world.
I know you probably never meant it totally in that way, but i hope they can solve the problem with the dog, and the magic, somehow that got me a bad image in my had, not sure why it was enough, but it happened.
Oh nightmare
you done fucked up now
I hope Mischief leaves her intact enough so the 'purifying' doesn't leave her on the brink of death. She WAS severerly weakened after the Orbital Friendship Cannon, and if her injuries are bad enough, well.....
Oh, Applejack's one of "those"
Y'know, dogs teeth aren't sharp. They are a little fang-like, but overall still not razor-sharp. It is through rapid movement( shaking from side-to-side, pulling, etc), that pulls the muscle off the bone, as well as pack behavior in wolf packs, bringing the animal to the ground and all... I'm not trying to be rude, of course, it is your story, after all. I just see the razor-sharp-teeth thing too often in stories...
6316995 I've never said that Mischief's teeth are razor-sharp, his are just sharper and bigger then equestrian dog's. And as far as I know Fluttershy doesn't have all that much predators in her house.
Besides the 'Alternative Universe' tag is not necessarily only for Equestria.
Thanks for pointing that out for me though.
6317057 Oh! Sorry.
You'd think he would've tried calling on his radio at some point before now, then again in his situation, common sense and procedure would be hard to hold onto
Ok I am fairly impressed wit this so far.
Potrzebuję więcej rozdziałów
Polish for, "I require more chapters."
6360379 prawie skończyłem 6 rozdział, jak ładnie poprosisz to dzisiaj wstawię
No dobra, i tak wstawię.6360778
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