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thanks. glad you like it.

i hope you keep liking the story too.

even when i seriously mess up...

You've got an interesting story here. I'd like it to have more dialogue though. I feel like you're missing opportunities to expand on the narrative and draw your readers in. Also, I know this is your first story, but I suggest tasking a good friend with editing work. Cleaning up your writing will help keep up interest. I know it worked for me when I first started. Good luck and keep on writing, I think you have some real potential here.

Pinky pie and Coffee, too scary to think about it.

really liking this so far!