Penned IN

by Qwix

Chapter 2: As Humanely Possible

"Ha. Right. I'm in a magical place full of perky pastel ponies called Equestria — it was Equestria, right? — and everyone gets along and magic is as real as the last thing I ate and hey, I'm hungry... BUT that aside, you expect me to believe this isn't a dream?"

"I tell you, you are as awake as anything. And I'm not lying. What will it take you to accept that?"

"A tasty lunch. What do ponies even eat? Oats?"

"Okay... Spike! Can you fix a lunch?"

"On it!"

It had reached mid-morning in the Golden Oaks Library. Over the last two hours, Twilight had tried to explain everything she could think of about Equestria, Ponyville, and magic, among other little things. Pennaprose was shooting questions left and right, only interrupting whenever magic was mentioned. For the last twenty minutes, however, she was trying to teach him how unicorns can use magic to manipulate objects. Most of it was a history lecture.

"Okay... look at the thing you're trying to lift and imagine it rising. If you're doing it right, you should feel a slight tingle in your horn."

Pennaprose stared intently at the 4x4x4 Rubix cube in front of him, head lowered. Slowly, steadily, an ice-blue aura surrounded it, flickering uncertainly. It hovered up to head height, spinning mutely.

"...Hehm..." Pennaprose said as he stared closer at the cube.

"Good, good..." Twilight said, turning around to pick up a heavier object. "How about we try-" She fell silent, hefty book behind her, as she turned back to see Pennaprose rotating the cube at a blurry speed.

In about 8 seconds, it stopped dead in the air, completely solved. Then he casually tossed it over his shoulder and said, "What now? Wait..."

He turned his head, surveying the floor. His gaze fell upon his laptop, open and off on his cot. It popped into the air, floating quickly over to the two of them. He wore a contemplative look, then as a moment of awkward silence passed, it turned on and let out a sound akin to wind chimes and the screen lit up.

"So that's how it's gonna work, huh? Hold on, lemme open Word really quick. I wanna test something."

Twilight still stood in mild shock, jaw drooping slightly. Pennaprose set the laptop down, but after a moment, high-speed clicking sounds began to emit from it. He looked up, a joyous smirk on his face. "Ha! I was right! I can type with magic! In fact — click-click-click-click — I can type as fast as I think! Wow, that's all I need to believe that wherever I am right now is better than wherever the heck I was before!"

Twilight, snapping out her stupor for what felt the fifth time today, manage to sputter, "W-wait, what? Is... is that a computer?"

Pennaprose looked up, keys still clicking away. "Um, yes? It's a portable computer, a laptop. Why, is that a problem?"

Twilight fell silent, then flew up and checked outside. Ponies, going about their normal day, strode through town. She shut the curtains in haste, then pointed her horn at the rest of the windows in turn, plunging the room in relative darkness. As she passed Pennaprose, he caught a glimpse of the apprehension on her face. "There... is a problem?"

She stopped in midair, head swiveling around. She smiled as she spotted a few candles, hovering them down and lighting them with a spell as she came back. After setting them down, she flittered into the kitchen doorway and said, "Spike? Drop the lunch for a moment and close the windows. No, not later, now!"

She turned back, landing in a seat, twitching and shifting rather nervously. Pennaprose, completely clueless, asked, "Um, did I say something wrong? What-?" He cut himself off as Twilight gave him a freezing glare and a shushing noise. Then, as Spike wandered out of the kitchen, she sighed and leaned in, saying, "I'd rather not be so abrupt about it, but... Pennaprose. You should know that humans are considered little more than a fable, a myth, mere folklore here in Equestria. Nopony will take you seriously if you let it slip that you are human!"

Pennaprose stared, then said, "And here I thought this was serious."

"Pennaprose, seriously! This isn't a laughing matter!"

"...I'm curious," stated Pennaprose. "What convinced you I was human in the first place? Because I could tell you were merely humoring me before."

Under the flickering candlelight, Pennaprose could make out the barest hint of a scowl. "Well... I knew humans were real before you. I was one for a time... that was a weird movie. Spike, you remember, right?"

Spike hopped up on a cushion next to Pennaprose, expression flat. "Yep. She had fingers and everything! And was a dog."

Twilight nodded, then continued, "It was the computer that convinced me you weren't just blowing steam. Both Spike and I agreed that nopony would be able to understand that world, or humans at all. If it took me a while to adjust while I was there, and I still wonder at night sometimes if that movie ever even happened."

She paused briefly, eyes shifting to the table in intense concentration. "...So nopony but me and Spike can confirm their existence. I've heard scare stories about other ponies in other places, claiming to be human. So for your own sake, you will need to act and speak like a pony while you're here. The magic is a good start... but it's not enough."

She got up, trotting in circles around the table, saying, "Repeat after me; everypony, somepony, anypony, Celestia rest my soul that you don't trip up, I eat oats for breakfast without any milk and I doesn't afraid of anything. Got it?"

Pennaprose, nonplussed, cleared his throat and said, "After me," smiling. Then, noticing the look on Twilight's face, he hastily added, "Uh... E-everypony, somepony, anypony, um... crusty-a rest my bowl that I give a tip up... I eat a lot of things, thank you... extra milk on that cereal and isn't a, um... I screwed that up, didn't I?" Twilight grimaced, but Spike had fallen off his chair and was rolling around in a state of stifled laughter.

She merely sighed and said, "Well, close enough for now. Just... try your best not to let it slip, okay? You might not want to stay in this world if that fact got loose. ...I'll need some time to book a train to Canterlot. There may be only one way you can get back. Geez, there's a lot to do... Spike, make a list."

"Pfrrrbt bahahahaha! S-sorry, I'll get right on that. Gimme a minute... hahaha..." Spike picked himself off the floor, still chuckling to himself, and left upstairs. Nothing but the gentle flicker of candlelight moved in the room now.

Pennaprose hesitated, then trotted over to his cot and picked up his Sudoku book and a quill from his briefcase. Twilight, despite her self-absorption in the matter, couldn't help but steal a few glances. Nervously, she asked, "Um... if I may... I saw that book earlier today, while you were... asleep. What exactly is that book about?"

Pennaprose looked up, quill twitching to a pause. He replied, "...It's a number game I'm fond of. C'mon over here, I'll show you..."

She trotted over, drawing open a few curtains in the process with a flick of her horn. She sat down next to him. Pennaprose spread the book on the table, showing an 9x9 grid. Some boxes were already filled.

"You see, the goal is the fill every box with a number, one through nine. There are only three rules, however," he began, hovering the quill over the center. "First and second rules, you can't repeat any number in the same row or column. Now, d'you see how this 9x9 grid is broken up into 9 other smaller 3x3 grids?"

"Yeah, I get it..."

"Well, the third rule is that you can't have two of the same number in each of those as well. That's the basics."

"Hm... I... can I try?"

"Sure! Go ahead!"

She picked up the book and quill, gaze floating across the page. A few minutes later, the sound of scribbling began to fill the otherwise silent room. Scrit-stri-scrititit-scrat... Pennaprose shifted a little in his seat, looking around restlessly. His gaze traveled wanderingly, taking in the sudden realization of how grand the place he was in was. Books upon books, upon shelves that were carved from the wall. How has it taken me until now to even notice I was in a library? he thought.

In an almost trance like state, he wandered to the cascade of shelves, mesmerized by the height and sheer number of books. Under his breath he uttered, "Go back...? I don't know anymore...!"

The slowing of the pencil behind him made itself known. Twilight was staring with bemused grin on her face. Slowly a smile spread across her face. She asked, "You like reading?"

Pennaprose broke into a wide smile, saying, "Yeah! Even though I don't remember much about my time as a human... one thing I do remember. I was a writer...! And I love to read!" He spun around, gaping endlessly at the books.

Without warning, his magic flew haphazardly, sending books flying left and right. One by one, they floated by his face, each sending his head swiveling in excitement. Twilight set the sudoku book down, amused by the display of youthful naivety.

One book floated by, catching Pennaprose's attention. He grabbed it out of the air, letting the few dozen other books drop heavily onto the floor, the table, Twilight... She didn't seem to mind much, however.

"...Hm... 'Disasters 101: What To Do When You Know The Worst Is Coming'... This looks like an amusing read," he said, flipping deftly through the pages. "Lessee... 'Scenario 42: Cupcake Massacre'. Um, say what?"

Twilight giggled and said, "I guess you wouldn't know. It's not the cupcakes themselves, but there's something in the general recipe for the frosting that acts as a natural magic blocker. Obviously, only worth preparing for if you're a unicorn."

"Or alicorn? Wait, why would cupcakes take over the world? Strange book..."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Oh, not every book in this library is meant to be taken seriously. Satire for its own sake is worth it, don't you think? Well, magic is magic, so I don't rule it out, but cupcakes coming to life is something that only-"

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

A sheer flood of light bleached the room, blinding Twilight and Pennaprose. A high-pitched yet echoey 'DID SOMEPONY CALL THE CUPCAKE BRIGAAAAAADE?!' came from the doorway, quickly followed by another mild explosion and an odd squishing sound.

After the sudden chaos subsided, Pennaprose heard the sounds of pneumatic pump hissing, and another voice joined the first. "Pinkie, I thought I said no firing! Twilight's not gonna like this..."

Pennaprose squinted, his eyes still adjusting. Before him lie two saccharine sugary coated tanks, decorated with lollipops and icing, a pony sticking out the top of each. The first was a violent pink color, the other sporting a rainbow mane. Behind him, Pennaprose noticed with some shock, was a mountainous combination of frosting and heavy history tomes. From the pile a muffled scream of 'Pinkie!' sounded.

Pinkie ducked back into her tank, ejecting a bowling ball which hit the floor with a thud. She gave a sugary giggle and smile, saying "Sorry! Dashie and I have been testing out my new party tanks. I've been upgrading my party arsenal with the latest in party technology! THIS baby, for example–", she said, gesturing to her tank, "–runs on a concentrated liquid sugar based adamantium engine, equipped with a semi-automatic cup holder and everything my ol' party cannon had and moooore! I even got a deal that's insane as–"

"PINKIE!" Twilight yelled from the floor. "I reaaallly would love to appreciate the amazingness of your new tank, but it's awful hard to do that, oh, I don't know... PINNED UNDERNEATH YOUR MESS! Help please!"

Dash and Pinkie traded a glance, then each hopped out of their tanks. Pinkie paid no mind to the mess, instead electing to start licking the frosting first. Seemingly satisfied, she casually started tossing books over her shoulder.

Rainbow Dash moved to help, but she stopped in mid-air, spying Pennaprose. With an eye-brow raised, she shot in an irked manner, "Eh?! Who are you? Haven't seen you around Ponyville before... ...Well, doesn't matter. Help, will ya?"

Pennaprose didn't need any further needling. He gave Dash an incensed look, then flourished his horn at the mess. In little time, the books rose in lockstep, neatly hovering into a pyramid in the center of the room. As they did, Twilight got up; she appeared as a snowmare made of frosting.

"Thanks, Pennaprose... Spike! Add 'cleaning the living room' to the list! ...Actually, just drop the list for now and help clean!" she said, her face unintelligible under the icing.

Spike came up from the basement, quill in one hand and an unfurled scroll in the other. He stopped, took one look around the living room, then simply sighed and said with a flat expression, "Hi Pinkie. 'Sup, Dash. You two are early this week with messes. It's not even Tuesday yet."

Rainbow Dash smiled sheepishly, hovering above Twilight and trying to scoop frosting off of her, said in an off-handed manner, "So I'm pulling double-duty this week." She licked her hoof of frosting and stared pointedly at Twilight. "And um, Twilight... who is this pony exactly? And um–", she said gesturing to the candles, "–Are you skipping bases? Didn't you just meet this pony? And I thought I was fast."

Through the icing, Twilight was visibly blushing. She frantically shook her head, sending icing everywhere. "Rainbow Dash! Too soon! This is Pennaprose Lochflow, we found him in Sweet Apple Acres last night–"

"–So he's a pet?"

"Rainbow!"

Pennaprose sat, idling while Dash and Twilight were arguing, blissfully unaware while perusing the book pyramid. At the mention of his name, however, he looked up. "Um hey, I'm still here you know. Thanks for being the epitome of sagacious social tact, um... Rainbow Dash, right?" He paused and cleared his throat. "O' hail yonder fair spectra-maned mare-den, o' golden graceful wit. From whence have you come to browbeat my britches henceforth this post-noon? Kindly I inquire, please resign from the premises before yon kindly mare takes offense!"

Rainbow Dash glared in suspicion, but eventually said in a hesitant manner, "...I'll pretend I know what you just said. C'mon Pinkie, let's surprise Applejack with these tanks next..."

"Okey dokey lokey!"

The two of them hopped back in their tanks, roving out the door followed by the squish-squish-squish of the tank treads. Spike came out of the kitchen, wet rags piled high. Twilight snatched one immediately with her magic and began wiping her face. Spike handed one to Pennaprose and promptly began to wash the walls. Looking at the frosty chaos, he merely shrugged and got to work.

---

After an arduous few hours of scrubbing, Golden Oaks Library finally began to live up to the 'Golden' half once more. Twilight sighed in relief, descending from the ceiling to plop into a cushion exhaustedly. Pennaprose was playing with his rag, swirling it through the air like a snake charmer, until Spike nabbed it out of the air. "Hey, I was using that!"

"Nope. You were just playing with it."

Pennaprose grimaced. Deprived of his rag, he looked over at Twilight, noting her exhaustion. In a tentative tone, he asked, "Um, Twilight? Can I uh... get you anything?" She glanced over, half asleep. "Oh, I'll be fine for now. Just so long as nopony else asks me to–"

"Twiiiiiilight! Are you home?" came a flamboyant flourish of a voice form the doorway; there appeared a white mare with a styled and wavy violet mane. "Darling, have you seen Pinkie Pie anywhere? I need to ask her – oh! Hello! I see he's awake!"

Twilight lifted her head up wearily. "Oh horseapples... hi, Rarity."

Rarity gave Pennaprose an appraising look. "Well, you look much better now, now that you're not covered in all that icky ash! But as I was saying, do you know where Pinkie is, Twilight? I wanted to ask her if she would – oh my, you look absolutely exhausted, dear!"

Twilight staggered to her hooves. "Oh, it's nothing. Just finished cleaning up the frosted mess Pinkie left. Last I remember, she was heading off with Dash to surprise AJ with her new tanks. ...What do you need to ask her?"

Rarity let out a squeal and spun in a circle, giggling. "Oh, it just so happens that tomorrow is Sweetie Belle's birthday! And I very much wanted to throw her a big party this year, so what pony better than Pinkie? ...And I implore you, Twilight, come if you can! You too Spikey-wikey! ...Oh, and your friend can come too! Um..."

"Pennaprose," said Twilight.

"–Pennaprose, yes yes, of course! Do keep it a secret from Sweetie Belle if you happen to run into her. I want it to be a surprise!" Rarity turned back to the door. "Well, I'll be off! The party shall be at 3 o'clock tomorrow, my place!"

Rarity trotted rather giddily back out the door, shutting it behind her. Twilight sighed and rolled off her cushion and onto the floor. "I need a nap... Can't do anything else today. ...Spike!"

Spike waltzed back from the kitchen. "Yeah? What is it?"

"Can you go into town and find Pinkie?", she said. "I'm gonna go to the party tomorrow, but find Pinkie and tell her I might oversleep by accident. I'm not sure yet. ...And!"

She picked herself up off the floor, making a beeline to the way upstairs. "Pennaprose, the rest of the town doesn't know you you're here yet. I um... might get funny looks if it gets out I'm housing a hermit pony." She looked slightly shifty as she began to hurry up the staircase. "Go with Spike and get to know the town. And um, Spike? Make sure he doesn't accidentally say something human sounding... and you can guide! ...Him around town, yes, that's what you should do! I'll go take my nap now...!"

She whipped around the top stair. Pennaprose stared a moment, then a tug at his hoof alerted him to Spike, who merely rolled his eyes. He gestured towards the door, hanging ajar and letting mid-afternoon light seep in. Spike whipped the door open, letting that light flood in. The day beckoned; what new encounters awaited...?

Comments

[Fluttercry12]

Well that was a blast 🎉🎉🎉🎉