Penned IN

by Qwix

Chapter 3: Step into Pony Life

Blinded by harsh afternoon daylight, Pennaprose and Spike stepped into the sudden bustle and busybody air of the town in earnest. Pennaprose stared around; mildly shocked, he took in the scene. Ponies of colors in an explosion of palettes filled the place, sounds of laughter and the smell of earth, skies above that had nary a cloud, the sun impossibly bright and warm; it all overwhelmingly filled the scene. He stumbled over the first step with his sight on the horizons, almost managing to land on Spike in front of him but missing him in lieu of the dirt.

"Hey! Watch your step, man!" Spike said.

Pennaprose picked himself up, brushing his muzzle off. "Sorry... where to first?"

Spike stopped, claws brushing against his chin. "Hm... besides Sweet Apple Acres, we should stop by the mayor's office first. Get you registered as a resident of Ponyville; that way you won't be asked any weird questions down the line."

"Alright... you lead the way."

The two of them made a path through the town, navigating around the crowd of ponies going to and fro. Along the way, Spike was mumbling to himself and gesturing wildly. "Okay, we need a cover story for you... I doubt ponies would question Twilight too much about it, but how about we say that you came from Canterlot... on leave from the university there to do some studies about something..."

"How about the formulation of metastable compounds under ideal conditions that produce produce?"

Spike twisted his head as he walked, giving Pennaprose a confused look. "Hah?"

"Um... sorry. I meant lunch."

"Why do you do that? With the really big words?"

Pennaprose glanced upward, a little embarrassed. "I... don't know why I do that. Force of habit I guess."

Spike turned around, grumbling, "Well... whatever. But I do agree with you on the other thing. Let's get lunch!" He sped up, making a beeline for a nearby restaurant. Pennaprose sped to a gallop to keep up.

Inside, a leisurely breeze swept through the place, stirred by the constant coming and going of ponies. "Hey, what are you getting? I've got 22 bits on me..." Spike said.

Pennaprose blinked. "What bit you 22 times now?"

"Um, no. I keep forgetting about the um... 'condition' you have. Bits are currency..." explained Spike.

"Condition? You talkin' about the fact that I'm–?"

Spike made a hushing movement as they got in line. "Not in public, Pennaprose! Ixnay on the uman-hay! Anyways... I'm getting a sapphire float. What about you?"

Pennaprose looked up, surveying the menu overhead. Hay burgers, oat floats, apple juice... "Um... where's the meat?" Pennaprose whispered.

Spike looked sideways at Pennaprose. "Careful about meat... ponies are invariably vegetarian. Anypony hears you talking about that, you'll give yourself away too easily... or be branded as murderous. Either way... keep it down."

"Really? What about dragons?" Pennaprose asked.

"We are connoisseurs of earthen bounty," said Spike.

"So... you eat dirt?"

"No. We eat anything that was or has been in or on the ground. Except dirt, that stuff is too cheap. GEMS, on the other hand... heheheh..."

The two of them approached the counter. A pale yellow mare with a striking blue and pink mane stood at the ready, a tired grimace on her face.

Spike jumped up and hung on the counter. "The usual, Bon Bon! How've you been?"

Bon Bon stifled a yawn. "Oh, same old boring work day. ...I haven't seen you around," she added, staring pointedly at Pennaprose. "New here?"

Pennaprose, still staring at the overhead menu, distractedly muttered, "Mmm yeah. ...I'll take an order of horseshoe fries! Uh, large please!"

Bon Bon twisted her head back. "HEY!" she yelled, "We've got a number two and a large order of fries! Somepony get on that!" She turned back around, wearing a weak smile. "13 bits... I don't know why, but half the staff couldn't come in today. Thankfully, it's slow, but either way, so are we. It might be a while."

"Not a problem, we've got all day," Spike said as he dropped pieces of gold on the counter. "Hey, um, Bon Bon... just as a side thing... do you know where Lyra might be today?"

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "Spending most of today shut up in her house. Why?"

Spike hopped down from the counter. "Oh good. Just wanted to know for future reference, thanks!" he said, a tone of relief in his voice.

They found a table as the sizzling sounds of food emitted from the back. Pennaprose let his gaze wander around the restaurant; neon yellow and red painted the place and the pungent smell of warm oats wafted. Light streamed in, broken only by the passing shadows of ponies. As he watched, it registered to him that Spike was talking again.

"...anyways, did you get all that?"

Pennaprose swiveled in his seat. "Sorry?"

Spike looked disheveled. "The cover story! You explain that you came from Canterlot on leave to inspect the living conditions in Ponyville! Which is why you're staying with Twilight for the time being. She's a princess, so logically she's got the best place to live, besides the mayor, right? Get that remembered, because um..." His belly grumbled. "Wow, it's taking them longer than I thought today. They must be really short on staff."

Pennaprose rolled his eyes unconcernedly. "Whatever you say, Spike. I'll take your word for it... Anyway, I was thinking. About this place? Just how big is Equestria, really? I think I could get some really good story ideas if I traveled while I'm here... So long as my laptop's battery doesn't die. Does this place have electricity? I didn't see an outlet anywhere while we were at Twilight's... What?"

Spike was waving his claws in an exaggerated manner, a look that said 'no' on his face.

From behind him, a voice sounded. "Excuse me? Just how far away are you from, uh...?"

Pennaprose turned around; it was Bon Bon. "Pennaprose. Pennaprose Lochflow. I'm–"

"–From Canterlot!" Spike interjected. "He's here on official business and is staying with me and Twilight for the time being!"

Bon Bon was wearing a suspecting look on her face, but eventually shook her head to herself and reached behind her, producing a tray. "Sorry for the wait. Enjoy!"

She set the tray down; Spike dived right into his float, but Pennaprose just picked at his fries wistfully, eyes back to the outside. They ate in relative silence, until Spike announced his finished float with a loud burp. "Good as ever... Hey, you gonna finish those?"

Pennaprose looked down in surprise. He had barely finished half of his fries. "Oh... whoops. Eh, can we get going?"

"Something bothering you?"

"No, nothing... just... I feel like there's something I'm forgetting. Something important..."

Spike threw his glass over his shoulder. "I'm sure you're hallucinating, but maybe you'll remember whatever it is after we've got you settled with the mayor."

---

An hour later, Spike and Pennaprose walked out of the mayor's office. Spike was fussing around with his claws, trying to remove a large quantity of red tape that was stuck to it. "That's the last time I deal with government... I don't know why they just staple everything together!" vented Spike. "'Use the red tape', they said. 'It's required', they said. Bah, I'm glad Twilight doesn't ask me to do that..."

He shot a lick of flame at his hands, melting the tape clean off. "Anyway, we still need to find Pinkie and tell her about Twilight possibly missing the party. To Sweet Apple Acres!"

They set off together, cutting a swath through the crowd. It struck Pennaprose suddenly how seemingly content and warm the town's general air was. As he walked besides Spike, there was many new things to see, yet not once did he see signs of dispute or conflict. Unnerved slightly, Pennaprose anchored his head slightly. Spike did not notice.

Eventually, as they headed along a dirt road, they passed a red roofed building. From it came the clear chimes of youthful laughter and the aromatic smell of hay. Spike stopped. "Hey, as long as we're on the way, I think I'll ask Cheerilee something... This is Ponyville's school! Come on!"

Pennaprose followed without comment, eyeing the facade with curiosity. Everything seems normal... like pony society is no different from human... except the fact that everything is configured for four hooves instead of two hands. Why do I still feel uneasy? he mulled to himself.

Spike knocked gently on the wooden door. In a few moments, a dark magenta mare wearing a bemused smirk on her face popped out from inside. She looked down at Spike and exclaimed, "Oh! Hello Spike, what can I do for you today? And um, who's your friend?"

She stared pointedly at Pennaprose, who was letting his eyes wander around the scenery in distraction. Spike nudged him, bring him back to attention. "This is Pennaprose Lochflow. He's from Canterlot on official business to inspect the living conditions here in Ponyville. So he's staying with Twilight and me for the time being. Pennaprose?"

He snapped to attention, levitating a flower he was examining. "Uh, yes! That's what I'm here for! I–"

Spike cut him off. "We were on our way to Sweet Apple Acres, but I thought I'd ask! Did you know Sweetie Belle's birthday is tomorrow?"

She rolled her eyes derisively. "Well, how could I not? She's my student; I've been catching little excited snippets of an upcoming birthday during recess."

Spike eyed the corner of the building hesitantly. "Well... Rarity's planning a surprise party at her house tomorrow at 3! Would you like to come?"

She broke out into a grin. "Well, of course! 3 o'clock tomorrow, right?"

"Yes!"

"Well then, thanks for letting me know! Have a nice day!" She shut the door without another word.

"That's Miss Cheerilee," Spike said. "She's the only teacher in Ponyville, but that's only because we need only one. Whaddya think? ...Pennaprose?"

Pennaprose was still letting his gaze wander blithely. At the sound of his name, he looked at Spike with a sheepish expression. "Sorry. She's nice I guess..."

Spike peered at him inquisitively. "I know this place is still new to you, but could you at least pay attention when meeting other ponies?"

Pennaprose frowned. "I... can't shake the feeling that there's some sort of conspiracy going on. Why is everyone so nice and happy?"

Spike looked confused. "Is that a problem?" The two of them continued walking down the road.

"Well... I'm not used to it. Aside from that mare—Bon Bon was her name right?—everyone I've seen seems to be completely content. I blame the fact I'm a writer, but reading context out of context comes naturally to me. I can't help but feel that there's a conspiracy at work..."

Spike giggled and rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure only Ponyville is this happy. Normally, anyways. Canterlot's full of stuck-up social elites and Manehatten's unforgiving at times, just to name two other cities. Don't worry, you'll get used to it."

The two of them continued in silence down the dirt road. No... it's not just Ponyville, Pennaprose thought. Blurred images stained red and muffled sounds of explosions resounded frustratingly in his memory. Ponies in general seem happier than I can feel the human world ever was. No conflict, no strife... can I even get ideas to write a story while I'm here?

He glanced down at his hooves as he walked, scrutinizing them. Now that I'm a pony... will that happiness come naturally? Or is there some pervasive certainty in these ponies' minds that allow them to remain so carefree? he wondered. If magic is normal here... is there even more to it than what I can see?

I have much to learn...